Local News

Blockchain Technology Set To Be Replaced By Something That Makes Sense To People

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "But it's so transparent and free," he said. There was a pause. It was late and Michael Rust, a Betoota Grove private asset manager was tired. "Who gives a shit? And why would we want that? So governments and poor people can see what we're doing? So the financial systems around the world become fairer? Who in their...

New Teacher Still Under Impression Spending Own Money On Classroom Supplies Can Be Deducted From Tax

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Drowning in debt, going bald from stress but glad to finally have a job in the industry, a bright-eyed and freshly qualified teacher told The Advocate this morning that she's really been enjoying her first year in primary education. Sandy Greenwich's group certificate has been sitting by the disconnected landline in her Betoota Heights sharehouse...

Bachelor Annoyed He Still Hasn’t Made Love To His Burnt Slow Jams Mix CD From 2002

INGRID DOULTON | Local News | Contact As a 12-year-old boy, Stephen Doohan burnt himself a slow jams mix for the express purpose of charming an overly-polite and awkward girl in his class - Mary. While he has grown, his sense of what constitutes something to be appropriate or not has not. Recently, the comically-tense Gemini moved out of his parents leafy Betoota...

Coal Lobbyist Legitimately Wonders If Coalition MP He’s Buying Lunch For Has Brain Damage

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Working on behalf of a number of local coal miners and power companies, it goes without saying that Sam Ferguson gets to wine and dine on the company card more than most. He doesn't get his hands dirty - unless of course, you find cold hard cash to be filthy. Part of his role as a...

Fox Screaming In The Night Enough To Rattle Visiting City Boy To His Very Core

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In town for the Betoota Gold Cup at the weekend, homely Brisbanese man Dennis Spears was woken in the night by a blood-curdling scream. "What the fuck was that?" he said, springing up in bed. The 28-year-old was so confronted by the noise that he decided to wake his host, Mike Pearson of Yulumba Street in...

Mums Rings To Inform Child That Prince Harry Is Here With His New Wife And That’s Exciting

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It is probably the most exciting thing to happen to Betoota Grove mother-of-four, Wendy Spock, this calendar year. Save for perhaps the conception or unplanned birth of her first grandchild. Prince Harry arrived in Australia this morning with his popular new wife Megan Markle - and Wendy is barely keeping it together. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate...

Serial Schooner Killers Keen To Add To Their Tally Of Victims This Afternoon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's a glorious afternoon in our great south-west and two of the town's most polite and happy-go-lucky youngsters are keen to murder a few local schooners this afternoon as the soft spring sunlight warms their shoulders. Though it's not the first time Lindsay Cappoof and Digby 'Gorilla Tits' Frost have been seen looking for victims of a Friday afternoon and...

Catch Up With Less Successful Friend Puts Local Woman’s Anxieties At Ease

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After a particularly heavy week of work after a particularly heavy weekend last week, a local city worker has made time to catch up with an old friend who's largely unsuccessful - in order to put her doubts about her own life at ease. Louise Pichot knew on Wednesday night that she'd need a bit of a lift before...

“I Could Do This” Says Local Man Forced To See Blue Poles While Visiting Canberra

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a futile attempt to win some brownie points, a local diesel fitter opted to leave his Baxters at the hotel today and don the Nike Air Maxes as he and his life partner head out on a walking tour of Canberra. Betoota Heights couple Nathan Decanter and his significantly more popular girlfriend Lucy Aldridge,...

Nation Demands Public Apology From Nick Cummins For Not Entering Into Arranged Relationship

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Television love-rat Nick Cummins arrived back home in Australia this morning where he was met with nationwide condemnation for opting not to enter into an arranged relationship. After appearing on this season of The Bachelor, the 'Honey Badger' came to the conclusion that he'd rather not start a relationship with two women he'd grown close...

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