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Ex-Hillsonger Still Has Some Serious Pipes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local woman who grew up in hedge fund-turned-megachurch Hillsong is still able to absolutely belt one out when she wants after spending her childhood and adolescence honing the craft. Sources close to Kelly Johnson report that the decision to leave the megachurch was a difficult one, as she had been a devoted member for...

“I’m Living The Australian Dream” Says Man Grilling Fish With Electric BBQ On Balcony Of His Dogbox Apartment

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a heartwarming story of perseverance and ingenuity, a man living his Meriton dogbox has revealed how he has found joy in using his electric barbecue to cook fish on his balcony. Speaking to reporters from his crudely-built apartment in the French Quarter, 36-year-old Mark Smithers explained how he had always dreamt of having his...

Hard-Working Young Couple That Did Everything Right Now In Negative Equity And Nearly Broke

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights couple that sacrificed and saved to buy their first home in our town's aspirational suburbs are now about to "do their collective arse" as interest rates are set to jump tomorrow. They bought during the pandemic housing frenzy because Doug and Nadine Cartwright thought it'd be their last opportunity to do so...

Advice Column | Why This Bitcoin Rally Is Different And Guaranteed To Make You A Quick Million Bucks

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT This time it’s different. This time the rally is going all the way to the moon and we’re all gunna make a quick million bucks. Over the last few years, with each revelation of how the world of cryptocurrency has become a crime infested pyramid scheme full of ruthless con artists, some critics have said...

Red P-Plates On Audi A1 Indicates Daddy’s Probably Not A Big Fan Of Jim Chalmers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A study has found that a pair of red p-plate slapped onto an Audi A1 has been found to be one of the key indicators of having a daddy that is not a fan of Federal Treasurer Jim Chalmers. The study's findings have been published today by the nation's peak scientific body, the CSIRO, after...

Bonza Says Airline Has No Plans On Servicing Sydney Because It’s A Shithole That’s Full Of Wankers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The rat people of Sydney will have to wait a little longer for some proper airborne hospitality after low-cost carrier Bonza announced it has no plans to service the place in the near future. Sydney is the nation's largest market and home to a harbour that's widely considered to be the southern hemisphere's largest open-air...

Dutton Says Super Concessional Tax Increases Are An Attack On Everyday, Beach House-Owning Australians

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Opposition leader Peter Dutton has blasted the Federal Government's move to double the superannuation concessional tax rate for people with a balance of over $3m. "It's an attack on everyday, beach house-owning Australians," said Mr Dutton in Canberra this afternoon. "This reckless move by the Albanese Government will decimate the boating industry in Australia. It will...

Coles, Woolworths Bragging About Record Profits Means Local Man No Longer Feels Guilty About Stealing Meat

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Betoota Heights Coles has a meat bandit and he's become a hero to the community this week after the big two supermarkets posted record profits on the back of the cost of living crisis. Speaking to The Advocate under the condition of anonymity, the meat bandit said he was raise a good Catholic and...

“It’s Just Not A Good Look” Says Sky News Dad Who Supported Dutton Attending Pell’s Funeral

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of three has today explained to The Advocate his frustration with the new government. Speaking to us from the coffee shop in one of the neighbouring cafes to our newsroom, Graham Wallis said he's already had enough of this 'virtue signalling bullshit.' "It's just too much," explained Graham. "I mean, publicly elected officials going out...

Emerging Affluent Young Couple Splash Out And Buy The Lavender-Scented Garbage Bags 

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact The sweet scent of lavender has this morning wafted across the nostrils of primary school teacher, Lauren Goss (33), as she replaced the bin bags in her kitchen. The sweet scent comes after Goss and her white collar boyfriend, Patrick Clompers (34), made the happy realisation that being a two-income household is pretty fucking awesome. Despite the increasing financial pressures...

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