World News

Joe Rogan Fan To Pause All Of His Staunch Opinions On Modern Medicine For The Next Week Or So

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT MIXED MEDICAL ARTS: A local carnivore from Betoota's aspirational suburban wedge known as Betoota Heights has today gone quiet, for the next little while. 28-year-old construction manager, Jonno McAfferty says he's never really been opposed to any form of medicine, but due to the ten faithful years he has dedicated to listening to the Joe Rogan podcast -...

US Arms Dealers Ask Biden If It’s Too Soon To Start Doing Business With The Taliban Again

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the final US evacuation flights leave Afghanistan, powerbrokers back home on US soil are already beginning to get to work. With the Taliban now given free rein to run their brutal regime without any cheques or balances, US arms dealers have begun enquiring about keeping the profits rolling. This comes as US President Joe Biden confirmed the...

Office Hip Hop Guy Not That Switched On Today As He Processes 109 Raw Minutes Of Kanye West

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hip hop fans around the world are struggling to function at full capacity today, following the long-awaited release of Kanye West's tenth studio album. Kanye dropped the 27-track "Donda," at 10pm AEST last night, it comes more than a month after its original release date. In the lead up to this release, he has hosted three enormous listening parties...

TV Series About Fucked Up Rich People Detached From Reality Unsurprisingly Filmed In Byron Bay

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Nicole Kidman is back on the screen in a new TV thriller about a bunch of delusional rich people with lots of baggage that they think will be fixed by immersing themselves in a high-end luxury lifestyle in a picturesque town with no poor people. Based on a book written by the same Australian author that wrote that...

Afghan President ‘Pulls A Scomo’ And Flees On An Aeroplane While His Nation Burns To The Ground

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As the Taliban continue to consolidate their control over the major cities of Afghanistan, the president of their now collapsed US-backed government has left his supporters hanging at the gates of the airport - while he 'pulled a scomo'. 'Pulling a scomo' is a popular expression within the Australian vernacular, and is used to describe the actions of...

PM Who Took 6 Months To Order Enough Jabs Surprisingly Hasn’t Evacuated Afghan Terps Either

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact The Prime Minister has shrugged off suggestion that he does everything last minute and/or when there's substantial public pressure, telling The Advocate this morning that everything he does has been in the pipeline at some point. Scott Morrison then went onto suggest that if the media thinks they could do a better job running the...

“Cool. I Guess” Says The Rest Of Australia As Brisbane Wins The 2032 Olympics Bid

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The major cities and towns of Queensland have just enough freedom for their Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk to get away with flying to Japan this week, as the rest of Australia remains imprisoned under strict lockdowns. If this little overseas jaunt took place a month ago, Anna would be public enemy one right now. That said, Queenslanders as a whole are...

“Oh Way To Rub It In!” Says Boris Johnson After Waking Up To A Severed Horse Head In His Bed

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has today asked all Brits to remember the importance of being humble in victory, even though that is not a scenario that they will likely find themselves in for the foreseeable future. Last night, England failed to end their 55-year wait for a major international trophy as Bonucci met Luke Shaw's early goal at...

“Our Work Here Is Done” Says Australia, As Troops Leave Afghanistan With No Roads Or Libraries

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After decades of ramping up the political-patriotism every ANZAC Day and Remembrance Day to justify sending our bright-eyed young men and women to the Middle East to impress George Bush, it seems the Afghanistan War might be joining Vietnam, Korea and Iraq on the long list of foreign conflicts that only seemed to worsen the situation in these...

Melinda Gates Awarded Custody Of 50% Of World’s Population Controlled By Microchips

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A court deciding one of the largest divorce settlements in history has awarded Melinda Gates custody of 50% of the people who have taken the spicy cough jab. These people, who have become virtual zombies thanks to the tiny microchips personally added to the shots by Gates, are now legally Melinda’s property, for her to use as she...

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