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Uncultured Man Drinks Cocktail With Full Grip

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man has today worked up the courage to order his first ever cocktail at a trendy bar in Betoota’s meat packing district. According to Jack Scales (29) the menu may as well have been in Japanese, with none of the cocktail names meaning anything to him at all. After staring at the menu and pretending he knew...

Urgent Recall Ordered On Club Sangers After Barnaby Finds Sharp Object In Armidale Pub Lunch

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The former Deputy Prime Minister of Australia has cast himself back into the headlines again today after calling for a drastic action to contain a potential threat to pub feeds around the nation. Barnaby Joyce told The Betoota Advocate just moments ago that he will be calling for an urgent recall on all Club Sandwiches across Australia, after finding...

2018 Koori Knock Out Erupts In Cheers As Beloved Special Envoy Arrives At Dubbo In Private Jet

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony X has decided to risk a possible parole violation by chartering a government aeroplane to Dubbo so that he can catch the final rounds of the 2018 Koori Knock Out. This follows a whirlwind month for Uncle Tony, ever since he was gifted the role of Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs by Scott Morrison...

Peter Dutton Patronisingly Compliments Uncle Tony X For Not Being Like “The Other Ones”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ahead of making his way to Dubbo for the 2018 Koori Knock Out, Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony X has today been given the 'white nod' from his Liberal party colleague, Peter Dutton. The 'white nod' is defined by Oxford Dictionary as the moment in a black person's life when they become familiar enough with a white person to...

Millennials Begin Poking Needles Into Vacant Investment Properties To Drive Down House Prices

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Struggling first-home-buyers may have found an easy foot into the hyper-inflated Australian property, it has been confirmed. Mirroring the the damage done to Australian fruit growers over the last fortnight, local millennial, Courtney Fisher (25) has starting randomly poking needles into the plasterboard walls of investment properties in her childhood suburb. "It's the only way" she says. "The negative gearing tax...

“Dear Men, Think You Can Get Away With Man-Spreading While Alone On Holidays? Think Again”

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT Haha.. So Mexico has been kinda fun. For those who don't read much of my stuff, yeah, I've currently spent the last few weeks doing Mexico. Bit of backpacking, bitta hostel living, bitta glamping. But yeah, still get a couple hours to sit down with the laptop from time to time, and yeah, these guys are still paying me. So...

“It’s Time For Some Balance” Scott Morrison Nominates Mike Baird As New Director Of The ABC

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today welcomed the resignation of the ABC board chairman Justin Milne, and has finally commented on who should replace the recently sacked director, Michelle Guthries. "I think it's fair to say that the ABC is at-risk of becoming an inner-city leftie echo chamber" Morrison says that by hiring an ex-Murdoch executive as the ABC's managing...

Uncle Tony X Tells His Nephews That They’re Distantly Related To Latrell’s Mob

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As far as Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony is concerned, Sydney Rooster superstar Latrell Mitchell is basically his own mob. This revelation comes as the Member For Warringah is forced to pick a side ahead of this weekend's NRL Grand Final, after his beloved South Sydney Rabbitohs were knocked out in last Saturday's preliminary final. Uncle Tony X says while...

Bloke Who Ran Over All Those Emus Reportedly Polling Better Than Bill Shorten As Preferred PM

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Running Over Emus And Laughing Party has today increased its two-party-preferred vote by 2% in the latest Newspoll, shooting past Labor’s previous election-winning lead in the wake of the Liberal leadership spill. The party, lead by a 20-year-old man who deliberately ran down emus in his ute on a country road near the South Australian border last...

Emergence Of Mince Pies In Supermarket Heralds Start Of Inner City Leftie’s War On Christmas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Argh," he sighed. "Is it that time of year already?" In a stunning display of localised indulgent self-loathing, a mildly popular bicycle mechanic took to social media this morning to declare war on Christmas. Jackson Scullion-Pearson's casus belli is that unless people hadn't realised yet, it was 2018 and the notion of Christmas in the country has since...

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