Local News

Owner Of Bright Pink Toyota Yaris To Someday Learn What Resell Value Means

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular local hairdresser has revealed he's smitten with his new Toyota Yaris. The man in question, a confused Gary Tuckwell answered the phone this and fielded questions regarding his new car from The Advocate - most of which were geared to his knowledge of resell value. "What does that mean? Why is me owning a...

Dad Wraps Up Extremely Controversial Comment By Saying “Just Quietly”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A casual conversation with dad has resulted in him offering up a wildly sensitive bit of information about a prominent member of the community. Even though it's pretty clear that dad was told to keep this a secret, he thought that this passing bit of chit chat is probably the best time to offer it up. While chatting about a...

City Worker’s Gym Session Reaches New Level Of Intensity As Shuffle Chooses ‘Guerilla Radio’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Harking back to the days when he'd slam his Betoota Grove bedroom door shut and retreat into his headphones after an argument with his surgeon father, a local accountant has used that pent-up rage from yesteryear to smash out a bonus set this morning at the gym. Dale Rodgers, who ended up in accounting because he is unable to...

Daredevil Visits America Without Travel Insurance

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A reckless young man hellbent of taking a multitude of unnecessary risks has just checked in with The Advocate this morning while enjoying his North American Odyssey. Peter Songgrid, of Betoota Heights, also said he thought travel insurance was unessecary. "There's no point in living if you can feel alive," he said, pawning it off as something...

Long-Forgotten Coffee Machine At The End Of Local Bar Getting Most Use Since Last July

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Bought during the expresso martini craze early last year, the coffee machine at the Cashew & Pogostick Hotel in Betoota Heights has been getting a work out recently - the most use it's had since last July, says publican Jackie Stephens. "So much so, we ran out of coffee cups last night and had to use pots. We had...

Road Trip Not Long Enough For Local Motorist To Be Buying That Many Snacks

TRACEY BENDINGER | Motoring | Contact Simon Oakden has today been seen exiting the Betoota Ranges BP with enough junk food to sustain a family of four for an 8-hour car trip. However, it has been revealed that Mr. Oakden is embarking on a mere two-hour trip and is travelling alone.  The Advocate caught up with service station owner, Boris Sampson,...

Leagues Club Hangs Framed Portrait Of Mid-80s Chairman In TAB Like North Korean Propaganda

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Betoota Dolphins RLFC have a lot to be thankful for this year. The new signing of the volatile, anti-social and violent, but impressively quick young winger Lolesio Prince (23) has seen the club tear through the 2018 season with 11 wins out of 12 - in what looks like an almost guaranteed top eight appearance in this...

Loveable Fuck-Up Spins Fantastic Yarn About His Latest Hilarious Fuck-Up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "So basically, I was running late so I decided to eat breakfast in the car," he started. Everyone smiled and leant in. "Then what?" said one of Doug Redpath's mates. Doug paused and started slowly. "Well, I was eating cereal. Like in a bowl, with a spork because all the spoons were dirty. So anyway, it was all...

Suit Steaming Into House Party After Work Drinks Already On Borrowed Time

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Ben Brown is coming in hot. The broker at a firm in Betoota’s Business District clicked attending to a mates house party a few weeks ago. He also warned his mate, who he met on exchange in Budapest that he would be a little late as he had to attend a Friday staff drinks, as is...

School Leaver Set To Graduate Without Ever Receiving A Nickname Might As Well Been Home Schooled

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Even the guy who shit his pants in P.E. back in Year 7 got a nickname," he said. "Mind you, it wasn't one you'd want but he ended up owning it. Meanwhile, I've tried my best to be pleasant, kind and nice to everyone in the cohort. I get good marks, not the best but...

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