IN-Focus

Millennial More Likely To Get PS5 He Pre-ordered In October Than Jab He Was Promised In March

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 28-year-old Betoota Heights man explained to The Advocate today that he's unsure of what he'll get first - the PlayStation 5 that he pre-ordered last October or the Michelle Pfeiffer jab that some public servant promised him in March. Sam Overell, nephew to The Advocate's reporter Clancy, said he's been waiting for things to...

Nation Patiently Waits And Waits And Waits For Albo To Put The Boot Into This Government

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister Scott Morrison has dropped the ball again and now the nation is anticipating Opposition leader Anthony Albanese will pick that ball up and run with it. If Morrison is somehow able to dive on the lose pill, Australia are waiting for Albo to put the boot into him. "The Prime Minister went on...

Policeman Asks Shoppers If Any Of Them Care If He Just Shoots This Toilet Paper Hoarder

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local law enforcement officer from the City Of Betoota Metropolitan Police has reportedly shot and killed a shopper this morning inside a French Quarter supermarket. The officer came upon the scene to find a grown man attempting to purchase an entire pallet of toilet paper, leaving the countless other shoppers without any. After trying to...

Former Acting Premier James Merlino Takes Union-Mandated RDO Today

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Acting Premier of Victoria James Merlino is enjoying a union-mandated rostered day off (RDO) today after months of leading the nation's most European city-state through the wagging tail of the Pangolin's Revenge. The snow-guns were on in Melbourne's CBD today as Merlino took time to blend into the crowds as best he could. Now...

Back-Stabbing Nationals Say Any Cut-Through Is Good Cut-Through

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Nationals who knifed former leader Michael McCormack in the back have broken their silence this morning, telling the media that getting any cut-through as a leader has a net positive result. "We just weren't getting any media coverage with Michael because he was a polite and largely pensive man who put the office...

“Yeah Fucken Oath Mate Labor Supports Coal Jobs In Central Queensland, Too,” Says Albo

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce was re-installed as party leader after Scott Morrison reportedly warmed to the idea of achieving net zero carbon emissions by 2050, according to Labor Party strategists. It all but signals that the next election will be won and lost in Central Queensland, which is why both Labor and the Nationals...

Bloke Who Had Deadly Spicy Cough Just Last Week Somehow Able To Win US Open

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Spanish man who got kissed by the Pangolin just last week has somehow risen from his death-bed to win the US Open in San Diego today. Coming from behind, Spaniard Jon Rahm won the golf major by a shot and it comes after he had to withdraw from a tournament earlier this month due...

Narrowing Footpath Forces Woman To Acknowledge Low Position In Friendship Hierarchy

EFFIE BATEMAN | South-East Corner | Contact Though local woman Caroline Gibbs had long suspected she was the least liked member of her friendship trio, she’d managed to convince herself that it was merely just her social anxiety talking. However, Caroline tells our reporter that one Saturday afternoon her worst suspicions were confirmed when a run to the supermarket made...

Personal Trainer Asks If You’ve Listened To The 50 Podcasts They Recommended Yet

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact CHECKING PROGRESS: Personal trainer Aidan Moss (31) claims he just wants what is best for his clients which is why he always implements a great big dose of life advice amongst the fitness tips he is actually qualified to give. Aside from ensuring his clients are using proper stance while lifting, Moss likes to...

Gladys: “Whatever Went Wrong Here, Rest Assured No Public Servant Will Take Responsibility For It”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian fronted the media this morning in the Harbour City to placate the denizens of Sydney after it became apparent this latest outbreak was due to a failure of government policy. Flanked by a bespectacled breakfast sausage in a suit who claimed to be Health Minister and some long suffering public...

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