World News

“Not This Year, Earth Hour”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Unless you are directly receiving emails from the official organisation, then it might surprise you that Earth Hour took place at 8pm last night. Earth Hour is an annual worldwide event held to encourage individuals, communities, and businesses to turn off non-essential electric lights, for one hour, from 8:30...

American Out Of Toilet Paper Forced To Wipe With A Gun

LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT At the time of writing, the USA is now leading the world in confirmed cases of COVID-19 with President Donald Trump reassuring the public he is a ‘wartime president’ who will step in once the deadly virus has ‘claimed Hillary Clinton.’ While none are surprised to hear the USA...

North Korea Praised For Closing Borders To Protect Civilians From Virus

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In an unexpected move, the World Health Organisation has praised North Korea for beating the coronavirus, with a reported zero cases, on par with it’s previous personal best in February which also featured zero reported cases. Despite the entirely believable claims from the country, some other countries have reacted...

British Press Frantically Scheme How To Blame ‘That Witch’ For Further Infecting The Royal Family

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As British Royal Family enthusiasts freak out about Prince Charles' Covid-19 diagnosis, the UK press are frantically trying to figure out how to pin the blame on Meghan Markle. The 71-year-old reportedly contracted the coronavirus yesterday and is currently receiving the best medical treatment one could possibly get....

You Know In Europe, They Kiss On Both Sides Of The Elbow

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Greeting people in 2020 can be awkward enough: Do you bop fists? Go in for an elbow bump? or just give 'em the finger pistols. Throw COVID-19 in the mix and it's even trickier. Some people don't like being touched in general, but these kinds of personal space measures can...

Media Urged To Only Refer To 2020 COVID-19 Pandemic As “These Uncertain Times” To Avoid Panic

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of five days ago, The World Health Organisation has announced that COVID-19 is a pandemic. The situation is changing rapidly over the world, with more than 226,800 confirmed cases of COVID-19 around the world and more than 9,500 deaths. In Australia, there have been 709 confirmed cases of COVID-19...

Compilation Of Celebrities Singing ‘Imagine’ Somehow Actually Worse Than Global Outbreak Of COVID-19

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hundreds of thousands of people are now suffering from a new illness caused by watching celebrities assuming the public cares what they have to say during a national disaster. Not since the 2016 election of Donald Trump has the world experienced such a cringeworthy spectacle of self-importance from celebrities...

Zuckerberg Left Reeling After Boomer Denies Facebook Permission To Use Personal Data

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Facebook creator and CEO Mark Zuckerberg is still recovering after learning that yet another boomer has unleashed a powerful copy/paste message to prevent Facebook from using their personal data or photos. The bombshell was dropped at this morning when retired insurance assessor Colleen Haenkel saw the viral message had been posted by a...

Worldvision Kid Wondering Which NRL Champions Shirt He’ll Get This Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Will many still claim that the Canberra Raiders should be the 2019 NRL Champions around Australia, in one distant part of the world that is in fact the case. A small village outside of Monrovia, the capital of the Western African nation of Liberia is that place on...

Report: Brad Is 56 Years Old Wtf

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some slightly concerning entertainment news this morning, it has been confirmed that Brad Pitt is 56. This comes after the Hollywood star won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Once Upon a Time In Hollywood. The nod to the...

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