Chaotic Mate Still Running an iPod Into FM Transmitter Setup
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The hottest hits of 2009 are sound tracking a long road trip this morning as a group of friends embark on a weekend getaway.
With windows down and the sound of the Black Eyed Peas pumping, friends Alex, Xian and Hamish have piled into the car of their mate Lincoln Humphrey, a friend they love dearly,...
Report: There May Be A Lot Of The Pain In The World, But At Least The Cat Is Enjoying The Christmas Tree
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs global news cycles churn out unrelenting reports of economic uncertainty, environmental collapse, and general human misery, one small corner of the world remains untouched by despair: cats going ballistic over Christmas tree decorations.
One such magical moment is happening here in Betoota Heights, as the Parker family enjoy their annual tradition of watching Mr Bean make it his...
Local Mum Who ‘Just Popped In’ To Kmart Emerges 3 Hours Later With Half The Store
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT
Suburban mum Karen Mitchell has once again proved that a quick trip to Kmart is anything but brief.
Karen, who casually announced she was “just popping in” for a couple of bits and pieces, emerged three hours later with enough Kmart goodies to last her a lifetime.
Eyewitnesses report Karen’s initial plan was to grab a new doormat...
Cardboard Boxes Suddenly Expensive And Hard To Locate In The Days Before Local Man Moves House
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
In an unforeseen twist of fate, local man Greg Thompson (30) has discovered that cardboard boxes, the cheap and seemingly abundant vessels for packing goods, have become both exorbitantly priced and mysteriously scarce in the days leading up to his long-anticipated move.
"To be honest I really thought sourcing boxes was going to be the easiest part of...
Local Coward On Breakfast Date Politely Enjoys B&E Roll With Knife And Fork
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
An eligible Bachelor is the subject of intense public scrutiny this morning after putting on a wildly performative display of manners over breakfast.
Sitting down at The Squeaky Windmill Cafe in the flight path district, it’s pretty clear to every customer that the bloke soaking in cologne at 9am, Duncan Herons (28), is on a date....
“It’s Time To Come Back To Office” Boss Tells 22 Year Old That’s Been Forced To Stay Home Since Year 11
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
A 22 year old who was forced to do year 11, year 12, most of uni and her first years in the workforce from home, has been told to finally come into the office.
Grace Murphy (22) has been ordered by her boss that it's finally time to come into the office after spending large chunks of her...
Post Office Run Held Up By Two Month Old Little Shit That Won’t Stop Smiling
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A quick stop by the post office has turned into a 55 minute wait for a North Betoota girl today, all thanks to a little turd who’s not keen on international travel.
Having recently ordered two sets of sandals to try on for an upcoming wedding, Shania Glassons (28) was forced to head to the post...
Single Woman’s Year Starts With Heartbreak As Same Daily Victorian Spam Call Stops Calling
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
In a tragic twist of fate that has left local single woman Sophie Hutton (28) devastated, the same relentless daily Victorian spam call abruptly stopped gracing her phone screen.
For the past several months, Sophie had developed a special kind of bond with the mysterious phone number that would call her every afternoon for the past 18 months....
Unused Life Ring On The Ferry Sends Local Office Worker Into Heroic Daydream
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Inspiration has been found in the inanimate today as a local office worker spied an unused life ring on the ferry and began a series of heroic daydreams where they might have just saved a life or two.
On their way to a job that they hate more than themselves, office worker Percy Herbert (32) decided to sit...
Advice Column | Win Your Next Court Case By Being Extremely Wealthy Before It Starts
DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT
Have you ever been sued by a disgruntled former employee, or a disgruntled former spouse?
I know I have.
Or perhaps you’ve been taken to court by a disgruntled former child you’ve disowned, or a disgruntled former acquaintance or even a random stranger who you’ve made disgruntled just by behaving like a rich narcissistic douchebag...
