Local News

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local tech-bro manager has been left puzzled as to why there is still one employee who isn't impressed with his discovery of the miracles of fasting. Kyle Van Weenkir (38) is one half of a tech startup, mainly sponsored by his business partner's dad. The 38-year-old, who pretty much ticks every annoying tech-bro trope, finally decided to tick off...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia has officially welcomed its closest and most reliable strategic defence partner, with the New Zealand Army establishing a base in Northern Australia this week, as Roy and Tane from the army signed a lease on a two-bedder in Cairns. The newly formed garrison, consisting of two blokes who played rugby together in Christchurch before...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local woman has had an encounter with the spirit of Anthony Bourdain after chucking a fried egg onto her 2 minute mie goreng. The phenomenon occurred late last night when Madeline Thomas (28), a 7th year uni student, remembered she had one lone egg still sitting in her fridge. Suddenly Madeline felt the rush on something that can only...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA chronically online woman has today announced that she no longer plans on trying to save money as ‘shit’s fucked, so why bother.’ The newly born nihilist, Chloe Danelli, 28, tells The Advocate that after reading an article this morning about her superannuation plummeting due to Donald Trump’s decisions on tariffs, she’s now decided to stop thinking about...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A visiting American has rebranded as a Canadian overnight after facing sustained criticism from locals over his home country's unfriendly tariffs on Australian steel and aluminium. Chad Johnson from Chicago, had been travelling through the Channel Country for several weeks before finding himself in an uncomfortable position at the Royal Lord Grand Commercial Railway Exchange...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA 30 something hot mess has today revealed that she can now only find herself relating to TV shows, now that’s moved up into the 30-39 age bracket. Speaking to The Advocate, Steph Edmondson says that unlike every other person her age, who seem to have a partner, a nice apartment and a decent paying job, she’s still...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some insufferable cunt from our town's bohemian French Quarter has made it clear to their friends and perfect strangers alike that they purchased (or leased) their late model Tesla before the marque's spiritual leader, Elon Musk, began upsetting lefties around the world with his extremely unpleasant South African candor and panache. After ordering the "I...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who yearns to be one of those fashionable girlies has today admitted that she has absolutely no idea how to dress herself, which is why she often finds herself rotating between two token outfits - a black tank top and jeans or a white tank top and jeans. Speaking to our reporter, who too, is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactOne of Brisbane’s most iconic and beloved public art sculptures was partially destroyed last night, as gale force winds from Cyclone Alfred wreaked havoc on the CBD. The ‘Steam sculpture’, mostly known as ‘Brisbane’s big balls’ is now down to just one ball, as it’s believed the strong winds caused the smaller ball to become dislodged. Street footage...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTMAYBE SHE’S BORN WITH IT: After years out of the spotlight, a former A-list celebrity has made a dazzling return to Hollywood, flaunting a complexion so flawless it’s caused a flurry of deep dives across social media. “It’s all about good skincare, staying hydrated, and manifesting positivity,” the now D-lister told Betoota at her movie premiere last Tuesday,...