ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An unremarkable local man has told The Advocate today that he might be old-fashioned but he prefers his Greens voters chained to bulldozers and doing funny things like refusing to come down from an old tree instead of what they seem to be doing now.

Which is defacing war memorials, says Betoota Heights aged care sales representative Rutger Farehome.

“Oh look, well, everyone can get around trying to save a nice big old tree. I mean, you’re not human if you don’t like trees, you’re just a capitalist pig that needs to be cattle-gunned and have your organs redistributed to people who’ll put them to better use. We can all agree on that,” he said.

“I think it’s funny when you have some smelly hippie climb up a tree and when the cops come to ask her down, she tells them to suck her cock. I think that’s fucking hilarious. Power to her. Or chaining yourself to a bulldozer. It’s a victimless crime and nobody really gets that angry. The dozer driver just shrugs and hops back into the Hilux and waits for the police.”

Rutger shook his head and frowned.

“But it’s just really fucken silly to go deface a war memorial. You’ll just piss everyone off doing that, except for your silly fucken purple-haired mates. Sure, it’s shocking and it will get a fair bit of media attention but it’ll be the wrong type and not the type you’re after,” he added.

“You know, this might just be young Nats or their huffy, man-boobed city cousins in the Young Libs doing it to frame them. Who knows. All I know is that the Greens reckon it’s a green light to do because it’s free speech. That’s their prerogative but it’ll just make them out to be dickheads. It’s crook either way.”

More to come.


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