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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local white collar man from Betoota Heights has this week returned home from work to a rather confronting scene. Walking back in the door on a run of the mill Wednesday night, Brandon Willis was greeted by an extremely graphic surgical procedure taking place in the front of him. "Yeah, as I opened the door I saw...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of the nation's most recognisable sporting stars has received a welcome boost off the field today. Mary Fowler, one of the faces of Australia's most popular sporting teams is preparing to host her new boyfriend over in the United Kingdom. Currently playing for Manchester City in the Women's Super League (WSL) - Fowler is based in the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's favourite tax-dodging and staff sacking airline have been hit by a second scandal in as many days. Qantas the once national own flagship operator has been forced to apologise after a serious technical mishap overnight. The red and white plane taking people home from Tokyo to Betoota's Remienko International Airport, reportedly glitched early into the route...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The sequel the world didn't really need has hit cinemas this week to mixed reviews. After the virality and success of the first instalment, the Joker film franchise has returned with the Joker: Folie à Deux. However, in a very weird pivot, the film is pretty much a musical. Despite the first film appealing to incels with its...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has returned to town this week after a long weekend away in the Diamantina Valley wine region. Famous for its white wine varieties on the rolling hills of the Mt Remienko Mountain ranges - the local man confirmed that he enjoyed the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of the fabled food and wine basket....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Rugby League’s most successful team of the 2020s are today keeping the good times going - leaning into the hallowed tradition of Mad Monday.  This comes after the 2024 NRL Grand Final saw the Penrith Panthers solidify their dominance with a historic fourth consecutive premiership, defeating the Melbourne Storm 14-6.  Lead by all the usual suspects, the boys from the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Hamish Whistler, a nice South Betootanese man, has just turned up to a house party on Crescent Road without a box of beer under the promise of getting one – but he’d love one of yours in the interim. The 29-year-old told our reporters that he’s got every intention of getting a carton for the game, it’s just that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A couple of good for nothing piece of shit biscuits have bludged their way through another working day. With Thursday evening rolling around, two Orange Cremes have ticked off their 15th full day of sitting on a Betoota Old City District Office bench top. "Yuck," scowled one of the employees at the financial analysis firm that does stuff...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local door opener from our town's aspirational Betoota Heights district has today directed a couple of local peasants to try and read between the lines. Hosting an open home at the incredibly convenient time of 10:30am on a Thursday morning, the local leasing agent from Ray-Hooker Betoota explained to prospective tenants of the new place how to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's most cost effective supermarket has today hit the news with an exciting new product for Australian consumers. Aldi has made a splash by revealing a holiday platform, which allows Aussies to plan their next holiday with a bunch of exclusive escapes, cruises and tour deals. Famous for providing nearly the exact same products to shoppers at a...