The Nation

“They Just Don’t Get Origin” Says Queenslanders Who Just Don’t ‘Get’ Fully Enclosed Footwear

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT The State of Origin rivalry this afternoon, with fans from both states trading an increasing amount of barbs. Queenslanders have of course come forward in their droves to remind the filthy southerners that they just "just don't get Origin." This proclamation has predictably drawn the classist response that we don't comprehend the concept of fully enclosed footwear. This comes...

Wasted Talent Still Struggling To Pick His Moments

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Deputy PM and renowned political yipper, Josh Frydenberg has today hosed down speculation that he will recontest the Melbourne seat of Kooyong for the Liberals at the 2025 election. Frydenberg, who was tipped to be the next Liberal Party leader once they finally got rid of Scott Morrison, ended up losing Kooyong to the Independent candidate Dr...

Report: Stupid Leftie Teacher Calls About Son’s “Unhealthy” Lunchbox Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A stupid leftie teacher has put the dog up a local father this morning after ringing him to explain that he needs to start sending his boy to school with healthier options for big lunch. Dane Hussey, identical twin of The Advocate's cadet reporter Wendell, came into The Advocate's Daroo Street newsroom with the gripe...

Man In Finance, Who’s Working Class, 5’7, Brown Eyes, Confirms He’s Had Enough Of This Meme

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A man working in the high rise precinct of Betoota's Old City District has today confirmed that he's had enough of a popular new trend on social media. Michael Timms (27) explained to The Advocate that he's well and truly over the 'looking for a man in finance' thing. "It was a funny bit for a few days,...

“McBirths, McDeaths, McMarriages”: McDonalds Acquires Vic BDM Office

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Victorian Government has completed the sale of the state's Office of Births, Deaths and Marriages (OBDM) to iconic family restaurant chain McDonald's in a deal that's worth over $5 million. From the 1st of July, all births, deaths, and marriages in the state of Victoria will now be known as "McBirths, McDeaths, and McMarriages"...

Sydney City Unveil New Anti-Homeless Spikes That Protect Property Investments While Remaining LGBTQI-Friendly

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Melbourne asserts itself as the home of the F1 and fine dining, and Brisbane prepares to be crowned the sporting capital in the lead up to the 2032 Olympics - the city of Sydney is doubling down on their title as the most aesthetically pleasing city in Australia. From the gorgeous inner-city architecture, to the floats of...

“Conflict In Palestine And/Or Ukraine” Says Insurance Company To Man Wondering Why His Premium Has Tripled

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man sought answers this morning and got one he didn't expect. Rutger Turner discovered this week that despite nothing really changing in his local area, the cost of insuring his home and contents has somehow tripled. He told The Advocate that he thought it'd must been an error, so he decided to make...

The Most Racist Politician To Lead A Major Party Since The White Australia Policy Refutes Claims Of Racism

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A man who became a household name stoking racial divisions as both Immigration Minister and Home Affairs Minister under a string of Liberal Prime Ministers who all saw their stints in leadership undermined by his extreme bigotry, has this week taken great offence at one of Australia's most respected journalists suggesting there might be a problem with...

Sydney Woman Time-Travels To Back To A Roaring 2013 Kings Cross After Downing A Wet Pussy Shot

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT GUANZIES? Last Thursday a Sydney woman found herself seemingly transported back to the infamous 2013 heyday of Kings Cross after downing a Wet Pussy shot. The incident occurred at her local pub which used to be her underage stomping ground circa 2013. According to witnesses, Lucy was feeling a little bit ‘crazy’ and took the reckless risk of...

Local Nutcase Has Maps App Set To Satellite Mode

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIt has been revealed that Rick Healy (28), a known mad man in his community, has his maps app set to satellite mode. "It's a more accurate representation of my surroundings, what's wrong with that?" Said the crazed man. The news has left neighbors scratching their heads and questioning their safety. "It's just absurd," exclaimed Sandra Mathews (40), who lives two...

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