Local News

Whole Dinner Party Pretending To Be Interested In Guy That “Works In Tech”

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota Heights household decided it was high-time they forced their friends to participate in the shared indignity of a couples dinner party.  Party hosts Shirley and Roy Mycroft invited over a small group of friends including Shirley’s mate from work Yoke-Eng and her new partner Herb, meaning talk...

Stable And Well-Adjusted Woman Begins Psychology Degree

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT In a world-first, a young woman commencing psychology studies has been found to be well adjusted. Stephanie Holt tells our reporter that she’d embarked on the exciting new career as she’d always been interested in the human mind and behaviour  - and not because she was trying...

New TV Show Quickly Ruined After Google Search Reveals Lead Characters Death

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s not often that local woman Emily Robertson gets into a new television show, but when she does, she goes pretty hard. Her latest obsession, a supernatural-based CW show with an unreasonably attractive cast - i.e. 50% of the network's programs - is an especially good find as it...

Cat Calls Stop Suddenly As Irish Lollipop Lady Starts Joining The Samoan Scaffolders For Smoko

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Local Irish expat Siobhan Murphy says a life in Australia comes with it's challenges. First she had to pick fruit for some wage slave criminal down in Victoria for 3 months, in order to get a bridging visa to spend a Summer in Bondi. Then...

Drug Dealer’s Misso Stays Glued To Big Bang Theory Throughout Entire Transaction

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Despite big ratings in the USA, the Big Bang Theory is widely accepted as one of the worst television sitcoms ever made. Set in California, the show centres on five characters: Leonard and Sheldon (both physicists) who share an apartment. Penny, a cute waitress and aspiring actress who...

Naive Uni Student On O-Week Mistakes Overly Keen 2nd Year’s Obnoxious Loudness For Being Cool

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With his eyes wide and no one from his Brissy school to keep him centered, James West has just considered a character re-invention. The first-year Law and Business Student at South Betoota Polytechnic mulled the thought over today after making an understandable Orientation Week error.

Photo Of Aunty Joyce’s Slice Finally Getting The Attention It Deserves On Uncluttered Newsfeed

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT According to the currently banned news collectives, the stand-off between a tech giant and a party that won 51.57% of votes in the last election is threatening their livelihood as well as the safety of those who depend on their services. And for the one-third of Australians who...

Woman Texting Crush Craftily Leaves Late Night Reply In The Chamber Ready To Fire Off Tomorrow

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT The art of flirting is a dirty game, and local woman Leslie Phillips is finding herself resorting to some pretty shady tactics to stay one step ahead. Ranging in different levels of craftiness, Leslie’s go-to moves have so far included carefully crafting her Instagram feed to make her look...

Bro Who Fucking Cares About The News, Laughs Man Whose Grand Parents Fled Europe In 1940s

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young man by the name of Thomas Kowalczyk has today revealed to The Advocate that he can't believe how much everyone's sooking about this news thing. "Fucking get over bro," he laughed to our reporter over some nice Rosemary and Thyme Pork Sausages out the back of...

“Jeez I Don’t Remember Voting For The Rapist Anti-Vaxxer Party” Says Local Howard Battler

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As Morrison decides to not engage with any media today, even Ash Barty wasn't able to distract the news cycle from the chaos taking place in Parliament House today. For the first time since Barnaby Joyce's lovechild first made headlines, the media appears unforgiving in their reporting around...

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