The Nation

Report: Mum Pushing It A Bit With 3 Tuna Bakes In 3 Months

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An alleged cold war is taking place in Betoota Heights as mum of four Catherine Young has produced her third tuna bake in as many months. A seemingly reluctant family favourite, tuna mornay baked atop a bed of simply boiled penne is a staple of many Australian households and is considered a classic by many members of the caucasian...

PM Consults Strawberry Farmworkers For Tips On How To Pull Off A Nationwide Needle Roll-Out

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW: With just less than 3 million people fully immunised, Australia remains at the very bottom of the list of OECD nations when it comes to meeting our jab roll-out targets. Despite still very much lacking concrete metrics 18 months into the pandemic, and failing to set out clear timelines on when the country will be...

Woman’s Body Decides Halfway Through Tanning Application Is The Perfect Time For A Number 2

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A woman’s body has fallen into a rather unfortunate habit, having pavloved itself into needing a poo every time the tanning mitt came out. Sarah Field is alleged to have brought out the Bondi Sands Thursday night to prepare herself for a weekend of club-hopping. Due to her Irish/ English ancestry, Sarah had been cursed with translucent white skin,...

Lego Masters Winner To Receive $100k, Or 6 Lego Sets

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In lighter news, the Australian version of Lego Masters has been renewed for a fourth and fifth series giving budding Lego Masters a chance to win $100k, the equivalent to about six or so Lego sets. Based on the UK series of the same name, the little show that could has already produced three seasons, a daring feat considering...

“Ah Shittt… Almost Out Of Battery!” Lies Woman Desperate To Leave Zoom Drinks

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT During the lockdowns of 2020, Zoom hangouts became a popular way to socialise, being a little bit weird and awkward but emphatically preferable to staying at home with your social meter draining like a Sim. As insistent as ever to let another developed country be the best at something, almost 50% of the Australian population is in lockdown again...

Brisbane 2032 Announcement Reignites Rumours Nikki Webster Is Moving To Our School

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some big news for our nation's educational instituions, Nikki Webster could be moving schools! The hot gossip ciruclating in every single school this week, comes just 20 years after the young superstar lit up the Sydney Olympics and the rumour mill in Australia. Webster famously wowed the world at the age of 13 when she performed at the...

Brisbane 2032 Announcement Reignites Rumours Nikki Webster Is Moving To Our School

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some big news for our nation's educational instituions, Nikki Webster could be moving schools! The hot gossip ciruclating in every single school this week, comes just 20 years after the young superstar lit up the Sydney Olympics and the rumour mill in Australia. Webster famously wowed the world at the age of 13 when she performed at the...

Locked Down Man Gets A 2nd Wind The Moment He Lays His Head On Pillow

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With nearly half of Australians in some sort of related lockdown, many are struggling with the hedonistic luxury of spending a lot of time in bed in a desperate attempt to feel some vague form of control over their life. One such sleep gambler, Gabriel Simon (42) of Betoota Heights, has complained of sleep-related problems ever since he was...

New Zealand Generously Offers To Supply Jabs To Under-Resourced And Desperate Pacific Neighbour

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The island nation of New Zealand has won global praise today, after confirming a genrous donation of spciy cough jabs to a less fortunate nation. Speaking from Wellington this morning, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said she will be providing an extra 1,000,000 jabs to an under resourced neighbour struggling with global supply constraints. "We actually have been able...

Annastacia In Heaven After Winning Olympics And Closing Border On NSW Within 24 Hours

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The premier of Queensland has confirmed to The Advocate that days don't get much better than yesterday. Speaking from Tokyo after being 'pressured' to stay for the opening ceremony of the Olympics, Annastacia Palaszczuk explained that she can't think of a better 24 hours than the one she's just had. "Slamming the border shut on NSW barely 12...

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