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Bloke Who Has Photos Like This In His Dating Profile Rejects Claims There’s A Man Drought

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A man from Betoota Heights has today moved to calm fears about the dating scene around town. Jeffrey Gregory (27) from our town's cul-de-sac capital has spoken to The Advocate about the current state of singles market. "Mate, there's a fair bit of carry on from these sheilas, isn't there," laughed Gregory. "I not really sure what they...

Tasmania’s Hung Parliament Meet To Negotiate Who Will Form A Lacklustre Minority Government

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Free Peoples of the South Island have today come together for a historic meeting. The Council of Hobart kicked off this morning, with different groups from all over the Island descending on the capital to discuss how to form a government. This comes following Saturday's state election in Tasmania, where it became evident that no party would...

Nation’s Supermarkets Flooded By Bachelors After Inspired Unemployed Release The ‘Instant Rizz Gummies’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Supermarkets around the country are today facing shortages not seen since the aftermath of that bloke fucking around with a pangolin. Certain shelves of supermarkets and chemists all around Australia have been skinned clean this afternoon - reminiscent of those strange times in 2020/21. The cause for the consternation is the release of a new health concept that has seen...

Tasmanian Liberals To Kill Two Birds With One Stone. Turning New Stadium Into Emergency Housing

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT On the eve of the Tasmanian Election, the current state government have dealt the opposition a hammer blow. With the state pretty much focused on two big issues, Premier Jeremy Rockliff has served up a brilliant bit of policy. Rockliff has promised to utilise the proposed new AFL stadium for emergency housing when games aren't being played on the Apple...

Dutton Asks To Be Added To Epstein Flight Logs To Improve His Public Image

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The media team of opposition leader Peter Dutton have put their heads together and had a big think about what they can do to make make the loveable property developer more electable. Although Dutton has already won over some voters by playing identity politics, some of the more moderate Australians still needs some convincing. “Traditional photo ops aren’t going to...

Why Not? If Elected Greens Promise Free Money

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although a federal election is still a year and a half away, the Greens Party of Australia realise they have as much chance of winning one tomorrow as they do when the time comes. Due to the fact they are really never ever going form a majority government (seriously, prove me wrong) the best they can hope to do...

Melbourne Experiences First Day Of Full Sunshine Since 1999 After Collingwood’s 3rd Straight Loss

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The capital of the nation's mid north south is today preparing to swelter through its hottest day on record. Normally a city blanketed by spontaneous bouts of shit drizzly rain every couple of hour, Melbourne is set for its first day of full, unblemished sunshine in over 25 years. The cause for the rare, incredible, atmospheric weather event...

Trump Changes Mind About Rudd After Learning That He Too Was Removed From Office By The Elites

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former United States President Donald Trump has today walked back his war with Former Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd. The pretty much guaranteed Republican nominee for this year's US election made headlines yesterday when he attacked the current US Ambassador. Amongst other things Trump said Rudd was a 'nasty' man who wasn't exactly 'the brightest bulb' - which...

Royal Family Forced To Apologise AGAIN After Yet Another Digitally Altered Photo Is Discovered

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The PR nightmares surrounding Britain's royal family have continued today, with fresh claims about yet ANOTHER doctored photo. With Princess Kate Middleton avoiding the limelight for the last few months, the rumour mill has gone into overdrive in regards to her whereabouts. Recovering from abdominal surgery had been the reason offered up as to her lack of appearance...

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