IN-Focus

Local Ad Executive Dreams Of Buying A Classic Defender And Ruining It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A senior creative at one of the district's most awarded ad agencies has told The Advocate that he often drifts off to sleep dreaming about finding a classic Land Rover Defender and ruining it with pointless, ugly modifications. Lawrence Gideon, of Clemenger South Betoota, nods shyly and smiles as he recounts a recent fantasy he...

Something Interesting Happened In The A-League

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a rare moment of intrigue for the A-League, NSW Police allege that a senior player from Macarthur FC has been taking instructions from a South American crime boss to manipulate yellow cards during matches. According to the police, this player paid $10,000 each to teammates to rack up yellow cards, making the otherwise...

“Why Is This Fucking House So Cold” Wonders Bloke Who Paid $2m For A Glorified Tent Made From Sticks And Cardboard

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man who recently moved into a 20-year-old display home in Betoota Heights is coming to grips with our delightful desert climate this week as he begins seeing his breath hang in the air as he sits on the couch. Darcy Rucklock made the move in from Noosaville earlier this year for work and was...

“Please Just Get A F**king Job Like Everyone Else” PM Tells JobSeeker Recipients Sooking Over Budget

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Times have seldom been tougher and giving out money that'll be immediately spent is not in the best interest of the economy. That's the message to JobSeeker and other welfare benefit recipents from the government this week. "The more you give these people, the more they'll spend," said Treasurer Jimothy Chalmers to The Advocate this...

Medical Receptionist Refuses To Take Client With Qantas Health Insurance Seriously

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights medical receptionist was forced to ask twice who a local man's health insurer was after he replied "Qantas". "You mean like the airline?" said Wendy Daniels of Green Street Physiotherapy. The man on the other end of the line confirmed. "Right." Oscar White told The Advocate this afternoon that he's used to having to repeat...

Man Fears Being Sectioned Or Jailed If Meta AI Ever Informed Authorities About His Image Generation Requests

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man has expressed concern that he would either be committed to a psychiatric ward or face imprisonment if Meta AI ever disclosed his image generation requests to the authorities. The man, who prefers to remain anonymous, has been utilising Meta AI's image generation capabilities for various personal and creative projects. Mostly to...

Tomorrow’s Budget Is Tough But Fair But Ultimately Good If You’re Old As Shit And Rich As Hell Or A Giant Multinational

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Treasurer, Dr. Jimothy Chalmers, has said tomorrow's budget will be tough but fair. "Tough but fair, but ultimately good if you're old as shit and rich as hell," said Dr. Chalmers. Despite this, he mentioned that this budget will work to slay the inflation beast that's currently wreaking havoc on the economy, forcing working...

Local Dentist Likes To Wait Until His Fingers Are In Your Mouth Before Striking Up Polite Conversation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights dentist has revealed today that he often likes waiting until patients are seated in the chair and his fingers are in their mouth before he tries to engage in some polite conversation. Until they're in the chair, Dr Wally Taylor BDSc (Hons) (UQ) of Wally's Tooth'n'Gum on Davidson Street, says he likes...

Public School Kid Glad Nation’s Media Is So Obsessed With Little Private School Kunce And Not How Governments Are Failing Public Education

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A student at Green Road State School in Betoota Heights has spoken to The Advocate today about how he only seems to see news from the town's elite private school and not one about how the state government is failing public education. Lindsay Stokke, a Year 10 student, said the facilities at Green Road have...

Man Drinking Full-Strength Coke Not Even Hungover Or In Some Other Internal Turmoil

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local man Alan Johnson was seen drinking a full-strength Coca-Cola at the park yesterday afternoon, despite not being hungover or in any other state of internal turmoil. Witnesses reported that Johnson, a known health enthusiast who usually sticks to water, was casually sipping on the liquid Marlboro while sitting on a bench, in silence, enjoying...

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