Local News

Multi-Millionaire Real Estate Agent Mate Struggles to Add Any Depth to Trivia Team

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Real Estate Agent has proven himself to be the weakest link, after struggling to offer any general knowledge to a trivia team keen to take home a prize. Major controversy surrounds the decision to welcome Simon McGrady, a leasing agent from Luxe & Co Realty, who for the 3rd week in a row has failed...

Distant Coos From Plover Bird Clear Sign Local Woman Has Bended A Little Too Long

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A young Betoota Heights local has today learned just how cruel and unrelenting mother nature can be after attempting to pull an all-nighter, it’s reported. After doing her due diligence by studying for a degree and working up the career ladder in a profession her parents would approve, local woman Steve Burch has come to the realisation that...

Katter Says The Key To Limiting Carbon Emissions Is Those Big Red River Gums, But Ya Can’t Camp Under Em Because Those Branches Have A Mind Of Their Own,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the National Party wraps up three days of fierce debate over whether or not they believe the science presented that indicates burning fossil fuels at an accelerating rate for over 200 hundred years is bad for the planet, Independent North Queensland MP Bob Katter says he's never been happier with his decision to leave their party over...

Hungover Uncle Identified As ’The Golden Goose’ For Kids With Fundraiser Choccies To Offload

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local group of children have learnt a good and honest lesson about capitalism today whilst trying to offload the last of their charity fundraiser chocolates. After selling a few super-sized Fredos to friends and family, the siblings soon realised that the fundraiser could work a lot quicker with an easy target that would buy the lot. It is for...

People Pleaser Takes On 3rd Degree Burns Rather Than Tell Hairdresser What’s Happening To Scalp

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT For local woman Millie Connor, the idea of being assertive leaves her feeling a little anxious. Having grown up in a household where she learned to distinguish her dad’s emotions by the sound of his boots, Millie spent her formative years trying to keep the peace and remain as inconspicuous as possible - a trait that continued well into...

Boyfriend Describes Repulsive Human Being As A ‘Good Bloke Deep Down’

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A Betoota Heights local has today exhibited some pretty questionable morals by vehemently defending his shifty mate, it’s reported. James Gretchen is alleged to have been questioned by his girlfriend Bree in a heated spat, as she was pretty over his mate Jackson being slimy to her friends at every given chance. This fight occurred just shortly after a...

Guided Meditation Reminds Local Woman How Many Personalities Are Knocking About Up There

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Betoota woman April Bing decided to try her hand at guided meditation this week. According to Bing, the constant noise of modern living led her to trying one of the popular guided meditation apps that have been advertised to her thousands of times amongst all the media she consumes. “My mate tried it and said it really helped her,” stated...

A Bruised And Bloodied Scotty Asks If His Colleagues Can Stop Throwing Him Under The Bus Every 5 Minutes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister is recovering after being thrown under a passing bus this afternoon by another one of his colleagues. Earlier today, Scott Morrison was thrown under a bus by Liberal New South Wales Premier Dom Perrottet after the latter announced that microchipped travellers from overseas would be allowed to come here and not quarantine...

Mum Just Wants To Go Back To Good Old Days When Her Wild Sister Was Caught Up In JFK Conspiracies Instead Of Medical Misinformation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a very long year of snap lockdowns, extended lockdowns and shifted jab roll-out targets - hundreds of thousands of families across Australia are starting to feel like a pressure cooker heading into Christmas. Medical misinformation is thriving on social media and group chats right around Australia, a disaster that came as a saving grace for the Morrison Government,...

Wall Riding Usos Claim To Have Had An Awesome Night Out Despite Not Saying One Word To Anyone

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's popping Roma Hills nightlife precinct was apparently the place to be on Saturday night. That's according to a squad of local usos who could have been mistaken for furniture. The town's prominent hip hop nightclub, Da Highlander, is well known as the go-to destination for the Islander boys who make up the playing group for The Betoota Dolphins RLFC...

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