Breaking News

Government Swears They’ll Pull Fossil Fuels Companies Into Line, They’ll Do It, Swear To God

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The people in charge of the country have this week confirmed that they are still trying to figure things out.  Despite being in power for well over 6 months now, the federal government has revealed that they are still working on what to do in regards to the nation’s energy crisis.  With prices skyrocketing and the nation no closer to...

Breaking News! Billionaire Says Something Dull And Then People Talk About It For Ages

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact This fine Masthead has had a long and storied past. Since its inception in the mid-1800’s, it has brought to the people some of the most incredible breaking news stories to have ever taken place in Australia and abroad. But nothing could have prepared The Advocate for what is the most profound breaking news story to have ever occurred...

Housemates Of Taylor Swift Fan Forced To Turn Off Mains Power After A Week Of Waterboarding

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A share-house in South Betoota has today been forced to take drastic action. After 7 days of non-stop Taylor Swift echoing through the halls of the quant 5 bedroom project home, one of the members of the share house has decided to take matters into his own hands. "Enough is enough," he sighed, flicking the mains power off...

Pubs To Roll Out Facial Recognition So They Can Identify Which Gamblers To Bring Spring Rolls

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota's very own Betoota Heights Hotel has today made headlines for signing up to a southern pokie policy. Affectionately known as the HH, the pub has reportedly decided to follow the suit of Clubs NSW, and is set to introduce facial recognition technology in its poker machine area. The questionable technology that raises more concerns than you can...

Mosman Cops Reveal They Had The Biggest Boners Over Possibility Of Shooting A Couple Lions 

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Cops in the sleepy Lower North Shore of Sydney have today revealed that they woke up with the biggest morning wood ever. A media officer for the Local Area Command named Alex De Angelis explained that the entire unit was pretty trigger happy this morning after learning that 5 lions were on the loose. The incident occurred at...

#NupToTheCup Activist Not Sure If He’s Got It In Him For A Third Year Of This Shit

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A Melbourne local has today revealed to The Advocate that he may do away with one of his favourite annual traditions. On the eve of the Melbourne Cup, Kew Malvern (27) explained that he doesn't know if he's got another 48 hours of #NupToTheCup activism in him. Growing in steam of the last few years, the #NupToTheCup movement calls...

Tarocash Support Race Day Sustainability By Installing Return & Earn For Single Use Plastics

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The nation’s most flammable suit retailer is being applauded this week, for kickstarting a new initiative to reduce the environmental impact of the spring racing carnival. After years of outfitting Aussies attending regional race tracks, or local courthouses, it’s believed Tarocash will be leading a new charge towards sustainability by promising to hit net zero plastic waste...

Lifelong Optus Customer Not Really Sure How Valuable [email protected] Is Gonna Be

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Corporate Australia is in a panic this week, after an anonymous but clearly amateur online hacker has somehow manage to breach the data of 9.8 million Australians through a cyberattack on the major telco Optus. Australians caught up this dismal display of complacent cybersecurity are now rushing to replace their driver’s licence numbers and get new cards, with State...

“Okay. You Can Give It A Fucking Rest Now” Nation Tells ABC Suck-Ups

In case you have spent the last week fixing fences in the back of the Simpson desert, you might not be aware that Queen Elizabeth II is no longer alive. However, with the occasional snippet of ABC National radio in the work ute, there is very little chance that even the most isolated and remote Australians would have missed the...

Buckingham Palace Blasted For Getting The Wrong Fergie Involved With Operation London Bridge

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Buckingham Palace staff member has today come under fire for making a massive blunder with the Queen’s funeral plans, which has caused the Royal Family some unwanted negative press on a day of mourning. As news spread across the world that Queen Elizabeth II has peacefully passed away, Buckingham palace’s inner circle have been called to launch ‘Operation...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,604FollowersFollow

Breaking News