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Julian Assange Going On About Superannuation For Some Reason

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has been left a little confused overnight after Wikileaks founder Julian Assange randomly popped up out of nowhere rabbiting on about changes to superannuation. This comes despite the fact his full extradition hearing is set to take place in 6 days time, to determine whether he...

Local Man’s Bad Back Luckily Only Affects His Ability To Help Carry Heavy Stuff

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact When local agency man Barry Mellish injured his back in a freak Spirograph accident in 2014, his family thought they would all be in for some major changes to make his life more comfortable. “The doctor took an x-ray but it was so graphic he had to...

Would You Just Shut The Fuck Up You Stupid Old Prick, Says Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Footy Show panellist and renowned loudmouth Sam Newman is being “actively investigated” by police for encouraging Melbourne residents to protest against Stage Four lockdown. With Melbourne's daily rates of COVID-19 cases dropping dramatically over the last fortnight, Sam Newman and his jolly gang of halfwit anti-lockdown 'personalities' have...

WAM Clothing Sends Copyright Cease And Desist To The Sun

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In an unusual move, WAM Clothing, the non-indigenous business that owns the rights to the aboriginal flag, has sent a Cease and Desist letter to the Sun for breach of exclusive licence.  Designed in 1971 by Harold Thomas, an Aboriginal artist, the Sun is represented by the yellow...

One Nation Suggests Australia Try Killing Off Our Homeless And Elderly People Like Sweden Has

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Pauline Hanson's One Nation have today declared it might be time to just let all of our vulnerable homeless, elderly and immunocompromised citizens die off - as COVID-19 becomes a bit too much of an inconvenience for the powerbrokers of Australia's far-right conspiracist minor party. The Victorian branch has...

Apartment Owner Asserts Authority Over Renter Neighbours With Series Of Loud Renovations

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Another day, another head marked for collection when the power grid goes down for good. A boorish attempt at reviving the era of the pious land barron took place in a French Quarter apartment block earlier this week. Residents of a top floor apartment on a...

Face Masks Allow Woman To Lip Sync To Kanye On Public Transport

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As COVID-19 continues to add to the wealth of the world’s billionaires ordinary people are reaping some benefits too. One example of heightened wealth is the increased understanding of hip hop lyrics by Old City District copywriter Julie Cooper (32). Travelling to work via bus, Cooper...

Minimum Wage Coles Employee Thanked For Essential Service On Front Line With Cool Badge

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a touching story from Betoota Heights, a local Coles employee has received a lovely gift from his bosses today. Walking in for another day of work on something a touch over a minimum wage, Albert Simpson was greeted by one of his managers, who handed him over...

Filming A Full Scale TV Show In The Middle Of A Stage 4 Lockdown Found To Be Rather Risky

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Channel 10 are today learning lessons after exposing a number of 'essential workers' to COVID-19 while filming a full scale tv show in a city that is being plagued by COVID-19, in the middle of a COVID-19-related stage 4 lockdown. Melbourne's Docklands studios is now undergoing a deep clean...

Local Woman Fucks Up Rare Restaurant Outing and Orders Something Easily Made At Home

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact A rare pandemic-era visit to a restaurant was absolutely cocked up earlier today as diner Sophie Cluck (26) ordered something she could have easily made at home. As one of the almost one million people who lost their job due to CoronaVirus, Cluck has not had the funds to...

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