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Hunter Labor Candidate Dan Repacholi Impresses At Town Hall Debate By Eloquently Reciting The History of SS Commodores

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A Labor Candidate in the seat of Hunter is wowing audiences tonight with an eloquent recital of the history of Holden SS Commodores. A former coal miner and five-time Olympian, it’s believed Dan ‘The Branxton Bushranger’ Repacholi, has managed to effortlessly display his local roots by reciting the full timeline of engine upgrades, tracing back to the...

Scotty Asks Jenny To Clarify If They Could Survive On A Single Minimum Wage Income

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After denying the benefits of a 5.1% wage increase for minimum wage workers, Scotty from Marketing has felt the obligation to question his moral conscience or as she is better known, Jenny. The Jiminy Cricket to Australia’s Pinocchio, in recent years Jenny Morrison has been responsible for explaining to her husband why sexual assault and workplace harassment is not...

“You Don’t Get How The Economy Works” Says Puffer Jacket Chode Acting Like Minimum Wage Rise Will Cause Society To Collapse

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of Betoota Grove's favourite sons has today revealed that all this chat about raising the minimum wage is 'pie in the sky bullshit.' The young finance guy who works at a bespoke investment firm run by a mate of his uncles and a fellow Old Whootian, said raising the minimum wage by 1 dollar an hour is...

Finding Nemo Trilogy Finishes On A Darker Tone As Dory’s Home Suffers Catastrophic Bleaching Event

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactPixar animation studios have today been met with both praise and scepticism by announcing that the final movie in the Finding Nemo trilogy ‘Finding Solace’, will be focused on the Great Barrier Reef’s mass coral bleaching. Though Pixar isn't one to shy away from hard topics such as mental illness, death and grief, it still comes as a shock...

Inner-City Leftie That Refuses To Pay For Any News Subscriptions Furious About Journalistic Standards

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A French Quarter creative has today revealed to The Advocate that she has had an absolute gutful of this election campaign. Despite spending 25% of her working day on Twitter and avoiding news platform paywalls, Alisha Rich-Wyhtgal says she can't believe the standard of journalism in this day and age. "It's just gotcha questions and gutter journalism," continued the...

Calls For Trish From The Betoota Plains Commercial Hotel To Moderate Third Leader’s Debate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a bin fire second leader's debate on Channel Nine, there have been calls for a special moderator to be brought in for the final showdown. This comes after the two middle-aged men who run our major political parties just argued over the top of each other for an hour on a Sunday night. The extremely bratty...

Wedding Photographer Charges Into Battle Rocking Dual Harness With A Triple Camera Setup

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A professional wedding photographer is attempting to justify his $4000 price tag this afternoon, charging through a wedding ceremony flaunting a full arsenal of camera equipment. Dressed in a dual shoulder leather harness with several lenses dangling off his hip, The Advocate understands Jamie Cox, one of Betoota’s most expensive wedding photographers, has arrived fully kitted out...

Journo’s Trick Question Backfires As Albo Is Able To Name Entire Rabbitohs 1971 Grand Final Side

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With Scotty From Marketing trembling in the final lap towards the May 21 election date, the Morrison Government's close allies in the Australian media are ordering their journalists to go back to the old playbook of attempting to catch out the PM's opponents with trick questions about highly complicated policies that aren't easily answered on the spot. With Morrison's...

Womanizer Uncle’s New Dyed Salad Disproves His Previously Held Theory That Age Is Just A Number

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A family barbecue in Betoota Heights has this week been the scene of a major scientific breakthrough. Betoota's wider Curry family has been informed that a long-held and publically proclaimed theory around age, is no more. Referenced frequently by uncle Phil Curry, the theory was that; "Age is just a number." Held in similar standing to Newton's Laws or...

Channel 7 Reveal Sonia Kruger Will Stay On After Big Brother To Moderate Next Leader’s Debate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news for fans of reality TV and politics, the nation is set to experience the ultimate crossover in the coming weeks. Commerical TV royalty Sonia Kruger is set to step into the political ring and moderate the argument between Scott Morrison and Anthony Albanese. With plenty of back and forth from the major parties about...

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