The Nation

Hot Surfie Avoids Stigma Of Homelessness Because His 1987 Hiace Has A Mattress In It

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A sun-kissed vagrant that bathes in public toilets and charges his phone at McDonalds is still a dreamboat, according to local girls. After three years of unemployment, spent bouncing around headlands in a non-roadworthy van that he bought from his uncle with an interest free-loan from his grandmother, local surfie Jake Garbs is more desirable than ever. Hundreds of his...

Sticky Fingers Release New Album Just In Time For NSW Legalising Binge Drinking In Public Places

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Sydney residents have just a little more to look forward to as local indie band Sticky Fingers release a new album just in time for Camperdown Park reopening for picnics/benders. The five-piece released the new album to celebrate how groups of five vaccinated people are allowed to congregate in parks with their style of psychedelic rock fused with reggae-rock...

Nurse Gently Explains That The Rock Hard Bicep Is Impressive But Not Necessary For This Jab

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There have been no new locally acquired community cases recorded in Queensland as people turn out in large numbers to get their jabs at walk-in hubs. The state also detected no new cases in the 16 rooms they have made available for hotel quarantine, making it a "double donut" day. Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk said at least 56,412 jabs were administered...

Melbourne’s Wokest Twitter Activist Can’t Help But Clutch Purse As Blue Collar Worker Walks By

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After effectively making a career out of calling out bigotry on the internet, Fitzroy woman Charlotte Meredith-Thistlethwaite (30) has today proven that she too is prone to a bit of old fashioned prejudice. In 2015, she was banging the drum about not judging all Muslims by the actions of all a select few of lunatics in Paris and...

V6 Magnatude Aftershocks Registered In Melbourne After Brayden From Frankston Lets Canon Purr

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Melbourne residents have today been reminded of yesterdays traumatising events, with some early morning earthquake aftershocks. At roughly 5.55am this morning the city and its surrounds experienced 'significant Magnatude aftershocks,' after 19-year-old Brayden Simpson from Frankston decided to fire up his canon. Letting the canon on the back of his 2001 Mitsubishi Magna purr for a few minutes...

Local Dad Warns The Family That This House Might Be Shaking A Bit Later As Well Ha Ha

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A semi-retired accountant from Betoota's Flight Path District has today fulfilled his duty by making a disgusting reference to the healthy intimacy he still shares with his wife. 62-year-old Billy Nixon has never been a prude, and he also takes great pleasure in helping his kids visualise him and their mother in the cot. Like many suburban dads...

“Yeah I Felt It Too” Says Drama Queen In Adelaide Hills

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A resident of the cosmopolitan Adelaide Hills region has confirmed just how big the Melbourne earthquake was today. Speaking to The Advocate via telephone a short time ago, a local drama queen has revealed that she felt the tectonic event in her comfortable little 6 bedroom Gumeracha home. "It was quite something, I tell you," explained Ura Idla...

Melbourne Vinnies Report Abundance Of Hi-Vis Donations As Conspiracists Stop Playing Dress Ups

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Second-hand clothing outlets across Melbourne say they are being inundated with brand new high visibility workwear, as the conspiracists who spent the last few days pretending to be angry tradies run out of steam. Some councils have also stopped offering free landfill disposal for charities due to the abundance of hi-vis, that is now clogging up the bins...

Earthquake Damage Sees Dan Andrews Begin Gruelling Task Of Mending Relationship With Tradies

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has today had to swallow his pride and begin negotiations with the construction industry, after a numbers buildings experienced substantial structural damage following an earthquake in Melbourne this morning. A 'watch and act' emergency warning has been issued for Victoria as residents are told to brace for more aftershocks after an earthquake struck the...

Melbourne Literally Shook Rn

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time ever, Melbourne's residents actually mean it when they say "I am literally shook rn" This comes as three earthquakes strike in north-east Victoria, with tremors felt across the state, New South Wales, Canberra and as far as Adelaide and Launceston. People in Sydney claim to have felt it, but that is likely a gee up because they have...

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