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“War On Christmas” And Other Things Scott Morrison Might Pull Out Of His Arse This Week

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After having already tried his luck with the Australia Day debate, religious freedoms, Muslims not condemning terrorists and the national security risk posed by social media - it appears there are only a few more stereotypical populist cliches that Prime Minister Morrison can pull out of his sleeve before everyone tunes out of politics over Christmas. After spending...

Correlation Established Between Doing Shoeys and Yelling ‘Nice Garry’ For No Reason

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A landmark study has been released today finding a direct link between two of society's most painfully obnoxious acts. The report released by the Betoota Anthropological Society (BAS) concluded that there is a definitive correlation between doing 'Shoeys' and yelling 'Niceeeee Garrrrrrrry' or 'Bowling Garrrrrrrry,' for no reason at all. The above phrase was made popular by former Australia Wicket...

Government Almost As Obsessed With Gay Kids In Catholic Schools As The Priests Are

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Coalition nightwatchman and current Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, has today been unable to get his party to agree that gay kids shouldn't be expelled from Catholic schools for being gay. This backwards slide in policy indicates that the Coalition government is almost as obsessed with gay kids in religious schools as the rock spider priests and teachers that...

President Trump Has A Great Meeting With Man He Thinks Is Named Malcolm

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite a schedule full of watching Fox News and tweeting (almost definitely from the toilet) US President Donald Trump managed to find time to meet with Australia’s Prime Minister who according to him is a guy called Malcolm. In his search to meet someone who represents the average Australian, Prime Minister Scott Morrison organised to meet with the...

PM Ploughs Through Beyoncè Discography In Effort To Better Understand His Female Colleagues

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A desperate Prime Minister Morrison has today made an effort to mend his relationship with the remaining female MPs within his government, after Julia Banks resigned from the Liberal Party on Tuesday, a decision that has plunged the Morrison Government further into minority. Banks’ decision to leave the party sends a devastating message to voters that the Liberal...

ARIAS: Label Executives Overheard Discussing Benefits Of This New Thing Called Social Media

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When it comes to fashion, the guests at the 2018 ARIA Awards have certainly brought it. So far we've seen frilly pink ensembles and champagne layered dresses, some dudes in suits, low neckline cocktail dresses, push up bras with bridal tails, couple more dudes in suits and of course linen jumpsuits! However, while the women may be on top...

Sydney Opera House Employ RSA Marshal For First Time Ever Ahead Of Betoota Advocate Roadshow

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time in Australian stage and theatre history, The Sydney Opera House has been forced to hire an RSA Marshal for this weekend only. This comes as an array of unrefined and uncouth Sydney residents, as well as regional visitors, make their way to the iconic Australian landmark to see The Betoota Advocate Roadshow, in it's...

Local Rooting Machine Can’t Say Too Much About Schoolies Around Mum Haha

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A formerly awkward teenager has returned back to town after schoolies week with a bit of swag, and a new pair of sunnies, it has been confirmed. After pulling back into the drive-way of the family home in his dark green 1994 VW Golf, the whole neighbourhood stops for a moment to take in the new man. The 17-year-old...

Nearby Bucks Party Looks Like A Horrible Time

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A bunch of awkward blokes that are turning into a bunch of drunk awkward blokes at the TAB the Lord Kidman Hotel in Betoota's Old City District, don't look like they are having much fun. In fact, according to witnesses this apparent bucks party looks like it's pretty shit This could be because they could be a fatal concoction...

Emergency Response Crews Called After Huntsman Spotted In Living Room Of Local Sharehouse

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local sharehouse is currently at panic stations this afternoon after a spider was spotted by two of its residents in the living room. The 4 bedroom sharehouse in Betoota's French Quarter is currently being held hostage by a moderately sized huntsman spider. Spotted a few minutes ago by two of the residents, the Huntsman has caused emergency response crews...

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