IN-Focus

Report: Maybe You Should Have A Spoonful Of Cement And Harden The Fuck Up, Linda

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Defence Minister Linda Reynolds broke down in the Senate yesterday and asked the boss Senator if she could just fucking tap out and refuse to answer questions put to her by her peers. However, a new report into her handling of the alleged sexual...

PM: “I Need You To Take One For Team ScoMo And Resign, Linda.”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The pair of pig-headed boomers responsible for creating and fostering an environment where their staff can be sexually assaulted have discussed their future during a phone call this morning. Scott Morrison, the marketing professional who moonlights as our Prime Minister, phoned his Defence Minister Linda...

Inner City Dog Park Easily Mistaken For Underground Greyhound Track

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Police were called to a French Quarter Dog Park today after a concerned local mistook the regular day time activity as the workings of an underground Greyhound track. Greyhound racing, otherwise known as competitive fetch, is the practice of making dogs compete in a race so that people can...

High School Teacher A Little Too Eager To Bust Out Racial Slurs Whilst Reading To Kill A Mockingbird

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Rife with symbolism, and themes of social justice, morality and destruction of innocence, To Kill a Mockingbird not only earnt itself a place in pop culture but quickly became a staple favourite for high school essays. However, despite its success and praise from critics, many have called for the...

Report: If The Government Phases Out Diesel Vehicles, How Will This B&S Warrior Get The Moot?

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Plains man Brett Wilson has today raised an important question. If diesel and petrol vehicles are phased out over the next couple of decades, how will blokes like him get the moot? The question comes after General Motors revealed that they will be...

Former Child Prodigy Gives Up On Everything They’re Not Instantly Good At

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As local woman Anna Sandberg looks at her French study notes, she concludes that she wasn’t really fussed on learning the language of love anyway.  This realisation is said to have come exactly three lessons into her French language course, which she’d impulsively purchased a ten pack of when...

Local Woman Not In The Mood For Unexpected Item In Bagging Area Shit Right Now

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As she calmly packs up her laptop exactly five minutes past five so as not to appear too eager to leave, local woman Sophie Bush stares daggers at the back of her boss’s head. As the fledgeling PR coordinator for a government organisation, Sophie has just learnt her first...

BREAKING: January Is Almost Over And You Haven’t Achieved Shit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact In breaking news this evening, it can be revealed that the first of twelve months in the 2021 calendar year is almost at an end - and you may as well still be hungover watching test match cricket at your parent's house because that's how much you have achieved in the 20 days you've had back at work. Other...

Queensland The Latest State To Let Nation Down After Letting In The British Super Spicy Cough

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The south-east corner of Queensland has comprehensively shit the bed today after letting in the turbocharged version of the spicy cough in from the UK. Communities in Western, Central and Northern Queensland are demanding Brisbane be included in the NSW border closures in a desperate...

Palaszczuk Apologises; Reopens Border To Sydney After Remembering She’s Already Won The Election

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Our Great Protector Annastacia Palaszczuk has been forced to eat humble pavlova today and apologise to the rat people of Sydney after remembering she's already won the state election. Premier Palaszczuk said the current classification of the Greater Sydney Area as a Pangolin's Wrath Hotspot...

Social

754,864FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
75,647FollowersFollow

Breaking News