IN-Focus

“Why Am I Eating This?” Man Asks Himself Halfway Through Subway Foot-Long

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For some reason, a local city worker found himself in the heart of our town's Old City District today around lunchtime. It's one of the more touristy parts of our bustling inland metropolis and the food selections are grim and far between. With the sun high in the sky and his blood sugar crashing, Roden...

“So Urea Is Like The Spice From Dune?” Scotty Asks Team Of Shrugging Nationals MPs

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister says he's struggling to get his head around the concept of urea as he told journalists in Sydney today that he's trying to find out what it is and why all these rural people want it so bad. Scott Morrison, in the company of a small collection of Nationals MPs, tried to...

NSW PE Teachers Continue Strike Action By Playing Ashes All Day In Classrooms

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Milparinka PE Teacher has kept the strike action rolling today by refusing to teach his class how to catch a ball or how to not get chlamydia by putting The Ashes up on the projector in every class. Stephen Kennedy, a long-serving physical education teacher at Our Lady Of The Sacred Frisbee in Milparinka,...

Game Of Cricket Interrupts Endless Stream Of Predatory Gambling Ads

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite the cries of 'Fuck Me!' that resonated around the country seconds after the first ball of The Ashes was bowled, the broadcast of that first over has interrupted a procession of gambling ads aimed at taking money from people that can't really afford to lose. The nation has been waiting all year for the...

City Of Betoota Throws Hat In Ring To Host Fifth Ashes Test

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Perth's loss could be Betoota's gain, according to Lord Mayor Keith Carton who today kicked off our town's official bid to host the Fifth Ashes Test early next year. Speaking to local media today at the Remienko Cricket Complex in the Old City District, Mayor Carton explained that if places such as Hobart and...

Barnaby Reprimands Senator McMahon For Breaking First Rule Of National Party Fight Club

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce says the incident at the party's Christmas function between NT Senator Sam McMahon and federal director Jonathan Hawkes has been resolved and appropriate action has been taken. Senator McMahon allegedly threw hands at Hawkes as she was leaving and somehow, the news has filtered out to the media. In response, Joyce said...

Mark McGowan Reveals Plan To Steal The Sydney To Hobart Yacht Race From NSW

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Government of the People's Republic of Western Australia (DPRWA) is seeking revenge after losing the Perth Test this afternoon to Hobart or Melbourne, with the hermit kingdom's Supreme Leader Mark McGowan telling the state's media that he will steal the famous Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race from New South Wales in response. After the...

PM: “How Good’s Turning The Bathurst 1000 Into A Personal Branding Exercise And Getting Booed Mercilessly?”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The knockabout bloke who moonlights at the Prime Minister says he's feeling hard-done-by this morning after getting booed by fans at the Bathurst 1000 over the weekend. In what should be friendly territory for Scott Morrison, fans turned on him as he hijacked the V8 Supercar event and tried to turn what is a special...

PM: “If Only We Had A Federal Body To Prove Home Affairs Contracts My Mates Got Are All Sweet”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has thanked God and his angst-riddled son that it's Friday today because he's had a week from hell to cap of what's been another 12 months of sustained mediocrity and professional failures. To top it all off, Scott Morrison stands accused by his political opponents and taxpayers of giving a series of...

“Libs Need A Strong Replacement For Porter, Like His Mate’s Nephew Or Something,” Say Analysts

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Liberal Party insiders are fearing a brain drain is underway as both Christian Porter and Greg Hunt deciding in recent weeks to pull the pin at the next election and slip seamlessly back into private life. One large problem loops that of who is going to replace the former Attorney-General in his Perth seat. While the...

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