IN-Focus

Couple Who Formed Mutually Beneficial Relationship During Iso Happily Go Their Separate Ways

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As life begins to return to normal, a newly formed local couple has today decided to mutually end their relationship and walk away on good terms. Sam Roberts (28) and Vannessa Tam (27) both confirmed to The Advocate that both of them are completely happy to call it quits,...

Boyfriend’s Attempt At Lasagne Looks Just Like The Bed He Supposedly Made

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A local couple had to decide whether to go to bed hungry or order a KFC bucket last night after boyfriend, Joel attempted to make a lasagne, which judging by the burnt, sloppy mess on their plates, did not go to plan. “Babe, I dunno if I can...

“Politicians Are So Out Of Touch With The People” Says Eumundi Fire Twirler Who Hates The NRL

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon, a Sunshine Coast resident has been kind enough to reveal why the nation is in its current 'malaise.' Celeste Sequoia (formerly known as Charlotte Smith) explained to us that the reason everything is going to shit is because our nation's politicians are so out...

Great Barrier Reef Fishing Charter Operators Confirm All Their Tourists Are From Brisbane

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Queensland Government has been slammed this morning for suggesting that the border closures aren't hurting the state's tourism industry. However, a number of Great Barrier Reef fishing charter operators have come forward this morning to defend the government, telling The Advocate that 'every single...

Re-Employed Bartenders Brace For Wave Of Very Low-Quality Corona Jokes

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The Australian Hoteliers Association has circulated a letter to publicans warning of an expected slew of shithouse Corona jokes as pubs reopen over the coming weeks. From June 1, NSW pubs will be allowed to seat 50 people, whilst Queensland pubs will be allowed to seat 20 people from...

Favourite Child Debate Put To Bed With Mixing Bowl Licking Rights

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Who is the favourite child has long been a competition that’s plagued families with a litter of kids. While parents claim they love each child equally, it’s clear for most kids from a young age that is simply not the case. One family that has kept up the ‘we...

Stir Crazy Woman Fights Impulsive 3am Thoughts To Cut Fringe In Bathroom

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT In between spending her nights getting sucked into the vortex of suggested Youtube videos and waking up in the middle of the day, local woman Elena Manners has felt her sanity slowly slip away the longer she goes without a job or routine. The irregular sleep schedule, coupled...

Bloke Who Punts On Mid Week Rural Goat Tracks Searches For Cheapest Fuel In 50km Radius

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT "What?" began the angry conversation with Dale Pooley this afternoon. "Just hang on, I'm trying to find the Star in the Betoota Ponds," he yelled out to his speakerphone. "Righto, what do you want," he then said picking up the conversation with The Advocate while...

Mum Somehow Manages To Download Coronavirus Onto Family Computer

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After installing around a dozen “useful” search toolbars and diligently filling out as many data-mining quizzes as she can find, Mum has stooped to a new low today when she somehow managed to download and infect the family computer with COVID-19, it has been confirmed. “I don’t know what...

“Supporting Local Businesses” Roughly Translated To “I Hate Cooking”

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Research scientists at Betoota University have today made the long-anticipated announcement; ordering takeaway under the guise of ‘Supporting Local Businesses’ roughly translates to ‘I cannot be fucked cooking tonight.’ The research study was originally aimed to find a cure for COVID-19 by observing the actions of those in quarantine...

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