Politics

Crumb On Coworkers Face For Long Enough You Can’t Really Mention It Now

LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT Workplace timing is often described as a fickle art.  A saying that is certainly ringing true for graphic designer Annie Rice (26) as she stares at the crumb on the chin of her coworker Shannon Matheson (28). As the adjacent duo proudly tucked into an al-desko...

Scotty From Marketing Says Non-Existent $2B Bushfire Relief Fund Was Just Him Spitballing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT "You know that John Mayer song, Spitballing?" "I'm spit balllllllling," "It's not really my thing, I'm more a Hinder guy but Jenny loves that one." That's how Scott Morrison began this afternoon's press conference about the fact his two billion dollar Fire...

PM Distances Self From The 136 Emails Sent From His Office: “I’m No Good With Computers Haha”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has relieved himself of all guilt in regards to the Sports Rorts saga today. The nation's Head of Marketing did so by deflecting any questions about the 136 emails his office exchanged with the minister responsible for the giant rort, with "I'm no good with...

Dutton Asks For Midnight Oil To Be Classified As A Terrorist Organisation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Following up on his comments about left-wing extremism yesterday, Peter Dutton has today asked for iconic Australian band Midnight Oil to be classified as a terrorist organisation. This comes after the Home Affairs Minister responded to ASIO's statement about the threat of right-wing extremism, by claiming that we...

Local Drunks Nearly Come To Blows Over Last Smoke In Pack Of Winnie Reds They Went Halves In

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Two drunken fools from North-West NSW have today nearly ended up in fisticuffs after a belligerent rant possibly related to cigarettes. Former National leader Barnaby Joyce and Labor's Joel Fitzgibbon have clashed in front of media in a Parliament House corridor during an unexpected sparring session about the last...

Government Urged To Go After Multinational Tax Evaders As Hard As They Go After Welfare Recipients

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After yet another Centrelink debt recovery court hearing took place this morning, the nation has today asked if maybe the blokes in charge of the nation's finances could go a bit harder on the giant tax-dodging companies. This comes after the government argued in court today that they...

Peter Dutton Confirms High Rollers Will Be Exempt From China Coronavirus Travel Ban

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As Australia faces criticism from China for its travel ban, Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has today made a concession. Dutton this week explained that extending the travel ban preventing people from coming from mainland China to Australia who aren't citizens or permanent residents was necessary to 'keep...

Nationals Take A Short Break From Bickering And Infighting To Discuss Some Drought Policy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The National Party of Australia have today decided to treat themselves to a well-earned break. After a big 10 days of bickering, infighting and gossiping the Nats reportedly took a bit of time to discuss something a bit different this afternoon - policy. The...

Scotty From Marketing Awards Medal Of Freedom To Miranda Devine

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a weird twist, Prime Minister Scotty from Marketing has awarded conservative commentator Miranda Devine with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The move has caused widespread backlash from leftwing commentators as the Presidential Medal of Freedom is an honour usually bestowed on citizens of the USA and always by...

Adelaide Rugby Club Still Not Sure What To Do With Brand New Ferrari

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Months after it was delivered, a 2019 Ferrari Portofino, valued at $450,000, is still sitting in the carpark at the Old Collegians Rugby Union Football Club (RUFC), after club officials admit they have no idea why they were given it or what they are supposed to do with it.

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