Local News

Cash Only Cafe Makes The Local Pub’s ATM Sound A Lot Closer Than It Is

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact In an increasingly cashless economy, it seems the only use for physical cash is to place in a teenagers birthday card. For regional cafes however, cash is very much still king meaning the ATM in the pub down the road is as good as 12th century Britain when it comes to producing said kings. Many Australians know the frustration...

Woman Lends RFS A Hand With Backburning And Tosses Her Durry Out The Window

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a touching performance of civic duty, a local woman has decided to take time out of her busy schedule to help prevent another summer of awful bushfires.  Rochelle Hawkins (29) performed the selfless act last night on the way home from her job in the Old City District, earning the thanks of our local volunteer firefighters.  Commuting out to...

Bucks Party’s Mandatory Posh English Bloke Actually Quite A Pig

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An assortment of men who don't really like each other have descended upon Betoota's popular Roma Hills nightlife precinct this weekend, to celebrate the end of bachelorhood for a local finance grub, Blake Meriton (33). Every stereotype is on display for this 72-hour ordeal of binge drinking and recreational drug use. There's Blake's childhood best friend alpha, his high school...

Public Servant With Long Term Permanent Position Laughs In The Face Of Performance Manager

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Department of Main Roads and Transport Office in Betoota Heights was the scene of a heated stand-off a short time ago. The incident came after the person in charge of running the heavily bureaucratic organisation in our little desert outpost decided to lock horns with a long-term employee once again. "Gillian, we need to have a...

Kid Whose Parents Spent Footy Boot Money On Pokies Glad To Learn It Should Filter Back To Club

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact An aspiring Socceroo has today spoken to The Advocate about the prospect of playing soccer in joggers for the foreseeable future. Tim 'Timbo' Hickson (8) explained that he doesn't mind playing in cheap trainers, but he does struggle with the early morning games and practices down at the Betoota Ponds Bulldogs. "Joggers are really slippery when the grounds...

Hungover Uncle Reluctantly Accepts Toddler Niece’s Offer Of A Soggy Half-Eaten Cracker

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A hungover uncle has today had to cave into peer pressure, when he was offered a token of apology from a toddler. It’s alleged Neil Baker had unwisely gotten on the turps the night before a large family gathering and had rocked up feeling a little worse for wear. The bright lights, coupled with the booming sounds of Pink...

Nonna’s Plate Of Chopped Up Fruit Slices Ruined By Distinct Taste Of Onion

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local child has today learnt a hard lesson in deception after an afternoon spent playing video games has resulted in onion tainted treats. It’s alleged twelve-year-old Cooper Russo had been visiting his nonna for the day and was looking forward to being overfed and waited on hand on foot. After several hours of video game playing broken up by...

Fitness First Franchise Under Fire For Not Playing Shitty Rnb Music From Ten Years Ago

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A Betoota Ponds Fitness First is in some serious trouble today after it was discovered that none of the TV’s were playing shitty RnB music videos. It’s alleged that the head franchise manager, Alison Lemon, was undertaking her usual monthly inspections of the Queensland franchises when she caught wind of a franchise owner breaking the rules. Having just dealt with...

White Boy Singing ‘Redbone’ In Beer Garden Has Changed A Few Lyrics Funnily Enough

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Patrons at Old City District Brewery ‘Dad Shed Brewing Co’ had a look behind the smoke and mirrors of showbiz today as it became clear the beer garden performer had taken creative liberties with his choice of song cover. Despite calling himself a singer/songwriter, Connor West is best known for his acoustic covers of popular songs, some of which...

Report: Sibling Entered Bedroom Just To Drop His Guts

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A Betoota teen has today landed a sneaky one on his brother, who was innocently watching a movie in his room prior to the incident. It’s alleged Tyson Young has been traipsing around the house bored shitless, when he was alerted to the building sensation of his rumbling bowel. Though he’d have normally let one rip right there in...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
75,647FollowersFollow

Breaking News