Politics

Stressed Out Christian Porter Books A Table At Manuka Public Bar To Blow Off Some Steam

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One of Parliament's most embattled Ministers has called it a day this afternoon. Christian Porter is sick of all the drama and invasive gossip centred around his personal life. A Western Australian by birth and electorate, Porter is the son and grandson of two highly regarded...

PM Skips Church Today After Turning Off His Christianity Until Liberal Sex Scandals Die Down

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister has today made a bit of a personal compromise, and put aside his faith for a little while. Speaking from Canberra this morning in the ongoing wake of the Christian Porter/Alan Tudge scandal, Scotty from Marketing revealed that he's popping his Christian hat off until...

Golf Drivers Correctly Stereotyped As Danger To Society

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Just as your aunt always says on Christmas ‘stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.’ Although unaware, Volkswagen Golf driver Ryan Pulicino (35) was about to sit behind the wheel of his German manufactured car and live up to the stereotype that Golf drivers are a danger to society.

Hot Mess Gladys Carries Her Heels For 5 Kilometres After Uber App Crashes At Randwick

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The first Tuesday in November is coming to a close for most people around the country, with the Melbourne Cup run and done. That is certainly the case for the embattled Premier of NSW Gladys Berejiklian who was seen a short time ago trudging through Sydney's Redfern.

Newtown Girl Who Labelled Queensland Dumb Rednecks Last Year Now Praising Them For Being Smart

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Sydney based inner-city post-grad Arts student servant has today heaped praise upon a former foe. Bethany Cunningham has thanked the people of Queensland for being 'intelligent voters who actually voted in accordance with best their interests for once' - after they returned the Palaszczuk government for...

Report: Melbourne’s ‘African Gangs’ Must Have Been Behaving Themselves During All This Hey?

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT During what surely is the most stressful time for anyone not directly involved in hostile warfare, it is becoming increasingly obvious that the cause of all this sleeplessness can be put down to one huge problem in Melbourne; Daniel Andrews.  As the Victorian premier made the transition from casual...

Government About To Hit A Trillion In Debt Still Acting Like $52 Million Gas Plan Will Save Us

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Government has today quadrupled down and confirmed that a 'gas led Covid recovery plan' is the way of the future. Prime Minister Morrison's latest comments come after various business leaders, scientific experts and economists have renewed their begging of the government to use this once in...

ScoMo Brands Chinese Government Looney Inner City Lefties For Putting A Ban On Our Coal

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Chinese Communist Party is today having a good hard look at itself after some stern words from our Prime Minister. Scott Morrison gave our largest trading partner a HUGE serve today, after revelations that Chinese customers were refusing to take our good honest Aussie coal.

PM Unveils New RentSeeker Allowance To Help Struggling Investment Property Owners

DARCY HENDERSSON | Politics | CONTACT In today’s press conference, the Morrison government unveiled its new RentSeeker package, designed to get money into the hands of those who were eventually going to get all of it anyway - as late stage capitalism plays itself out in front of our disbelieving eyes on the grand stage that is the...

Pauline Admits She Has Nothing To Offer Until News Cycle Is Quiet Enough For Pointless Racism

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One Nation has today revealed that their populist anti-immigration party is struggling to find headlines in 2020, as Federal politics and media prioritise real news stories about bushfires and public health emergencies. The mere fact that state and federal politicians are now being forced to actual do some work...

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