Local News

Hungover Woman’s Body Seeks Revenge By Waking Up On Weekday Time

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman’s body has taken revenge on her today after she poisoned it over a period of 12 hours last night.  During the week, Tamara Johns (26), struggles to wake up with her 6am alarm, but it appears her mind had other plans for her as it clicked...

Mum Certain Newest Informercial Exercise Bike Is The One

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Local mum of three, Ange Hodges, is feeling optimistic this morning as she puts away her wallet after purchasing yet another exercise bike advertised on the TV. The bike in question is the newest model Danoz Direct, as well as having two wheels and a seat like the other...

Mother In Law Sends Clear Message With Regifted Perfume And Misspelt Birthday Card

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Tension has been mounting in the nearby suburb of Glencurry during what was intended to be a ‘low-key’ backyard get together. Melanie, 34, was celebrating her birthday with a small group of her closest girlfriends when mother in law Helen decided to pop by in what has...

Local Fuckwit Exposes Entire Town To Game Of Thrones Spoiler

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young man from the Betoota Heights district is facing criticism around town this morning for an extremely provocative action. With the Game Of Thrones hype at an all-time high, Bradley Simpson has risked life and limb today by driving around town revealing a huge spoiler to fans...

Freakishly Tall Mate Pops A Squat In Group Photo

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local longfella Pete 'Pistol' Sauer has today moved quickly to provide a more aesthetic average height to his group of mates. During a long-awaited boys trip to Longreach, Pistol and the boys were snapped by a local venue photographer drinking the novelty Pimms that were on offer during...

Local Mum Returns From Soviet Training Camp With Concerning Interest In Affordable Childcare

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local working-single-mother-of-two has today confirmed the theories that she is a full blown communist by pledging her allegiance to whichever political party can't offer her affordable childcare. The prominent canteen mum from Betoota's Flight Path District has long been accused of being a Red, especially after it...

Happily Single Young Man Whose Only Set Of Sheets Haven’t Dried Going Bareback Tonight

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local, very eligible bachelor has been forced to bite the bullet this evening and admit defeat. After trying to get on the front foot and chalk up an easy win by washing his sheets, the man named Chris Anderson was hoping that the set had dried during the course of the crisp...

Glamping Operator Still Not Mentally Prepared To Watch Fyre Fest Documentary

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact Adrian, 34, whose parents forked out a large sum of money last April in an attempt to make his dreams come true, was notably quiet when the conversation turned to the Fyre Fest documentary during last night’s dinner with friends. While he has not yet seen...

Local Man’s Attempt To Flirt Goes Drastically Awry As Astrological Incompatibility Comes Up

BINDI HESLOP | Local News | Contact A Betoota man’s attempt at establishing a romantic connection with his longtime crush has fallen flat this afternoon after it was revealed that the two of them are not actually astrologically compatible. Months after initiating contact with Stacey (23) over a good ten minutes worth of...

Friend’s Older Brother Doesn’t Seem So Hot After Meeting Literally One Other Male

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local woman has come to an embarrassing realisation today after seeing her best friend's ‘hot’ older brother in the real world and realising that she used to have a crush on a bloke she now wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.  It didn’t really take that long...

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