The Nation

“Those Vegan Protestors Will End Up Killing Somebody!” Says Man Who Brags About Drink Driving

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A self-confessed simple man who often regales his small circle of drinking acquaintances at the Saint Ponting Hotel down Old City District (with stories of himself driving home from the pub while heavily intoxicated) has said this afternoon that 'those vegan farm invaders' will end up killing somebody.

Aircraft Capable Of Lifting Clive Palmer’s Bullshit Takes To Skies For The First Time

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the largest aircraft to ever take flight completed it's first test yesterday in California's Mojave Desert, heralding a new era for aviation. The six-engine aircraft, named Stratolaunch, is a gigantic double-fuselage jet designed to take spacecraft to the edge of Earth's atmosphere, where...

Jesus Explains His Plan All Along Was For The Wallabies Not To Make It Out Of Their RWC Group

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local cartoon celestial being, Jesus Christ of Nazareth fame, revealed to The Advocate this morning during an exclusive tell-all that his plan all along for Israel Folau was for him not to play in the upcoming Rugby World Cup in Japan. Because his plan...

Local 43-Year-Old Suddenly Inspired To Visit Driving Range

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After setting a 2 AM alarm for the first time in years, a local 43-year-old gentleman watched the greatest golfer of all time win his fifth Masters title in Augusta overnight. Witnessing Tiger Woods, a 43-year-old man, complete such an epic comeback has inspired a...

Healthy Harold Quietly Whips Out The Mouth Wash After Getting Pulled Over

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The country’s authority on healthy lifestyles and the puppet responsible for teaching primary school kids right from wrong, has found himself in a bit of hot water this morning after being waved into a random testing station on Overell Rd heading out of Betoota. The Advocate can confirm that...

Hometown Queen Bee Transitions From Selling Vitamins To This Cool New Thing Called Loom

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former high school popular chick, Hayley Giteau (32) has today popped back into the newsfeed with a suspiciously basic fast-money opportunity. Fresh off the back of burning bridges with just about every family member and close friend with a blatant health supplement pyramid scheme, Hayles has found an even...

Clive Saddened To Learn Shea Butter Body Lotion Doesn’t Taste Half As Good As It Smells

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime ministerial hopeful and latchkey Victorian, Clive Palmer, fronted reporters this afternoon with a puzzled, sad and confused look on his face as he regaled all who were there at his Brisbane presser about his latest run-in with a body care product. The 65-year-old said...

Retired Inner-City Boomer’s Red Framed Glasses Key Indicator Of GetUp Membership

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Red-framed reading glasses atop an inner-city sexagenarian's head has been found to be a key indicator of a GetUp membership, a local survey has discovered. GetUp, a paramilitary group hellbent on pushing the elite-green-left agenda by any means necessary, has ramped up their efforts to...

Assange Screams In Anguish As Embassy Staff Throw Out His Beloved Townsville Crocs Singlet

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You fucking savages!" "Noooooo!" Late last night local time, popular internet activist Julian Assange was arrested as he left the Ecuadorian embassy in London, the most overrated city on Earth, for the first time since the equatorial nation provided him with...

Government Insults The Gays One Last Time And Calls Election On Same Weekend As Eurovision

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In one, and potentially final, insult to the LGBTQI community, the Liberal-National Coalition government has called the election for the same weekend as Eurovision. This comes after the Liberal government’s six years and three prime ministers worth of anti-gay rhetoric, including the exhausting marriage equality plebiscite, gender whisperer conspiracy...

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