Breaking News

Recently Single Woman Becomes Fully Versed With Every Personality Disorder Known To Man

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT When local woman Evie Williams finally cut the cord with her childhood sweetheart, she thought diving into the realm of dating would be a fun filled adventure of exciting hookups, deep conversations, and passionate acclamations of love. Bored shitless of the security, stability and comfort offered by her previous partner, Evie says she’d been dying to feel some...

Apprentice Seemingly Under Impression Whole Lunch Crew Want To Hear His TikTok Feed

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A Betoota Heights Apprentice has just been told to fucking pull his head it can be confirmed. This comes after 18-year-old aspiring plumber Ayden Williams decided to treat the rest of the job site to some full volume TikTok videos today. With everyone hooking into a bit of lunchtime grub and making some chit chat about the weekend...

Government In Debt From Protecting Baby Boomer’s Lungs Now Focused On Protecting Their Assets

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact With the pandemic slowly moving into the rearview locally, the Federal Government has turned its attention to how it can best serve the upper and upper-middle classes going forward. After shutting down the economy for the best part of a year to prevent the boomer remover from wreaking havoc amongst our rapidly aging population, Josh Frydenberg has announced...

Shit Day At School Made Even Worse After Child Spies Crock Pot Simmering In Kitchen

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local child Sam Turbot cannot seem to catch a break. Not only did she mess up an important part of her English assignment but her mate Sally also has the shits with her - which may or may not be completely Sam’s fault, but she’s not in the mood for self-reflection right now. It’s alleged her morning had...

Woodwork Class Made More Exciting By Teacher’s Missing Fingers

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Year 10 students at Betoota Public High received education with a devilish twist today. According to his peers, Ronald Leighton (54) is a highly regarded member of staff with an 18 year tenure whose passion for education is outmatched only by his passion for staff trips to wine country. “What he lacks in fingers he makes up for in gusto,”...

Fossil Fuel Industry Fuming After Frydenberg Fails To Give Them Final Cut On Federal Budget

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a historic moment for the nation, Josh Frydenberg is set to deliver a landmark budget tomorrow night. For the first time, the Federal Treasurer of a Coalition government is set to hand down a budget that hasn't been officially signed off by the fossil fuels industry. Traditionally, the annual federal budget is handed to the heads of...

Pop Deaf Enough That Nan Can Talk Shit About Him When He’s Right There

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact In a sad reminder of the consequences of a life well-lived, Flight Path grandfather of eight, Bob Gardener (81), is losing his hearing, possibly due to his fascination with visiting airshows without using earbuds.  The gradual loss of his hearing has been heartbreaking for his loving family with the exception of his wife of 54 years Edna Gardener (79)...

Modern Day Socrates Drops Some Of That Fire Philosophical Theory At 6AM Mark During Kick Ons

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A large group of partygoers have unknowingly entered a space in kickons time continuum known as the ‘dnm zone’ or ‘some strangers kitchen’, as it’s commonly known. It’s alleged the group of ravers had been chatting about times they’d gotten on the gear when the light-hearted talk was interrupted by a mysterious looking bloke no one could recognise. Standing at...

Land Speed Record Broken By R32 Skyline Facing Orange Light

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The Land Speed Record has again been set in Australia, marking the first time a successful attempt on the record has been made here since 1964. In that year, Englishman Donald Campbell set a new record of 648.73km/h in ‘Bluebird’ on Lake Eyre. This was the only time since 1927 that the record had not been set in...

Brisbane Dad Messages His Kids In Byron To Warn Of Active Cases 1000km South Of Them

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact In the latest tale of survival, Brisbane dad Ian Grey has sent an urgent message to his Byron Bay based adult children to warn them about the active Covid cases 1000kms south of them in Sydney.  Having allowed his children to explore creativity and arts Grey was hardly surprised when his three offspring partook in the natural migration to...

Social

779,997FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
75,647FollowersFollow

Breaking News