Politics

“Fuuckk!” Groans PM As Barnaby Joyce Publishes 3500-Word Column Calling For Assange’s Freedom

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the newest hand grenade thrown directly into the Prime Minister's lap by his rural colleagues, Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce has today penned a 3500-word op-ed in The Age that has the potential to completely fuck over Scotty's glorious new AUKUS partnership. AUKUS is a trilateral security pact between Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States, announced on...

“I’m Back” – Tony Abbott Returns From Stint In Minor League Baseball For Another Run At Canberra

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A former Prime Minister has sent the news cycle into a meltdown this afternoon, after making a sensational two-word comment. "I'm Back" was the titanic statement issued by former PM Tony Abbott this morning. Those words arrived exclusively on The Advocate's newsdesk this morning, prior to his press conference, and signal Abbott's desire to have another shot at...

Former Premier At Centre Of ICAC Investigation Says Canberra Might Be Too Corrupt Even For Her

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former NSW premier Gladys Berejiklian has declined the Prime Minister's offer to run in next year's federal election, announcing instead that she will be doing what every other Premier does, and use her time as the leader of her state as a stepping stone into the private sector. Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing and other senior Liberals were openly...

NSW Teachers Tell Premier Perrottet To Go And Sit In The Corner And Think About What He’s Done

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hundreds of schools are closed in New South Wales today, as the state's teachers remind the government of what happens when they make them raise their voice. Staff shortages and stagnant wages are the main concerns of the thousands of teachers currently striking through Sydney. The union says that the issues stem from the blatant disregard of he state government,...

Scotty Pitches Federal Politics To Gladys: “Best Thing Is, There’s No ICAC Down Here Haha”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has publically doubled down in his efforts to recruit Gladys Berejiklian to Federal Politics this afternoon, reminding her of a big perk of working in Canberra. Speaking to the former leader of NSW, who is still the subject of a corruption inquiry, Scotty reportedly told her that she needn't worry about anything like that down...

PM Finishes Year On Low Note: “Merry Christmas To All, Except Anyone Who’s Ever Criticised Me”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a horror final sitting week in Parliament House, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has been unable to stop himself from engaging in unseen levels of political pettiness during his final address to the house. Many colleagues at hoped that Scotty might take the high road, after losing three of his most integral cabinet Ministers in the space of...

Liberals Deny Talent Is Running Thin As Entire Cabinet Replaced By Nameless Morrison Lookalikes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In the space of 24 hours, the Liberal Party has lost three of their most senior Cabinet Ministers, which is exactly the opposite of what Scotty From Marketing needs three months out from Australians heading to the ballot. Moments ago, The PM told parliament that Education Minister Alan Tudge has stood aside from the ministry after a former Liberal staffer made...

Christian Porter MP Resigns From Federal Politics To Spend More Time With His Lawyers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a bizarre turn of events, one of the most malignant Fortunate Sons within the Morrison Government has decided to actually make a logical decision - for the first time since his career was ruined 6 months ago. Christian Porter MP has revealed he will quit politics at the next federal election, claiming that he wants to spend...

Nation Holding Great Hope For Cultural Change After Liberal Senators Make Dog Noises At Jacqui

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The country has breathed a collective sigh of relief this morning after confirmation came through that our politicians have taken the Jenkins report in and are going to be better. Concerns that the report will generate a few headlines before being chucked in the back cupboard have been eased after a Liberal Party Senator allegedly made dog noises...

Parliament Staff Rush To Make Harassment Claims Now Before Anti-Trolling Laws Silence Them

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With news breaking that a staggering one out of three parliament staff members has experienced harassment, those who have been victimised by the misogynistic, toxic workplace culture are quickly coming forward, before anti trolling laws stop them from having a voice. This comes as no surprise to anyone, considering parliament has a checkered history of ignoring victims’ claims of...

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