IN-Focus

Hungover Women Continues Tradition Of Comfort Watching Harry Potter While Feeling Like Utter Shit

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | Contact There are some traditions that last the test of time and for local woman Tegan Sowry , watching Harry Potter while feeling like utter dog shit is one of them. Much to the annoyance of her partner, Tegan always insisted on watching one of the Potter movies after a big night out, as there...

Mum Makes Thinly-Veiled Threat To Children To Not Fuck Up Christmas By Catching The Sydney Sneeze

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights mother-of-four has told her children to stay the fuck away from pubs, clubs and whatever the hell young people do these days because if they catch the Sydney Sneeze, somebody is going to get it. This Christmas, Wendy Dodson is pushing the boat out. Lunch will be large, both sides of the family...

Senate Candidate Pocock Says ‘Politics Is A Lot Like Rugby, Both Left And Right Wing Are Useless’

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A gorgeous climate change activist and former Wallabies captain has today thrown their hat in the political ring by announcing a run as a candidate for the ACT Senate, it’s reported. David Pocock hung up his sneakers in 2020 and has instead turned his focus to conservation efforts, which has seen him take part in non-violent protests, campaigns...

Man Heading Overseas Next Week Taking Virus More Seriously Than He Ever Did During Lockdown

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A triple-vaccinated young man who's spent the last two years talking down the dangers of this so-called superflu has retired to his home for the next week or so until he heads to Europe. Speaking to The Advocate about the prospect of finally being allowed to go home to see family and friends, Danish...

Woman Says If Omicron Doesn’t Ruin Christmas, Telling Her Uncle That Bradman Was A Racist Probably Will

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local woman has committed to ruining the only day her mother truly enjoys by telling her uncle that cricketing Jesus Don Bradman was actually extremely racist and anti-Catholic and because of that, he deserves to be posthumously cancelled. As for why she wants to disturb the uneasy peace between her and under Uncle...

Noisy Smash Assessor Reckons That 9 Times Out Of 10 It’s A Write-Off, Aye

MIGUEL MARTINEZ | Metro | Contact "It’s never been a secret that the fucking insurance companies are a bunch of crooks," French quarter resident, Franco Lorenzo told our reporter. "But all you Aussie cunts pay for that shit, right? What were you expecting?" Mr Lorenzo revealed to The Advocate that his company would regularly purchase cheap cars at the local auction...

Barnaby Returns From America With The Suitcase Of Duty-Free Dead Cats That Scotty Asked For

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Deputy Prime Minister has defeated the covid and has returned home to Canberra today with a suitcase full of dead American street cats that Prime Minister Scott Morrison asked him to bring home with him. Barnaby Joyce explained to waiting media today in a Parliamentary courtyard that he spent an entire day walking around...

Local Man Hatches Plan To Catch The Herb-Stealing Fuck Who Keeps Pillaging His Rosemary

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter terrace dweller says he's sick and tired of other people in the neighbourhood helping themselves to the rosemary he has in his front garden - so he's going to come up with a plan to stop them. Speaking to The Advocate in a rather unhinged manner, Rue de Putain graphic designer Jacques...

Launceston Man Marvels At Brisbane Cousin’s Fancy New Outdoor Garbage Incinerator

FRED THALE | Tourism | Contact A man from the Central Tasmanian town of Launceston has been filled with wonder and astonishment this afternoon as he landed in Brisbane to spend a week with his cousins over Christmas. When he's back home, Mark Cutler runs his own trades wholesale business and is often the one in his household who's tasked with...

“Why Am I Eating This?” Man Asks Himself Halfway Through Subway Foot-Long

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For some reason, a local city worker found himself in the heart of our town's Old City District today around lunchtime. It's one of the more touristy parts of our bustling inland metropolis and the food selections are grim and far between. With the sun high in the sky and his blood sugar crashing, Roden...

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