World News

Japanese PM Admits Greatest Shame Is Allowing Grown Men To Drive Around As Nintendo Characters

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, Japanese Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, has opened up about his biggest regret in his time as the head of the Japanese government. The revelation has emerged off the back of the current Rugby World Cup, an event that the Japanese have been...

Wallabies Fan Drinking 9% Tinnie On The Train Shudders Imagining This Being Allowed Back Home

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young Wallabies fan touring Japan has had a shocking thought today. Sipping upon a 9% Strong Zero, a popular drink made from shochu that he purchased from a humble little store on a train platform, the young man shuddered trying to imagine what would happen if this...

Justin Trudeau’s Blackface Scandals Disappear After Hiring Chris Lilley As PR Crisis Manager

LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | CONTACT During a crisis, it is commonplace for high profile figures to seek assistance from the cream of the crop, especially if the cream also has a penchant for painting their face black. Proving once again that private education is a waste of money, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is...

Media Kinda Loses Interest In Global Pedophile Ring Run By Billionaire Who Broke His Own Neck

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Global media giants have effectively stopped reporting on the billionaire sex-trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, not even two months after his body was discovered in a prison cell in the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan. Initially breaking in heavyweight news mastheads New York Times, Washington Post and other leading daily newspapers, the media...

Planet Still Looking For Way To Highlight Scientific Facts Without Upsetting Old White Cunts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The overpopulated residents of the environmentally strained planet of Earth, are now at a loss of what to do to present concerning and urgent scientific findings to the political classes of Western Civilisation. Despite hundreds of years of warning from Indigenous populations about how the excessive burning of fossil...

Neopet Starves To Death After 15 Years Of Neglect

LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact In a shocking case of animal abuse it has been confirmed today a unconfirmed number of digital domesticated animals known as Neopets have starved to death after 15 years of neglect. Most popular during the mid-naughties, Neopets.com was best known for being the thing daytime TV parents were disproportionately...

Canadian PM Justin Trudeau Now Linked To The 2009 Jackson 5 Skit On Hey Hey It’s Saturday

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Justin Trudeau is scrambling to halt further damage to his re-election campaign after being met with wave of racist incidents from his past. Less than five weeks before the federal election on 21 October, the Liberal leader’s campaign has been compromised by images and videos that show the Canadian...

Stressed Holiday Organiser Says You Can Pick The Fucking Hostel Next Time

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After achieving the milestone of finishing highschool as friends, a group of young mates have now finally begun tackling the milestone of finishing a holiday as enemies. Having often been a responsible team leader in class group assignments, Sophie Hukins (18) has found herself frustrated with the criticisms from...

Cotton-Wool-Wrapped Gen-Z Hasn’t Even Had Cartoons Interrupted By Planes Flying Into Towers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of tomorrow, there will be legal adults walking the planet who were not alive when the twin towers came down. It's been 18 years since the September 11 attacks left nearly 3,000 people dead in the worst act of terrorism America has ever experienced - at both the World Trade...

New Movie Casts Christopher Walken As Cheeky But Loveable Father Figure With A Dark Side

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In entertainment news today, a new movie has been announced casting Christopher Walken in an exciting new role. That role will be in the 2020 release College Dad, where Walken will play a bored single dad who moves across the road from his son's new College.

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