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Wake Attendees Comforted By Arrival Of Spring Rolls

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Proving once and for all that every cloud has a silver lining, those mourning the untimely death of local second grade coach, Reginald “Reggie” Delaney, have been somewhat comforted by their loss with the inclusion of spring rolls at his wake. Helping himself to a plate of about 30 spring rolls, Delaney’s second-rower, James Teaupa, stated he will miss...

FIFO Worker Out Blowing Entire Hour’s Pay Up His Nose, According To Snapchat

If Rodney Smith was a professional footballer or aspiring reality television star, he would be in a fair bit of trouble today. The 30 something Fly In, Fly Out (FIFO) machinery driver at the Moranbah Coal Mine, (just inland from the city of Mackay) has put his disposable income on full display by beaming himself out to the world racking...

International Women’s Day: Local MRA Psyches Himself Up For Big Day On The Internet

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the United Nations take the day to acknowledge the annual March 8th commemoration that International Women's Day, one local men's rights activist named Darren says he has chosen to boycott the date out in protest of the growing inequality faced by middle class Australian men. "Yeah. Get back to me when there's a Single Dad's Day, or at least...

New Baby Boomer-Themed GPS Tells Users How This All Used To Be Bush

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Global Positioning System (GPS) game has received a shake-up this week, with the arrival of the new Baby Boomer themed voice navigator. Pundits, however, are at odds as to whether the new Baby Boomer (BB) system will help or hinder motorists. The new program utilises the core data from Google Maps, but has an added feature which includes...

Girl Named Imogen Says Bali Is Actually Pretty Nice If You Go To The Right Places

Imogen Airth (23) has quashed some stereotypes about the little Indonesian island of Bali today. The part-time Yoga Instructor who still lives at home in the Betoota Ponds sat down with The Advocate and explained the bad wrap that Bali has been getting. “Yeah for sure, Bali is definitely the overseas holiday for bogans and that, but you can get away...

Slight Cough At Risk Of Becoming Something Much More Serious If Body Forced To Exercise

TRACEY BENDINGER | Health | CONTACT ‘Better to be safe than sorry’ has been the mantra of Chris Carey for the best part of her life. It has saved her from countless near death experiences and today it has prevented her sore throat from most likely turning into full-blown pneumonia. Carey, a fun loving twenty-nine-year-old, was given a gym membership for Christmas by her...

Majority Of Australian Worksite Accidents Found To Be She’ll-Be-Right-Related

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent industry report has found that a vast majority of both minor, critical and fatal worksite injuries in Australia are directly related to someone saying 'she'll be right' in the face of danger. As defined by the Small-Sized Suburban Construction Contractors Union (SSSCCU) defines 'work accident', 'workplace accident', 'occupational accident', or 'accident at work' as a "discrete occurrence...

Does Mowing Down A Perfectly Aligned Puddle Make You A Bad Person?

LEROY PERCIVAL | Central-Coast Queensland Folk-Rock Editor | CONTACT A local do-gooder has today faced one of her toughest moral dilemmas whilst driving to the shops this morning. As Theresa McKillop, Mother of 3 and grandmother of 2, drove down Betoota’s Main St following a solid downpour, she quickly calculated that she would be driving past a big juicy puddle at exactly the time a middled-aged couple would walk by...

Spice Girls Reunion Reignites Childhood Rivalries Over Who Gets To Be Sporty Spice

TRACEY BENDINGER | Pop Culture & Property | CONTACT The news of a Spice Girls reunion sent waves through the millions of now adult fans scattered across the globe. And while the greater public hotly anticipated getting the girl group back together, for any true fan, it just reignited a fierce competition and rivalry that was thought to be long buried. Stacey Gunning...

Australian Pacific Islander Community Responsible For 90% Of All Crying Laugh Emojis

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by Nielsen surveys regarding the social media behaviour of Australians has found that 90% of all crying laugh emojis posted from IP addresses located within this country have come Polynesian-Australian account holders. "What we have found, purely through analytics is that Samoan, Tongan, Cook Islander and Fijian Australians tend to have social media presence quite similar...

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