Politics

Red Frogs Called In To Consult With Parliament House Staff

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With it more clear than ever that the culture of the Canberra bubble is in serious need of a retcon, the big guns have asked Red Frogs to come in and consult with Parliament House staff. Founded in 1997, Red Frogs are a volunteer group founded by a youth pastor, known for frequenting schoolies and o-week type events, ensuring...

Scotty Brought To Tears After Imagining That Desk Belonging To Jenny

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Head of Marketing has today been brought to tears by some of the acts that have taken place inside his workplace. This comes after the man doing his best to try and shed some crocodile tears was forced to refuse to answer more tough questions about the culture inside parliament house, and the acts that have...

Paid Leave Porter Smiles With Glee As He Fires Up The Mower At 7am On A Sunday Morning

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The off work Attorney General has reportedly caused a bit of a scene over the weekend. With Sunday just another day for the politician whose on generous mental health leave (something most people can't even contemplate), Paid Leave Porter decided to fire up the mower. However, rather than wait until mid-morning, or lunch time, or even a weekday in...

Local Cow Furious After Being Called A Lying Linda Reynolds

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Local cow BR433A, or as she prefers to be called ‘Marjorie’, has today reacted with fury after being referred to as a “lying Linda Reynolds”.  The slur, delivered by Marjorie’s sworn enemy, cow BR183C. Senator Linda Reynolds came under fire this year after her abysmal handling of a sexual assault allegation came to light. In 2019 a junior staffer...

SpaceX Moves Up To Samsung Galaxy Note 7 Safety Rating

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In exciting news for the future of space travel, SpaceX, the commercial space travel company owned by bizarre billionaire Elon Musk, the US National Safety Council has deemed SpaceX no more dangerous than the most dangerous mobile phone, the Samsung Galaxy Note 7.  SpaceX was founded by Elon Musk in 2002 and has since set many impressive space-travel milestones....

Taxpayers Ecstatic At Prospect Of Funding Both Sides Of Paid Leave Porter’s Defamation Case

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australia's population has today revealed that they are rubbing their hands with glee at the idea of paying for our Attorney General to engage in a lengthy and costly legal dispute with our public broadcaster. This comes after the man too busy to answer questions about his behaviour and clear his name in an independent enquiry, decided to...

Paid Leave Porter Takes A Break From Squeezing Supermarket Avocados To Sue ABC For Defamation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a huge day of protests across the country, the Attorney General has tried to create a weird smokescreen to prevent people from asking for an independent inquiry into his behaviour. With the March4Justice rallies demanding action to be taken on the toxic culture in politics, as well as gendered discrimination, violence and harassment - Paid Leave Porter...

Government Urged To Take This Nationwide Protest As Seriously As Few Needles In Strawberries

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With March 4 Justice rallies taking place across the country today, the Federal Government has been urged to take the issue as seriously as other society-threatening ills - like needles in some fruit. This comes after a month of the government failing to adequately address the accusations of sexaul assault being levelled at it's employees. As huge numbers...

Paid Leave Porter Douses Clothes In Bed Lice Before Donating To Vinnies

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Op-Shoppers at Butler Vinnies were treated to a surprise visit from the countries' trendiest disgraced politician Christian Porter, who appeared at the store with several bin bags full of clothes he was willing to donate. According to witnesses, the Attorney General seemed cheerful and unphased by the well documented sexual assault allegations, which he denies and refuses to answer...

Barnaby Puts In For Some Of This New Mental Health Leave After A Few Spots At Yamba Open Up For Easter

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Political journeyman Barnaby Joyce has put in for whatever leave accused rapist Christian Porter and the incompetent Linda Reynolds are on right now after a few choice holiday rentals opened up at Yamba, a delightful seaside town in NSW that's home to people from all walks of life including retired farmers and some of...

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