Politics

Western New South Wales Receives 70 Millimetres Of Coalition Drought Policy Overnight

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Large parts of inland NSW have been treated to a big downpour of Coalition Drought Policy overnight. In some great news for drought-stricken farmers and communities, the parched areas of the state were blessed with a large batch of the government's best drought policy.

ScoMo Calls For A Ban On All Non-Abortion Related Protests

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today confirmed that he will be calling for a ban on all protests not related to abortion. His calls came at a speech today, following weeks of disruption caused by environmental protestors who have been trying to get action on climate change.

Barnaby Frightens Life Out Of Angus Taylor By Turning Up To Halloween Party As Clover Moore

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Barnaby Joyce sent Angus Taylor scuttling last night it can be confirmed. The Member for New England caused the Energy Minister to trip over his own chair before scrambling out of the Coalition government's Halloween Party last night. The scene was met with raucous...

ScoMo Makes Sure He Gets Photographed Running Water To Everyone Except The Farmers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told the photographers shadowing him to take the morning off. This comes after a couple of big weeks getting snapped running water out to everyone except the farmers and regional Australians crippled by drought. After running water out to the respective...

Nationals Seemingly More Concerned About Pauline Taking Credit For Policies Than Drought

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Despite the whole drought thing going on at the moment, the National Party have today confirmed that there is another issue that is slightly more pressing right now. Pauline Hanson, taking credit for 'their policies.' Speaking from Canberra this morning, National's Leader Michael McCormack and...

Shorten Criticises Albo For Immediately Backflipping Instead Of Normal Gradual Backflipping

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The Australian Labor party and worker’s unions have a proud friendship that dates back to the very first ‘hard hat photo opp.’ Now, however it seems that the in-opposition ALP may be forgetting their waterlogged roots as their support of coalition free trade deals have angered the famously placid...

McCormack Excitedly Shows PM Where The National Party Are Planning On Putting All His Prayers

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a meeting of the minds, Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack has today excitedly taken the Prime Minister for a bit of a tour. The Deputy Prime Minister and prominent God-botherer Michael McCormack has walked the PM around a rapidly emptying dam, to show him where all of...

Leaked Liberal Agenda Surprisingly Doesn’t Include Any Death Threats Aimed At Barnaby Joyce

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In an embarrassing gaffe for the government today, the party's internal agenda for the week has been accidentally sent out to the media. The moment that will have the Prime Minister's Media Advisor double-checking every single email and message for the rest of his natural life, has caused...

ScoMo Gets The Advertising Gang Back Together To Brainstorm Ways To Rebrand Climate Activists

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has called on a favour from some old friends today to deal with the current Extinction Rebellion protestors making headlines. The former ad man and head of Tourism Australia got the gang back together for a big brainstorming session on how to label the...

Young Greens Vote To Dissolve After Finding Themselves Guilty Of Ageism

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The infighters of tomorrow have decided to call it a day.  In a recent summit of the Australian Young Greens, the youth political party voted to dissolve after self-alleged allegations of ageism in regards to the group policy, which states that members cannot be a part of the group...

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