IN-Focus

Father Of Local Puffer Jacket Chode Fears Son Will Live At Home Forever After Doing Arse On Bitcoin

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The long-suffering father of a local crypto pig has lamented the fact that his idiot son had most of his meagre earnings in Bitcoin and other digital assets, which means he's now destined to spend the rest of his life in the annex out the back of his gorgeous Arts & Craft mansion in...

Sydney Morning Herald Attempts To Jump On The 80s Trend By ‘Outing’ Rebel Wilson

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe Sydney Morning Herald has today defended their threats to out Australian comedian and actress Rebel Wilson, by stating that they merely wanted to jump onto the whole 80s trend. The journalist in question ,Andrew Hornery, who is also gay, has come under fire by giving Rebel Wilson two days to answer his email before he published his op...

Local Publican Informs Loyal Employee She’s Been Let Go By Not Giving Her Shifts And Ignoring Calls

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local publican has this week ghosted a loyal employee, by refusing to inform her that she’d actually been let go. The employee in question, Jacinta McMullan had worked at the Shifty Hen for two and half years as a casual employee, taking up three to four shifts a week as well as being the go to person...

ACT Set To Decriminalise Drugs In A Bid To Finally Give Canberra A Vibe

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAnd in what might be the most random news of the week, the Australian Capital Territory has agreed to decriminalise small amounts of drugs, which includes ice, cocaine and even heroin. This means that people found with small traces of these drugs would be subject to fines instead of jail time, with police turning their focus to tracking down...

ASIO Begins Recruitment For Younger Sisters Who Never Got Caught Borrowing Clothes In High School

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO) struggles to attract more applicants as there hasn’t been any good spy movies in a while, they’ve had to get a little bit more creative with their marketing tactics - this time, targeting the female demographic. Speaking to head surveillance officer, Carole Ford, The Advocate learns that women have been seriously underrepresented...

Rapidly Ageing Millennial Reckons The Placebo Cover Of Running Up That Hill Was Better

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local millennial has today dropped quite the controversial statement, by insisting the Placebo cover of ‘Running Up That Hill’ is better than the original. Jasmine Hynes is alleged to have caught wind of the hype surrounding the Kate Bush classic after her Facebook feed and Tik Tok algorithm were both completely obliterated by Stranger Things posts. When the...

Inner City Leftie Accidentally Uses RAT Test Designed For Blokes Who Actually Work For A Living

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young man from our town's French Quarter has been offended by a RAT test this morning after it gave him a piece of its mind. Martin Pooley (32) said he popped into his local hardware shop to pick up some removable hooks for his rented studio apartment when he felt a mild illness coming...

“Lol Sorry” Says RBA Governor Philip Lowe After Raising Rates Despite Saying He Wouldn’t Until 2024

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Reserve Bank Governor Philip Lowe has issued a backhanded apology this morning after those people he lured into getting a giant mortgage at almost no interest are now "completely fucked" and will probably end up under a bridge. "To those people who were stretching their arse to pay the minimum repayment at record low...

Katter: “Give Me Ten Good Blokes And A Dozen SLRs And I’ll Secure Our Gas Reserves And Make Sure None Of It, Not Even A Bic Lighter Of The...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Member for Kennedy Bob Katter has unveiled his plan to make sure the gas shortage crisis is averted on the east coast, detailing a four-point strategy to make sure Australian families are put first before corporate profits. Katter has called on the Federal Government to give him "ten good blokes" and a dozen L1A1...

Reserve Bank Say New Labor Government Is To Blame For Projected 16% Interest Rate Hike Tomorrow

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact More pain is on the way for people with mortgages this week after the shadowy organisation that moonlights as the central banking authority in this country looks to up the cost of the Australian Dream. The figure that experts are suggesting will be in the ballpark of 16% with the possibility that they might even...

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