Sports

Suncorp Stadium Chucks Entire Pitch Into A Skip Bin After 8 NRL Matches In Torrential Rain

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After another successful weekend of funny outfits and rowdy spectators, the NRL has confirmed that Brisbane will continue hosting Magic Round for 2023 and 2024. Not only was the weekend's festival of rugby league a very welcomed reprieve from the mercilessly boring Federal Election, but also a major boost to tourism in the River City - with pubs and...

Local Winger Somehow Manages To Avoid Muddy Remnants Of Cricket Pitch For Entirety Of Match

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A good-looking young man from our town's Betoota Grove locality has been heaped with this praise this weekend after managing an incredible feat on the Rugby pitch. Trotting out on the wing for the Reserve Grade Betooota Muttaburrasaurus, Adam Wallace-Simpson somehow found a way to play 70 minutes of footy without getting a speck of mud on him....

Report: Not Much Of A Fucken Vibe In Newy Right Now

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After another tough loss for the Newcastle Knights, it can be confirmed today that there isn't much of a vibe in the Steel City right now. After a thumping at the hands of the perennial chokers the Parramatta Eels 10 days ago, the Knights were absolutely toweled up by the Melbourne Storm yesterday. The 50-2 shellacking in front...

Gus Gould Opens First Bulldogs Training Session With Heartfelt Prayer To The Football Gods

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT It's interesting times down in the Sydney suburb of Belmore, with the region's local football team raising a few eyebrows. In the wake of last weekend's late collapse against Brisbane, the club's football boss Phil 'Gus' Gould has reportedly taken over a Bulldogs training session, telling the coach Trenet Barrett to have a breather. While Gus is acknowledged as...

NRL Announce Drastic New Rule Change Allowing Referees To Sin Bin Roosters’ Players

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The National Rugby League has today announced a bold new rule change, which could have huge ramifications on the game of Rugby League. From this weekend, if a Roosters player not named Victor Radley commits a sin binnable offence, they will be sent to the sin bin for ten minutes. Previously, if a player who wasn't Victor Radley...

Manly Ditch New Tactic Of Dressing Up Like Melbourne Storm After 34-22 Loss To Siosifa Talakai

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Manly Warringah Sea Eagles have today ditched their new strategy of pretending to be another club, after struggling to even pretend to have a winning culture against the Cronulla Sharks last night. It is believed that Many coach Des Hasler decided to dress the boys in identical uniforms to the Melbourne Storm, hoping that the dark purple colours...

NRL To Introduce ‘Optional Bye Rounds’ For Wests Tigers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The NRL's most in form club has today been offered a special reward for all of their hard work. The Wests Tigers have been told that they can take 'Optional Bye Rounds' going forward. This comes after a string of strong performances from the merger club, with 8 losses in a row chalked up. So, as a result...

“Fuck Me, Port Augusta Is Looking Green” Thinks Bloke Casually Tuning Into Masters Coverage

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter Corporate Johnny has walked past coverage of the US Masters today in the office and thought to himself that it was looking unseasonably green in the upper Spencer Gulf town of Port Augusta. "Shit a brick," he thought to himself. "There must be half of Adelaide there - and fuck me, they've had...

Harry Garside Faces Biggest Career Challenge Since Getting Out Of Sydney Mardi Gras In One Piece

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Olympic bronze medallist Harry Garside will face the most gruelling test of his career tonight, as he enters the ring with Manuer Matet in the battle for the vacant Australian lightweight title. Blacktown's finest, Matet will not be a walkover for the rising star - boasting a 4-1 record and weighing in at 58.26kg. The 24-year-old Garside, in his second...

Local Dad Now A Staunch Ed Sheeran Fan

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota Heights father of three, Kerry Bassick (56) has spent the last 12 hours familiarising himself with the entire catalogue of British folk-pop singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran. "Soooo... Apparently he was born in Yorkshire but lives in London now" says the newly anointed Ed Sheeran expert. "Five studio albums. He recorded the last one in the middle of the pandemic with...

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