Politics

Scotty From Marketing Tries To Win Over Cobargo Residents With Zoolander Quotes

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After his disastrous field-trip to Cobargo, Scotty from Marketing has returned with a secret weapon which he is certain will win the adulation he needs to score some decent handshake footage for the next LNP TV commercial montage: palm cards containing quotes from the popular 2001 Ben Stiller comedy ‘Zoolander’.

Scotty From Marketing Just Relieved Piers Morgan Didn’t Ask Craig Kelly His Thoughts On Pell

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the Prime Minister continues to work round the clock to repair his post-Hawaii-and-forced-handshakes image, another hospital pass has been thrown his way by his own party this week. Surprisingly, it wasn't from the usual suspects of Andrew Laming MP, Barnaby Joyce MP or Angus Taylor MP.

Prime Minister Tells Nation He Deeply Regrets Using Up All Of His Prayers On The Election

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today acknowledged that he caused "great anxiety in Australia" by taking a family holiday in Hawaii as bushfires burned across the nation that have been killing people and destroying homes. Mr Morrison announced he would cut his trip short on Friday, after...

Just Like Us: Scotty From Marketing Hasn’t Finished His Christmas Shopping Either!

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Accused by the left of being tone-deaf, out-of-touch and Humphrey Bear’s conservative cousin, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has once again proven that he’s just like any ordinary Australian who shouldn't be running a country. Holding a press conference in his smoke-covered home city of Sydney, Mr Morrison took...

Scotty From Marketing Growing Concerned These Fires Might Be Discriminating Against Christians

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a concerning development for the marketing gun from the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, it's become apparent that the bushfires still ripping through the country might be targeting Christians. Since his Shire rebrand, the current Prime Minister has done his best to dig his head in the sand...

Drought Crisis Worsens: Federal Government Bans Bushfires In Desperate Bid To Save Water

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In an unprecedented move, bushfires have been totally outlawed in an attempt to reduce the drain on the nation’s water supply. Under the latest rules, no new bushfires are to be lit without a permit, and all existing bushfires must be fully extinguished by midnight on December 31.

Prime Minister Keeps Up His “Everyday Australian” Act By Being Unfit To Run A Country

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As a chunk of the nation continues to burn Prime Minister Scott Morrison isn’t afraid to busy himself with the increased demand to act like an ‘everyday Australian.’ It appears that his response to the bushfires ravaging the east coast has done just that as Australian citizens now believe...

“What About China And India?” Says MP Of Electorate Responsible For 10% Of Global Coal Exports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The man representing the region that exports a huge chunk of Australia's coal has today surprisingly decided to challenge the calls for national action on Climate Change. Member for Hunter Joel Fitzgibbon has called for the nation to just woo up a bit on this whole Climate Change...

‘Everything (*Cough) Is Okay (*Cough) People Need To (*Cough) Relax’ Says Scotty From Marketing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a somewhat disjointed press conference this morning, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has issued a plea to the nation of Australia. Speaking from what he describes 'as the best city in the world,' Scotty from Marketing hacked through a short but sharp address on the bushfires.

Nation Getting Pretty Interested In What Kind Of Dirt Angus Taylor Has On Scott Morrison

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has become increasingly interested in what images, video and information Angus Taylor has on Prime Minister Scott Morrison. These concerns follow the confirmation that Angus Taylor is set to head off to Madrid to attend an international Climate Change conference despite the fact he doesn't actually...

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