First Live Performance Of ‘Satisfy You’ In 20 Years Receives Standing Ovation From Prison Inmates
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThere's been an air of jubilation among inmates of a protective unit of a US prison today as Diddy and R.Kelly finally reunited in their first performance of the song Satisfy You in over 2 decades.
The performance, which many inmates say was a trip back to 1999, was only made possible due to the recent arrest of disgraced...
Thursday Night Earmarked For Local Man To Head To The Pub With The Boys So He’s Hungover On Company Time Tomorrow Then Fresh On The Weekend For Family
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a masterclass of time management, French Quarter professional Nathan Barker has locked in a Thursday night pub session with his mates, ensuring he’ll be hungover on company time Friday but fresh for family duties by the weekend.
"Thursday’s perfect," says the 37-year-old lanyard-wearing serf.
"You roll into work a bit rough on Friday, but no...
RBA Tells Homeowners To EADC LMAO As It Keeps Rates Steady
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Reserve Bank has kept rates on hold for the 10th consecutive month, extinguishing hopes that mortgage holders would get a special October Long Weekend treat from the central bank.
In a short press conference this afternoon in Sydney, the bank's spokesperson said the figures just didn't match the criteria needed to slash rates.
"In short,...
Gas Escaping From Sentient, Cardigan-Wearing Nappy Bin Mistakenly Transcribed And Published In The Australian
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A sound of noxious gas escaping from cardigan-wrapped sentient nappy bin has been transcribed and mistakenly published in The Australian this week.
Editors from the nation's largest journalistic money pit are now investigating how that sound was converted into inch upon inch of newsprint dedicated to justifying the wholesale killing of dozens of adults and...
Sydney Finance Wanker Begins Search For SCG Members Card And Swans Scarf To Borrow
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
With the Swans set to host Port Adelaide in a crucial semi-final at the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) this Friday, asset manager and self-confessed South Melbourne tragic Tom Kingston has begun his hunt for an Members card and a Swans scarf to borrow.
Despite having minimal interest in AFL for most of the year, Kingston...
“I Could See Myself Living Here” Says Australian Visiting Nicest Part Of London In The Middle Of Summer
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local woman who bookended a trip to Europe with a long July weekend in London came to the conclusion that she could actually live there.
Strolling the streets of Chelsea on a 28 degree day with a gentle onshore wind in her hair, Betoota Heights public relations account manager Kelly Douglas explained to...
Ambulance Wait Times Have Blown Out Because Nation Has Gone Soft, According To Minister
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
As ambulance wait times across Australia continue to reach record highs, the Federal Health Minister Mark Butler has taken a unique approach to addressing the crisis, suggesting that the issue lies not with the health system, but with Australians themselves.
In a press conference this morning in Canberra, the minister declared that the nation’s ambulance...
There Are Two Equally As Good Games Of Victorian Leg Tennis On This Weekend That People Will Certainly Enjoy Watching
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
People from all parts of the country are excited to watch some Victorian Leg Tennis games this weekend.
There are two games on; one between East Sydney and Port Adelaide and the other between Brisbane and Geelong. They all have good players and are playing for a spot in the grand final. The grand final...
Australians To Re-Embrace The Noble Art Of Scalping As Ticketmaster Introduces Dynamic Pricing
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAustralia is now yet another lucky country to experience Ticketmaster dynamic pricing, as fans hoping to see punk rock band Green Day report tickets reaching ridiculous prices.
General admission tickets for the March 2025 tour went on sale for $200, however, for those wanting a seated ticket, that price point has soared to a staggering $500.
Much like Uber surge...
“It’s Only A Matter Of Time Until It Gets Us” Say Parents Of Sick Toddler Down With Gastro
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights couple is reportedly waiting for the inevitable as their two-year-old son, Ollie James, battles an aggressive bout of gastro.
After a sleepless night of constant clean-ups, nappy changes, and worrying about dehydration, the parents, Mel and Dave Williams, have accepted that it's only a matter of time before they both go down...
