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Fired Up Queenslander Asks Alexa To Play THAT Raging Bull Video

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the decider draws perilously close, Queensland fans across the state and the country are beginning to get pretty wound up, it can be confirmed this evening. With kick off just around the corner, a few local Queenslanders here in Betoota Heights are at fever pitch. Taking...

Palaszczuk Gives Go-Ahead For Naked Foam Parties In The Valley After Maroon Victory

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In what will be a big win for the Queensland economy and lovers of the morally grey touching of strangers, QLD Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has given the nod for naked foam parties to take place in Fortitude Valley following a Maroon Victory in State of Origin game 3.  The...

Card-Carrying Union Mate Really Playing Down Seriousness Of Yet Another Federal Police Raid

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Ponds electrician, Keiran Nutley (27) has today once again dismissed the actions of the Australian Federal Police as nothing but a right-wing smear campaign. While he may have a point when it looking at the last couple of high-profile investigations by the AFP, it would seem that...

Simple Oat Cookie Recipe Preceded By Three Page Long Story About Summer Spent In Naples

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A woman’s simple quest for an oat cookie recipe has unfortunately resulted in an impromptu reading marathon, as every food blogger seems to think they’re the next Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s alleged Lisa Erikson had googled ‘how to make oatmeal cookies’, when she’d stumbled onto a promising top search...

David Koch Sparks A Blunt Live On Air To Celebrate 20 Years Since The Chronic 2001 Dropped

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Older Australian TV viewers have called for David 'Kochie' Koch to be axed from Sunrise, after a segment on today's show in which he brazenly violated several state laws by lighting up an enormous spliff on live television. 'Time for this guy to get the chop, he had his...

Nation Fears A Second Adelaide Lockdown Will Result In Christopher Pyne Writing A Screenplay

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT When it comes to new outbreaks of the pandemic, the attention is no longer on Melbourne anymore. South Australian Health authorities are working around the clock to contain a new cluster in Adelaide's northern suburbs. SA Health said the latest cluster began when a medi-hotel employee...

Bloke Who Worshipped The Jocks In High School Naturally Progresses To Becoming A Club Promoter

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT In high school, local bloke Jake Hollingworth had been somewhat of a dweeb as he was neither good at sports nor particularly funny. Though this could have served as a good time to develop a strong character, it’s instead left him with an inferior complex and a desperate need to be popular...

Bloke Who Won’t Give Money To Homeless Because ‘They’ll Buy Drugs’ About To Do Exact Same Thing

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local man Jake Nottingham has today revealed his real reasons behind not giving homeless people money, though no one’s asked his opinion on the matter, anyway. The Betoota French Quarter real estate agent tells our reporter that he regularly walks past homeless people on his way to work but...

Trendy Tech CEO Asks Maori Head Of Sales If He’d Like To Get Up And Say Something For NAIDOC

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It seems an Acknowledgement Of First Nation's Sovereignty in a work email signature wasn't enough to protect one of Betoota's most progressive start-up CEOs from making an excruciating gaffe this afternoon. Cathy Purdoch is the founder of SQUIRTLE a culinary condiments delivery service, that is well known in the...

Failing Student Hopes Last Minute Synonym Change Will Mask What Is Clearly 80% Plagiarism

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local student Beth Thomas swore to herself that she’d never start an assignment on the day it was due ever again. This promise was as a result of her last assignment mishap, which saw her experiencing an unprecedented amount of anxiety as she tried to smash out 1200 words...

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