City Worker Finally Important Enough To Do Away With Email Etiquette
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA poorly worded success story has begun in the Betoota Old City District today as a ladder climber has finally become important enough to do away with email etiquette.
One of the most dire uses of the English language, email etiquette is the practice of hoping people are doing well while disguising your disgust as courtesy.
However, it is only...
“We Couldn’t Help But Notice You Across The Room” Say Cool Bisexual Couple To Man Wearing Giant Hat
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactFeeling the burning sensation of two pairs of eyes boring into him from across the room, local man John Haversham lets out a small laugh as he gingerly fingers the brim of his fancy new hat.
What can he say, he does look good tonight, and despite those two pairs of eyes belonging to a couple who were both...
Farmers Now Open To Wind Energy After Renewables Sector Describe It As ‘Air Shearing’
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA brilliant piece of rebranding might see Aussie farmers flock to renewable power by rebranding wind turbine farms as ‘air shearing’.
According to year 8 history classes and the Easter Show, Australia rode into prosperity on the sheep’s back with shepherds and shearers still being amongst the nation’s proudest farmers.
With all carbon neutral farmers too busy being interviewed by...
Referendum Providing Best Material For A Social Media Cull Since Vax Rollout
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWith just a month to go until the referendum, some Australians are looking forward to promoting/blocking a small change in our constitution while many more are just looking forward to this whole horrible back-and-forth ending.
One good thing that has come from this head vice of a discourse is a chance to cull all the pricks you’re friends with...
Legalise Cannabis Party Puts Forward A Bill And You’ll Never Guess What For
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a throwback to the sort of headlines that we thought were ruining the world back in 2014, the Legalise Cannabis Party has put forward a new bill and you’ll never guess what it’s for.Having the small amount of political power usually reserved for medium level donors and yacht owners who have a mate at the council, the...
Local Girl Dying To Know Full Yarn After Spotting Old High School Frenemy Selling Expensive Ring On Facebook Marketplace
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn breaking news from Betoota’s social scene, a wedding is off and a diamond ring is up for grabs for anyone looking to cash in on a bargain.
The news comes as local paralegal Eliza Lee-Jameson (29) listed an 18k white gold engagement ring on Facebook marketplace this week, with the view to sell ‘immediately’.
For local financial...
Bloke Struggling On Leg Press Lures Public Sympathy By Feigning Dramatic Shoulder Impingement
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local gym rat is expected to be nominated for an Oscar this evening after putting on a dramatic display in the gym.Duncan Cutler, 28, is gunning for Most Outstanding Performance in a Weights Room after overloading a leg press machine and almost getting crushed by the weight of his own ego.Having spent the last five...
Local Man Now On The Woodstock Zero’s After Girlfriend Does Weekly Fridge Stock Up
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has this week unwittingly found himself switching to some sugar free alcoholic drinks, after his girlfriend went rogue at the bottle shop, it’s reported.
Much like the time he also somehow found himself on his girlfriend’s paleo diet, Evan Campbell , tells our reporter that a simple request to grab some grog saw him trying some...
Problem Gambler Really Lets Down His Chosen Online Betting Agency By Continuing To Gamble Irresponsibly
RORY SALAZAR | Government | ContactRetired Army Lieutenant Colonel, David Wilson (65), is spinning wildly out of control.
That is not to say he has placed his head down on top of an upright baseball bat, and then quickly spun himself in tight 360 spins while his head remains touching the top of the bat. No, Wilson’s spin is a metaphorical one and more...
Aussie Tourist Forced To Sacrifice Cute Swan Shaped Villa Towel After Horrifying Case Of Bali Belly
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA super cute hotel towel has been completely soiled this evening as a Betoota man feels the wrath of a dodgy prawn skewer.
After disembarking his Jetstar flight into Denpasar Airport, Betoota Mitre 10 store manager Levi Karmichael was excited to spend his first night at Blossom Boutik Villas, a gorgeous villa in Canggu.
A new visitor to...
