IN-Focus

ABC24 Accidentally Broadcast Live Images From Inside Liberal Party Room

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the blame game continues over the 'accidental and regrettable' support for One Nation's controversial 'It's OK To Be White' motion in the Senate yesterday, the ABC has been forced to apologise to their conservative overlords for accidentally broadcasting live images from inside their party room this afternoon. The images, which depicted a large, smouldering train wreck...

Friend’s Ugly Engagement Ring Still Looks Really… Wow

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact local woman has today had to call on her two semesters of year 10 drama after her friend shoved her engagement ring in her face for the fifth time in one sitting. Stacey Wakefield admitted to The Advocate that she didn’t like lying to her friend, but the engagement ring just left her at...

Guy Standing Still In Surf Definitely Pissing

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Beachgoers are warned to not enter the water in the vicinity of an unidentified man who has been spotted standing still amongst the rolling waves and is believed to definitely be pissing. The suspected public urinator has been identified as a man with short hair, a medium build and a pair of orange board shorts that at present could...

Betting Agencies Take Odds On What Will Cause Outrage Next Week After The Everest Is Over

INGRID DOULTON | In Focus | Contact The world's richest and most exclusive horse-race-on-turf will happen in Sydney this weekend - then something equally as controversial and divisive will happen the next. That's the message from a number of betting agencies around the country today as they begin to take odds on what will be the next destination of the outrage...

“An Aussie Does Molly”: Gus Worland’s New Cricket Show To Showcase The Real Australian Summer

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's favourite intrepid cricket fan is back! That's the message from Foxtel today after they launched their dedicated cricket channel in Sydney last night. Along with Worland, Foxtel has thrown huge amounts of money at the wall in the hopes that something will stick. An Aussie Does Molly, Worland says, will showcase the real Australian...

Lunch Beer Doing Wonders For Afternoon Productivity

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In hindsight, says Julia Pearson, perhaps washing down that tropical-themed double chicken parmigiana with a pint of 8% red ale was a bad idea. The French Quarter account coordinator spoke to our reporter a short time ago via Skype and the 28-year-old looked like she'd been in the wars. "I'm fucked," she said. "Having like 2400 calories...

Louis CK Hopes You Have It In Your Heart To Find The Thought Of Him Wanking Funny Again

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Almost one year after being brave enough to admit that he was creepy once, comedian Louis CK is hoping audiences have it in their heart to find the thought of him wanking funny again. Following allegations from five women that he masturbated in front of them, the stand-up comedian and sitcom writer penned an eloquent letter citing how the...

Proud Boomer Winds Wall Clock Forward Manually Just Like He Did In The Good Old Days

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In less developed parts of the nation, clocks went forward an hour for daylight savings overnight and one South Australian sexagenarian proudly let younger members of his family know about it. Gavin Rutledge, of nearby Innaminka, told his grandsons that this morning he had to get the ladder out of the garage and take the...

Man Saves Slice Of The Pizza He Just Devoured So He Can Say He Didn’t Just Devour A Whole Pizza

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A visiting big kahuna has kicked his Baxter boots off in his motel room and retreated to bed with a family-size Hawaiian Meatlovers pizza from French Quarter institution, Pompe à Chiasse Pizza. Colin Rogers added that the hubcap-sized pie came with a mango chutney swirl. He invited our reporter into his motel room shortly after lunch today...

City Worker Misses Out On The Scotch Fingers Yet Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Fuck!" he said loudly enough to fill them empty break room. French Quarter corporate lawyer Darcy Mulholland was just minutes late knocking off for afternoon tea today - but it proved just enough for every Scotch Finger in the Arnott's Family Assortments tray to disappear. His employers, Minter Nopeopleskills & Utz, generously put on a tray of...

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