Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local man has revealed that he's looking forward to a bit of clear air. Speaking to The Advocate from the Designer Dog cafe in Betoota's Old City District, Brett Maher told us that he's looking forward to MAFS wrapping up. "Mate, I need a break," continued the man who hates the show but has only missed one...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who long thought her days of whimsy were far behind her has found herself being pulled back into romanticising things she shouldn’t, after deep diving into Lana Del Rey’s new album, ‘Do You Know There’s A Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard.” As someone who was on Tumblr during the height of the ‘romanticising self destruction’ trend, Marlowe Stanwick...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In breaking social media news, a former high school musical lead has announced that she’s going to have another crack at the big time. The Advocate can report that at 7:34pm this evening, local wedding celebrant Jayde Adams (29) updated her Facebook profile picture and uploaded a carousel of moody professional headshots to Instagram, as a clear...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe Australian Financial Review has come under fire for publishing an article about millennial homeownership, and yet again failing to add in some crucial information.  Having copped flak in the past for publishing multiple articles about millennials who insist it’s possible to achieve the Australian dream of owning a home if you sacrifice enough, and purposely leaving the fact...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIf you ask Paul Tabot’s girlfriend Marianne the one item she’d remove permanently from his wardrobe rotation, she wouldn’t even have to pause to think before coming up with her answer. His god awful jeans. Or his ‘no arse’ jeans, as she likes to call them. Though Paul admittedly isn’t that blessed in the rump area, Marianne says his favourite...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A Betoota Heights woman has this week committed a cooking sin so unforgivable, it has caused a cataclysmic eruption from the heavens, it’s reported. Alice Moretti is alleged to have been simply microwaving precooked pasta when a crack of lightning was spotted rippling through the sky above her house, which prior to her ‘cooking’,  had not even a...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact The Buddha has smiled down upon yet another Betoota Ponds resident who finds themselves crippled by unserviceable debts. Philjop Jopery (32) did everything right. He worked diligently through his twenties to save money for a deposit to purchase a home in one of Betoota’s cheaper suburbs.  Frustratingly for Jopery and his wife Jen, the 10 rate rises the RBA hit...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who can be best referred to as ‘that mate’ has caused his friends a mix of amusement and concern this afternoon, by yet again failing to realise his limits and refusing to do what’s best for him. Declan Bowen is alleged to have agreed to an early Friday knockoff with the boys at Betoota Ponds infamous...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAlthough they would certainly win the title of the Australian Government’s Favourite Child, the mining sector has not been able to win over generation z who are joining the industry at record lows.“We just don’t know why they don’t like us,” stated a lobbyist for one of the world’s biggest polluters. “Do we need to pop some Billie Eilish...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWith all the enthusiasm of showing up to fulfil their conscription notice, single mother Angelina Wood (38) rocked up to her 20 year high school reunion.While no one is quite sure how the tradition of school reunions began, many people agree that the person who devised the first one should be shot and their DNA expunged from humanity.Although...