Breaking News

“We Need Victims To Speak Up” Says Legal System That Just Dismissed An Entire Jury’s Decision

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some genuinely shocking news this morning, George Pell is set to be released from Barwon Prison, after a bunch of rich old white lawyers dismissed the jury's finding that the former Cardinal was guilty. In a giant middle finger to the nation’s sexual assault victims, who are...

Disgraceful Crowds At The Park Shamed In Online Photos Taken By Woman Who Is Also At The Park

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Social distancing measures continue to ramp up across Australia in the wake of the COVID-19 Pandemic. As of 6:00am today, there have been 5,744 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Australia. This number is up 109 new cases since 6:00am yesterday. Of the 5,744 confirmed cases in...

Bloke Using Jerrycan Without A Funnel Really Backs Himself

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Diamantina Link Road, it can be confirmed today that Phil Walters has supreme confidence in his ability. The vet whose been happy enough to avoid heading into town for the last couple of days with a raft of livestock-related trips keeping him occupied...

Nation’s Brawlers Switch To Power Ranger Fighting To Maintain 1.5m Distance

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Australian society adapts to the new reality of COVID-19 measures, even drunken boofheads that enjoy punching on outside bars are adjusting their behaviour to minimise the risk of infection. Supermarkets, Centrelink, parks and streets are emerging as the new venues for these impromptu showdowns, being the only things...

Bored Hospo Worker Checks His Super Balance For A Bit Of A Laugh After Everything

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In pursuit of a bit of light entertainment amidst these uncertain times, Damon Thompson has decided to treat himself to a little bit of laugh this morning. Kicking off another day of optimistically applying for jobs while waiting for the Job Seeker payment to kick in, Damon decided...

Bloke At Servo Counter Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Sickly Man In Face Mask Pulls Out A Knife

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT While Australians young and old whinge about not going to the pub for a few weeks, those on the frontline continue to risk their health in an effort to keep essential services running. One such worker, servo clerk Neil tells The Advocate that he thought he'd experienced such a risk...

Australians Begin Panic Buying Rita Hayworth Posters As States Bring In New Lockdown Measures

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Over three states have this week announced strict new draconian measures to prevent the further spread of COVID-19. People in NSW are living under Australia's toughest coronavirus lockdown and face fines of up to $11,000 if they break the rules that prevent Australians from going outside unless it is...

Isolation Providing An Opportunity To Finally Make A Dent In 100 Strong Scented Candle Collection

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local woman is being praised for making the most of a shitty situation today. Lucky enough to be a city finance worker who can take her job home, young Ashley Wilson has decided to lift the mood in her sharehouse today by whipping out one of her...

Two Weeks Into Self-Isolation, Housemates Unanimously Agree To Start Rooting Each Other

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the nation locks in for a long winter indoors, hundreds of thousands of Australians are kicking themselves for not being more prepared. As of 3:00pm today, there have been 3,966 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Australia. There have been 331 new cases since 3:00pm yesterday.

Australians Urged To Drink 8 Glasses Of Hand Sanitiser Per Day

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As Australians experience many lifestyle changes to the status quo as a response to Coronavirus, the Australian Government has issued a reminder to the Australian public to continue to practice good hygiene until the crisis is over; at which point we can go back to not washing our hands, spitting on the...

Social

736,846FansLike
579,522FollowersFollow
60,384FollowersFollow

Breaking News