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Dad Struggling To Accept Surge Of Movember Moustache Tourists

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Less than a week in and local dad and humble moustache wearer Omer Demir (55) is already sick of all these Movember moustache tourists. Having never played contact sport, Demir took to facial hair to prove his masculinity but opted for a moustache instead of a beard as he still wanted people to visit his rug shop without shaking...

Christmas Now Close Enough To Write Off Visiting Nan Until Christmas

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With warmer weather and prematurely festive businesses reminding you you’re about to go broke spending money buying presents for people, local man Jacob Burton (26) has realised Christmas is now close enough for him to write off an overdue visit to nans until December 25th. Despite working part-time, Burton still manages to find time to complain about work and...

Geoffrey Rush Involved In Low Speed Car Chase Across Harbour Bridge In 1992 White Ford Bronco

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For more than an hour, a white 1993 Ford Bronco has been making its way across metropolitan New South Wales. Behind it, a convoy of NSW police cars trailing the SUV through 50 kilometres of Sydney City. Above, police and TV helicopters hover like wedge-tail eagles. This follows the revelations made by stage actor Mark Winter, who played Edgar...

Millennial Without Photo Of Departures Gate Accused Of Lying About Holiday

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The reputation of Wanderlust stricken traveller Casey Lee (24) is in tatters as the aspiring second-year uni student was unable to produce a photo at the airport departure sign, casting doubt on whether or not she even went overseas at all. Having travelled to all the world’s most diverse locations where you can get a great picture wearing a...

Film Student At Great Gatsby Party Painfully Insists On Speaking Like 1920s Broadcaster

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Arthur Riesling irritated many at a Gatsby-themed party last night. The film student from Betoota's French Quarter did so during a shindig at a local sharehouse with a number of other guests. Attending a Gatsby-themed party on a Wednesday night, as only university students can do, Reisling was reportedly hell-bent on putting everything into his outfit. "All right chaps," he allegedly...

“I’m Back, Motherfuckers” Whispers Malcolm Turnbull After Lucy Dusts Off The Leather Jacket

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Liberal Party leader Malcolm Turnbull is reportedly ready to flex, after the news that he will be making his first major media appearance since his last address as outgoing Prime Minister more than two months ago. Mr Turnbull is set to appear on ABC’s Q&A live on Thursday, November 8 at 8pm AEDT, where he is expecting to answer questions...

Local Man Can’t Wait To Spend Next Fortnight Living As An Outlaw In The Late 1800’s Wild West

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A morbidly obese Betoota Heights resident has today made it clear that he will not be leaving the couch for at least a fortnight. Luke Lockett (31) a website programmer who works from home, says that while he isn't actually that well known for leaving the house, the next few weeks will be his most anti-social yet. As he...

Naive Bushies Visiting The City Recognised As The Last Gold Mine For Charity Muggers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just when a Scottish Backpacker was beginning to think he may have to jump on a Viber call to his parents back home, the world handed him a lifeline. Gregor Boyle was doing it tough down in the harbour city of Sydney, with rejection after rejection starting to take its toll. Unable to get a labouring gig for his...

Local Mum 19 Days Into Ocsober Still Feeling Like She Is Running The Gauntlet At Breath Test

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local mother irrationally went through a raft of scenarios in her head moments ago. The young mum of 2 has stayed true to her pledge not to drink during the month of October so far, notching up day number 19 today. However, despite not having had an alcoholic beverage in nearly three weeks, Mahlia Vincent (29) was still shitting bricks...

Liam Hemsworth And Miley Cyrus Reportedly Caught Up In Byron Bay Hardcore Scene

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Byron Bay's newest power couple, Victorian actor Liam Hemsworth and his American fiancee Miley Cyrus have reportedly gone 'full Byron'. This comes after spending the last few years on an off in the North New South Wales with the other Hemsworth siblings. The A-list couple called off their first engagement in 2013, but rekindled their romance in January 2016 while...

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