IN-Focus

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn a nice twist of events, it appears that life will imitate art this weekend, as thousands of cocaine bears are set to hit Sydney’s Oxford Street. Josh Ellis , a Betoota Heights local that will be making the pilgrimage, tells The Advocate that he’s managed to book tickets to ‘at least three parties this weekend’, and that his...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTI have a deal with The Betoota Advocate to write one article a month about my musings, insights and witticisms on the tangy wombat stew we call the modern Australian culture.  Due to my witness statements about how the chairman’s wife did indeed fall out of the helicopter as an accident, I have this longstanding deal with the old...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Australian supermarkets have announced bold plans to reduce theft (by customers) on their premises. At the time of writing, 40% of Australian stores including Coles, Woolworths and Bunnings, use some sort of ‘crime prediction technology’ to profile all shoppers and figure out which one of them is going to commit an Ocean’s 11 style heist. Other invasive technologies such as...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs news spreads of Roald Dahl novels having 'offensive' language removed to adapt to modern audiences, it appears that beloved Australian children’s author Andy Griffiths has also copped the same treatment, which has included changing half of the book names in his ‘Just’ series (‘Just Crazy’ to ‘Just Intense’ and ‘Just Stupid’ to ‘Just Uninformed’) and the first...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact God has released a statement this morning that outlined what many here on this spinning hellrock have long suspected. Short-term rental platforms are a pox sent from God that is supposed to teach us all what real greed looks like and the knock on effects that can have on society. "Turning housing, which many see as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The latest NAPLAN school results are out which is something that has one local real estate agent very excited. Of the seven state schools in Betoota, the school with the highest NAPLAN score is Green Street State School in Betoota Grove. That means real estate agents like Kevin Haslop, he can start telling his client...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTUnconditional love is that of a parent and child, of mother and son, father and daughter, of family. If you are one of Betoota’s most sought after and celebrated financial parenting experts like me, then you’d have spent decades raising your kids to understand how money works. You also would’ve hoarded a veritable mountain of wealth...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactThe Bank of Betoota (BOB) has put the rest of the Big Five on notice this morning after it created a paradigm shift in the way the industry woos new customers. With hundreds of thousands of mortgage holders soon to come off their affordable low-rate fixed loans and move on to an unaffordable high-rate fixed loan, the country’s major...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactWith money here in Betoota flowing harder than Niagara Falls, some friends can’t help but go troppo when they get cashed up. Their inner bastard rises up and their skulduggery shines through in the form of annoyingly cunty behaviours. Like my former best mate, Drew Hall, back in the day he was the nicest guy. He was a struggling...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA man talking about his trip to Europe is in a lose/lose situation as he prepares himself to say the name of the Spanish city ‘Barcelona’ out loud. The capital and largest city in the autonomous community of Catalonia, Barcelona is a great holiday spot for lovers of football, live music and surprisingly well-organised squatting movements. It is for the...