The Nation

Paul Keating Passes Away Mid-Interview After Being Asked About Using Super To Buy Dogecoin

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Paul Keating, the 24th Prime Minister of Australia, has passed away on live television this afternoon after being asked about buying Dogecoin with early-withdrawn superannuation funds. He was 77. Mr Keating became visibly annoyed when the ABC's Michael Rowland asked him about the popular crypto-currency that's taking the world by storm at the moment. However, when...

“You Can Wear My Other Mask If You Want” Says Absolute Sicko

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With face masks back on the menu for the NSW region of NSW (Newcastle, Sydney, Wollongong) - millions of Australians are readjusting to that life we thought we had left back in December 2020. NSW has extended its COVID-19 restrictions for one week until May 15, despite recording another day of no new locally acquired COVID-19 cases. This is due...

Local Teacher’s Opinion Of NAPLAN Seemingly Interchangeable With Politicians

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A maths teacher from one of our town's only government selective schools has agreed today with the statement that his extremely low opinion of the NAPLAN testing regime is largely interchangeable with his opinion of politicians. "From top to bottom," said Mr Tex Brown, a secondary maths teacher at French Quarter State High. NAPLAN, which stands...

Bert Newton’s Only Concern Now Is Having The SAS Steal His New Prosthetic Leg To Drink Out Of

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Four-time Gold Logie winner Bert Newton has lost a leg to infection, his family says, and is now concerned that rogue members of the nation's peak military regiment will steal his new prosthetic leg to drink out of. Mr Newton spoke very briefly to our reporter via telephone this morning where he appeared in good...

Local Girl Posts Heartfelt Mother’s Day Tribute To Mum She Refuses To Accept On Facebook

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local social media over-sharer, Clare Pinnington (22) has posted an emotional tribute to her mum on several different channels this Mother's Day. It is believed that Clare's write up about 'the special woman in her life' was so emotional and kindly-worded that many of her friends on social media initially thought that her mother had been diagnosed with a terminal...

Seat Belt Locking Up Forces Frustrated Man To Reevaluate His Emotional State

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A seat belt has somehow been able to diffuse a bad situation better than a cop ever could, by pulling the machine equivalent of ‘not today satan.’ It’s alleged local bloke James Parfitt had gotten into a beef with his roomie about his obnoxious behaviour, when they’d failed to reach an agreement - though it’s likely Jame’s solution of...

Nice Meal Ruined By Woman Thinking About How Many People Have Used That Spoon

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman has today ruined a nice meal, after an intrusive thought had her reflecting on the provenance of the spoon she was using. It’s alleged the 25-year-old teaching student had been out with a classmate when a discussion about the course material had her mind wondering. As they’d swapped stories over steaming bowls of pumpkin soup, Jessica Bishop...

Recently Retired Mum Treats Herself To Nice Glass Of Savvy B After Day Pottering Around Garden

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A recently retired mum has decided to pick up a gardening hobby, which she reserves solely for late Sunday afternoons, it’s reported. It’s alleged Linda Templeman handed in her teaching job two months ago and had momentarily enjoyed the relaxed schedule, but was now having trouble finding things to do. Considering her husband spent most of his time either...

Report: Not A Good Night To Be A Beer On Caxton Street

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news from the banks of the Brown Snake, it is not a good day to be a cold beer on Caxton Street. In fact, it's probably not a good day to be around the city of Brisbane tonight at all, with the Queensland Reds playing host to the ACT Brumbies in the Super Rugby AU...

“Don’t You Fucken Tell Your Mother” Says Dad After Being Caught Sucking A Dart Out Back

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local dad, Choc Liston (57) has today made it clear that he's willing to do whatever is necessary to protect himself from the wrath of his wife, Gabby. After allegedly quitting cigarettes a couple years ago, Choc's second-oldest, Rory, has caught the old back out the back of the family home hoeing into a lungbuster, "Busted!" yelled the 16-year-old Rory,...

Social

780,001FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
75,647FollowersFollow

Breaking News