Politics

National Party’s Alt-Right Infiltrators Resign After Being Forced To Match Barnaby Beer For Beer

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Nationals MP Troy Grant has come out saying his party was not a "safe harbour for people with outrageous views", responding to revelations that alt-right nationalists have been attempting to stack the NSW Young Nationals. Ironically, while the organisation is mostly made up of young men lacking reliable father figures, the alt-right's stance on abortion laws is surprisingly...

Labor Vows To Strip Religious Schools Of The Freedoms Labor Gave Them To Sack Gay Staff

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the news that Prime Minister Morrison will be changing the law to ban religious educational organisations from the right to expel gay students, the ALP has take the opportunity to say that they too will do something even more progressive. By banning these same organisations from having the right to sack gay staff, a still-standing religious freedom that...

Parliament Thrown Into Chaos As Derryn Hinch Does Something Reasonable

LOUIS BURKE | Editor | CONTACT The Parliament of Australia was thrown into utter chaos this week as single-issue senator Derryn Hinch awoke from his slumber and shocked everyone by doing something reasonable. Following the announcement of his plans to cut funding to private schools that discriminate against gay students, many senators were horrified to learn they agreed with him causing Penny Wong to vomit...

Environment Minister Who Used To Work In Mining Sector Bit Skeptical Of 91 Different Scientists

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Federal Environment Minister Melissa Price has put some of her extensive scientific knowledge to good use today by calling bullshit on the recent report released by the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). The report claims that world greenhouse gas emissions must reach zero by 2050 if we are to ensure that Global Warming is halted at 1.5 degrees....

Uncle Tony X Hosts Liberal Party Pop-Up In Culture Kings

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs has today taken an unorthodox route towards swaying voters, after hosting an in-store signing and merch pop-up event in the Warringah Culture Kings store. The Former Prime Minister has reportedly become a repeat customer at the iconic Australian streetwear franchise, after his new Tongan-Australian girlfriend took him there to pick up some Chicago...

Morrison Turns Sickly Grey After A Dementor’s Kiss From He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Prime-Minister

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Morrison has experienced the horrid feeling of his soul being consumed upon, after shaking hands with a gliding, wraith-like dark creature once employed by the Australian Ministry of Immigration as the guard of Nauru Prison. The Minister, who originates from the Division of Dickson, was in the role of Dementor for the Ministry of Immigration from 21 December 2014...

Girlfriend Didn’t Ask For Cooper Cronk’s Life Story

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Yeah, so they thought he was gonna be injured, but it turns out he's gonna be alright to play. Not sure if this was a mind game but, yeah, like it looked like a pretty bad injury" said Kel (26). That was pretty much all he needed to say, but after observing the refreshing look of interest in his...

“Provided I Don’t Break A Taxi Driver’s Arm, I Think I’ve Got This One In The Bag”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Fuck Collingwood!" he said to unsurprisingly low fanfare. The Opposition Leader opened his press conference in Melbourne this morning with a bang, donning a West Coast Eagles beanie while he weighed into the political bin fire that is the ABC currently. "Did you see the fucking front page of the fucking Herald Sun and the fucking...

Leigh Sales And Andrew Bolt Hold Hands In Protest Of Justin Milne’s Political Interference

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Two of the nation's most prominent journalists have put their differences aside today in a touching display of unity against embattled ABC chairman Justin Milne. Earlier today, a number of leaked emails were published by the failing newspaper branch of Nine Entertainment Co, Fairfax Media, that detailed Mr Milne's attempts to have the ABC's chief...

Uncle Tony X Licks His Lips While Watching Cafe Staff Prepare Him A Devon And Chip Sandwich

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony X has today admitted to having a few secret vices when it comes to mission cuisine, after revealing he's managed to get a local Canberra cafe to add devon and chip sandwiches to the menu. Uncle Tony says he's well aware that he might not be setting a very good example, especially when...

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