Politics

Barnaby Joyce Reveals He’s So Broke That He Has To Fill His Commonwealth Car Up With E10

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce says his personal experience of struggling to make ends meet on $211,000 has given him a greater insight into the adversities faced by povo Australians. The former deputy prime minister says that he's been forced into some humiliating life hacks ever since his half a...

Frydenberg Hires Calombaris To Advise Government On Bringing Federal Budget Back To Surplus

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has today unveiled his secret weapon for belt-tightening, ahead of an imminent 2020 recession. Speaking to a crowd of Quiet Australians outside of the Australian Treasury in Canberra today, Frydenberg delicately outlined is plan for smooth sailing through the eye of the storm.

ScoMo Orders Dutton To Ban Tomic From Re-Entering Australia After Blatantly Not Having A Go

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today fronted the media to call for an urgent intervention on border policy. The Member for Cook did so by publicly ordering Peter Dutton to ban tennis player Bernard Tomic from re-entering the country after he blatantly 'refused to have a go.'

Bob Puts A Hole Through The Tele After Trailer For New Alligator Themed Movie Pops Up

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Maverick North Queensland MP caused quite a scene at a local hotel last night. The Member for Kennedy did so at a motel in Longreach when he let off a round in his hotel room. Waking sleeping patrons in the rooms alongside him, Bob, who famously doesn’t...

Dutton Assures Reporters That It’s His Mates That Benefit From Big Childcare Contracts, Not Him

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Peter Dutton has moved to uncross the wires of a few journalists this afternoon, after being questioned about his eligibility to sit in parliament. Seeking to clarify the whole issue regarding him potentially not being constitutionally allowed to sit in parliament because he might benefit from the large...

Albo Begins Long Journey Towards Winning Back Voter Trust By Asking If Anyone Has Lost A Bag

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Anthony Albanese has today made small steps towards winning back the voters that Labor lost to poorly articulated policy and uninspiring campaigning during the 2019 Federal Election. The Labor leader-elect was in Caboolture on Tuesday to start his listening tour of the Sunshine State, where he began efforts to rebuild...

‘Albo Isn’t The Right Person To Lead’ Says Man Who Just Lost An Unloseable Election

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Seemingly unaware that he lost the Labor Party two elections as leader, and arguably more as self-anointed factional heavy, Bill Shorten has today come out to rubbish Anthony Albanese's leadership credentials. Disregarding the fact that nearly everyone in the country is completely disregarding anything he says, the man...

Carlton Sign Bill Shorten As Club’s Runner

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of our country's most cosmopolitan city, Bill Shorten has just announced his next career move. After somehow losing last weekend's election, the former Labor Party leader is set to find his feet at the Carlton Football Club as their runner.

Barnaby Reportedly Toying With The Idea Of Focusing On Policy This Parliamentary Term

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of the northern tablelands of NSW, it can be confirmed this afternoon that Barnaby Joyce is in fact considering working on some policy over the next couple of years. Returning as the Member for New England off the back of overwhelming support from...

Report: Break Out The Fucken Yellowglen, She’s Back

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bottle shops around Tasmania are today reporting a drastic shortage in mum-bubbly, after the news that Jacqui Lambie is set to return to the Senate. This comes more than a year after the renegade indepedent was forced to resign as a senator over dual citizenship.

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