IN-Focus

Mate Rocks Up Looking Like He’s Off To See The Strokes In 2005

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A rather interesting young bloke who says 'kudos' instead of 'congratulations' has rocked up to the Lord Kidman beer garden this afternoon in a pair of boot cut jeans that've been rolled up to showcase a cracking pair of suede RM boots. While some would simply purchase jeans with the right amount of inseam...

Kate Middleton Actually Just At Home In Her Taxpayer-Funded Palace Because She’s A Member Of The Royal Family And Doesn’t Exactly Have To Empty Bedpans For A Living

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some breaking news, The Advocate can reveal that Kate Middleton is, in fact, alive and well, and has actually been at home in her taxpayer-funded palace this entire time. This comes after Kate was last seen on December 25, as she accompanied King Charles III, her husband Prince William, and their three children—Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince...

Ford Ranger-Owning Manlet Refuses To Drive Ute More Befitting His Size

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local property developer's offsider has laughed off suggestion he should be behind the wheel of a ute that's easier for him to get in and out of and see over the dashboard. Betoota Heights man Nathan Alize from luxury apartment builder, Bespoke Dogbox Constructions, said he can drive any car he wants because that's...

International Roast Returns To Betoota Advocate Break Room As Meta Tears Up Media Bargaining Code

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The rivers of gold that once flowed from Facebook and Instagram into the newsrooms of The Betoota Advocate thanks to the Media Bargaining Code are set to be dammed upstream as the tech giant walks away from the deal. After negotiations broke down between this masthead's editor, Clancy Overell, and Meta chief Mark Zuckerberg earlier...

Twiggy Forrest Buys The Beloved And Iconic Australian Flavoured Condom Brand Ansell

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Celebrity billionaire Andrew 'Twiggy' Forrest has acquired another iconic Australian business this week as he completes the purchase of Ansell, the beloved and iconic manufacturer of the nation's favourite flavoured condoms. Mr Forrest informed the market of the surprise move earlier today in Perth, where he outlined that keeping jobs in Australia and making...

Movie About Men Destroying The Earth Outperforms Women Being Nice

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some unsurprising news, a movie about men destroying the earth has completely dominated the Oscars, beating movies about women being nice to each other and the learning the power of sisterhood (Barbie) a girl’s eye opening journey into becoming a woman (Poor Things) and a true story about white men murdering Native Americans for their oil rich...

Analysts Predict Rebounding Australian Peso Will Almost Reach Parity With Indonesian Rupiah

RORY SALAZAR | Finanace | Contact Back in the 2010s when Australia was great again, an Aussie in Bali could take a single Australian peso and convert that to 6,662 Indonesian rupiah. That single peso could buy your drinks, your street food, even a bungalow for the night. However, with the last few years of rising interest rates and commodity...

Claim That “Adelaide Has No Traffic” Found To Be A Load Of Hot Cock

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The catchcry of many South Australians has been put under the microscope this week by the Federal Government and one of the key benefits of living in Adelaide has been found to be a fallacy. For a number a years, people in Adelaide have often claimed that the city "has no traffic", has "affordable...

Never Again: North Queenslander Torn To Pieces By Croc While Bob Was Busy Playing Dress Ups

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn an event we’re all still kind of processing, independent MPs Bob Katter and Andrew Wilkie dressed up as cash hungry pigs to protest the grocery duopoly of Coles and Woolworths. Initially mistaken for an experiential advert for Hogsbreath cash-topped steaks, Wilkie and Katter drove the message of supermarket greed home by pretending to eat cash and holding a...

Beyoncé Tipped To Take Out Next Year’s Toyota Rising Star Award At Tamworth

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact US-born singer-songwriter Beyoncé Knowles-Carter is firming as favourite to win next year's Toyota Star Maker with the release of her first country album, 'Act II', next month. Ahead of the album launch, the Texan dropped a single this week, 'Texas Hold 'Em', that has shot to the Number 1 spot in charts around the country...

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