Politics

Greens Declare New Candidates Must Only Date People Who Ride Environmentally Friendly E-Scooters

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAfter the party faced backlash over revelations that their deputy leader previously dated someone who willingly chose to ride a fossil fuel guzzling motorcycle, the Greens have now informed all new candidates that they must adhere to the the party’s policies when hitting the dating scene - and failure to do so, will result in an instant dismissal. This...

Adam Bandt Defends Senator Lidia Thorpe: “Some Bikies Can Be Really Hot”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In news that will only increase her vote with rednecks and union heavies, Greens senator Lidia Thorpe has resigned as the party’s deputy leader after revelations that she “briefly dated” the ex-president of a Victorian outlaw motorcycle gang while sitting on a parliamentary law enforcement committee. Senator Thorpe acknowledged she did not disclose the relationship to her leader Adam...

Refugees Comforted By Teal Candidates Who Support Their Right To Settle Nowhere Fucking Near Them

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australians who live in really nice suburbs with fairy lights on the main street are now finally being given the opportunity to vote for independent candidates at a state level. After already plunging a teal blade into the heart of Scott Morrison by booting the Libs out of their safest seats at the 2022 election, it seems that a...

Victorian Libs Make Last Ditch Effort To Win Back Votes With Bold ‘Dan Andrews Is A Trans Chinese Muslim Robot’ Campaign

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite being the most unlikable politician throughout the entire pandemic, it seems that Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is right on track for yet another landslide election victory. This comes after a tumultuous couple years for Victorians, with close to 260 days locked down under the strictest public health orders in the world - complete with a 'steel ring' 5...

Katter: A Federal Corruption Watchdog Is Not A Bad Shout, And I’m All For It, And Yes, If Any Of These Bastards Are Lining Their Own Pockets Then I...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a long election campaign of promising to lock up crooked politicians, The Australian government is set to introduce its long-awaited Federal Corruption Watchdog legislation after briefing caucus on Tuesday, with crossbench members from both the lower house and the senate calling to be consulted on the proposed model. Of all the deliverables on Prime Minister Albanese's to-do list,...

Pocock Agrees To Climate Change Bill In Return For Inquiry Into Waratah Bias In Wallaby System

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact New Independent Senator David Pocock is really making his presence felt in Canberra today. The new Senator for the ACT is set to begrudgingly back the new government's Climate Change Bill in Parliament. One of the new independents who actually has the power to influence the government, Pocock has agreed to pass the historic bill - but with...

Labor Party To Look After Working Class Base By Pushing Through Tax Cuts That Benefit Top 1%

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The Australian Labor Party has today confirmed its commitment to fighting for its base. Marking their 100th day in office yesterday, the new Government has re-affirmed it's promise to push through the much maligned Stage Three Tax Cuts. Brought in by the previous Liberal-National government, the Stage Three Tax cuts are set to cost 248 billion dollars over...

Fears Grow That Barnaby Joyce Will Be Left Behind As Inflation Eats Into His $211,000 A Year Wage

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT Peaceful idyllic family man, Barnaby Joyce, is at risk of being left behind as spiraling inflation eats into his measly $211,000 a year wage. The veteran of struggle street was on $416,000 when Deputy Prime Minister. However, the shadow minister is now a shadow of his former self living off half that while the cost of living has doubled.  “How...

Scotty Reveals Why He Can’t Actually See Anything Wrong With His Behaviour

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the nation deals with the idea that Scotty from Marketing secretly swearing himself into umpteen different jobs was perfectly legal, Scotty has stepped in and set everyone’s mind at ease. Speaking at a presser that is somehow more unhinged than the ones he gave as PM, Scotty confirmed that he did not see any wrongdoing in his cabinet...

Scotty’s Defends Actions With New Claim That Multiple Ministries Isn’t Illegal In Bible Either

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Side Hustle Scotty has today offered up a fresh new response to allegations he behaved improperly over the last few years. Current Prime Minister Anthony Albanese released the Solicitor General's report about the Multiple Ministry saga yesterday, revealing that Morrison didn't act illegally. While it did confirm that the behaviour was legal, the report then went on for...

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