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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some shocking news this morning, the rest of Australia has re-affirmed to the AFL that they aren't really that keen on having planeloads of Victorians flying into their states or territories. South Australia has joined Queensland in shutting its borders to Victorians, and the AFL are frantically trying to shuffle games around, with Gillon McLachlan desperately trying...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The AFP have today confirmed that they are investigating a disinformation campaign against Labor’s candidate in the Eden-Monaro by-election after spam emails distributed around the country claimed that Kristy McBain had pulled out of the contest. This smear campaign, which is strikingly similar to the highly-circulated emails that claimed that Kerryn Phelps was an anti-semitic HIV patient leading into...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact May 26 was a regular day for unemployed Cheetos enthusiast Darcy Charnel, who was planning a productive day of playing one of those shooty-game playbox gadgets. Little did he know his world was about to be turned upside down by the revelation that his mother had somehow had an illicit affair with a boy on the other...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Even as Australian states start to draw up timelines to wind back lockdown restrictions, it seems the message is still not getting through to amateur photographers, who continue to breach the restrictions in a neverending quest for pictures of autumn leaves. “We can’t physically restrain them” said Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews, sadly. “But we can take out the trees.”...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Men's world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic has frantically picked up the phone this morning after being diagnosed with Covid-19. The tennis star who contracted the disease after setting up a tournament, which also gave a handful of other stars, and plenty more staff the virus, explained that the first thing he did after getting diagnosed was...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact Local woman Jemma Benson reckons she’s doing a good job avoiding her ex on social media and proudly admits that she only checks his relationship status ‘once every two months or so.’ Though she leaves out the fact she regularly looks up his entire family and friendship circle, including a step sister she never even met, Jemma...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact In what may be the cruelest twist of fate yet, local woman Amanda Doyle has discovered that her enviable winter sun tan, is in fact, just an illusion. The melanin challenged young woman had reportedly been catching some rays on her apartment rooftop when she’d spied her thighs peeking out from underneath the latest psychological thriller she was...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Anticipation is in the air at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip reaches 99 consecutive days without being caught saying something racist. The duke, who turned 99 on June 10, has long been criticised for his comments which range from a bit suss, to outright offensive; if anyone other than a geriatric nonagenarian royal had said them. In some of his...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Restrictions put in place to stop the spread of COVID-19 continue to be relaxed by state and federal governments allowing visits to the pub, football and public spaces to become commonplace again. As life returns to normal one group states they feel left behind as they receive no indication when they will be able to go back to how...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report into Western Australia's public transport system has found that if you think you can racially abuse a 63-year-old in public without facing immediate repercussions, well gorn then. This comes after Aussie TV legend and proud Yamatji actor Ernie Dingo had to do what a man's gotta do at Perth's Central Station yesterday morning. Dingo, who appeared in...