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New Aussie Film Slammed For Failing To Include At Least One Heroin Addict In Storyline

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A highly anticipated Australian film has been slammed this morning after it's premiere last night. The film titled Little Dog, starring Ben Mendelsohn, Hugo Weaving and Rose Byrne had been looked about as a potential blockbuster but has been criticised for one glaring mistake.

Geoffrey Rush Avenges Nation’s Lefties By Humiliating News Corp, Young Women

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following last weekend's shocking election result, pearl clutching lefties across the country were given even more reason to hate the Murdoch Empire. Not only had News Corp spent the last two years working day and night to besmirch the good name of their dear Geoffrey Rush, but they also...

“I’m Moving To New Zealand” Says Shattered Leftie Who’s Sick Of The Dumb Rugby-Loving Farmers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young woman from Betoota's French Quarter, our little slice of Fitzroy in the Diamantina, has today confirmed that she is 'literally' moving to New Zealand. Lara Leigh-Anderson (27) says the surprise decision comes after the 'shocking' news from the weekend, which saw the state of Queensland crush...

Albo Denies Any Involvement In Tanya Waking Up To A Severed Horse’s Head In Her Bed

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Member for Grayndler and aspiring Labor Leader Anthony Albanese has today denied allegations regarding a disturbing event overnight. Albanese has today strongly dismissed questions that he may have been behind a severed horse's head turning up in Tanya Plibersek's bed overnight. After Plibersek,...

Newspoll Predict Parramatta To Comfortably Win The NRL Premiership

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The often referenced Newspoll organisation has today double down on its bold predictions. After getting the outcome of the federal election incredibly wrong, the polling company has decided to predict another outcome that won't happen and tipped Parramatta to win the NRL Premiership in a few months time....

Labor Hires Forensic Cleaners

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Australian Labor Party has today engaged the services of one of the country's most revered forensic cleaners. After what can only be described as one of the most horrendous bedshits in living memory, heavyweights within the party have decided to hire some forensics to try and clean...

Thank Fuck That’s Over Says Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation has breathed a collective sigh of relief this afternoon, as the whole election thing runs the last of its course. With polls closing across the country, those who aren't avid followers of #AusPol aside are very thankful that the election campaign is pretty much done and...

Liberal Campaigner Applies Hand Sanitiser After Hand Shake With Visibly Working Class Voter

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young man from Betoota Grove, our town's version of Mosman, Ascot or Toorak, has today had a rather unsavoury experience. Just moments ago, when handing out how to vote Liberal cards like his father did, and father did before him, young Albert Watersmith-Watson was forced to shake...

Nation Mourns Last Prime Minister Who Didn’t Look Like He Hated Every Beer Handed To Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The nation is mourning the death of Australia's 23rd prime minister Bob Hawke, who died yesterday aged 89. The final day of the 2019 election campaign seems been overshadowed by the death of the last universally loved character of Australian politics, with tributes continuing to pour in for the...

Local Man Stages Coup Against Girlfriend After She Bans Kick-Ons In Their Apartment

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local crane operator, Todd Harrison, has today committed his mind to something for the first time since his year 10 exams. The sudden need for cognitive power has come after his girlfriend declared their apartment a kick-on free zone. It’s believed the ban was implemented...

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