Sports

Eels Fans Starting To Believe As Brad Arthur Rocks Up To Parra Leagues In Jack Gibson’s Kangaroo Fur Coat

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Momentum is growing in Sydney's second city this week, as the Parramatta Eels quiet and graciously begin preparations for the 2022 NRL Grand Final. Pandemonium will break through the Western Suburbs this weekend, as the embattled Eels take to Sydney Olympic Park for a 'Battle Of The West' against their neighbours the Penrith Panthers. Not since their 2009 Grand Final...

NRL 360 Lean on Paul Kent’s Glittering One Game Career To Analyse NRL Finals Week

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The producers at Fox Sports are believed to be working overtime this week, as they attempt to pull together a whole week of fact based NRL content. After spending the entire season fuelling unsubstantiated rumours and concocting hypothetical storylines like the producers of Love Island, The Advocate understands Fox Sports’ most click-baity TV program, NRL 360, is...

Melbourne’s Yarra Park Awash With Thousands Of Swans Scarves As Cats Win AFL Premiership

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The parklands surrounding the Melbourne Cricket Ground have become a makeshift morgue for Swans scarves and other supporter apparel as the Sydneysiders failed once again to bring the bacon home from the sporting capital of Australia. Yarra Park sits adjacent to the sporting complex, creating a buffer between it and the cosmopolitan East Melbourne district....

“Stop Drinking It!” Swans Players Told By Staff The Yarra River Ain’t Like The Clean Waters Back Home

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactThe AFL Grand Final Parade has made its way through the city of Melbourne today, including a portion taking place along the Yarra River for the very first time. The Yarra, notorious for its ability to carry and spread waterborne disease, many of them fatal, has little in common with the comparatively fresh and flowing rivers found up in...

AFL GF Ticket Holder Mentally Prepares To Be OK With Paying $25 For A Mid-Strength Beer

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactMarty Verkuylen (41) could not quite believe his luck in being one of the lucky Cats Members to get a ticket for him and his son to go to this year’s AFL Grand Final taking place at the hallowed MCG.His gratitude and sense of wonder has buoyed him this last week as anticipation builds towards the exhilarating contest.And...

Rugby’s Marketing Pigeon Assures Boss That Punters Know Wallabies Are Playing Tomorrow After AFL But Before The NRL

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The common rock pigeon tasked with running the entire marketing division of Rugby Australia has assured boss Hamish McLennan that people know that the Wallabies are playing tomorrow. Speaking to Mr McLennan from its Auckland hotel room, the pigeon explained that the game at Eden Park was already a sellout and that he didn't have...

“My Boyfriend Has Booked A Table For The Footy” Says Colleague Who Doesn’t Understand That Means 3 Codes Across 8 Hours

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT This Saturday marks perhaps the most jam-packed day of of sport in the 2022 calendar. Right across the nation, TVs and stadiums will be hosting some of the most-watched football matches of the year. With the Wallabies playing a pointless but significant Bledisloe test against the New Zealand All Blacks, an ever-powerful South Sydney Rabbitohs taking on the unforgiving Penrith...

Review Of Hawthorn Finds The AFL Club Was Run By A Bunch Of Racist Melbourne Cunts

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The AFL has once again reminded the nation how fucked in the head their culture and leaders are today. While most people are aware of how racist the AFL and its Southern and Western clubs are, a new report has revealed just how crook the people who run the game can be. An external review commissioned by the...

Report: What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Creeps

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the 2022 AFL Grand Final kicking off at 2:30pm this Saturday, there couldn't be a better group of blokes given the opportunity to take part in the Big Dance. This weekend's match-up of the Swans and the Cats is a net positive for the AFL, with two non-Melbourne teams going all the way through to the the hallowed...

Sydney Still Smouldering From Chaotic Convergence Of Bunnies And Collingwood Fans In Moore Park

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sydney City is today still reeling from the destruction of hosting two factions of Australia's most hardcore football fans in the one place, at the same time on Saturday evening. Moore Park was ground zero over the weekend as the NRL's most devout supporters converged with their Victorian equivalents, creating a vortex of lunacy that nearly burnt the city...

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