IN-Focus

Local Woman Awkwardly Commits To Holding Door For Pensioner Who’s At Least 12 Paces Behind

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT There are few awkward experiences everyone has felt at least once in their life. Realising that no one’s listening to you and having to slowly wind up whatever you were saying. Being at your mate's house when their parents were having a spat.

Pauline Joins Team Over At The Spiritual Home Of Australian Middle-Class Racism

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just a day after getting the boot from her recurring role as The Today Show's terrorism and immigration expert, Pauline Hanson has been welcomed to the team over at Studio 10 - the spiritual home of middle-class racism and white boomer victimhood in this country.

Exiled Victorian AFL Player Finding It Hard To Adjust To Foreign Culture Of Washing Hands

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Victorian AFL player who's been forced to flee his home state has told The Advocate that he's finding life difficult outside of Victoria for a range of reasons. One of them being the fact that outside of Victoria, there's a culture of washing your...

Man Visits Authentic Australian Street Food Night Market On The Way Home From The Pub

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights man dropped into his local street food night market on the way home from the pub yesterday, where he told our reporters that he got himself something from the hotbox and a cool drink from the fridge. This masthead has gone to...

Dolphin Looking Forward To Seeing What New Reusable Plastic Bags Taste Like

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the seven bottlenose dolphins that calls the town's only saltwater bore drain home has telepathically spoken to The Advocate via drugs this afternoon about the new reusable plastic bags at local supermarkets and what they might taste like. The Betoota Heights Woolworths is due to change it's plastic bags later this month in an...

Berlin-Obsessed Hipster From Melbourne Excited That His City Might Get Its Own Walls Soon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Will Harrab's dream of moving to Berlin this year was put on ice, obviously. But as the coronavirus outbreak in Melbourne gets worse and worse, the directionless 28-year-old has finally heard some good news. The Berlin-obsessed former client manager at Dropbox...

Local Bloke About To Make Grave Error Assuming Girlfriend Also Thinks Kanga Bangas Are Mad

ERROR PARKER | Editor-at-large |Contact Even though he was given Ottolenghi as a guide, a Betoota Heights man has concluded that Yotam and his difficult recipes can go and get fucked this evening as he picks out a six-pack of kangaroo sausages for dinner. Dan Keegan, under instruction from his...

Byron Homeowners Decide To Even Paint The Fucken Floor White

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A couple originally from Betoota Grove who decided to take their ill-gotten, inherited wealth to Byron Bay last year have even painted the fucking floor of their new house white. It's not known whether Alfonso and Sarah Sapian just had a lot of leftover white...

People Of Albury Demand Victorian Border Be Kept Open So They Can Still Visit Totally Fun

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people of Albury, in the NSW Riverina, has pleaded with the State Government not to close the Victoria border because doing so would deny them access to a popular Wodonga amusement park. Totally Fun lies just over the border in Wodonga and would be...

Home Distiller Reckons The Scotch He Made Last Week Is The Best Scotch He’s Ever Tasted

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local home distiller has marvelled at the first batch of scotch whiskey he's made, telling our reporter this morning that it's simply the best scotch whiskey he's ever tasted. Lucas Doreroy admits freely that he's not a real scotch drinker. He hasn't twirled a...

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