Breaking News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the world returns to normal, students from around the world are coming to Betoota to study at one of our town's world-leading tertiary education centers. South Betoota Polytechnic released a statement this week to cheerfully announce that their on-campus accommodation has reached capacity for the first time since 2019. Their off-campus places and third-party...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite having a disgrace amount of people on their team, a local pub trivia team has gone down to a group less than half the size at the Gelded Seahorse's trivia night last night. Made up of 13 city workers from every lanyard-wearing industry imaginable, the Silly Sausages became unstuck early on in the piece...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In news from Sydney, some new exciting tollways for residents of the Harbour city have been announced today. Unhappy with the numerous tolls scattered throughout Sydney, now commonly regarded as the worst city in the country, the state’s Premier Dominic Perrottet has confirmed that new ‘Footpath Tolls’ will grace the various walkways around the region. In the exciting announcement,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prospective homebuyer from our town's north has been laughed at this afternoon by his own parents after he asked them if they could perhaps gift him hundreds of thousands of dollars so he could put a deposit down on a proper French Quarter shitbox. He thought it was worth a shot but ultimately, Shaun...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local girl is reevaluating the marriageability of her boyfriend today after realising that he’s a bit of a grot. On route to doing a spin cycle class together at Elev8 fitness in Betoota Heights, The Advocate understands local primary teacher Steph Claire (28) realised that her bloke Hayden Dagwood (27) has a severe hygiene problem, and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Early polling has shown that the people of NSW are keen to try something new for the next three years because the previous three years have been a never-ending stream of self-indulgent fuck-ups and ICAC appearances. Starting with the bushfires in 2019, the people of NSW recall the gutting of the Rural Fire Service by...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young fella just looking for a place to rest his head at night is crestfallen today after yet another weekend of lining up to inspect yet another overpriced dogbox in a part of town that lacks even the most basic of services. The nearest mailbox is a 15-minute walk, and the closest service station...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local doctor has proudly told his mates down at the Royal Betoota Country Club that his son is now a doctor, which was received with the same mild fanfare you'd see after a 16ft chip-in on the 18th. Our town's only ENT surgeon, Dr Gavin Clarke, explained to The Advocate that the district might...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A self-congratulatory young man from our town's leafiest enclave has shrugged off suggestions that the government is putting too high a price on regional security while many across Australia are out on their arse just trying to survive. Despite accepting that the nation is quickly turning into those who have and those who have not,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shocking turn of events, an international student has arrived at South Betoota Polytechnic and is demanding basic respect and value for their degree. The student, who has asked to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation, says that they are tired of being treated like a cash cow by the university. "I came here...