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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Australian Football League has done it again, it can be confirmed this morning. Following the release of the wildly successful and popular "Woman's World" song, the AFL have gone and booked Katy Perry to perform on their biggest day. The league has hired the pop superstar who is still definitely at the top of her game to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The 2024 Paris Olympics are finally here! After years of build up and anticipation the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad have arrived. And that means a bumper few weeks ahead for sports fanatics, arm chair enthusiasts and even the most sports agnostic people - who always seem to find a way to enjoy the Games whether it's through...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the world continues to hurtle forward at a rapid pace, a local expert has confirmed that newer isn't always better. Shayne Thompson (36) from Betoota Heights has explained that while all these new E-Bikes kicking around the town are pretty flash, they still don't quite have that je ne sais quoi. "Pardon my French," laughed Shayne. "Seriously...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report led by a combination of the nation's leading research bodies has found that the Australian hard rock band Wolfmother's self-tilted debut album was the shit. The research into this finding was conducted by both the CSIRO (Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation), The Australian Bureau of Statistics and the Australian Research Council. After months of surveys, data...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local family has again been reminded that their 60 year old Bachelor French Quarter Uncle, Jeremy, is in fact a wanker. The reminder came after a casual family catch up when Scott (34) , a nephew of Jeremy, brought up the exhilarating past month in the sporting world in an attempt to involve his uncle in the family...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The owners of an abandoned coal mine spewing out dangerous emissions on the fringe of Australia’s biggest city have today moved to assure everyone that everything is sweet. “Hahaha chillllllllll guys,” laughed a spokesperson for South32, who owns the mine in question.  “It’s all sweet, don’t worry about it.”  “Trust us, it’s fineeeeee,” explained the operator of the Appin Mine, whose...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the race to the Whitehouse becomes to heat up, The Betoota Advocate has decided to break it's strict apolitical position and put forward a left field candidate. With Joe Biden officially pulling out of contention for the Democratic nomination in this November's US election, our humble regional newspaper is calling for Sydney Sweeney to be the 47th...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT It's been a big weekend for a young man from Melbourne. Brighton's Oscar Piastri has finally managed to win a game of Formula 1, after being given the decent controller last night. The historic moment for the second most famous person to come out of Brighton (after the park walk lady), follows a long couple of years of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The President of The United States has today made big call. Joe Biden has confirmed to The Advocate that he's deciding to focus upon himself, and join the Delaware Run Club. This comes after Biden confirmed that he would be dropping out of this year's Presidential Election Campaign, this morning Australian time. After the disaster debate a few...