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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some incredibly humorous news from Germany this morning, the English football team have once again served up the goods. After eeking there way through the Euro 2024 tournament with shit performance after shit performance, the Poms have once again bottled it with a trophy in sight. Despite coming with in a bees of equalising with minutes to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The President of the United States has today been praised for showing off his human side. After the next president of the United States survived an assassination attempt, Biden eventually fronted the media to speak about the horrific incident. With authorities yet to determine exactly what happened at the rally early today, Biden has come forward to offer...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former President Donald Trump has been rushed off the stage just minutes into a  rally in Butler, Pennsylvania after gunshots were heard. Photographs show that Trump had blood on the side of his head and his ear. Secret Service personnel have confirmed that the former President is safe. As the stakes are raised even higher for the 2024 US...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Away from the flashing cameras of Joe Biden's bumbling and stumbling press conferences, another world leader has made quite a splash today. Polish President Andrzej Duda has raised eyebrows at this week's NATO summit after grabbing a ladder out of one of the storage cupboards at the venue. The leader of one of Europe's most handy, tradesman-like countries...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Joe Biden has today had the final nail put in his presidential coffin. After another run of gaffes overnight, Joe Biden has finally been given the Fatty Vautin head wobble. The damning tongue in cheek wobble means that Biden is now gooooooooneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Having been going and going for the last few weeks since his appalling debate performance, which...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The international sport of football has today confirmed to The Advocate where it would like to head off to next. Speaking in an exclusive interview with our humble regional newspaper under the premise that we call it football not soccer, football has explained that it's probably going to head down to the Iberian peninsula. "Haha yeah, don't mind...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Supermarkets, convenience stores and bars in Dortmund are currently being pillaged, after a historic night in the German city. The city is under siege this evening following a famous English victory in the semi-final of Euro 2024. After being one of the shittest teams in the entire tournament, England sprung into life this morning after going behind early....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Queensland Maroons coach Billy Slater has today issued a resounding statement to the poisonous Southern media. After being hounded by the worst winners in the history of State of Origin, Slater has fired a stunning shot across the bows at those who simply don't understand the concept of Origin football. Slater explained, 'that at the end of the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The two major parties vying for glory in the tightly and viciously contested upcoming US election have today agreed to keep seeing eye to eye on a major issue. The Republicans and the Democrats, and their associated media machines, have formed a pact to continue discrediting Robert F Kennedy Jr (RFK Jr) at every single opportunity they can....

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In shocking news from the wrestling world today, legend John Cena has announced his WWE retirement in an emotional farewell speech. Many fans were left confused by the wrestler's touching speech, after he spent almost 2 decades not being seen by anyone. "Wait, who is this guy?" Said one audience member. "I have never seen this man in my life. Why...