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Excited Toorak Mum Finally Gets To Use High Beams On The Range Rover

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The five-million people living in Melbourne have been met with chaos and respiration issues as smoke from bushfires in East Gippsland and the north-east continues to blanket the state. Firefighters were called out to nearly 200 false fire alarms overnight, largely due to the smoke smothering the city.

Latest Newspoll Results Suggest Not Just Nelligen Telling Prime Minister To Go And Get Fucked

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The first Newspoll survey results of 2020 have found that it's not just the fire-ravaged folks of Cobargo and Nelligen that want Scotty From Marketing to go and get fucked. Labor is ahead of the coalition for the first time since the federal election and Prime Minister Scott Morrison's...

A Couple Dozen Drug-Addicted Ferals Cause Scenes In Nation’s Capitals, Reports Murdoch Papers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A couple dozen drug-addicted low-income waste-of-oxygen junkie cockroaches caused incredibly inconvenient roadblocks in CBDs around the country yesterday, according to the Murdoch newspapers and Sky News. The piece of shit low-breed no-hoper ice addicts were protesting the federal government's alleged mishandling of the alleged bushfire crisis and its...

Apparently “Bored” Kid Still Not Bored Enough To Clean Up Room

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As the school holidays continue, Australian parents are becoming very familiar with the common phrase “I’m borrrrred”. Betoota local Amelia, 5, says school holidays are boring because she has nothing to do. “There’s nothing to do heeeeere” she said, in a bedroom full of Christmas...

Big Georgie Christensen Asks PM If He Can Grab The Receipts From That $2b Bushfire Package

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT On Tuesday Prime minister Scotty From Market announced at least $2bn for bushfire recovery, as the government steps away from its pledge to deliver a budget surplus amid the ongoing crisis. After months of Federal inaction, many feel the help is well overdue after thousands of homes were...

Liberal Senator James Paterson Begins Complaining Of Bone Spurs As Iran Tensions Escalate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Far-right Liberal Senator James Paterson has today diagnosed himself with a rare form of chronic pain ranging from mild to debilitatingly ouchie. This comes has Iran claims responsibility for more than a dozen ballistic missiles that were fired at two Iraqi military bases hosting US troops, the Pentagon...

Islander Mates Rattle White Mates With Geed Up Tales About Childhood Disciplinary Tactics

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the two Islander mates in the friendship circle has found that stories their white mates have been telling about corporal punishment are rather lightweight. It is not yet known if Korbyn (24) and Jordan (25) are now exaggerating their stories to rattle the palagis...

Report: 2019 Does Not Turn Into 2020 That Easily

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new year brings with it optimism and a chance for a fresh start. What it also brings is months of frustration for the date writing people of Australia who, time after time, write the year as 2019, instead of 2020.  Only a few days into the new...

Mick From The Wagga Office Joins Scotty From Marketing To Take Credit For Rain On South Coast

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today braved the smoke of Canberra to announce that the Federal Government will establish a new agency aimed at doing all the stuff he should have been orchestrating before his decision to go on a resort holiday to Hawaii in the peak of the NSW bushfire...

Catastrophic Conditions Expected As Nation Prepares For Crippling Shortage Of Test Cricket

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some bad news for the bushfire ravaged country of Australia, authorities are predicting that things are set to get even worse over the coming weeks. With the nation desperate for a reprieve from the awful bushfires, emergency services chiefs have today warned that they are bracing for a...

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