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Paid Leave Porter Spends Afternoon Using Egg Account To Prove That Gender Pay Gap Is A Myth

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the celebration of International Women's Day taking place this Monday, it's safe to say a lot of Men's Rights Activists have been pretty flat out. And one of the nation's more prominent MRA's, Attorney General Paid Leave Porter has spoken to The Advocate today about taking it upon himself to fight alongside his brothers on social media....

Married Man In Major Need Of A Hobby Counts Down Days Until Next Bucks Party

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT If someone had told local man Jarryd Thorne that being a married father would be less baseball catching moments and more crocodile tears and supermarket tantrums, he might have thought twice about reaching the ultimate adult milestone. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t feel blessed and grateful and all that blah blah blah, but he’d kill to have a...

Woman Instantly Wooed By Watching Crush Parallel Park In One Point

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A local woman who’s been weighing up whether she’s attracted to a potential beau has had her feelings confirmed one sunny Sunday afternoon after watching her crush parallel park, it’s reported. Elisha Reynolds had reportedly been on the fence for a couple of weeks, having experienced a major ick when she spied his butt crack one day. But...

PM Addresses Mardi Gras Crowd: “I Don’t Have A Problem With Youse, Just Keep It Away From Me”

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a dazzling display of allyship Prime Minister Scott Morrison has sent a glowing message of support to the queer community ahead of the 2021 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. The address comes as a surprise for many Australians who thought Scotty might not be any good with gay people considering the Christianity and abstaining to vote for...

Scotty Distracts News Cycle With Photos Of Him At Home Building A 100,000 Hen Battery Farm

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With the government under siege, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today had to act swiftly to remind both the media and voters that he is a run-of-the-mill Aussie dad. This comes after a devastating week for the Coalition, one that has seen their 'alleged rapist problem' turn into an 'alleged serial rapist problem' - which has since...

First-Year Uni Student Manages 3 Whole Sips Of Beer Before Bringing Up ATAR With New Classmates

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A South Betoota Polytechnic Student has been heaped with praise for a historic achievement this week. Sitting down for a beer with some classmates to kick the year off in the style, the first-year Law student managed to get 3 whole sips into his Betoota Bitter, before bringing up his ATAR. The Sydney schooled Waverley Mosman (19), who...

Scotty In Dire Need Of A Rugby League Player To Punch The Fuck Out Of A Bouncer Right Now

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As the media continue the siege against the Parliament House rapist protection racket, the Prime Minister is once again treading water without a crisis management strategy. Not since the forced handshakes of Cobargo have we seen such panic in the eyes of Scotty From Marketing, as the press gallery continues to chip away with questions about how he...

Herald Sun Must Have Missed The Memos About Neo-Nazis Attacking Innocent Civilians This Week

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the AFL season just around the corner, it seems like the Herald Sun is flat out right now. This comes after the Melbourne-based publication apparently missed the Neo-Nazi attack in Docklands yesterday, and another one in Perth a few days ago. That's despite the Murdoch newspaper's consistent commitment to trying to stir up racial division in the...

Local Triathlete Sets New Personal Best For Post-Race Social Media Upload And Caption

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of our French Quarter residents is a very happy man this morning, it can be confirmed. Brett Wilson is feeling particularly content and pleased with himself after seeing the 200th like roll in just 24 hours after whacking his Triathlon shot up on Instagram. The 31-year-old finance guy who maintains he isn't having an early midlife crisis,...

Australians Currently Relying On Fired Up Cabbies For News Updates

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT News-hungry Australians who have no contact with the outside world apart from tv, radio, telephone, newspapers, the internet or looking out the window - have instead turned to taxi drivers as a 7th last resort for news. This comes as Facebook is yet to restore Australian news content, despite reaching an agreement with the Australian Government two days ago, which...

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