Sports

Wallabies Marketing Pigeon Rushes Into Work After Remembering The Team Might Get Named Today

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of Rugby Australia's Headquarters, the eagle has landed! The eagle, being the gun marketing pigeon hired to promote the Wallabies and the game at large across the country. The newly hired Marketing Pigeon who got a foot in the door...

Dozens Injured In Bali After Receiving A Full Nelson

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Scores of nighttime revellers on the island of Bali have been injured this week after one of the most horrific examples of a Full Nelson in history. Traditionally the Full Nelson is a wrestling hold gained from behind an opponent by thrusting the arms under the opponent's arms...

Japanese Rugby Side Transform Into Super Saiyan During Record-Breaking Victory Over Scotland

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Land Of The Rising Sun is ecstatic today, after witnessing 23 of their fastest and strongest servants unlock their dormant Saiyan powers. This comes after the Cherry Blossoms defeated Scotland the Brave 28-21 in last night's rugby world cup finals qualifier, with the Japanese putting on most of...

Leaked Copy Of ARU Marketing Pigeon CV Reveals Him As Mastermind Behind Lime-Infused Carlton Dry

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As rumours swirl around the possible sacking of the Australian Rugby Union Marketing Pigeon, a leaked CV of the feathered marketer has caused quite a stir. Typed entirely in Arial Bold, the leaked CV outlines the recent job experience of the notoriously complacent pigeon as well as some University...

AFL Coach Pulls Wayward Young Talent Into Line By Threatening To Trade Him To The Gold Coast

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A seasoned AFL coach has today shown off his managerial nouse today by putting the fear of god into a promising young talent. The Geelong Grammar product who ended up with a bit of first-team game time this year has reportedly grown a little too big for his...

Cronk Says GF Was 80 Minutes Of Divine Spiritual And Physical Synergy In One Perfect Whole

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Retiring Sydney Roosters player Cooper Cronk has opened up to The Advocate today about the experience of playing his last NRL game. Taking a moment from his post Grand Final victory bender with teammates, Cronk explained that Sunday night's match was the closest thing he's had to an out-of-body experience.

NRL Match Officials Comfortably Fit Under The Salary Sombrero

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In breaking news out of the harbourside city of Sydney, it seems as though the Roosters may finally have come undone. Less than 24 hours since there historic back to back premiership win over the Canberra Raiders last night, the club has been accused of breaching the salary...

Report: Wighton Has A Gun Step On Him

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of Sydney, it can be confirmed that Jack Wighton loves a linebreak of the back of a gun step.

NRL Promise To Get Ariana Grande Or Ed Sheeran For 2029 Grand Final

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The National Rugby League has today promised to get a big name from this year for 2029 or 2030. This comes after mid-2000's pop bad One Republic just rocked the Grand Final as the pre-match entertainment. The band behind the hit song Apologise from...

SANZAR Admit That Axing Japan From Super Rugby Might Not Have Been Their Smartest Idea

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Multinational sporting body SANZAR have today shocked the Rugby World by admitting that they might have been wrong about something. The admission of guilt comes as the nation of Japan continues hosting what will likely go down in history as the best version of the RWC so far.

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