IN-Focus

No-Win-No-Fee Compensation Lawyers Rush To Mars After Water Discovered On Surface

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In a timely validation of the viability of commercial space travel, a rocket entirely built and crewed by no-win-no-fee lawyers is due to blast off in early 2021 on a historic mission to Mars.   The proposed voyage follows the discovery of water on the surface of the red...

Hotel Lobby Persists With Grand Piano In Case Michael Buble Ever Stops By For A Night Cap

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In the Betoota CBD you will find The Royal North Colony Hotel est 1891, a timeless venue renowned for its thimble sized heritage rooms that remind you most people used to be about four foot tall. From the koi fish pond to the backpackers lugging dirty sheets for less...

Garage Sale Shut Down Due To Lack Of Sex And The City Boxed Set

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact When young couple Stella and Jamie Arkus decided to have a garage sale, they were hoping to clear up some clutter and make a little extra cash; they did not expect to find themselves on the wrong side of the authorities.  However, their ignorance soon landed them in...

Intellectual Quickly Discards Kindle After Realising No One Can See What He’s Reading

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local man Sam Hackett is smart. Like really smart. So smart, he’s bought a Kindle, so has something to do on his fifteen minute bus ride to work other than peruse his phone like an imbecile. He does prefer to read physical books, as there’s just...

“Yeah, My Mate’s Know The Kid Laroi” Says Every Single Teenager In Sydney

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by parents of high school-aged kids right across the Harbour City has today found that every single teenager in Sydney claims to have either met the Kid LAROI, or know someone who knows him well. Hailing from the South Sydney-suburb of Waterloo, and raised between the...

#NupToTheCup Protests Called Off Due To Melbourne Having Real Issues This Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The people of Melbourne who like to enjoy a public holiday to celebrate the race that stops the nation are set to do so in relative peace this year - after the customary #NupToTheCup protests were called off. The protests that usually involve a few hundred people brave...

Awkward! Bloke Pretending He Hasn’t Just Seen Old Classmate Accidentally Looks Away A Second Too Late

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT When you’re drunkenly walking, the last thing you need is to run into someone from high school. Especially if they were the chirpy, slightly annoying dux who’d get up and preach about the dangers of peer pressure and alcohol every assembly. Unfortunately for local man...

Police Finally Catch Man Responsible For Stealing Clearcoat Off 1990s Magnas

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In good news for owners of the ubiquitous Mitsubishi Magna, police have finally arrested and charged a man responsible for stealing clearcoat from the popular 1990s-era car.  The first Australian-built Magna was released in 1985, although it wasn’t until the second generation was released in 1991 that the...

Storm Fan Who Actually Lives In Melbourne Used To Watching These Finals Alone Anyway

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Melbourne local and Storm fanatic Brett Moore (33) has had what is very fair to call a ‘mixed bag’ of a year. “The way my Storm has played has been the jaffas in my mixed bag,” grinned a weary Moore as he donned his purple scarf. 

Woman Embarks On Yearly Ritual Of Downloading Sims Expansions Pack And Playing For Five Days Straight

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s that time of year again. Time for local woman Jasmine Ferguson to remember that the game Sims exists. She’s not a gamer per see, but she has played San Andreas a couple of times. Even though it only included ignoring the missions completely and just...

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