IN-Focus

Rescue Services Praise OneFour For Promoting Appropriate Respiratory Cautions During Bushfires

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mount Druitt rap group OneFour have today been praised for helping the greater Sydney community prepare themselves for the catastrophically poor standard of air bellowing across the city, as bushfires rage on the suburban outskirts. Rescue services says that the Pasifika drill outfit have prevented what could have been...

House With Prayer Flags Identified As Most Likely Source Of Suburb’s Strong Marijuana Aromas

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT One of Betoota’s newests residents could be in the running for the Guiness World Record for ‘Quickest Crime Ever Solved.’ Surgical nurse Leanne (33) was going for a walk around her new neighbourhood in Betoota’s Flight Path District when the unmistakable waft of freshly smoked marijuana filled her...

RSL Staff Begin Questioning Sobriety Of Man Petting Donation Dog While Signing In

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT An RSL staff member was alerted to a potential drunk as sources reveal a man was seen having a yarn with the Guide Dogs Australia Donation Dog. Staff say the man caught their attention as it was unusual to see someone under the age of sixty that early...

Man Enthusiastically Buys Google Home Only For It To Collect Dust

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT After driving to his JB Hi-Fi to purchase a new pair of earphones, local man Ryan Davies decided to impulse buy a Google Home Mini. The smart device, designed to play music and schedule meetings, has so far been used mostly to answer dirty questions and play random...

Influencer Given Free Night In Hotel Suite That’s Much Less Impressive Than Childhood Bedroom

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Medium-sized Australian Insta-model, Storm Waterhouse (23) is today finally tasting the fruits of 4 months of posting bikini shots to her Instagram. While the free crop-tops and teeth whitening kits come and go, today Storm is experiencing something that feels a lot more like she's killing it.

Quieter Group Of High School Mates Announce Plans For Schoolies In Canberra

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In light of the government’s has recent announcement that growing and processing marijuana for personal use in the Australian Capital Territory is legal, an announcement of another, quieter kind has occurred in a Betoota Quarry garage. Daniel Salmand (18) announced to his friends this afternoon that...

“Sneakerhead” Coworker Surprises Office By Revealing He’s Also A Massive Wu-Tang Fan

LOUIS BOURKE | Culture| CONTACT During an after-hours work and self-loathing session, office worker Chris Guest (33) learnt something interesting about his new co-worker Liam King (27). Since King started three weeks ago, Guest has learnt very little about him other than he likes to occasionally say ‘fo shizzle’ instead of ‘yes’ and that...

Horse Girl From Primary School Now Into Burlesque

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Stephanie Jacobson, known for being that mild attention seeker in primary school who used to gallop around the oval, is now into burlesque. With no discernible personality traits other than her seemingly large disposable income, Stephanie has reportedly moved on from horses and into the world of Victorian...

Adventure Tourism Industry Seeking Sky Diving Instructors Who Know How To Count Past Two

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A leaked job application form for a local sky diving company has today revealed that applicants are only required to have the numeracy skills equivalent to that of a toddler.  The application came across our desks early this morning and sent alarm bells ringing, how could someone who holds...

Conveyer Belt Toaster Making Slightly Burnt Bread Look Like A Bigger Deal Than It Is

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT What would have been a perfectly adequate breakfast became a day destroying fiasco as a conveyor belt toaster let down a perfectly decent buffet breakfast. The buffet breakfast offered at the heritage listed Betoota Baths Resort and Bingo Hall, was described to guests as ‘continental’ as if Australian’s give...

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