IN-Focus

ABC Fact Checker Explodes After Being Tasked With Checking Everything Bob Katter Said Today

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A supercomputer at the heart of ABC's Fact Checking Unit has reportedly exploded this afternoon after a staff member gave it the task of fact-checking each part of Bob Katter's press conference today. Around lunchtime today Katter spoke to the media today in Cairns, despite it being a sitting day for both Houses in...

Protected: Mememakers Set For An Influx Of Content With Release Of New Puppet Movie

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Mememakers on the internet have rejoiced today with news of The Happytime Murders Puppet movie being released. Home to many important things like, online news, videos of people hurting themselves and memes, the internet is set for a bit of boost with the movie’s release. A meme, defined as ‘an image, video, piece...

“Don’t Talk To Me About Droughts” Says Unremarkable City Worker Who Hasn’t Mated Since 2008

INGRID DOULTON | Local News | Contact There's not a person who'd believe that Dennis Rutland had a packet of Snickers Pods for breakfast this morning - most only would if they saw it. But he did and that's far from the worst thing he's shovelled into himself in the hours after first light. By any measure, today was just like any...

Farmer Who Started Destocking A Year Ago Says He’s Right For Drought Relief Thanks

CINDY PEARSON | Agribusiness | Contact A local grazier has taken to social media today to announce that he doesn't need or want any drought relief at the moment because he identified that times were getting tougher over a year ago. In a lengthy post to Facebook, accompanied by a picture of him and his young family, Wallace Dangerford of Dangerford Pastoral Company Pty Ltd out on...

Science Behind Glass Kettle In Office Kitchen Still Amazes City Worker Every Time She Sees It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact With a knowing 11 am nod over the cubical wall at her best work friend, Emma Douglas received one back - which meant only one thing. It was tea time. Joined in the kitchen by Emily Carter, the two French Quarter public relations professionals entertained themselves with small talk about the weekend. Which events they went to. Which events they're looking forward...

Man Tells Himself He Won’t Waste This Weekend Coming Like He Has With Every Other One

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Ok, fuck face," he said, looking himself in the eye. "This weekend, you're not going to drink yourself into unconsciousness and then bring yourself back to life with party drugs. You're going to go bushwalking or fishing or something. You're going to call your parents, you might even clean your room," "You're not going to waste...

Self-Described Writer Decides To Procrastinate At Local Cafe For A Change

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact Freelance writer and full-time son, Jamie Pike (26) decided to mix things up earlier today and procrastinate in a local cafe. Taking his densely stickered laptop to French Quarter cafe, Leafy Blend, Pike opted to boldy set aside his screenplay about a misunderstood writer and focus heavily on what is happening on reddit and 4chan today. Strategically sitting on a...

Leasing Agent Laughs In Face Of Peasant Renters Asking For Their Bond Back

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact French Quarter real estate agent Belinda Rowe (46) has received a formal complaint from a group of tenants who allege she openly laughed in their face when they asked for their bond back. The peasant renters were tenants of a rental property Rowe oversees until last week when they moved out the last of their...

Matt Preston Debuts The Longreach Pocket Square

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Popular food-critic-cum-chef-cum-television presenter Matt Preston has wowed onlookers today after being papped in North Betoota this afternoon wearing the traditional Longreach pocket square. Made famous by Captain Starlight, who was rarely seen without his Longreach pocket square, the tradition has been carried on by stockmen of countless generations. Which makes Preston's act of cultural sensitivity all the...

Short Local Man Rejoices As RM Williams Releases Magic Boot That Makes People Appear Taller

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pint-sized city worker has thrown his tiny arms up in glee as popular Italian-owned bootmaker, RM Williams, today released a magic boot that appears to make the wearing appear taller. Speaking candidly to The Advocate in his trademark comically-high voice, Peter Pooley said that he's now apart of the 5'6' club - leaving the likes of MasterChef's George Calomiris...

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