World News

Apple Vision Nerd Could’ve Saved $3500 On Some Polyfiltered Dirty Dogs And A Decent Rod

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In terrific news for absolute nerds with too much money, the Apple Vision Pro is officially available for purchase. And it can be confirmed that over 200,000 freaks who need to touch some grass have reportedly already secured their own 'mixed reality' headset. Apple unveiled the new device back in June 2023, and nobody really cared because it kind of...

2024 Grammys Broadcast Constantly Interrupted With Shots Of Mercilessly Bored Travis Kelce

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT American broadcaster CBS is facing a wave of criticism today, after "butchering" the annual Grammy Awards. Created to honour the best recordings, compositions, and artists, as chosen by the members of The Recording Academy - the Grammys has traditonally been western music's night of nights. Instead, it's turned into the Travis Kelce show. "What the HELL is this,"...

US Invade Another Middle East Country After Mistaking Soviet-Era Water Infrastructure For Oil Well

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The United States has finally bitten the bullet today, after a prolonged period of edging. The US Military has declared all systems go and decided to invade a Middle Eastern country, after a shocking revelation came out. That news, was the confirmation that members of a rural village were spotted examining their broken water well. "It's time," said...

“I Think Saltburn Was Snubbed Too” Says Bloke Who Found It Rather Groundbreaking And Long Overdue

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Director Greta Gerwig, who has been praised for her film adaptation of the beloved Mattel product Barbie™ - has not received an Oscar nomination for best director. The exclusion has resulted in furious backlash online, as has the snubbing of Margot Robbie as best actress. However, it's not just the Barbie-loving girlbosses who are upset about the Academy Award nominations...

United States Military Absolutely Edging After Sending A Few Rockets Into Yemen

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The men behind the United States military are today one touch away from climaxing. With their teeth firmly biting down on their bottom lip as blood pulsates to their most sensitive appendage, the people who make the US military tick are absolutely on edge over the situation in Yemen and the Red Sea. Following the flair up in...

Dumbass Ranger Trying To Give Local Man A Parking Fine Doesn’t Realise That The 10th Paragraph Of Magna Carta Literally Says All Traffic Fines Are Legally Invalid

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local parking ranger has today received quite a shock, after being treated to an informal legal lesson from a vocal citizen. Tony Pinser, a valued employee of Betoota Shire Municipal Council, was given the lecture a short time ago after trying to hand out a parking fine to a local tradesman. "Yes, the plumber was very kind...

King Charles Deeply Concerned The Man Checking His Enlarged Prostate Might Have Fingers Like His

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn inside source of the royal family has informed The Advocate that King Charles has some trepidations about his impending surgery to fix an enlarged prostate, which is to be performed next week. The details of King Charles enlarged prostate has circulated online this morning, leading many to ponder whether we should all know less about each other. However,...

Italian PM Calls For A Return To ‘Pax Romana’ As Levant Was Most Peaceful As Part Of The Roman Empire

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the world leaders continue to sit on their hands over the ongoing conflict in Palestine, the Italian Prime Minister has mulled a potential solution. Speaking freely in Rome this morning, Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni made the suggestion that a return of "Pax Romana" could potentially be a solution that brings an end to...

Trump Gets His Groove Back With More Fake Tan Than A Divorced Mum In First Bodybuilding Competition

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former US President and probable next US President Donald Trump is off and running, in his 2024 election campaign. With Australian political nerds and, like maybe a quarter of America turning its gaze to the State of Iowa, Donald Trump absolutely smoked his Republican counterparts in the first formal act of the election season. In a state famous...

DVA Still As Woefully Shithouse As They Were 50 Years Ago Despite Our Submarines Costing $400B

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the millions of dollars spent on endless inquiries into the institutional failings that have let down our most vulnerable returned servicemen since the Vietnam war, it can once again be confirmed that the Department Of Veteran Affairs is just as shithouse as it was 50 years ago. In fact, recent statistics make the songs of Jimmy Barnes sound...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News