IN-Focus

Dolphin Looking Forward To Seeing What New Reusable Plastic Bags Taste Like

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the seven bottlenose dolphins that calls the town's only saltwater bore drain home has telepathically spoken to The Advocate via drugs this afternoon about the new reusable plastic bags at local supermarkets and what they might taste like. The Betoota Heights Woolworths is due to change it's plastic bags later this month in an...

Berlin-Obsessed Hipster From Melbourne Excited That His City Might Get Its Own Walls Soon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Will Harrab's dream of moving to Berlin this year was put on ice, obviously. But as the coronavirus outbreak in Melbourne gets worse and worse, the directionless 28-year-old has finally heard some good news. The Berlin-obsessed former client manager at Dropbox...

Local Bloke About To Make Grave Error Assuming Girlfriend Also Thinks Kanga Bangas Are Mad

ERROR PARKER | Editor-at-large |Contact Even though he was given Ottolenghi as a guide, a Betoota Heights man has concluded that Yotam and his difficult recipes can go and get fucked this evening as he picks out a six-pack of kangaroo sausages for dinner. Dan Keegan, under instruction from his...

Byron Homeowners Decide To Even Paint The Fucken Floor White

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A couple originally from Betoota Grove who decided to take their ill-gotten, inherited wealth to Byron Bay last year have even painted the fucking floor of their new house white. It's not known whether Alfonso and Sarah Sapian just had a lot of leftover white...

People Of Albury Demand Victorian Border Be Kept Open So They Can Still Visit Totally Fun

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people of Albury, in the NSW Riverina, has pleaded with the State Government not to close the Victoria border because doing so would deny them access to a popular Wodonga amusement park. Totally Fun lies just over the border in Wodonga and would be...

Home Distiller Reckons The Scotch He Made Last Week Is The Best Scotch He’s Ever Tasted

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local home distiller has marvelled at the first batch of scotch whiskey he's made, telling our reporter this morning that it's simply the best scotch whiskey he's ever tasted. Lucas Doreroy admits freely that he's not a real scotch drinker. He hasn't twirled a...

Country Mum Ties Living Room Together With Oversized Rustic Wall Clock

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A mother of three on the outskirts of our cosmopolitan desert community has tied her oversized living room together with the addition of an oversized, rustic wall clock. Angela Molcranny, of 'Daintree' via Betoota, found the clock at the French Quarter Life Dreams store, which...

Sydney’s Irish Community Join Growing Calls To Deny The Stupid Brits A Free Trade Deal

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Ireland's 33rd county has joined in condemning the plan to enter into a 'free trade agreement' with the United Kingdom. County Coogee, in Sydney's eastern counties, showed their support for Australia today by converting the side of Coogee's iconic Surf Life Saving Club into a...

“Universities Aren’t Just A Business,” Says Uni That Offers A Bachelor Of Property Management

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local university has lashed out at commentary in this masthead recently that many of the Diamantina's tertiary learning institutes are just 'businesses' and are largely unnecessary. Overell College in Betoota Heights offers a range of courses and degrees, many of which are useless.

Derryn Hinch Listens To Derryn Hinch While Looking At Derryn Hinch In The Bathroom Mirror

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former senator Derryn Hinch revealed this evening that he often listens to himself on the radio, television or on a podcast while standing in his bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. "What else is there to do during lock down?" he asked our reporter.

Social

748,488FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
68,469FollowersFollow

Breaking News