IN-Focus

Byron AirBnB Host Takes Another Non-Refundable September Booking From Some Dumb Sydney Yuppie

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Northern Rivers woman says a new Porsche is on the cards this Christmas as yet another breeding pair of dumb Sydney yuppies made a September booking for her Byron Bay bungalow. Wendy Daley reckons there's "fuck all" chance people in Sydney are going to be allowed to go anywhere before Christmas - let alone...

Feds Announces New GladysKeeper Scheme For Sydney In An Effort To Prevent Election Demolition

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The situation in New South Wales is now as bad as a header catching fire in a paddock full of wheat in the December heat according to government insiders, which is why the Federal Government has decided to come to the rescue. After a long night of smearing poo on the walls of Sydney's Parliament...

Changes To Sydney Lockdown On July 31 Will Allow People To Visit Casino, Attend Auctions

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people who live in the country's largest open-air sewer will be given some freedoms, according to government insiders, from the end of this month as Sydney grapples with a whole world of shit. From the 31st of this month from hell, people in Sydney will be allowed to go to the casino for...

Government That Handled Outbreak Poorly To Announce Victory Over Delta For The Second Time

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The de facto leader of Victoria is set to announce an easing of restrictions this morning after a second victory over an outbreak of the super spicy cough, known to some as the Delta. Premier Daniel Andrews was routinely attacked by the New South Welsh Penal Colony Director, Gladys Berejiklian, over his handling of past...

Bondi Man Plays Devil’s Advocate And Suggests Fencing In Westies Might Get Him To Byron By August

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Bondi man who got in touch with this masthead today to complain about something got sidetracked and suggested that should he play Devil's Advocate, which is something he said he regularly does just for fun, that he'd be able to visit yuppie Mecca in August if the NSW Government grew a set and...

“We’re All In This Together!” They Say As The ASX Breaks Through Another Record High

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians have been reminded today that despite all of us being in this collectively bad situation, we're in it together. They have also been reminded that when the pandemic sunk its claws into the economy's neck in Marck last year, it resulted in a sharp crash that saw tens of billions wiped off the local...

Gladys: “We Don’t Need A Ring Of Steel. Sydneysiders Can Be Trusted To Do The Right Thing.”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite a number of examples of Sydneysiders doing the wrong thing, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has said there's no need to cut the city off from the rest of the planet because Sydneysiders can be trusted to do the right thing. Speaking ahead of the clockwork 11am press conference, the Premier spoke briefly to this...

WA State Media Report Dear Leader Mark McMaoan Killed The Virus In A Fist-Fight Near Border

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact State media in our nation's prosperous West are reporting that Dear Leader Mark McMaoan has punched a deadly coronavirus to death during a fight to the death on the WA's southern land border. The fight, which was detailed by People's Republic of Western Australia Vice Chairman for Propaganda Kerry Stokes in the rogue state's...

PM: “Well, My Last Interaction With The Press Went Poorly. See You Guys In 7-10 Working Days”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister said his last press conference didn't go so well so he's going to tap out for a few days until there's something positive for him to talk about. Scott Morrison ended his latest meeting with the media by saying he can't understand why people like Dan Andrews and Gladys Berejiklian feel compelled...

Western Australian Land Militia Given Clearance Again To Shoot Down All Unauthorised Air Traffic

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our nation's prosperous West has been cut off again and the hermit kingdom's defacto leader, Mark McMaoan, has ordered his land militia once again to shoot down all unauthorised air traffic. In addition to those orders, Mr McMaoan's private army has also been given the green light to engage vehicles and people attempting to cross...

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