Opinion | Are You A Bloke Against Women’s Sports? Here’s How To Fill That Vacant Two Hour Slot In Your Calendar This Saturday Night While Everyone Else Has Fun
MARIO STRADLATER | Softboi | Contact
Are you looking at a night on your own because your weird socio-political stance is distancing you from the rest of the country who wants to see our girls torch the French? Well, you’re in luck. Here’s five things you can do to fill the 2 hour slot in your calendar this Saturday Night.
Re-read your copy Of Jordan...
Bloke Who Just Bought A Round Of Vodka Red Bulls Apparently Not Keen On Paying $20 For A Taxi
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Gulf Country man has today raised the ire of his friendship group, after carrying on like an absolute pork chop last night.
Enjoying a bit of a Friday night blow out at one of his local waterholes in Mt Isa, Greg Prince reportedly caused a bit of a stir after letting the boys know he was going to...
Local Bull Rider Effortlessly Pairs His Cowboy Wardrobe With DC Skate Shoes
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
While local bull rider, Peter Seeney (29), never had the honour flying out the chute at the Easter Show or the Ekka – he’s still a household name in the Diamantina Shire.
After years on the road with different rodeo circuits, the former juvenile offender turned jackaroo turned reckless showman is slowly climbing the ranks.
With whispers of a paid...
“I’d Love To Give Brophy’s Tent A Whirl One Day” Says Bloke Who Gives Skate Parks A Wide Berth
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A local bloke who will cross the street to avoid a charismatic swagman, reckons he’d love to jump in the Fred Brophy tent.
That’s just one of his 5th-schooner confessions anyway.
Betoota Grove flight hostie, Toby Miglew (33) says the great Australian past time of trying your luck against some of the best fighters in the bush is something that...
Bloke Who Did Dry July Completely Legless After Drinking One Strong Kombucha
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local man is struggling to remember his own birthday this afternoon after attempting to improve his gut health.
After spending the last 31 days booze free, Ethan Bradshaw (28) was seen stumbling out of the Betoota Ponds IGA slurring his speech whilst holding an empty brown bottle of passionfruit & mango kombucha.
“Mate I was just a...
AFR Geniuses Confirm CommBank Making $10.2 Billion Profit Is All Part Of Controlling Inflation
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The great minds at our nation's most prominent economic publication, have today moved to quell any concerns about the way our system is being run.
One of the senior economic columnists at the Australian Financial Review has confirmed that giant corporate profits are all part of 'combatting inflation and getting our economy running smoothly.'
Andrew Mosman-Toorak (76) penned...
Report: Naked Coffee Hardest Part About Quitting Darts
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A report by QuitLine has confirmed that the absolute hardest part about quitting darts is having to drink your morning coffee completely naked.
For those afflicted with both a nicotine and caffeine dependency, the morning is the absolute best part of the day when you get to pause work, life, commitments and God to get the fix of that dark and...
Logical And Rational Engineer Prays To The A.I Gods That They Will Find A Way To Bypass Architects
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
After a testing morning at work, local man Brendan Smith is trying to have a conversation with the powers at be upstairs.
The Betoota Heights Engineer currently based on the redevelopment of South Betoota Metro station says he is now flat out begging the A.I gods to come to his saviour.
"Please Nerdius, god of the A.I, find...
Man Comes To Terms With Ageing By Admitting He Likes ‘Pistachio Flavour’
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota man has made peace with his slow shuffle towards the grave by realising he finally enjoys and appreciates things that are ‘pistachio flavour’.
At age 29, Flight Path District local Harley Button has come to terms with being in the autumn of his lifetime as hairs fall from his head like dry and copper foliage drifting ever...
Denmark Happiness Index Plummets to 99.2% Following Round Of 16 Defeat To The Renters
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Danes woke up in their socialist utopia to defeat following their team’s 2-0 loss to the Matildas on Monday night.
“I’m at a complete loss for what to do,” said local shoemaker Christian Jorgenssen. “I guess I’ll just ride my bike to work, eat some herring and enjoy the benefits of living in one of the most developed and...
