IN-Focus

Police Finally Catch Man Responsible For Stealing Clearcoat Off 1990s Magnas

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In good news for owners of the ubiquitous Mitsubishi Magna, police have finally arrested and charged a man responsible for stealing clearcoat from the popular 1990s-era car.  The first Australian-built Magna was released in 1985, although it wasn’t until the second generation was released in 1991 that the...

Storm Fan Who Actually Lives In Melbourne Used To Watching These Finals Alone Anyway

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Melbourne local and Storm fanatic Brett Moore (33) has had what is very fair to call a ‘mixed bag’ of a year. “The way my Storm has played has been the jaffas in my mixed bag,” grinned a weary Moore as he donned his purple scarf. 

Woman Embarks On Yearly Ritual Of Downloading Sims Expansions Pack And Playing For Five Days Straight

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s that time of year again. Time for local woman Jasmine Ferguson to remember that the game Sims exists. She’s not a gamer per see, but she has played San Andreas a couple of times. Even though it only included ignoring the missions completely and just...

New Colleague Instantly Passes Probationary Period With Impressive Schooner Carry

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local sales administration person has today been given some great news. The 25-year-old Britney Janz was told by HR this morning that she has passed her probationary period, and been offered a permanent role. The great news comes after Britney's impressive schooner carry at...

Teenager Wearing Nautica And Swearing Heaps Outside Valley Maccas Added To BigSound Line Up

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT It’s alleged that a young fella has unknowingly hoodwinked BIGSOUND organisers after he was seen blasting OneFour out of his Kmart speaker. Paulo Mamea was reportedly waiting for his chicken nuggets at the valley Maccas last Friday evening when he thought he’d do the crowd a favour and...

“We Need More Tourists” Says Government That Forces Backpackers To Pick Fruit For $5 An Hour

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just as a toddler will one day declare they are willing to dress themselves, Australia has put its hand up and is ready to reopen for tourists. “We need to get the word out that Australia is open and ready to go,” said Prime Minister Scott Morrison, who as...

Dad Keeps Ten Steps Ahead On Bush Walk Like A General Leading Soldiers Into Battle

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local Betoota Heights household has decided to celebrate the warm weather by going on a hike, it’s reported. Per mum's suggestion that they ‘get some sunshine’, the Donaldson family have loaded up the family Jeep and traded their usual sleepy Sundays for a walk through the wilderness. It...

Melbourne Bubble Buddies Begin Contract Negotiations As End Of Lockdown Season Looms

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the good news continues to filter through for Melbourne, the city has today entered stage two of its roadmap out of lockdown. Now as Melbourne faces the prospect of further loosened restrictions in three weeks' time, the cities 'bubble buddies' are being forced to have some tough...

Centrelink Gives Into Public Demand And Changes Their Hold Music To Dune Rats

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact During a routine phone call to government services agency Centrelink, JobSeeker recipient Nick Wahl (27) was relieved to finally hear that his demands had been met. With JobSeeker and JobKeeper payments cut, Wahl is just one of many who is relieved to hear Centrelink has at least listened to...

Local Man Hits Happiest Low Point As Kebab Shop Guy Asks If He’s Having ‘The Usual’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After a long day at work, featuring an early start, late finish and a passive-aggressive office-wide email about the state of the kitchen, Ollie Murphy decided he was in no mood to cook and sought refuge in his local kebab shop. The mixed emotions didn’t stop for this 28-year-old as the kebab shop owner asked him if...

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