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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local liquor store employee has spoken out about his frustration at everyone calling him ‘Chief’ or ‘Champ’ or ‘Legend.’  “It’s like those words don't even mean anything any more,” said Gary Tripe of Dapto. “No one ever asks me about my high school athletics achievements? Or the time I made intra-regional footy trials in under 14.”  “They just call me...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Federal Opposition Leader has been praised this week for deciding to give the general public the tightly held keys to success. As the nation debates the merits of the political class having giant property portfolios whilst doing nothing to fix the housing crisis, Dutton has decided to release his secrets for success. Rather than take action on...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Queensland Opposition Leader has today moved to clarify a notable policy position ahead of the second Premier’s debate.  David Crisafulli has confirmed to The Advocate that Premier Steven Miles’ ‘Free Lunch for School Children’ policy is complete bullshit.  “Mate, that’s the problem with this generation, they expect everything to just be handed to them on a platter,” said the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local Year 12 student has felt a wave of relief wash over her body this evening, after some choice words from her cousin. Strolling home after ‘bombing’ another exam, Aisling McCarney was feeling pretty glum about how she had performed in her final school exams of the last couple of weeks. However, despite feeling like she had ruined her...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The head of the Prime Minister's Optics Department has today taken the day off. Speaking to one of our reporters from the Kingo, Andrew Ryan explained that he's not even bothering today. This comes after it was alleged the Prime Minister has just purchased a $4.3 million dollar property on the Central Coast. The stunning property with ocean...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man has today won the weekend, barely minutes after it kicked off.  With another much needed Friday afternoon rolling around, Tony Johnson has done so by getting on the front froot and doing a spot of shopping.  Not for the new toilet seat he needs to sort out in the bathroom, or groceries which he and his partner...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a sad but understandable story, the King of Clay has announced his retirement today. Rafael Nadal has revealed that he's hanging up the racquet, after a 23-year professional career battling some of the greats of the game on his way to 22 Grand Slam Singles Titles. After over 2 decades of persistent and lingering wedgies, the Spaniard...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Those who make up the population of our closest capital city have today been urged to pull their finger out. With the Maletildas heading to town for a crunch World Cup Qualifying match against China, residents of Adelaide have been told to get off their bums and support the boys. With the nation's favourite sporting team on a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local white collar man from Betoota Heights has this week returned home from work to a rather confronting scene. Walking back in the door on a run of the mill Wednesday night, Brandon Willis was greeted by an extremely graphic surgical procedure taking place in the front of him. "Yeah, as I opened the door I saw...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of the nation's most recognisable sporting stars has received a welcome boost off the field today. Mary Fowler, one of the faces of Australia's most popular sporting teams is preparing to host her new boyfriend over in the United Kingdom. Currently playing for Manchester City in the Women's Super League (WSL) - Fowler is based in the...