Local News

Bachelor With Soda Stream And Fresh Gas Canister Just Showing Off At This Point

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a jaw-dropping display of domestic extravagance, local bachelor Matt Denis (29), has left friends wondering who the fuck he thinks he is after proudly fizzing up his tap water with his personal soda stream, while also having a back up gas canister. The saga began innocently enough when Matt invited a few of his good friends to his...

Report Finds 90% Of Blokes Who Drive A Ute, While Dressed Head To Toe In RMs, Work Behind A Desk

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some surprising news (or unsurprising, given who you ask), it’s alleged up to 90% of Australian men who wear RMs and drive utes do not have a lifestyle that would require strong footwear, nor the need for large storage space - other than the occasional sweet Marketplace furniture find, that is. Speaking to a number of young gentlemen...

Faded Frangipani Sticker On Back Of Window Suggests A Bogan Babe Once Owned This Car

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn artefact from a bygone era has been spotted in a Betoota Ponds car park today, as onlookers report seeing an old Jeep Wrangler with a faded frangipani sticker on the back window. For those who are unaware of the cultural significance of the humble frangipani, it’s reported that every Queensland bogan babe in the 2000s had one of...

Overly Competitive Mate Chooses A Rap Song At Karaoke 

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTLocal competitive bloke, Caleb Yorke (25), has shocked his loved ones at a karaoke bar last night by selecting a rap song during his turn at the mic, In an attempt to impress friends and patrons.  Eyewitnesses report that Caleb, known for both his love for American hiphop, and a competitive streak, left the crowd in a state of...

AI To Replace Boyfriend’s Opinion On Outfit Options

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local boyfriend is facing redundancy this week after his girlfriend uncovers the incredible efficiencies afforded to her via the powers of AI. Braydon Spevens (26) has never been much help when it comes to offering advice on his girlfriend’s outfits, in fact he’s never been that great at dressing himself. However this week our newspaper can report...

Inner City Man Excited For Annual Diversity Injection As Night Markets Begin In Distant Suburb That Only Exists During Ramadan

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a display of unwavering enthusiasm and a commitment to celebrating a multicultural Australia, Tristan Johnson (28) is eagerly anticipating his annual pilgrimage to the distant western suburbs, as the highly anticipated Ramadan Night Markets kick off for another year. "I just love soaking up the vibrant atmosphere and sampling all the delicious food," Tristan confessed, his eyes gleaming...

Radical Politics: Wealthiest Generation In Nation’s History Could Actually Pay For Own Aged Care

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe ageing population of Australia are up in arms as they face a potential nightmare situation where they might actually pay for their own aged care. At the time of writing, there are roughly 5 million Australian Baby Boomers which means they outnumber the combined populations of polar bears, pandas, rhinos, Tassie Devils and working class rugby fans by...

Local Girl Saves $200 By Ignoring Baby Shower Invitation

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTAs the cost of living continues to skewer everyday Aussies, one savvy saver has spoken to The Advocate with her best tips to growing a savings account. Carla Dunty (29), a midwife at South Betoota Public Hospital, is one of the many almost thirty year old’s who's been facing tough financial headwinds, as she attempts to pay...

Bloke Makes Himself Some Kiwi-Style Barbecue For Tea

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local city worker has told The Advocate this afternoon that he's been craving a bit of Kiwi-style barbecue all week and tonight's the night he's going to cook himself up a bit. Wade Darcy, a 34-year-old landscaper, has worked in horticulture for over ten years and has carried on his professional love of building...

Skater Youths Much Prefer Boomers Persecuting Them Rather Than Gen-Xers Trying To Befriend Them

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA group of no good skater youths have expressed a strong preference for being persecuted by old boomers rather than being subjected to the awkward attempts at friendship by hip gen-X men. "I'd take a 'Do you know we pay taxes for that curb you’re destroying!' from a boomer any day over a Gen-Xer trying to tell me about...

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