Local News

Aspiring Country Singer Kicks Career Off With Purchase Of A Lap Steel, Launchpad And Ableton

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights stock and station agent has chosen to follow his dreams next financial year and try his hand at making country music. In order to make his dreams of crooning for cash come true, local man Jake 'Plunger' Bodum left Rock Dog's Music on Mullholand Road with a new lap steel guitar, a...

Local Girl Exits Cinema Feeling Powerful And Ready To Take On The World

EFFIE BATEMAN | South-East Corner | Contact A local teen has today been completely rejuvenated after seeing a movie at the cinema, it’s reported. Alicia Barrett is alleged to have seen an action movie with her mates after school, which starred some pretty kickass female characters. Having not yet developed a sense of self and still at an age where she...

Local Dad Helpfully Offers Cleaning The Garage As Perfect Solution For Childs Boredom Complaint

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local child has made the mistake of complaining about his boredom within earshot of his dad, it’s reported. Tyler Hodgins was having a pretty lacklustre Saturday as his neighbourhood bestie Liam was away at Fraser Island with the family. Much like every other 7 year old, Tyler was not able to entertain himself for too long and...

Country Bloke’s Description Of An Ideal Woman Sounds An Awful Lot Like His Mum

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A country bloke has today revealed he might be somewhat of a Freudian nightmare, after describing his ideal woman with words solely used to describe a mother. It’s reported that David Pembroke was having a chat with some of his mates one Sunday afternoon when the conversation naturally progressed from chatting about starting a business together to discussing...

Hair Ties Become An Official Form Of Currency In All-Girl Sharehouse

INGRID DOULTON | Culture | Contact Last year, a group of four friends decided to link up together in an all-gals sharehouse. The four urban professionals from rather different walks of life, settled in a French Quarter sharehouse, marking their first night with a stringent cleaning roster, noise curfew agreement and quirky little house nickname just for fun. Eight months later, the residents claim they are...

Local Woman Relinquishes All Dignity and Crawls Entire Body Inside Doona Cover To Fit Corners

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman has discovered first hand the trials and tribulations of being an adult, after trying to fit a doona cover. It’s alleged the Betoota Heights local had gotten the sudden urge to clean her apartment one Thursday night, which came at the inconvenient time of 9pm. The thought is said to have started off as a compulsive itch,...

Barefoot Investor Mate In Large Group Makes Sure To Get The First Round

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A man whose phone always goes flat when it comes time to ordering a DiDi or Uber has weirdly made sure to be a good bloke and get the first round of beers for his mates today. Enjoying a couple of Friday arvo glass sandwiches down at an Old City District watering hole where office people congregate to...

Local Woman Who Spewed In Her Cab Home Squashes Some Demons With Bit Of Sunday Arvo Gardening

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Bethany Wilson has done her best to get on the front foot this week. After a night of copious drinking on Saturday, the young hairdresser from the French Quarter tried to alleviate some of her grog horrors with a bit of gardening yesterday evening. Facing another week down at Hairport in our Old City District, Wilson said she...

Brisbane To Add Gender Reveal Burnouts Event If Olympics Bid Successful

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As bidding for the rights to host the 2032 Olympics continues, the Queensland capital Brisbane looks a likely shot at hosting the games, proving that nowhere else must be remotely interested in the world sporting event. Several studies have also suggested hosting the Olympics is rarely profitable, seldom resulting in lasting infrastructure and increased tourism trade. As a result, the...

Failing Headlight Bulb Heroically Clings To Life Until Day Before Rego Inspection

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT In a touching display of strength and determination, a failing headlight bulb has just made it to the day before a pink slip inspection before finally succumbing to the strain of the many hours of light it had faithfully provided in these dark times.   “I know I was only supposed to last 5000hrs” said the exhausted bulb from inside...

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