Politics

PM Begs Comrade Dutton To Dust Off The Jackboots Now We Actually Have Border Security Crisis

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Speaking from his new island home, Comrade Peter Dutton has today confirmed that he's refusing to march to the beat of the government's drum. Locked up in the inhumane conditions he is ironically responsible for on the Christmas Island Detention Centre, the newly converted leftie has explained that he...

Pauline Hanson Begins Taking Pointers From Joe Exotic’s Election Campaigns

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new Netflix docu-series titled 'Tiger King' has taken the world by storm, with his it's wild storytelling about the rise and fall of a maverick Oklahoma zookeeper. The quarantine-hit focuses on America's crazily lax laws around gun and exotic animal ownership, and the feirce rivalries that exist between big cat...

Katter Boys Congratulate Palaszczuk For Closing QLD Borders, Even If It Is 119 Years Too Late

"But, but better late than never. I'll give Anna that" said Bob, to the cheers of his fellow party MPs.

Albo Struts Parliament Lawn In High-Waist Spanx To Highlight Urgent Need To Flatten The Curve

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There have been distressing scenes reported from the Nation's Capital today, after a number of witnesses claim to have seen roughly 104 kilos of skinless Italian sausage tumbling across Parliament House lawn Leader of the Opposition leader Anthony Albanese has made a bold political statement this afternoon, by strutting...

Peter Dutton Begins Entertaining Left-Wing Politics After 4 Days In Mandatory Detention

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Peter Dutton has today revealed to the nation that a leopard can indeed change its spots. Need a break from the COVID-19 crisis? Have a listen to our preview of what's happening in the race to become the next President of the United States. If not, just pause it...

It’s Too Soon To Be Talking About This Thing Confirms Scotty From Marketing About Some Thing

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In the wake of recent events, Scotty from Marketing has confirmed that it is way too soon to be talking about this kind of thing. In a brief statement on Thursday afternoon, a clearly agitated Scotty reiterated that there would be no further discussion on the matter in the...

Liberals Just Glad They Had The Internet Sorted Before Nation Got Told To Go Home For 2 Weeks

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While the nation continues to panic amidst the coronavirus crisis, the head of marketing has today taken the opportunity to remind everyone that at least they've got reliable internet to turn to during these trouble times. With Victoria and the ACT declaring State Of Emergency's, travel restrictions put...

Dutton Begs The Australian Government To Respect His Basic Human Rights And Dignity

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some heartbreaking news from the small island of Christmas, Peter Dutton has today called on the government's conscience. Speaking from the grounds of the Christmas Island Detention Centre, the Home Affairs Minister is begging to be treated with kindness and humanity. This comes...

Nation Quietly Waiting For Reality Television To Be Also Cancelled Due To The Corona

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sporting events, concerts and school; all being cancelled due to the global outbreak of COVID-19, a coronavirus that has the world in the grips of a pandemic. These cancellations have caused a lot of mixed reactions, angry fans who wanted to go and cheer on their beloved teams,...

Scotty From Marketing Says Only Thing He’s Ever Cared About No Longer A Priority

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news out of Canberra, the nation's Head of Marketing has confirmed that he's changed his tune on the policy that seemingly meant everything to him. Not the Cronulla Sharks which he started going for when he moved to the Shire a few years ago after...

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