Breaking News

“Emma The Wiggle Has Gone To Live On A Farm” Says Mum Of Toddlers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A young Betoota Plains family is dealing with a rather volatile situation today, after some devastating entertainment news broke. This comes after Rob Penny stupidly decided to fill his two little toddlers in on the news that Yellow Wiggle Emma Watkins is leaving the musical group. Immediately realising what her moron boyfriend had done, mother Charlotte had to...

Boomer Makes Noise Complaint On Self After Laughing Too Loud At Fawlty Towers

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local property developer Jim McGoon (66) has bitten into his own forbidden fruit today as he dobbed himself in to the police after he laughed too loudly at a rerun of Fawlty Towers. The mid-to-late ‘70s sitcom featured Monty Python’s John Cleese as Basil Fawlty, a put-upon hotel owner who is not very good at his job.  Like any English...

Nightclub Entry Stamp Prompts Hungover Woman To Consider A Cute Little Arm Tattoo

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local woman Savannah Hobbs isn’t really a fan of tattoos, but a nightclub entry stamp has her rethinking her stance. It’s alleged the 22-year-old Betoota Heights local had gone out on the piss last Saturday night with her mates, making use of the restrictions easing by dancing up a storm at ‘The Toot.’ Donning her skimpiest outfit and reeking of...

Local Bricklayer Outs Himself As A Brave Feminist Ally By Cat-Calling Men As Well

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The old guard may be fading away in worksites across Australia as local bricklayer Darren Roon (24) outed himself as a feminist ally by catcalling a man as well. Catcalling, also known as ‘street harassment’ or ‘dickhead self-identifying system,’ is the act of making sounds or gestures, often of a sexual nature, towards a stranger in public. Women are most...

Girlfriend Taking Weird Amount Of Pleasure In Dragging Hungover Boyfriend Through SuperCentre

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Sydney man is in hell right now, it can be confirmed.  With his first Saturday of freedom rolling round after a long winter of lockdown, Brad Clifton is currently hopping from mattress to couch in some home depot supercentre shit hole.  “Fuck,” he sighed to one of our southern reporters, as he took some reprieve on an overpriced mattress...

QLD’s Tourism Operators Say Telling Southerners To Get Fucked Isn’t That Fun Anymore

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After 18 long months, our state's tourism industry has confirmed today that they have kinda had enough of this whole closed borders thing. With the JobKeeper supplement winding up as people outside of the industry return to a normal life, the people who make a living from tourism say they are ready to be part of the nation...

Bloke On Health Kick Sifts Through Pile Of Salad After Eating All The Good Bits Too Quickly

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As he sadly sifts a fork through his salad, local bloke Julian Carter begins to question if the abs are worth it or if he should just start embracing the dad bod. A proud ‘gym rat’, Julian was known to frequent the local gym up to five times a week, often seen sporting a stringlet and perspiring in front...

“Forget Everything We Have Ever Said About These Fucken Tree Hugging Hippies” Says News Corp

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's largest distributor of news has shocked many this week by pulling a complete u-turn on a major issue. NewsCorp and its mastheads like the Herald Sun, Courier Mail, and Daily Telegraph have come out to throw their support behind transitioning to a net-zero climate-friendly future. The support for a clean future comes after nearly two decades...

Modern Day Nelson Mandela Fights Segregation By Abusing Cafe Worker For Following Health Guidelines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local human rights activist has caused a bit of a scene down in the French Quarter today, by abusing a fascist hospitality employee. Andie Vachscer reportedly unleashed on the minimum wage cafe worker this morning, after she was refused entry for not producing a jab passport. The incident occurred at the Penny Far Thing on Carlton...

Extremely Busy And Important Husband Cherry Picks Clean Undies From Dryer Rather Than Unload It

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Hovering next to the dryer, local bloke Sean Cooper has a split second to make a decision. Be an adult and unload his washing, which means he’d no doubt have to put it away, or cherry-pick a dry pair of undies and leave it for another day. And though the answer should be obvious, Sean considers himself a busy man...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
99,490FollowersFollow

Breaking News