Politics

Liberals Ask Man Midway Through Abusive Public Transport Rant If He’d Like To Be A Candidate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After being wound up by a few commuters on the bus this morning, an angry boomer has received some interesting news. Midway through a racist, homophobic and sexist tirade, the man was offered the opportunity to run as a candidate for the Liberal Party, in following with the...

I’ve Had A Gutful Of Being Unfairly Targeted Says Extremely Fair And Measured Politician

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact An always rational, even-handed and unwavering voice of reason has today hit out at the media for unfairly targeting her and her party. Pauline Hanson, who used her maiden speech to Parliament to dog whistle about Australia 'being swamped by Asians,' and last year wore a burqa into...

Bill Shorten Chucks His Keys In The Bowl In Brave Effort To Win Over Swing Voters

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Opposition Leader and aspiring Prime Minister Bill Bradbury Shorten has today pulled out all the stops in a bold attempt to win over the nation's marginal voters. Hoping to skate his way past everyone else come mid May, Shorten has this week decided to throw the keys...

Di Natale Scrolls Through Photos Of His Doofer Mates At Coachella And Sighs

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Greens Leader Richard Di Natale had a prolonged moment of introspection this afternoon as he scrolled through his social media feed. The period of self-analysis and soul-searching came just moments ago as the former VFL player and current new age man got three back to back Coachella shots...

The Nightwatchman Drops A Yassou While Meeting With Lebanese Community Members

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation's Nightwatchman Prime Minister has today greeted some members of the Australian Lebanese community with a Yassou. It's not yet known why the Nightwatchman threw in the Yassou, a multi-purpose term meaning "your health" in Greek and often used by Greek people as a casual greeting.

Shorten Spends Morning Sharpening Up His Speed Skates

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Opposition Leader Bill Bradbury Shorten has today spent the morning sharpening up his tools. The aspiring Prime Minister hoping not to Michael Daley an easy catch and pass try in the corner told The Advocate that it's been a big couple of hours making sure his speed skates are...

Shorten To Remain Undecided On Adani Until He’s In Central QLD And There’s No Cameras Around

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Opposition Leader Bill Bradbury Shorten has today confirmed that when it comes to Adani, he will remain as neutral as the nation of Switzerland, until he's in Central Queensland and no one's around. This admission comes this morning after news broke that it is looking ever more likely that...

Nightwatchman’s Media Team Ban FM Radio Interviews Until This Engadine Maccas Shit Dies Down

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Scott Morrison has been spoon fed some very clear instructions from his media team today. “Nightwatch- I mean, Scott. I can’t stress how important it is for you to not agree to anymore FM radio interviews” pleaded Josie Franks, the head of ScoMo’s media team.  “At...

Christopher Pyne Already Planning Outfit For His ABBA Listening Party

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact High ranking Liberal and prominent South Australian Christopher has today spent the afternoon getting his affairs in order. After a busy morning trying to do his best to prevent the Government from self-destructing as badly as possible, Pyne decided to take the afternoon off to celebrate the big...

Exhilarating Growth Of Parliament House Lawn Distracts Journalists From Shorten Press Conference

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Opposition Leader Bill Shorten has had to use his 'grumpy voice' at a press conference in Canberra today. After receiving no attention for running in and out of Parliament House 3 times in his exercise gear this morning, the man who lists Steven Bradbury as his idol decided...

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