IN-Focus

Influencer Given Free Night In Hotel Suite That’s Much Less Impressive Than Childhood Bedroom

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Medium-sized Australian Insta-model, Storm Waterhouse (23) is today finally tasting the fruits of 4 months of posting bikini shots to her Instagram. While the free crop-tops and teeth whitening kits come and go, today Storm is experiencing something that feels a lot more like she's killing it.

Quieter Group Of High School Mates Announce Plans For Schoolies In Canberra

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In light of the government’s has recent announcement that growing and processing marijuana for personal use in the Australian Capital Territory is legal, an announcement of another, quieter kind has occurred in a Betoota Quarry garage. Daniel Salmand (18) announced to his friends this afternoon that...

“Sneakerhead” Coworker Surprises Office By Revealing He’s Also A Massive Wu-Tang Fan

LOUIS BOURKE | Culture| CONTACT During an after-hours work and self-loathing session, office worker Chris Guest (33) learnt something interesting about his new co-worker Liam King (27). Since King started three weeks ago, Guest has learnt very little about him other than he likes to occasionally say ‘fo shizzle’ instead of ‘yes’ and that...

Horse Girl From Primary School Now Into Burlesque

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Stephanie Jacobson, known for being that mild attention seeker in primary school who used to gallop around the oval, is now into burlesque. With no discernible personality traits other than her seemingly large disposable income, Stephanie has reportedly moved on from horses and into the world of Victorian...

Adventure Tourism Industry Seeking Sky Diving Instructors Who Know How To Count Past Two

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A leaked job application form for a local sky diving company has today revealed that applicants are only required to have the numeracy skills equivalent to that of a toddler.  The application came across our desks early this morning and sent alarm bells ringing, how could someone who holds...

Conveyer Belt Toaster Making Slightly Burnt Bread Look Like A Bigger Deal Than It Is

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What would have been a perfectly adequate breakfast became a day destroying fiasco as a conveyor belt toaster let down a perfectly decent buffet breakfast. The buffet breakfast offered at the heritage listed Betoota Baths Resort and Bingo Hall, was described to guests as ‘continental’ as if Australian’s give...

Biggest Grog Monster In Hometown Now Doing Relatively Good Job Of Raising A Kid

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A west Betoota man who once shit on his own face has somehow managed to get his second child to kindergarten, it has been confirmed.  In his youth, Barry Edwards held the Betoota Dolphins record for doing 27 hot shots in a row, but today he’s somehow got his...

Local Bloke Out On The Road For Work Treats All Of His Mates To A Phone Call About Nothing

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Being on the road for work can be a lonely and thankless task, however one sales associate at the Betoota Training Institute has found a way to fill in his time and feel constantly in touch with his peers. Brad ‘Beefy’ Burton’s system is simple, he just calls his...

New Blender At Grandparents House Points Towards Discovery Of Aldi’s Middle Aisle Of Dreams

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent trip to a South Betoota retirement village has led Keith Walker to believe his grandparents have just discovered Aldi. At first, he thought his Gran had just gone mad and bought too many cans of baked beans, however after clocking a shiny new blender on the...

“Tip Your Courier” Says Tax-Dodging Multi-Billion Dollar Company

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of Betootacone Valley's most successful tech start-ups is adding the option to tip their food couriers this week in an effort to make sure they're paid properly. Poonspoon started a number of years ago in a Betoota Heights garage. From its humble beginnings, it's...

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