Local News

Parents Of Home-Bound Schoolkids Hastily Initiate Their Own Research To Find Coronavirus Cure

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT With millions of school students stuck at home hogging the big tv and eating all the snacks, one industry is experiencing explosive growth. Unsurprisingly, it’s the medical industry, although the sheer number of new medical research centres is beyond anything Australia has seen before, with over 2 million Research...

Week 2: Everyone Pretty Done With The Cameras On Video Chat Now

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT For the people fortunate enough to have an essential office job that allows them to work from home, this weekend marks two weeks of making home office jokes on social media.  A learning experience for many, there have been several reports of cautionary tales regarding the rationing of porn...

Purple Haired Auntie Hasn’t Posted Any Anti-Vaxxer Memes For A While

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Facebook fills up with coronavirus memes and scary graphs, one thing is conspicuously absent - anti-vaxxer memes from that auntie that sometimes shows up at family barbecues, trying to talk about stupid shit like chemtrails and the high-speed rail bushfire conspiracy. “We do tolerate her, she’s ok until...

Local Dad Discovers This New Website That’s Like Google But For Videos

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The rapid technological advancements of Australia's internet illiterates continues today, as one local dad appears to have stumbled across YouTube. Betoota Heights man, Todd Hogg (55) hasn't spent much time on his arse over the last couple decades, but the current coronavirus pandemic means he must now find a...

“Yes. The Coronavirus Is The Reason I Am Cancelling My Gym Membership”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Finally, after nearly 2 years of putting it off, Anika Chougule has bitten the bullet today and cancelled her gym membership. Signing up in a post-breakup whirlwind a couple of years ago, the young city worker from Betoota Heights admitted to The Advocate today that she hasn't exactly gotten...

Coronavirus Fears Force Christmas In July To Be Moved To Late December

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Australian residents deal with the new reality of lockdowns and cancelled social events, a new incentive to quickly find and implement a cure has emerged; the looming threat the virus poses to Christmas in July celebrations. According to early reports, many Christmas in Julys have been moved to the end of the...

Local Woman Secretly Stoked Quarantine Rules Out Easter Lunch With The In-Laws

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact While many Australians are throwing their toys out of the cot about having to stay inside to stop the spread of a pandemic, one local optimist is bucking the trend and actually says she’s stoked for the lock-in laws. Chantell Vanzime (27) explained to The Advocate via Zoom that...

Bored Home Schooled Kid Would Give Anything To Go To The Trampoline Venue Right Now

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local homeschooled kid named Aldous Hemmingway who is bored out of his mind right now, said he'd give anything to go to the trampoline venue. "If that's where all the other kids are, I'd love to go," he said while swinging his legs sitting on one of...

Every Hospital Waiting Room Found To Have Someone Wearing Ugg Boots And A Singlet

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Fashion is usually the last thing on someone’s mind when they rush to the emergency room, which is why Ugg boots are often always on show. Need to get up to speed on what to do and what not to do during this pandemic. Have a listen to...

School Students Forced To Throw Baby Wipes At Each Others’ Houses After Toilet Paper Crisis

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The classic school prank of covering somebody’s house in toilet paper for some reason has become another victim of the coronavirus as Australia’s high school students get priced out of the toilet paper market. LISTEN TO OUR COVID-19 SPECIAL WITH DR. NORMAN SWAN! WHAT TO DO? WHAT NOT TO...

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