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Big Four Consultant Explains His Gruelling Job Of Advising Stakeholders On Viabilities With Consideration To Factors That Can Effect Projections On Multifaceted Levels

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A homecoming Betoota Boy has faced a bit of a sticky situation today. Returning from the big smoke for a wedding, Andy Neville (33) has been confronted by his mates from school over a couple of cold Betoota Bitters. The man who works at one of the Big Four consulting firms in our states capital of Brisbane, Andy...

Ex-High School Swimming Champ Still Too Traumatised From The Black Line To Enjoy Olympic Trials

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Although many 5ams have come and gone since her high school days, Airlie Wilson says she still gets jitters thinking about a certain aspect of her younger days. While Wilson is one of the few who generally looks back on her youth with a fond nostalgia, a particular sporting element gives her chills. The former Betoota District Swimming...

Local Dad Still Working Under The Assumption That Lip Filler And Botox Are The Same Thing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local dad has this weekend once again been reminded that things have all gotten a little bit too fast for him. The semi-retired electrician from our humble Betoota Heights district was reminded of the fact over the long weekend, after being criticised for his lack of cosmetic knowledge. Jumping into the conversation between his wife and two...

Vandalism Of King Charles Portrait First Recorded Example Of A Vegan Having A Sense Of Humour

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world's vegans have today chalked up a rare win. The much publicised group of people who are famous for yelling at strangers in the CBD and throwing fake blood on things, have today proven that they do in fact have a funny bone in their body. Although malnourished, the existence of a funny bone comes after a...

Clearly Unpopular French President Calls Snap Election To See If Reactionary Voters Are Bluffing

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In what can only be described as a brilliant display of political skill and a complete misreading of the public mood, French President Emmanuel Macron has announced a snap parliamentary election. This bold move follows a significant victory by the far-right National Rally party in the recent European Parliament elections. This latest move is presumably to test whether...

Local Bloke In A Stable But Critical Food Coma After Eating More Than His Mates Said He Could Eat

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Brisbane man is recovering in hospital, after an unfortunate mishap earlier today.  Samuel Timbs (28) has been surrounded by friends and family after slipping into a food coma a few hours ago - post his ambitious attempt to eat a burrito the size of his quad.  Timbs slipped into the gut wrenching food coma just after midday today, after...

England Still Insists It’s Coming Home Despite Losing To A Country With Less People Than Geelong

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a show of unmatched delusion, local pom Gareth Hunt (34) has once again assured friends and family that football is indeed coming home, despite an unexpected defeat by a country with a population less than the regional centre of Geelong. Brought back a few years ago by yellow-tooth English football fans, Football was initially flagged to come home...

“We Need To Transition To Nuclear” Says Nationals MPs Whose Most Loyal Voters Would Assassinate Them If A Reactor Was Built Within 500km Of Their Property

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The National Party of Australia has kicked off a short week in style, by revealing that they are still keen to go all in on the climate wars. In the newest culture war aimed at disrupting the news cycle and ensuring that nothing ever changes in Parliament, the Liberal Party and their lackeys in the National Party are...

Nation Witnesses First Ever Disagreement Between A Liberal Treasurer And A News Corp Reporter

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australia is reeling this morning after seeing proof that unicorns might exist. The proof comes in the form of former Liberal treasurer Peter Costello clashing with a journalist from the Australian newspaper. In a video released online, the now current Chairman of Nine Media can be seen moving towards the journalist who then ends up on the ground....

Journo At Centre Of Peter Costello Furore Confirmed To Be Former Italian Defender Fabio Grosso

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The saga gripping Australia's extremely concentrated mainstream media has just taken a wild turn this morning. Former Liberal Treasurer and current Chairman of the Nine media organisation Peter Costello has found himself at the centre of a furore after seemingly putting a shot on an Australian newspaper journalist. Believed to be the first ever disagreement between a News Corp...

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