World News

Unemployed Influencer Captions Latest Holiday Pic As A ‘Much Needed Break’

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local influencer Ashley Stein is spending yet another weekend in Vanuatu, courtesy of her much older boyfriend, Adam. The twenty-two-year-old has kept her followers up to date with her every move, which has so far included a day spent lounging about in a tiny bikini and drinking colourful...

“I’m All Good But Thanks Bro” Jesus Tells Kanye

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Jesus Christ has today announced that he is distancing himself from self-proclaimed creative genius Kanye West after the release of Kanye’s latest album, ‘Jesus is King’. The album, Kanye’s first since his “Christian awakening” has received mixed reviews. In a press conference hosted by...

“Kanye’s New Album Sucks!” Says White Girl Who Just Wishes He’d Do Another Song With Maroon 5

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A early wave millennial who really enjoyed Kanye West's music before he got all black and political has today now criticised his new gospel album. She thinks that making an album like Jesus Is King is such a weird thing for the practicing Christian music producer to do.

England Fans Ecstatic After Defeating Backwater English Colony In Game That England Invented

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of England is reportedly over the moon after winning a game they invented a while back. This comes after the English defeated the All Blacks 19-7 in one of the most dominant displays of rugby in recent times, knocking the former backwater colony out of the...

Homesick Wallabies Fan Craving A Meat Pie In Japan Chases Down Some Horse Sashimi

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young Wallabies fan abroad has been craving a little slice of home for a few days now. So, the Queensland man named James Whitely-Smith decided to hit the streets of Tokyo and try and treat his tastes buds to something familiar. With a...

British Empire Enjoys One Last Win

BREAKING NEWS | CONTACT The British empire has enjoyed one last win today it can be confirmed. This comes after the English Rugby side beat the Wallabies 40-16. Unfortunately, the referees cannot really be blamed either.

Japanese Rugby Superfan Bak San Body Paints The Bunnies Jersey For Wallabies Game

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news out of Oita, the Japenese cult hero Bak San has just nailed his latest body paint jersey. The Japanese fan who has appeared at matches body painted in every single jersey at the tournament has today turned up in the South Sydney Rabbitohs jersey...

Wallabies Fan In Tokyo Dreams Of The Day It’s Alright For Him To Pass Out Drunk In Australia

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A Betoota Dolphin’s prop who is on his first international trip has this evening declared that he’s going to move to Japan, and he doesn’t give a fuck what any of you say. While not being able to speak a single word of Japanese, Timmy...

Military Strategists Praise Move To Abandon People Fighting Against The Enemy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some positive news for the President of The United States and the Prime Minister of Australia, military strategists and experts have today come to their defence on a recent foreign policy decision. This comes after the bold and breathtaking move that will definitely be looked upon favourably...

You’ve Heard Of ‘Fat-Shaming’ And ‘Slut-Shaming’ But What About ‘Race-Shaming’?

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT I wish I didn’t have to write this article. I wish I didn’t have to make a case of basic human rights in *drumroll* 2019. I wish I didn’t have to look through the inevitable dump truck fire that is going to start in this comment section and...

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