IN-Focus

Lismore Woman Pushing The Envelope A Bit With The ‘I Live Just Outside Of Byron Thing’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed this morning that a young woman from the cosmopolitan regional centre that is Lismore is pulling the piss a little bit. Shawna Ashton, who grew up on the outskirts of the town aptly named 'the Wok' due to it's geographical nature, has confirmed that...

Former High School Bully Rebrands As Holistic All Loving Naturopath

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young alumna from the Royal Sacred Queensbridge College in Betoota Grove sat down with The Advocate today to talk about her incredible, and inspiring rebrand this year. Misty Healer, (21), a graduate from the town's most prestigious straw boater hat school, explained that she is really beginning to...

Mum Admits She Really Should Get Cracking On Easter

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With just under a month until a low-key family brunch, mum has today admitted to the fact that she really hasn't given it much thought. "A bit of seafood could be a good idea" she says. "Mind you, that's more a Christmas thing, isn't it?"

“Kiss Me I’m Irish!” Says Man From Inverell

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Amongst the civil unrest in the southern state of New South Boomerstan, a man born and raised in the rural town of Inverell proudly asked those around him to kiss him due to the heritage of his grandparents. Inverell local Andrew Campbell (22) decided to celebrate the 1518th anniversary...

Bloke Named Trent Claims He Knows How To Get Out Of Jury Duty

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local chef with a questionable reputation is this evening assuring his mate’s girlfriend that he knows how to get her out of jury duty, one hundred percent. “It’s so easy” claimed Trent McPherson, a self-proclaimed jury-dodging genius. “Have you got a letter from your work?”

Straight Edge Friend Rewarded For Chaufféuring Stoned Friends To Drive-Thru

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Straight edge uni student Orin Crouch (19) has been rewarded from abstaining from drugs and alcohol by being given the honor of driving stoned friends to the drive-thru. A paramedics student, Crouch is part of the hardcore punk subculture known as straight edge, where adherents abstain from alcohol, tobacco...

Returning Uni Student Recounts O-Week Tales Like She’s The First Person To Ever Pull A Cone

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A third-year Liberal Arts major has swanned into the St Anthony’s College common room today with an air of unfounded arrogance about her. Felicity Ettelman then proceeded place herself amongst the first-year students, or as she calls them “fresher scum”. “Guys, welcome to St Anthony’s, hopefully you can handle...

Sales Assistant Loads Up Customer’s Boyfriend With Items Worth Revisiting

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An act of unwilling cross-sentient conversion took place today as sales assistant Maddie Gunn (30) transformed the boyfriend of a shopper into a clothes rack. The couple who wish to remain anonymous, due to the boyfriend’s crippling insecurities of being seen in a women’s clothes shop, state that...

V Day Gift Hints Left Around Apartment Result In Day Late Woolies Flowers And Ferrero Rochers

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local woman Tinacity Willis couldn’t have been more obvious about what she wanted for Valentine’s Day if she tried. For the past fortnight, Tinacity has been leaving magazines open and tagging her boyfriend, Cameron, in social posts that clearly hint at what she’d like as a gift.  However, she...

40-Year-Old Man With Nose Ring Got To See Koh Phangan Before All The Tourists

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local rocker of the bald patch and nose ring combo, Vince “Vinny” Garlin (40), is currently holding hostage a group of early-20s pub-goers in an escalating situation which has involved him telling them about ‘the real Koh Phangan.’ Witnesses state the situation started when Garlin overheard the group...

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