IN-Focus

Thousands Of Lawyers Line Up Outside Centrelink As NRL Competition Suspended

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT March 23 was a dark day for football fans and players alike, as the NRL made the difficult decision to suspend the remainder of the competition in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. However, another tragic casualty of the move has been thousands of lawyers, who would otherwise be cleaning...

Bin Day A Little Bit Louder After A Week Of Social-Distancing

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Peering through a slit in his blinds, a weary Tom Peterson skulls his beer and surveys the street for activity. Like hundreds of thousands of Australians who lost their job to the global Coronavirus pandemic, the ex bartender has had trouble keeping himself entertained for long stretches of...

Another Person On Instagram Hilariously Refers To Their Dog As A Colleague

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact While plenty of the country are losing their jobs due to Covid-19, The Advocate can confirm that there is one group in society for whom employment is absolutely booming. It appears that over the past week, the employment of household dogs has risen a staggering 500%.

Water Minister & Health Minister Punch On After Argument Over How Long Hands Should Be Washed

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT A violent altercation erupted in a Parliament House men’s bathroom recently after Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia Keith Pitt MP took exception to the amount of time Minister for Health Greg Hunt MP spent washing his hands. “It escalated pretty quickly,” said an anonymous witness.

Atheist World Leader Sends ‘Thoughts And Vibes’ To Disaster Victims

LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT As Australian political parties do anything to get out of talking about climate change, a northern European country with a much better health-care system than ours has suffered a terrible tragedy. The landslide in the progressive European nation of Nordvlaland has claimed an exclusive ski lodge.

Tables Have Turned: Adult Children Relishing Opportunity To Ridicule Hungover Mum

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact After years of copping criticism and rhetorical questions like ‘when will you grow up?’ Sophia McPherson is this morning pulling on her payback boots and gearing up to dish out sweet, sweet revenge on her hungover mother.  Pam, Sophia’s mother, came crawling into her daughter’s room this morning reeking...

Self-Described Alpha Male Not Even A Handy Cricketer

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact If evolution has taught us anything, it’s that anyone who says they’re an alpha male is most definitely not an alpha male. However, every so often someone’s alpha claims are taken seriously if they’re half decent at sport, namely on the cricket field.   Unfortunately...

Man Forced To Soundproof Entire Garage After Neighbour Says He Might Join For A Jam Some Time

LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT Meeting a neighbour can be a warm and terrifying experience. Unfortunately, only the latter was true for local couch musician James Eastment (29). During a routine equipment unpacking between his car and garage, Eastment bumped into his neighbour Graeme Deane (55) who began an immediate and unwarranted chat about...

Nation Wondering Which Royal Commission Into Child Abuse Regular Scotty Will Invite To White House Next Visit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australians who have been exposed to the most buried story in politics are today wondering which prominent Royal Commission into Child Abuse identity will get the call up next time Scotty From Marketing visits the US. This follows the cringeworthy news that Morrison has finally admitted to the...

Bloke Who Started Bucks Party As The Groom’s Weirdo Workmate Finishes Weekend As The MVP

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local outsider has this week returned home from the Gold Coast as the legend of the bucks party, after starting the weekend at very poor odds. Keiron James (29) was initially identified as the nameless workmate that had grown close to the buck as his closest mate in...

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