Local News

Coastal Town Forced To Choose Between Entertaining Filthy City People And Paying The Bills

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Members of the popular East Coast beach town community have been forced to swallow their pride this afternoon at a town hall meeting after the mayor announced the town’s economy was hanging on by a thread.   “I know you all hate tourists, but for this town to survive...

Local Woman Googles Whether She’s Got The Type Of Antibiotics You Can Still Get Pissed On

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT Snorting and snuffling, a sick Amanda Peterson shuffles her way into her living room with a cup of hot tea and a doona in tow, as she purveys the room for a perfect place to nestle into a fetal position. The twenty-six-year-old was reportedly struck with a...

Peter Dutton Announces Nationwide Relaunch Of Big Brother

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed that to boost morale and keep the nation secure the next relaunch of Big Brother will take place in every home, building, and public space in Australia. After speaking with key coalition MPs and taking a blood council with The Old Ones,...

Local Tough Guy Reckons He Might Even Have A Bit Of A Boogie When The D-Floor Opens Up Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local tough guy, Jai Hipgrave (26) has taken the last 3 months in isolation as an opportunity to think about all the things he took for granted. He regrets not following up his mate from work about joining the local rugby league club for a social season.

Local Woman Finally Gets Cracking On DIY Project For All The Mason Jars She’s Collected

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT There’s just something about little trinkets and jars that seems to ignite the hunter and gatherer roots in local woman Holly Ellis. The former party girl reports that she’d experienced quite a shift in personality after turning twenty-five. Swapping her seven-inch pumps for a...

Neutral Gen-Xer Finally Joins Generation Wars After Hearing A Millennial Say Seinfeld Is Shit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT 21-year-old Alanna Wasson says if she'd known it would be this easy, she would have done it ages ago. The daughter and granddaughter of the Wasson family explained to The Advocate today, that she's just relieved she finally drew her mum into the Generation Wars, with a flagrant comment about...

Muslim Neighbour Makes 6 UberEats Orders After Sunset

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Ponds-based Muslim, Graham Warne (29) says he couldn't have imagined a more expensive Holy Month. As a hibernating restaurant waiter, not only is he living off JobKeeper, but it's made worse by the fact that he doesn't have the same access to his mum's cooking as...

Newly Hired Subbie Has Not Been Reading The News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local stonemason, Billy Wright (29) does not appear to have the slightest understanding of what is currently happening in the Australian medical fraternity. Arriving today as a subcontractor on the new student accommodation project currently being built on the Betoota WQU campus, Billy has been seen chewing his...

Explosion Of High-Pitch Giggles Coming From The Sky Suggests Scaffolders Are On Tiktok Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A construction site in Betoota City Limits has today been rattled by the high-pitched che-hoos coming from above, as the Kiwi scaffolders return from the weekend with a new bunch of TikTok dances that their daughters have taught them. The new shopping centre development on Bedourie Bypass Road...

Makes Sense: Isolated City Couple Now Understanding Why Country People Have Kids So Young

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sitting in her recently renovated two-bedroom cell, Tiffany Watson looked around and wondered what the hell she was going to do for lockdown entertainment for another few months. After finishing Instagram for the third time today, Tiffany began having some concerning thoughts. “I wanted to have...

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