Sports

Parramatta Eels Become First NRL Team To Score An ‘Own Try’

LOUIS BURKE | Lifestyle | Contact In a season that has included winning three games and losing a bye match, the Parramatta Eels have again made NRL history by becoming the first team to score a previously unheard of ‘Own Try.’ Eels replacement centre Talum Huntley-Cartwright made a linebreak in the 78th minute of the game, unaware he was running in the wrong direction. Eels players...

Queensland Gives Third Origin Match Everything They’ve Got For Some Reason

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Queensland has risked eighty minutes of season-ending injuries and general exhaustion to win one of three matches in this year's Origin series, it has been confirmed. Billy Slater of the Maroons has been named man of the match in Game 3 of the 2018 State of Origin Series at Suncorp Stadium on last night, in an explosive send-off for...

Tommy Raudonikis Brought In As Australian Basketball Coach Following Philippines Incident

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Basketball Australia has made a sensational call today amidst the continued fallout from the brawl in last weekend's match with the Philippines. Australia’s national basketball team, the Boomers, made headlines around the world a week ago after getting involved in a good old-fashioned all in the stink with their Filipino counterparts.   Today the organisation has officially appointed former...

Argentinian Healthcare Service Politely Reject Maradona’s Application To Become An Organ Donor

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Argentinian Healthcare Service has politely rejected an offer from the nations demigod, Diego Armando Maradona, this morning. The legend of football and hero of Argentina, reportedly offered to donate his organs to the national health system in the event that he passes. The all-time great, (possibly even the greatest, he is revered in his home nation more...

Lucy Zelic Faces Further Criticism For ‘Smug’ Pronunciation Of Harry Kane

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The trolls just won’t leave Lucy Zelic alone. The host of SBS’ coverage of the FIFA World Cup has been targeted again overnight, this time for her pronunciation of English footballers names. Covering this mornings match which saw England beat Colombia in a penalty shootout, Lucy Zelic notably rolled her R’s when pronouncing striker Harry Kane’s...

Netflix Release New True-Crime Doco Investigating Disappearance Of Australian Cricket Team

KENT REGINALD | Sports Psychology |Contact Netflix have today announced the release of a brand new True-Crime documentary miniseries, dedicated to the on-going investigation into the mysterious disappearance of the entire Australian Cricket team during their recent tour of England. The new series reportedly chronicles the journey of dozens of detectives and investigative journalists, spanning two continents and 5 cricket grounds, as they...

Filipinos Still A Bit Dirty About Jeff Horn Apparently

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australian Boomers basketball team changed hotels after an explosive all-in brawl against the Philippines overnight - after fears arose for their physical safety in the aftermath the internationally reported punch-on. With four minutes remaining in the third quarter, players and officials from both sides let loose in a flurry of punches and kicks - with fans even...

Cleveland’s Local Economy Now Solely Dependent On Drew Carey Show Reruns

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Ohio's second-largest city has been left reeling by the news today that LeBron James has decided to pull up his Cleveland roots and replant them in California after the basketballer signed a landmark four-year contract with the Los Angeles Lakers. Worth in excess of $200m Australian pesos, James's departure from the Cleveland Cavaliers is set to have a 'profound' impact...

Nation Stops Caring About Soccer

Australia is out of the FIFA World Cup after a dispiriting 2-0 loss to already-eliminated Peru to finish bottom of Group C. Even though our place at the bottom was more a result of things just not going our way in three different matches - no amount of explaining will be able to keep the vast number of Australians interested...

Tim Cahill Has To Play Tonight Says Man Who Still Thinks Guus Hiddink Is Coach

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local sports fan has informed colleagues today that the Socceroos can win this game tonight, if, they put Tim Cahill on the field. “Bloody hell it’s frustrating,” the man named Max Holt from Betoota’s Golf Course Estate said in the office today. The accountant at a bespoke firm in the CBD has told his fellow office...

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