IN-Focus

Local Woman Feels Most In Touch With Hunter-Gatherer Roots Browsing Deliveroo On Treadmill

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A local woman has found a way to commune with her ancient Hunter-Gatherer roots -- browsing Deliveroo while on the treadmill.  “It makes me feel so alive,” Kat, 27, told reporters. “It’s like, primitive. Instinctual.” It’s only after she’s got a good pace going and has...

Woman Who Believes In Horoscopes Outraged That Anti-Vaxers Won’t Listen to Science

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A Byron Bay woman, who makes her living analyzing people’s personality traits based on the stars, has had it with anti-vaxers and their unscientific claims.  "I mean, the science is very clear -- There is zero proof that vaccines cause autism," Kendall, 24, from Byron Bay, told The Advocate....

Israel Folau Throws Vegans In There For The Fuck Of It

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Disgraced ex-Wallabies star Israel Folau is back in trouble after he ramped up his attack on homosexuals during his latest church sermon. Which was recorded and uploaded to the The Truth of Jesus Christ Church Facebook page on Sunday. The 30-year-old, who had his $4 million Rugby Australia...

Deranged Man Thinks He Can Have A $10 Steak Special Cooked Any Other Way Than Medium

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Local RSL diner James Liston (22) displayed some of his childlike naivety today by expecting his $10 steak special to be cooked any way other than medium. Dropping by Betoota RSL for some weekend drinks in an environment without the constant fear of getting bashed, Liston eyed off the...

Local Boomer Sacks Accountant After Having To Actually Pay Fair Amount Of Tax

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local baby boomer has stormed out of his accountant’s office this week after his accountant dared to suggest that the boomer’s tax return might not subsidise the two overseas holidays he had planned for later this year. It’s believed that Simon Hortly-Smith told his accountant that he was a “useless piece of shit”...

Local Teacher Devastated Little Shit Has Ruined Her Future Baby Name

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local teacher has been left absolutely livid today after 10 years of mental planning and research have come crashing down around her. The toppling of her dreams can solely be attributed to a new little shit in her year 3 class called Finlay Chaird, Finn for short.

Lismore Woman Pushing The Envelope A Bit With The ‘I Live Just Outside Of Byron Thing’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed this morning that a young woman from the cosmopolitan regional centre that is Lismore is pulling the piss a little bit. Shawna Ashton, who grew up on the outskirts of the town aptly named 'the Wok' due to it's geographical nature, has confirmed that...

Former High School Bully Rebrands As Holistic All Loving Naturopath

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young alumna from the Royal Sacred Queensbridge College in Betoota Grove sat down with The Advocate today to talk about her incredible, and inspiring rebrand this year. Misty Healer, (21), a graduate from the town's most prestigious straw boater hat school, explained that she is really beginning to...

Mum Admits She Really Should Get Cracking On Easter

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With just under a month until a low-key family brunch, mum has today admitted to the fact that she really hasn't given it much thought. "A bit of seafood could be a good idea" she says. "Mind you, that's more a Christmas thing, isn't it?"

“Kiss Me I’m Irish!” Says Man From Inverell

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Amongst the civil unrest in the southern state of New South Boomerstan, a man born and raised in the rural town of Inverell proudly asked those around him to kiss him due to the heritage of his grandparents. Inverell local Andrew Campbell (22) decided to celebrate the 1518th anniversary...

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