IN-Focus

Adventure Tourism Industry Seeking Sky Diving Instructors Who Know How To Count Past Two

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A leaked job application form for a local sky diving company has today revealed that applicants are only required to have the numeracy skills equivalent to that of a toddler.  The application came across our desks early this morning and sent alarm bells ringing, how could someone who holds...

Conveyer Belt Toaster Making Slightly Burnt Bread Look Like A Bigger Deal Than It Is

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What would have been a perfectly adequate breakfast became a day destroying fiasco as a conveyor belt toaster let down a perfectly decent buffet breakfast. The buffet breakfast offered at the heritage listed Betoota Baths Resort and Bingo Hall, was described to guests as ‘continental’ as if Australian’s give...

Biggest Grog Monster In Hometown Now Doing Relatively Good Job Of Raising A Kid

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A west Betoota man who once shit on his own face has somehow managed to get his second child to kindergarten, it has been confirmed.  In his youth, Barry Edwards held the Betoota Dolphins record for doing 27 hot shots in a row, but today he’s somehow got his...

Local Bloke Out On The Road For Work Treats All Of His Mates To A Phone Call About Nothing

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Being on the road for work can be a lonely and thankless task, however one sales associate at the Betoota Training Institute has found a way to fill in his time and feel constantly in touch with his peers. Brad ‘Beefy’ Burton’s system is simple, he just calls his...

New Blender At Grandparents House Points Towards Discovery Of Aldi’s Middle Aisle Of Dreams

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent trip to a South Betoota retirement village has led Keith Walker to believe his grandparents have just discovered Aldi. At first, he thought his Gran had just gone mad and bought too many cans of baked beans, however after clocking a shiny new blender on the...

“Tip Your Courier” Says Tax-Dodging Multi-Billion Dollar Company

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of Betootacone Valley's most successful tech start-ups is adding the option to tip their food couriers this week in an effort to make sure they're paid properly. Poonspoon started a number of years ago in a Betoota Heights garage. From its humble beginnings, it's...

Rosé Just Pulse For Grown-Ups

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new report by a leading industry body has found that the sloshy long-lunch staple of Rosé is just a more adult version of those highly-caffeinated alcopops you used to punish at high school parties. A rosé is a type of wine that incorporates some of the colour from...

Sydney’s Severe Traffic Problems Completely Fixed After 4th Crack At Inner-City Light Rail

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sydney residents are rejoicing today, after the NSW Premier announced the end of the megacity's comical traffic congestion issues. As of next month, Light Rail vehicles will start making their way into the CBD for day testing in August, with night testing all the way to Circular Quay also...

Woman 3 Minutes Into Cooking Risotto Already Deeply Regretting Her Decision

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact After watching an episode of Chef’s Table, Alexandra Dash was inspired to venture into the culinary world of the Italian crowd pleaser, risotto. Despite her good intentions, she is tonight deeply regretting her decision to make the time-consuming rice dish a mere 3 minutes into cooking.

Local Woman Feels Most In Touch With Hunter-Gatherer Roots Browsing Deliveroo On Treadmill

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A local woman has found a way to commune with her ancient Hunter-Gatherer roots -- browsing Deliveroo while on the treadmill.  “It makes me feel so alive,” Kat, 27, told reporters. “It’s like, primitive. Instinctual.” It’s only after she’s got a good pace going and has...

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