The Nation

New Biography Reveals Chopper May Have Cut Off Own Ears After Hearing Madonna’s American Pie

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Mark Brandon “Chopper” Read may have cut his ears off after being subjected to Madonna’s horrific version of Don Maclean's classic song American Pie, a new biography has claimed. Author Bruce Tangerine’s new biography on the late career criminal and Melbourne...

Group of Australians Really Break New Ground In Chat About American Healthcare System

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact I hope you’re listening America. During a carbon-neutral cheese & wine evening in the pristine lamplit Cobblestone Alley of Betoota’s French Quarter a group of independent thinkers really broke new ground in a discussion about the American healthcare system. “It’s not very good is it?”...

“Sorry Victoria” Says Rest Of Nation As They Wrap The Laughing Gear Around A Few Cold Jars

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Residents of South Australia, Western Australia, New South Wales, Queensland and the territories are today wondering if they should be a little bit more sensitive about what they put on Instagram today. Even with a cold front coming through the Eastern Seaboard, millions of Australians outside of Victoria...

PM Tells Aussies Stuck Overseas That The Hubei Spicy Lung Hates The Cold So She’ll Be Right

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's Bloke-in-Chief Scott Morrison has worked to parlay fears that Australians stuck overseas may have by telling them that the old Hubei spicy lung hates the cold and she'll be right. In Sydney today, Scott Morrison explained that because the northern hemisphere is going...

NBN Upgrades Given The Green Light From Murdoch Now That He Has A Few Streaming Services

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The much-needed upgrades to the NBN are underway now that Rupert Murdoch has given them the green light. Some ten years ago, the media magnate enlisted the help of the then Coalition government to dismantle and sabotage the original fiber-to-the-home plan under the first Rudd...

Town Planner Painstaking Selects The Most Allergenic Trees To Replace Perfectly Good Native Ones

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the many eggheads down at the Betoota Shire Council offices has spent the week carefully choosing the perfect type of tree to replace the perfectly fine ghost gums that line many of the streets and avenues of the French Quarter. Town Planner Craig...

Court: Immigration Minister Acted In A Criminal Manner But Not The Type You Get Arrested For

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Court has found acting Immigration Minister Alan Tudge "unlawfully deprived an asylum seeker of his liberty," leaving him in detention for five days because he was under the impression that the tribunal which ordered his release interpreted the law wrong. In a scathing...

Bored Gentrifier Shifts Attention To Turning Public Golf Course Into A Park She’ll Never Visit

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sport | Contact A French Quarter woman has set her sights on the Hardelot Les Pins public golf course on Rue de Branlette, telling a local council meeting last night that the grounds should be repurposed into a park she'll never use. Speaking from the heart last night,...

Economists Predict What The Nation Will Look Like When The Housing Bubble Finally Bursts

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A team of economists at the Reserve Bank are trying to predict what the nation might look like when the property price crashes through the floor, which at the moment seems all but inevitable. Now that there's no real professional reason for office workers to...

Society Shocked That Fuckwit Factory Has Produced Even More Fuckwits For Society

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Society is reeling from news today that a prominent private school has produced even more students that feel they're above everyone else. The Whooton School For Boys in Betoota Heights is in damage control today after muck up day plans were leaked to the media...

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