Local News

‘Manifestation’ Found To Be The Adult Equivalent Of Trying To Move Things With Your Mind After Watching Matilda

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some findings that really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, it’s been discovered that there is a direct correlation between those who tried to move things with their minds as a kid, and adults who now employ ‘manifestation’ techniques - the art of bringing something into your life by focusing your thoughts on it. This law of...

‘Tattoos Are Permanent You Know’ Says Mum To Daughter She Keeps Pressuring To Give Her Grandkids

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local mum has today shown she’s gone the religious route, by picking and choosing what the definition of ‘permanent’ is. It’s alleged Debra Maston was preparing a garden salad when she’d ‘overheard’ a conversation between her two daughters, who’d piqued her interest due to their hushed voices, glances in her direction, and the fact they were looking very...

Jersey Saga Causes Suburban Teen To Hold Off Coming Out To Parents That He’s A Manly Supporter

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young suburban high school student has today revealed to The Advocate one of the struggles he's gone through this week. Sean Williams explained to us that he's been grappling with the fact that he needs to have a tough conversation with his parents. "I've really got to sit them down and just break the news to them,"...

Laser Clinic Informs Woman She’ll Need 2K Worth Of ‘Preparation Creams’ To Go Ahead With $150 Treatment

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Lindsay Vacluse just wanted to get a fucking microneedling session. You see, when she’d spotted a deal for a half price microneedling treatment, she figured this would be the perfect opportunity to finally do something about her dogshit winter skin, and hopefully lighten some of those acne marks leftover from her naughty pimple squeezing sessions. Considering she’d heard...

Gossip-Heavy Rebel Girls Group Chat Suggests Hens Party Preparations Aren’t Going To Plan

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA long-awaited hens party is in crisis this evening, after preparations for the event have been stonewalled by a group of rebel anti-wine tour insurgents.After two weeks of slow preparations and lofty plans being raised in a group chat of 15 individuals, The Advocate understands crisis talks have officially commenced after a suggestion was made by...

EA Somehow Gets Away With Treating CEO Like Petulant Child

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large| Contact Junior to mid-level employees looked on in disbelief today after witnessing their CEO, Tim Whitely, be told by his Executive Assistant to go to his office and not come out until he was in a good mood. This power dynamic came as quite the surprise to the office bottom feeders as many of them have been...

Hot Choc Machine At Library Ready To Burn Your Pretty Little Tastebuds Off

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTPatrons at Betoota Community Library have been warned that the brandless hot drinks machine in the corner is presently brewing up a hot choc that is ready to burn your pretty little tastebuds off.While further research is still needed to determine exactly what type of person purchases a hot chocolate from a vending machine, naive young children and...

Bloke Who Once Ate A Jelly Shot From Your Bellybutton In Bangkok Asking For Dry July Donations

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local Betoota man is weighing up his charitability this afternoon, pondering how much money he’s willing to donate to a man who once sucked a vodka shot from his belly button.Perched on the couch dual screening NRL 360 and his nightly Facebook scroll, Jason Waters (27) is believed to be startled after reading a post...

360 Degree Mirror In Department Store Changing Room Doing Little For Local Woman’s Self Esteem

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn these unprecedentedly shitty times, sometimes the best course of action is to distract yourself in any way possible - and for local woman Sarah Newton that means a heavy dose of retail therapy.The 25-year-old office clerk today dropped into Queen St. mall for a ‘quick look’, when she found herself wandering deep inside a large department store.Pausing...

Regional Dad Casually Mentions He’ll Be Having Some Major Surgery Tomorrow

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWhen Sydney local Leslie Barnes had decided to randomly call her dad this morning, she  hadn’t expected to have been hit with such big news delivered in the same cadence her dad used when discussing the weather. Remembering that she hadn’t called her dad in quite a while, Leslie had taken some time to do a check in on...

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