IN-Focus

Middle-Class Family Rocked To Their Core By Unprecedented Belly Button Piercing

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact Maddie Hay (18) has just sent shockwaves through her sensible middle-class family after revealing to her mother and father that she got her belly button pierced on the weekend with her friend Chelsea. The announcement came as quite a shock to the parents who only let Maddie get her ears pierced when she was...

McDonald’s Launch Second Legal Case After Hungry Jacks Announce New JcChicken Burger

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Burger Wars are heating up today! Following McDonalds announcing that it was suing Hungry Jacks for the new Big Jack, the rival fast foot company has hit back. Hungry Jacks has revealed its new 'JcChicken Burger,' which it says is 'in no way...

Sharehouse Bong Manages To Survive Breaking Long Enough To Warrant An Official Name

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT It was a monumental day for residents of French Quarter sharehouse ‘The Quarterway’ as their communal bong managed to survive long enough without breaking to warrant an official nickname. The culture of young Australians living in sub-regulatory inner city squallor has been romanticised ever since the ‘90s when the...

Country Boy Fails Captcha Test After Being Unable To Identify Pictures Of Traffic Lights

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a brutal example of the tough times facing today’s primary producers, a local lad has failed a captcha test after the popular security measure asked him to identify pictures containing traffic lights. “I was trying to sign up for a … you know, a premium online...

Marketing Agency Lobbyists Reportedly Behind 100 Hour Placement Policies At Australian Unis

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE |CONTACT In news that has shocked no one, it’s reported that the 100 hour placement policy required by universities was spearheaded by marketing agencies. Masquerading under the guise of ‘work experience’, a number of agencies and publishing houses have taken to hiring interns in lieu of actual employees.

Historians Conclude Meek Kid With Allergies From Primary School May Not Have Had Karate Black Belt After All

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Former students have reacted with surprise this week after a new report found the quiet kid in primary school who was allergic to everything may not have been a fully certified black belt in karate, despite his constant claims to have mastered the Japanese martial art.  “Wow, did...

Report: Chocolate Digestives Will Have To Do

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Dan Wells had been enjoying a well-deserved rest at his nans when he was invited to a house party on the north side of town. Armed with his granddad's stash of cheap red wine, and not keen to stop at Woolies on the way, Dan had gone rifling...

Uber Launches New Shopping Trolley Delivery Service For Drunk Shenanigans

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Ride-share and food delivery company Uber is stepping further into the post-inebriation market with a revolutionary new service connecting drunk patrons with shopping trolleys.   “It was just common sense really," explained an Uber spokesperson. “The two most common scenarios at the end of a...

Huntsman Hiding Under Visor Patiently Waits Until After Motorist Gets On The Motorway To Show Itself

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Harry the huntsman has grown tired of his new home. It’s not like he has any better place to live, but after two months of hiding underneath a car visor, he suddenly feels the urge to mysteriously dart out into the open. As a huntsman, it’s...

Selfish Astrologist Refuses To Give Pandemic An End Date

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Since being declared a pandemic on March 11 2020, the fight against COVID-19 has been the backdrop to some of the most valiant acts of community and decency.  Unfortunately, the place where this is least evident is the office of Internet Astrologist, Virgo and Herbalife Sales Rep Lilly Haagmorf...

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