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Nightwatchman Admits He Was On The Sauce For The 6 Months He Spent Plotting Turnbull’s Demise

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "This is my leader and I'm ambitious for him " declared a seemingly sincere Scott Morrison, with his hand wrapped around Malcolm Turnbull, the Prime Minister of Australia The date was August 22, 2018. Within 48 hours Malcolm Turnbull had resigned and Scott Morrison was sent on as the...

Gladys’s Team Reveal Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ Is Her Campaign Song

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact The significance of today’s election is not lost on the current Premier of New South Wales, Gladys Berejiklian, with her campaign team announcing a last-minute change in strategy in hopes of appealing to the younger voters. The team is reportedly using Justin Bieber’s pop mega-hit, ‘Sorry’, as the...

Uncle Gives The Double Honk While Pulling Out Of Nan’s Driveway After Lunch

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The first family member to pull the pin on a light lunch today has made a point of cheerfully giving two toots of the horn as he doubles back from a u-turn at the end of nan's cul-de-sac. Uncle Todd, who actually owns a pretty tidy car in the...

Channel 7 Deletes Sunrise In Attempt To Shut Down Vile And Appalling Comments On Social Media

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Executive staff at Channel 7 have today informed the reactionary interns running their social media team that they need to shut down Sunrise's social media channels. This comes after the television network faces backlash for deleting a photo of AFLW player Tayla Harris kicking a footy.

Dark Clouds Of Two Stroke Exhaust Hover Above Brisbane After 80 Mils Over The Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Every man and his dog is reportedly rushing home from work to fire up the mower after South-East Queensland received more than 150 millimetres in the 24 hours up to Monday morning. Local authorities have identified the dark plumes of two-stroke exhaust currently hovering above Brisbane's CBD as an...

“I’ve Got Me Cables If You Need A Jump Start?” Says Egg Boy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The new national hero that is Egg Boy has made more headlines this afternoon, after pulling up and asking a family broken down on the side of the road if they needed a hand. The incident occurred just moments ago when Egg Boy was on the way to...

Local Patriot Who Worships Ned Kelly And Chopper Disgusted By Egg Boy’s Civil Disobedience

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local far-right activist whose main interest outside sharing Neo-Nazi memes is his fetishising of Australian criminal folklore, says he is absolutely disgusted by the actions of egg boy. With several tattoos paying homage to both Ned Kelly and Chopper Read, local patriot Wyatt Bokken has today called for...

Australia Left In Shock After Witnessing Sincere And Competent Politician

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has created great confusion for the Australian audiences watching her press conferences over the last 48 hours. As the whinier-vowel neighbours of New Zealand, Australians are not familiar with a politician, or leader, who appears to be good at doing their job under...

Scientists Uncover First Ever Woman To Be Happy With How She Looks In Passport Photo

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Scientists at the CSIRO Betoota Site revealed today that they have uncovered something that could be truly life changing to women across Australia, and potentially the world. The announcement came from Nigel Osmand, the lead researcher behind the breakthrough. “We never thought it would be possible...

Ewww: Bride’s Cousin Catches The Garter

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact A function space full of wedding guests let out a collective shudder last night as cousin of the bride Eric Kier (24) caught the garter. As society continues to demand gender equality, the archaic wedding tradition of the ‘bouquet toss’ continues to be balanced out by the exceedingly popular...

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