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Fledgeling Real Estate Agent Immediately Shunned For Not Adopting Slicked Back Haircut

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A young real estate agent has allegedly been shunned by the entire team at ‘Betoota  Heights Realtors’, for not adopting the appropriate dress code, it’s reported. Gianni Linettit-Gardiner was allegedly doing quite well with his real estate initiation, having bought a few rotating pairs of boat shoes, a...

Bloke Visiting Family For Chrissy Spends Majority Of Time Providing Tech Support To Relatives

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT If Patrick Bohmer knew he’d end up working over the Christmas holiday break, he would have stayed in the office and at least gotten paid for it. The Brisbane local had reportedly taken a week off work to travel up to Betoota Heights, where he planned on catching...

Only Child Not Letting Anyone Else Play As Yoshi

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Old habits are in need of Victorian-style assisted dying laws in Betoota Heights as only child Mark Bright (26) is still not letting any of his friends play as Yoshi. “Bags first controller,” stated the man who would inherit 100% of his parent’s estate. “Get ready...

Hot Air Balloon Once Again The Most Impractical Form Of Air Travel After TigerAir Shutdown

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact An aviation industry report has confirmed a suspicion held by many air travellers, by confirming that hot air balloons are once again the most impractical form of air transport. The title has proudly been held by the hot air balloon since the Wright brothers’ famous flight in...

Children Shocked To Hear Mum Offer Health Advice That’s Not ‘Have Some Water’

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Twins in the Old Town are in shock today after hearing their mother offer health advice that didn’t relate to potential dehydration. The Advocate can confirm the twins are in a stable condition and are likely to make a full recovery, if they rest and drink plenty of water.

Irish In-Law Forced Into Fielding In Backyard Cricket Didn’t Ask For Any Of This

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As any brand advertising during the cricket will tell you, the summer is a great time for backyard cricket. Yep, after watching the heroes of the pitch bowl and bat the day away, there is nothing that a good old Aussie family loves more than heading to the BYCG...

Aunty Bonnie’s Cold Pasta Salad Fails To Get Any Takers At Family Christmas Lunch

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Proving that the holiday cheer doesn’t always instil a sense of generosity, wet blanket Aunt Bonnie reportedly rocked up to a family Christmas lunch with a bowl of cold pasta salad. Nestled next to a plate of dad’s famous slow cooked ribs, the pasta were quickly swept...

Local Bloke Keeps Mental Tab On Everyone’s Meal To Figure Out If He Can Go Up For Seconds Yet

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As someone who lives almost entirely on microwaved meals, local bloke Anthony Williams is trying to make the most of his Christmas lunch.  The Betoota Heights app developer is said to have made the trip under the guise of catching up with his family when really he was just...

Emo Gladys Briefly Exits Bedroom To Sneak A Plate Of Potato Bake During Family Christmas

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As she angrily listens to LinkedIn Park’s ‘Numb’ on repeat, New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian finds herself internally battling whether or not to go downstairs. You see, after getting caught having an illicit affair with the disgraced former Liberal politician, Daryl Macquire, Gladys has spent most of her...

Big Shot Uncle Ruins Christmas By Gifting Presents Outside Of Every Other Uncle’s Price Range

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Much like every other suburban household, Christmas at the Harrisons is often a time of tears, celebration, drunken antics, and the occasional brawl. If it’s not grandad chatting everyone’s ear off about the latest advancements in anti-ageing, it’s dad getting too drunk of his bottle of Glen Fiddick and...

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