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Expectant Couple Put Aside Some RATs For Child’s Future

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT One lucky fetus is off to a good start as their mum and dad wisely put aside some RATs for their little one's future. Rapid Antigen Tests also known as RATs (or RAT Tests for people who don’t care for acronyms) provide users with an opportunity to test themselves for the spicy cough while getting a brief little glimpse...

NSW Police Also Can’t Really Provide Answers As To Why There Weren’t Any Sniffer Dogs At Hillsong Youth Festival

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With people nationwide condemning the government’s decision to forego fining Hillsong Church for very clearly defying public health rules, further insult has been added to injury by the lack of police presence and sniffer dogs, which have been a common addition to the festival scene for years. The Hillsong Church only recently landed in hot water when videos of...

NSW Premier Fronts The Media For Another Big Day Of Leading The Nation Out Of This Thing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The leader of the nation's most populous state has today rolled up the sleeves to remind everyone how good a job he and his government are doing. This comes a few months after boldly proclaiming that he and NSW would lead the nation out of woods and into a post-spicy cough world, as his first order of business...

Local Woman Horrified To Discover New Boyfriend Comes From A ‘Matching Outfits’ Family

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A local woman has today discovered that when it comes to dating, there’s always something. From the sweet, doting tradie who had a son he forgot to mention, to the charming, handsome med student with concerning opinions about women’s rights, Tess Colley has seen it all. In fact, she’s seen a little too much. So when she met her current...

Cruel System Designed To Make Life Hell For Desperate Refugees Accidentally Affects Rich White Man

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The 7.73 billion non-Australian members of the human race are scratching their noggins this week as they struggle to wrap their heads around the fact that Australia is not letting someone into the country. It's been confirmed that the rest of the world isn't really impressed by this whole 'tough on borders thing.' As tennis fans tune in to see...

$300 Gram Of Class A Narcotics Trafficked Across Three Continents Somehow Easier To Procure Than Australian Made RAT Test

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT With thousands of Aussies struggling to find RAT tests and recent news of New South Wales fining those who don’t submit results, many are left wondering if it’s even worth notifying the government, given the amount of hoops they need to jump through just to get an answer. Despite RAT tests made here in Australia, including a facility that...

Grandkids Left Stunned After Danish Biscuit Tin At Nan’s Found To Contain Danish Biscuits

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A shocking incident has been reported at a Betoota Heights residence this morning. In the heart of a quiet cul-de-sac in some made-up housing estate built 20 years ago, police are considering pressing charges of fraud, after a child discovered a Danish biscuit tin, with Danish biscuits in it. The breathtaking discovery was made by 9-year-old Maizee Robbins...

New Jackass Movie Trailer Shows Machine Gun Kelly Getting Taken Down By Boomers Again

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT In some lighter news, the Jackass boys are back at again with their wild antics, showing a touch of gout won't stop them from having their fun. Jackass Forever has quickly spread across Twitter, with many eagle-eyed fans spotting cameos from Eric Andre, Tyler the Creator and Machine Gun Kelly - the latter of which, appears to have...

Sleep Deprived Nurse Relieved To Hear Future Is Now In Safe Hands With 75 Diesel Powered Tanks

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT As nurses all around Australia begin to heavily rethink the profession they were once deeply passionate about, one overworked nurse in Betoota Ponds is finally starting to see a silver lining - a 3.5 billion dollar purchase agreement for 120 army tanks. A bubbly Shannon Wheeler told The Advocate that after a nightmare few weeks of double shifts,...

Sky News Oddly Quiet About Latest Attempt To Mix Sport With Politics

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Novak Djokovic debacle continues to unfold in Melbourne, it's been revealed that Sky News and its Murdoch counterparts have been particularly silent on a particular issue in the saga. Nearly a week after Djokovic was detained in Melbourne, the network that serves as a news bible for conservative parents has somehow forgotten to attack Scott Morrison...

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