The National Party of Australia has kicked off a short week in style, by revealing that they are still keen to go all in on the climate wars.

In the newest culture war aimed at disrupting the news cycle and ensuring that nothing ever changes in Parliament, the Liberal Party and their lackeys in the National Party are pretending that they like the idea of Nuclear Power more than the traditional fossil fuels sector that keeps them afloat with donations.

The Federal Opposition is so committed to their nuclear transition proposal that leader Peter Dutton has this week vowed to pull Australia out of the international Paris Agreement to lower emissions, if election.

It is not certain which voters this proposal actually appeals to, especially given the Coalition’s ability to fuck up something as simple as an online census, or vaccine roll-out.

However, one thing that is for certain, is that the National Party MPs are being forced to grit their teeth and accept that if Australia were to build some Homer Simpson-style nuclear reactors, then it can be safely assumed that it won’t be the Liberal electorates who have to contend with a potential Chernobyl.

The reactors are going to be in the bush, right next to the Nationals voters, who are Australia’s primary producers.

Nationals MPS Barnaby Joyce and Keith Pitt have taken to the media to call for Australia to pull out of the Paris Agreement, and begun pilling pressure on their more urban contemporaries.

Barnaby Joyce said that “in the end, aspirations have to take a secondary position to the economic reality.”

The Paris Agreement was signed by over 200 countries and is a legally binding international treaty with a collective aim: to keep global temperature increases, this century, to “no more than” 1.5 degrees Celsius.

Despite being unable to explain how, when and where they would build the extremely expensive reactors that take decades to get up and running – the Opposition has been adamant that nuclear power is the way forward.

It’s a move that has raised eyebrows in Nationals constituencies, with many surprisingly not being that keen on having a nuclear reactor in their backyard.

Despite the fact he will unconditionally still vote for the National Party over Labor, or even the Liberals, local chickpea farmer Arthur McEwen (62) says that doesn’t mean his local member is bullet proof.

“They think we are on board with everything they pull out of their arses” says McEwen.

“That’s not true. Especially when it’s coming from their bosses in the Liberals.”

“We were never fans of Howard taking away our guns. In fact, most farmers will tell you Howard didn’t get all of our guns.”

As McEwen points out, he still keeps a couple semi-automatic rifles buried in lengths of poly-pipe next to his tractor shed, waiting for the day when someone tries to harm him and or his family.

“I’ll gladly dig them up if that’s what it comes to” says McEwen.

“I can’t really see a world where they are building these reactors out the back of Mosman or Noosa. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“This shit is going to land on us. We’ve seen this before with the NBN. It’ll take a while to build and when it gets here, it’ll be shonky as all fuck and nobody will care because they’re not here to see it in action.”


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