IN-Focus

David Littleproud Discovers Secret Rum Cellar Beneath Nationals Leader’s Office

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Nationals leader David Littleproud is slowly putting jigsaw pieces together in his head today after falling through the floor of his office into a secret rum cellar. Our local member told The Advocate that he wasn't sure how much grog was being kept under his desk but agreed with the measurement that it'd Bon Scott...

Local Waterproofer Accuses Hipster In A Bunnings Trade Shirt Of Stolen Valour

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A soft-eyed renter from our town's bohemian French Quarter was bellowed at this morning from the second story of a construction site where some waterproofing was taking place. The man bellowing was Nat Kippel, a recently qualified waterproofer with a dogging ticket. "Hey!" he yelled. "Where'd you get that shirt?" The shirt that was on Casper Tenochtitlan's back...

INSIDE: Barnaby Joyce’s Budget-Friendly ‘Wok Bolognese’ Recipe

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is back on Canberra's skid row this week as he tumbles back down to a largely unlivable salary - which is something he says doesn't worry him because he's been here before. Barnaby joined The Advocate this afternoon in the kitchen of his rented home in the capital's...

Greensland Officially Carbon Neutral As Thick Layer Of Reefer Smoke Delays All Flights To Brissy

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs the Greens candidates have set quickly to work reinvigorating the Riverside expressway and returning the brown snake to its original colour, they’ve also had an inadvertent effect on Queensland’s carbon emissions as more people adapt to the new Greenie lifestyle. This is due to an uptick in people doing exactly what the United Australia Party prophesied would happen...

Local Man Reckons This Bagless Cunnavathing Is More Trouble Than It’s Worth

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights bachelor is considering lodging a complaint with the ACCC this week after feeling underwhelmed with his purchase of a bagless vacuum cleaner. Dennis Mulligan told The Advocate today while waiting in line for the D45 trolley bus out of the city that his Dyson 'suck stick' hasn't lived up to his expectations. "Oh...

Foreign Student Calls Cops After Mistaking Bush Stone Curlew’s Squawk For A Murder On Uni Campus

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs Melissa Viklund navigates her way through the Gardens Point campus one late afternoon, she finds herself startled by the most spine chilling sound she’s ever heard. What the FUCK was that? Admittedly, It certainly doesn't help that she was walking through parkland at dusk and the fact she'd just finished watching season four of Stranger Things, which was several...

Dutton Sports A Fancy Red Bandana So He’s More Palatable To Sydney’s Small-L Liberals

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Opposition leader Peter Dutton is on the charm offensive this morning as he looks to rebrand himself as a Sydney renaissance man in an effort to win back the blue-chip Sydney electorates that the party desperately needs to go blue at the next Federal Election. The big Queenslander was seen sporting a stylish red bandana...

Forgotten Suburban Businessman Just Wants Some Public Servant Fuck To Make Life Cheaper Like Every Other Miserable Prick In This Country Does

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights small business owner has acknowledged Opposition leader Peter Dutton's pledge not to forget him at the next election but he says all he wants is for some fucking high-paid prick in Canberra to make everything cheaper because right now, he's got no fucking idea how he's going to cope if things...

Nationals Leadership Goanna Pull Underway In Canberra

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The unsinkable Barnaby Joyce has started the leadership goanna pull inside the Nationals Party Room meeting in Canberra today, taking on the likes of Victorian Darren Chester and Queenslander David Littleproud. As is customary, the two challengers took their shirts off and consumed two hot mid-strength beers and signed a waiver. Sources within the Nationals say...

Chester: “Cya Monday, Spoondick!”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Nationals are spilling the leadership next week and two horses have broken away from the pack as the Albanese Government sees out its first week of government. Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce is under threat from Victorian Darren Chester, who's been a long-time critic of the Duke of Danglemah and declared today that the party...

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