The Nation

Federal Government Announce Huge Stimulus Package For Floundering Influencer Industry

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the nation's politicians frantically doing their best to try and save the economy as it crashes onto the rocks of late-stage capitalism, the influencer industry looks set to benefit today. With hundreds of billions of dollars in stimulus packages being announced over the last couple of days,...

“Pay Rent Using Your Super!” Says Agent Who’ll Be Among The First People Against The Wall

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I think it's a bit dramatic, what they're all saying," he said. "You know, not everyone who owns property or has a mortgage is a Baby Boomer. There's plenty of young people out there with property. Are they saying they should be executed, too?"

Rented Holiday Home In Medium-Sized Coastal Town Has TV Mounted In Kitchen For Some Reason

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to find something other than this stupid fucking bat flu to report on, our reporter spoke briefly to one of The Advocate's staff photographers who'd been lucky enough to complete a beach holiday before all this horrible shit started to happen. In...

Man Only Able To Work From Home With The Soothing White Noise Of ABC News 24 Playing In The Next Room

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Hey!" "Put it back on the news, fuck ya!" From his repurposed breakfast nook, a French Quarter barrister's voice is almost gone from yelling at his kids after they change the kitchen tv down or god forbid - to a different channel.

Jacinda Not So Keen On Resettling These Boats Of Stateless People

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As nations begin rapidly begin to reassess their place in the world, our neighbours across the ditch have decided against being the progressive humanitarians they normally are on one big issue today. Speaking at a press conference this morning, New Zealand's Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has confirmed that...

Raelene Castle Tearfully Sets The Rugby Australia Marketing Pigeon Free

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though it's only until June 30, Rugby Australia's CEO Raelene Castle couldn't hide her emotions as she set the sporting codes marketing pigeon free this morning in Sydney. With a large net, an umbrella and the assistance of the Michael Hooper, Castle was able to...

Retrenched Conservative Weirdly OK With This New Socialist Safety Net

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If there's two things Martin Apron hates more than his last name, it's immigrants and inner-city lefties. The former forced the 38-year-old to join his local boxing gym because he did his research and there's gangs of African-Australian teenagers out to get him. He wishes...

“Just Add These Bailouts To Our Tab,” Say Nation’s Millennials

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's young workers have smiled and nodded in the government's direction today after putting their collective hands up to add the latest bailouts to their generational tab. Millennials were already going to have to pay for the ageing population's welfare, they say.

“It’s Scary How Community Transmissions Keep Rising!” Say Deadshits During Illegal Picnic

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of youngsters from our town's upper-middle-class have riddled themselves why the current rate of community coronavirus transmissions keep rising while they enjoyed an illegal picnic last night in Machattie Park. "It's scary," said one of them. "Like, people are starting...

“Peter, I Never Thanked You For Ruining My Life,” Says Malcolm Before Kayaking Off Into Open Ocean

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has finally found peace this morning amid the chaos surrounding the coronavirus outbreak by thanking his old foe Peter Dutton for ruining his life 585 days ago. As he sat in his canary yellow sea kayak in Sydney Harbour, Malcolm...

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