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Local Woman Calls Ceasefire On Cold War With Best Friend To Deliver Juicy Goss

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local besties Eliza Woodward and Jeanine Toddle are not on speaking terms as a result of some boy troubles, it’s reported. It’s alleged that Jeanine had been going on about ‘Jason’ for months and that the relationship had been pretty inconsistent and one-sided. When he wasn’t replying to her...

Violent Rural Town Transformed Into Cosy Weekend Destination With New Woodfired Pizza Joint

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact No one knows what makes Mt Quilby so rough. Just two hours south as the crow flies from the Betoota CBD, one could easily mistake Mt Quilby as being part of a different, significantly more violent, world. Perhaps it is due to the cement works...

Pop’s Review Of His First Ever Craft Beer Not Fit For Print

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact A family BBQ in Betoota Heights has turned into a Gordon Ramsay-esque food & drink analysis after grandfather Patrick ‘Pop’ Murphy (74) accidently drank one of his grandson’s craft beers. Like most men his age, Murphy does not see the sense in the craft beer industry, choosing instead the...

“You’ll Miss This Stage When He Gets Older” Old Lady Tells New Mum Who Hasn’t Slept in Four Days

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Though local woman Sarah Henderson was warned that having a newborn was hard, she hadn’t expected it to be quite this difficult. You see, after a whole year of IVF, Sarah had reached a point where she was expected to feel nothing but pure joy that the treatment had...

Trans-Tasman Bubble To Hopefully Include Hawaii And The Shire

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact The decrease in COVID-19 cases across Australia has led to promising discussions that could see a Trans-Tasman travel bubble open between New Zealand and certain Australian states. Looking increasingly likely with every day the Aus government does not belittle New Zealand for fun, travellers and those living with wanderlust...

Scotty Gets A Brain Freeze After Attempting To Skull A XXXX Gold While On QLD Campaign Trail

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today experienced one of the worst forms of temporary pain - a brain freeze. The unfortunate event happened when the Head Of Marketing was trying to market himself to some Queenslanders he hopes will vote for Deb Fregleton (? copy editors can you...

Local Dietician Falls Off Her Chair After Learning What Chippy Cousin Bryce Eats For Breakfast

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local dietician received one of the shocks of her life after a conversation at her aunty's house yesterday. Brydie Hand, the 24-year-old second-year graduate at Royal Betoota Base Hospital fell off her chair last night, after her cousin Bryce revealed what he puts into his body.

Hot Mess Gladys Impulsively Joins F45 After Destroying Her Credit Card At PE Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The embattled Premier of NSW has this afternoon decided to turn things around, and get her life back on track. After a few days of drama, and people trying to cause shit because of her personal life (which may or may not result in her being kicked out...

Year 12 Formal Attendees Encouraged To Sanitise Lip Of Little Fat Lamb Bottle Between Shared Sips

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As Year 12 students outside of Victoria gear up to formally celebrate finishing their time at high school, health officials have pleaded for socially distant celebrations. With formals going ahead with limited capacity and COVID safe protocols, Year 12 formal attendees have also been urged to sanitise the...

National Trust Calls For Heritage Listing Of Last Remaining Bus Stop In Liverpool With Intact Glass

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact The National Trust has stepped in to call for the heritage listing of the only remaining bus stop in Liverpool still featuring it’s original glass, dating back almost half a decade.  The historic structure, built in 2016, harkens back to a simpler time, when locals would sit on...

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