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Report: Tamworth Rivers Getting A Lot More Love From Barnaby Than The Murray-Darling Rivers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The recently-povo former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has been spotted rolling down Peel Street in Tamworth with a new range of rip off RM moleskins and poly-blend button ups. Due to having a Catholic amount of kids on the measly base salary of $211k plus benefits, the Member...

Barnaby Joyce First In Line With A Big Haul At The Tamworth Return-And-Earn This Morning

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The former Deputy Prime Minister's financial hardship was on display for all of his electorate this morning, after the young father was spotted waiting outside the Services NSW office in Tamworth this morning - with a trolley full of cans and bottles. Joyce, who yesterday declared he was struggling...

Man Who Has No Actual Interest In Music Claims To Like Bob Dylan

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local man has shocked his more cultured colleagues today by telling them that Bob Dylan is his favourite musician. Garry Park (27) revealed this unlikely truth after a group of them were discussing music over a couple of beers. Reports from the scene paint...

Brisbane Yuppie Takes Advantage Of 2-Week-Window Where Her North Face Jacket Makes Sense

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Highgate Hill-based book critic, Anna Leighmachors (32) is today relishing in the 21 degree high sweeping across the city. This is mainly becase her mid-July purchase of a trendy new North Face puffer jacket has now been validated by it's fifth outing, which equates to $85 per wear.

Influencer Visits Career Counsellor After New Instagram Changes Threaten Her Entire Existence

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local softcore pornography content creator, Pammy Broakley (27) has today had to endure the most humiliating moment of her young adult life. That is, visiting a career guidance counsellor to toy up her options as an unskilled worker in the current Australian economy. This comes as...

Exhausted Melbourne Woman Stuck In Coffee Dead Zone Between 3 And 5pm

MATILDA MARTIN | Local News | CONTACT A Melbourne woman is recovering from the harrowing experience of getting stuck in the city’s infamous "coffee dead zone" -- the chunk of time in the afternoon between three and five pm. “I’ve heard of it happening to other people before. I just never thought I’d be one of...

Quiet Australians Now Even Quieter After Realising Franking Credits Are Only For Rich People

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A senior couple from Betoota's Flight Path District who wholeheartedly backed Scott Morrison in the 2019 federal election have today learnt that they might have completely misunderstood the concept of dividend imputation. Roy and Sheryl Gardner (both 76) say that after reading the Courier Mail for the entire election...

Katter Party MPs Investigated By CCC Over An Alleged Round Of Pina Coladas At The Mad Cow

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Corruption and Crime Commission (CCC) report has found that elected state government officials from the Katter Australian Party may have engaged in serious misconduct during a Friday arvo knock off at controversial nightclub/bar in Townsville's main street. The CCC investigated allegations that last Friday, Robbie Katter used his...

Lycra Clad City Worker Wondering What Else He’s Gotta Do For Someone To Bring Up ‘Le Tour’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A charismatic local accountant has today been left scratching his head today. The cuff link enthusiast did so after turning up to his Old City District Office in Lycra for the 5th time this week, and yet again failing to get even a passing comment out of anyone....

Government Puts Down MyGov Crash To Everyone Using The Website When Government Told Them To

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As was expected, the MyGov website has crashed as Australians urgently try to file their tax returns on the first day of the government's tax bonus payouts. The portal, which millions of Australians use for Centrelink and tax purpose, returned an error message that was reminiscent of both the...

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