Sports

Report: Up The Fucken Milk

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the NRL has found that everyone is backing the Raiders this year, as the underdog saviours for the game of rugby league. After the fairytale premierships for the Bunnies (2014), Cowboys (2015) and Cronulla (2016) earlier this decade - the game has once again fallen...

NRL Coach Suggests Scrapping Golden Point Following Loss In Golden Point

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local NRL coach has today dropped one of his hottest press conferences yet. The coach named Andy Wilkinson did so after his team was knocked out of the finals following a heartbreaking golden point loss overnight. Speaking to the media scrum while the...

“Is There Cricket On?” Asks Man Who Had Some Strong Opinions About Ball-Tampering 17 Months Ago

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local Aussie cricket fan Warren King (44) thinks he has it hard sharing a workplace with British cricket supporter Hamilton Butterscone (33). That was until King was forced to hear the opinions of cricket casual Jim Shrug (29) who insists he didn’t even know there was cricket on.

Apple Release Special New Triple Camera iPhone Just In Time For NRL Off-Season

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some exciting news out of Apple HQ today, the new iPhone model has been released. Set to coincide with the beginning of the NRL Offseason, the iPhone BenderX has a raft of new exciting features, many of which haven't been seen before. Speaking...

“It’s Quiet… Too Quiet” Says Increasingly Nervous NRL Integrity Unit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Employees at the frequently frantic NRL Integrity Unit are this afternoon pacing the halls of their offices nervously. The anxious mood down at the unit has been caused by complete radio silence today, on what should be the Mad Monday for the eight NRL teams who aren't playing...

NRL Unveil New Manly Sea Eagles-Themed Hazmat Suits For Upcoming Home Final At Brookvale

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time since James Hardie was the lead sponsor for the Parramatta Eels, the NRL has today brought back supporter hazmat suits. This comes as Manly's home final at Brookvale Oval is scoured by local contractors to locate the traces of asbestos that were found at the...

Aspiring Teen Sportsman With Notable Lack of Talent Makes Tactical Shift To Field Hockey

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young man without the world at his feet has today announced a sporting career change. Jason Winston (17) has confirmed to friends and family that he's not going to give Under 18s footy a crack next year, and instead make the leap across to field hockey.

NRL Reporter Left To Thaw Out On Redfern Oval After Copping Death Stare From Wayne Bennett

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A prominent rugby league ambulance chaser is the latest to experience the unbridled wrath of a hardly amused Wayne Bennett, during a press conference at the South Sydney home ground earlier today. Stew Pitt-Kent, an outspoken NRL journalist and analyst who experiences sexual gratification by reporting on the personal...

NRL Sees Spike In Dangerous Tackles For Inaugural ‘Who Can Get On House Of Highlights’ Round

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NRL is already experiencing a big jump in potential brain-injury-causing tackles this week, as the players warm up the shoulders for the first ever 'Who Can Get On House Of Highlights Round'. Starting with the Rabbitohs V Roosters showdown at ANZ stadium last night, where Roosters enforcer Jared...

Coach Of Club That Missed Finals Says There Are Promising Signs There For Next Season

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The coach of a lower mid-tier rugby league team has today told reporters that 2020 should be a good year. Anthony Brennen, the coach of the NRL team that's finished outside the final 8 for the 4th year in a row told media at what will hopefully be...

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