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Rockhampton Hospital Inundated With Drunk Farmers Who Just Realised E-Scooters Are More Dangerous Than Horses

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Central Queensland's health system is this week buckling under the strain of a new phenomenon. Rockhampton Base Hospital has confirmed to The Advocate that they've had to call in staff from all around the state to help deal with the inundation of hospitalised bushies missing a bit of bark. The medical facility has seen an overwhelming number of...

Interest Rate Hike To Curb Corporate Profiteering And Global Markets By Pushing Ordinary People Over Mortgage Cliff

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Some of the bright minds in charge of managing our economy are set to meet today to discuss what to do with interest rates. Many in the know believe that the Reserve Bank of Australia may keep the cash rate on hold this afternoon, but more hikes are inevitable in the short term. The impending hikes will of course...

“Legalize It” Says Bloke Carrying On At Nimbin Mardi Grass Like It Was Ever Illegal To Begin With

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young man from NSW's fabled Northern Rivers has confirmed that he's still recovering today, after a quite a large weekend. The young free spirt who has an on and off again relationship with employment confirmed to The Advocate that Nimbin's Mardi Grass festival has really taken it out of him. "Brother, what a fucking weekend," laughed the...

Cute! New 29 Year Old Engineer Thinks He’s Going To Performance Manage 54 Year Old Road Crew Veteran

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In an adorable story from a few kilometres outside of a Betoota, a young civil engineer is making quite the name for himself. The young man is reportedly trying to leave a sizeable imprint on the Betoota Municipal Council's Road Crew, it can be confirmed today. Shipped up from Brisbane a few weeks ago, Ethan Skinner (29) confirmed...

Nepo Brother Humiliates Black Kid To Make Racist Viewers Feel Warm And Fuzzy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of Australia's most notable Nepo Brothers has this week caused a stir in a desperate attempt to achieve relevancy. The brother of Karl Stefanovic - also known as Peter Stefanovic to a few heartless Sky News' employees and some bored boomers on the couch at home - has created controversy by humiliating an Indigenous teenager from the...

Finance Hack: Ordering The First Round As Schooners For Mates That You Know Will Move Onto Pints

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the cost of living crisis rolls on for another week, The Betoota Advocate has decided to let our readers in on a little hack to save some coin. As the cost of everything gos through the roof as a result of the 'free market' doing what the free market does, beers at your local watering hole have...

“My Clothes Keep Shrinking” Says Frustrated Bachelor Who Keeps Tumble Drying Them

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local city man is today loudly voicing his opinions about an annoying issue in his life. Michael Grieve (29) from our town's Flight Path District has revealed to his office that he just can't wrap his head around why his clothes keep god damn shrinking. "Honestly, I know what you are gonna say," he laughed at his...

Government Leaves Bonza To Rot After Airline Fails To Offer Single Politician Free Lounge Access

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation is this week mulling over yet another failed attempt at breaking into the aviation market. Like many before them, an overseas backed airline by the name of Bonza yesterday revealed that they've done their arse. The newest kid on the air traffic controlled tarmac cancelled flights on Tuesday, leaving passengers stranded and with a 50/50 chance of...

Masterchef Contestant Eliminated From Show For Not Having A Sleeve Or Scribble Tattoos

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a sad tale from the world of reality TV, a man's dreams of celebrity chef stardom have come crashing down before they barely even got off the ground. Andrew Thompson from Brisbane's Inner West was the man who watched his new career ambitions crash and burn last night, after being booted off the popular show Masterchef Australia....

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