Sports

Rugby Fans In A State Of Shock And Confusion After Seeing Their Game Actually Being Promoted

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Fans of the game they purportedly play in heaven are currently in a state of disbelief, after weeks of seeing Rugby Union being promoted. It's been confirmed that for the first time in probably a decade, people other than full-blown die-heard rugby fans are aware of when the...

Relatively Famous Former NRL Player Opens New Bunnings

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The opening of the new Betoota Heights Bunnings was met with great fanfare today, as former Queensland Maroon Michael Crocker did the honours of cutting the ribbon. The hardware mega-centre is a welcome addition to the hideous urban sprawl in Betoota's outskirt mortgage belt - where it joins an...

Māori All-Stars To Replace New Zealand Nation Anthem With Live Rendition Of ‘Slice Of Heaven’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The NRL All-Stars round is set to dazzle audiences with First Nations flair before the whistle even blows this weekend! That's according to the Māori All-Stars, who are reportedly going to kick the game off with a stunning rendition of the early ‘80s classic Slice of Heaven.

Rumour Mill Goes Into Overdrive After Cameron Smith Spotted Browsing Boats At Gold Coast Marina

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Look out! Rugby League's favourite 20/21 off-season rumour could have some serious legs, it has been confirmed this afternoon. That's right, it looks like Cameron Smith could be Tom Bradying his way up to the Gold Coast. This comes after...

Ash Barty Celebrates Yarra Valley Victory With Innagural ‘Coles Roast Chook Trophy’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some more good news for Australian tennis, local hope Ash Barty will go into our home grand slam with the Yarra Valley Classic under her belt. The world Number One and Australian Open favourite took out the title against Spaniard Garbiñe Muguruza in straight sets.

Peter V’Landys Calls The Dragons: “Are You Blokes Really That Fucked This Year?”

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Australian Rugby League commission chairman Peter V’Landys has today had to pick up the phone and ask The Dragons what the fuck is going on. Just when things were getting a little too quiet for the culture warmongering journalists at Fox Sports, the heavens have gifted them a...

McGuire Acts Swiftly Following Racism Report And Hires Sam Newman As Head Of Racial Harmony

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the fallout from the damning report into the culture of racism at Collingwood continues, Eddie McGuire has today moved to quickly set things right. The decades-long boss of the club at the centre of the majority of racism scandals in the AFL revealed that he is...

Warnie Weighs Into Toastie Scandal: I Would Never Have Eaten A Meal On The Bench In My Day

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former Australian legend Shane Warne has today had his say on the toasted sandwich saga. The commentator and man who think's he's a selector said the fact that one of the boys wanted to have a toasted sandwich in the dugout following lunch, is a 'disgrace and a...

Leaked Photos Reveal Angus Crichton Has Been Working At JB Hi-Fi During The NRL Off-Season

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT In a relatively quiet off-season by NRL standards, social media has today been buzzing with new off-field drama. Photos leaked by unknown sources have show that Roosters enforcer Angus Crichton has reportedly taken a job selling audio equipment and televisions at JB Hi-Fi over the summer.

Australia Rocked After Learning Collingwood Has A Problem With Systemic Racism

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation is currently reeling today, after being informed that the Collingwood Football Club has a culture of systemic racism. Subscribe to get our audio update every day and catch up with all of the biggest stories in our paper edition this Monday, right here:

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