The Nation

Peter Dutton Hires Billy McFarland As Director Of Christmas Island Processing Centre

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After being impressed by how many unwitting people he managed to trap on the Bahamian island of Great Exuma during his failed 2017 Fyre Festival, Peter Dutton has today announced that American entrepreneur Billy McFarland will be running all operations in the soon-to-be reopened Christmas Island Detention Centre. This...

Local Boomers Need TV Volume On 60 But Can Still Hear Wine Bar Two Blocks Over

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pair of social, economic and political handbrakes on our progressive desert community have told The Advocate this morning that while they need their television volume to be nearly at the max, they can still hear a popular wine bar two blocks over at night time.

Putin Politely Declines The Nightwatchman’s Request To Interfere In Our Election

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Coalition Government have today announced that they are now ready to hand over to Labor, after even the Russians have deciding against electing them. This comes after a Prime Minister Morrison took an overnight flight to Moscow from Mt Isa on Sunday, to meet with President Putin.

R Kelly and Chris Brown Announced As Pre-Match Entertainment For 2019 NRL Grand Final

RICK MOSS | Culture | CONTACT In a desperate bid to resurrect their once wholesome and family friendly image, the NRL have today decided to spend big dollars on flying out some of the biggest recording artists in music history for the 2019 NRL Grand Final. This comes after an absolutely chaotic off-season that...

Gifted Local Student Looks Forward To A Life Of Failing To Live Up To Everyone’s Expectations

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A gifted and talented youngster at Saint Brett's Cathedral School in Betoota Heights has told The Advocate this afternoon that even after he aces his high school leaving exams and his university degree, he's still optimistic about failing to live up to the high expectations his friends, family...

Local Man’s Life Deteriorates To The Point Where He’s Started To Make His Own Hot Sauces

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For a brief moment earlier this year, a local man let himself believe that this year was going to be his year. Instead, he says, he's started to make his own hot sauces that he gives out to friends in the hope that they too...

PM Reveals Parliament Cyber Attack Happened Because Nobody Updated Norton Internet Security

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Nightwatchman of Australia has fronted reporters today in Canberra where he answered a number of questions surrounding the alleged cyber attack on Parliament House last week. Scott Morrison revealed this afternoon that the Parliament's servers where compromised by a 'sophisticated state actor'...

City Worker Desecrates Body By Having A Full-Strength Coke With His $10 Lunch Special

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Looking to keep the party going, a mildly unpopular city worker hasn't given his sickly meat bag of a body a rest since Friday night because today he elected to have a full-fat Coke with a greasy lunch special. Sam Gonstor typically has water...

Unimpressive Bloke Accompanying Hottest Chick At The Beach Definitely An Insta-Photographer

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An noticeably overweight man wearing jeans and joggers on the beach has today sparked a wave of confusion for nearby sunbakers today, after giving the impression that he was punching unrealistically high. The rotund loudmouth was seen dragging some sort of wheely briefcase through the sand, while nonchalantly...

Gold Coast Builders Prepare For Indefinite Hiatus On Roofing Work On The Back Of Cyclone Oma

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The South-East Corner's construction industry are today reorganising their project timelines around the fact that they won't be able to get a roofer on any sites for the next four days. This follows a the news that a tropical low, formerly lingering off the coast of Cairns in...

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