Politics

Albo Begins Long Journey Towards Winning Back Voter Trust By Asking If Anyone Has Lost A Bag

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Anthony Albanese has today made small steps towards winning back the voters that Labor lost to poorly articulated policy and uninspiring campaigning during the 2019 Federal Election. The Labor leader-elect was in Caboolture on Tuesday to start his listening tour of the Sunshine State, where he began efforts to rebuild...

‘Albo Isn’t The Right Person To Lead’ Says Man Who Just Lost An Unloseable Election

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Seemingly unaware that he lost the Labor Party two elections as leader, and arguably more as self-anointed factional heavy, Bill Shorten has today come out to rubbish Anthony Albanese's leadership credentials. Disregarding the fact that nearly everyone in the country is completely disregarding anything he says, the man...

Carlton Sign Bill Shorten As Club’s Runner

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of our country's most cosmopolitan city, Bill Shorten has just announced his next career move. After somehow losing last weekend's election, the former Labor Party leader is set to find his feet at the Carlton Football Club as their runner.

Barnaby Reportedly Toying With The Idea Of Focusing On Policy This Parliamentary Term

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of the northern tablelands of NSW, it can be confirmed this afternoon that Barnaby Joyce is in fact considering working on some policy over the next couple of years. Returning as the Member for New England off the back of overwhelming support from...

Report: Break Out The Fucken Yellowglen, She’s Back

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bottle shops around Tasmania are today reporting a drastic shortage in mum-bubbly, after the news that Jacqui Lambie is set to return to the Senate. This comes more than a year after the renegade indepedent was forced to resign as a senator over dual citizenship.

One Nation Voter Says Pauline Is Only Person That Truly Understands Her Apart From Bliss N Eso

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young Betoota Heights woman has sat down with The Advocate today to explain to us just why neither of the major parties are appealing to her this election. Kirra-Lea Sims told us 'she's had it up to here with politics.' "It's like Bliss n Eso...

Uncle Tony X Completes TAFE Course For New Job Filming Hip Hop Videos In Remote Communities

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister and respected Northern Beaches community elder, Uncle Tony X has today completed his Cert III in VIS (Vague Indigenous Stuff). This comes as the The most-likely-outgoing Member for Warringah prepares himself for a transition into new employment opportunities. Uncle Tony’s dedicated work...

Bill Shorten Shows Off How Multicultural He Is By Ordering A Panini At Subway

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The leader of the Opposition and How I Met Your Mother Enthusiast Bill Bradbury Shorten has today decided to jazz things up a little bit. Our country’s likely next Prime Minister (as long as he doesn’t Hillary Clinton this Steven Bradbury) Shorten said he was feeling like living...

The Nightwatchman Unveils “I’m Living In The 70s” By Skyhooks As Official Campaign Song

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Office of The Nightwatchman has today confirmed, that after some deliberation they have finally decided upon their official campaign song for the 2019 election. After a long night surfing Spotify, with 'Boys Light Up,' 'Lead Me To The Cross' and 'Be Faithful' all vying for the official...

Gillard And Rudd Spend The Weekend Laughing & Comparing The Scars On Their Backs

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Two former Prime Ministers have spent some time exchanging a few battle stories and having a laugh this past weekend. In a sign of how scared the Labor party are that Bill Bradbury Shorten could fuck this up, senior figures successfully convinced Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard to...

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