World News

Fully Grown Australian Adult Seems To Give A Fuck About The Future Of The British Royal Family

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota Grove woman who hasn't ever been to England, and hasn't ever met an English person that she likes, is today spending a bizarre amount of energy worrying about what Meghan Markle is doing to the British Royals. This follows the boring news that The Duke...

Harry Wastes No Time Enrolling To Study Fitness After Meghan Lands A Gig With Residual Income

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The rogue Royals have wasted little time finding their feet it can be confirmed today.  Less that 24 hours after announcing that they would be going out on their own and attempting to break away from the Royal purse, Harry and Meghan seem to have already found alternative sources...

Local Big Unit Ready For WWIII After Years Of 360 No Scope Kills On Modern Warfare II Rust Map

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While, he isn't exactly looking forward to World War 3, Michael Davison says he's ready if need be. The full-time IT Manager for Betoota Municipal Council issued a profound statement as the world nervously watches the situation in the Middle East. Reports emerged this...

Young Family Faces Criticism After Choosing To No Longer Live Off Welfare

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a surprising announcement, a high-profile young family of welfare recipients have decided they would rather not be such a burden on the tax-payer. Harry Windsor and his wife Meghan have announced they plan to "step back" from their social security payments and work to become financially independent.

Planet Earth Begs Angry Old Codgers In Charge To Please Not Do This Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A very very large majority of Planet Earth's occupants have today overwhelmingly made it clear that they would not like to send their young people to war again. As has been the case with the last couple world wars, everyone but the cranky old codgers in charge are...

Bloke Sporting Jeans On Long Distance Flight Obviously Hasn’t Thought Things Through

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Travellers were left feeling quite amused today, as a bloke was seen boarding an international flight wearing ball hugging jeans. Gary ‘Gazza’ Thompson was unaware of this faux pas when he’d settled in for the long haul, and thought the weird looks were less to do with his attire, and more to...

God Not Sure How Many More Signs He Can Send To Prompt Climate Change Action

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, the supreme being, creator deity and principal object of faith, God, says he’s at a complete loss about what else he can do to let the human race know that it’s fucking up the planet. “Have you seen what I’ve caused in...

Report: Facebook Needs To Reign It The Fuck In With These Memories

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent report carried out by the Social Media Accountability Society (SMAS) has found that Facebook needs to chill the fuck out with is algorithm-generated memories from the past. Unlike a normal human who can selectively forget the horrendous phases and actions from their past, the Facebook algorithm doesn’t...

Drug Dealer Who Sells To 30% Of Town Can’t Be Blamed For Ice Plague Coz He Only Smokes 1.3%

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT On the lower half of the lower-mid Queensland Coast sits a troubled town by the name of Gymboolture. Like most regional epicentres in Australia, Gymboolture is currently being ravaged by crystal methamphetamines. So much, so that it's now destroying homes and making it hard...

Young Girl Having Opportunity To Voice Concerns Is Child Abuse, Says Pell Supporter

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving that a tiger can change their stripes, the nation has been charmed by how supporters of convicted pedophile George Pell are now coming out in droves to condemn child abuse. After losing support from the Catholic Church, the former cardinal and all-round rock spider George Pell had...

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