Local News

Nation Witnesses First Ever Disagreement Between A Liberal Treasurer And A News Corp Reporter

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australia is reeling this morning after seeing proof that unicorns might exist. The proof comes in the form of former Liberal treasurer Peter Costello clashing with a journalist from the Australian newspaper. In a video released online, the now current Chairman of Nine Media can be seen moving towards the journalist who then ends up on the ground....

“People You May Know” Section Overflowing With People You Wish You Didn’t Know

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT A collection of ghosts have appeared uninvited on the front porch of a local girl's mind this evening as she tries to enjoy a Facebook scroll in peace.Harriet Bain-Marie (32) is reportedly tonight questioning whether the Facebook algorithm is in fact controlled by an all-knowing, omnipotent sadistic Digi-God, as she takes a look through the “People...

Bender At Point In Night Where Physio Student Assesses All His Mates’ Injuries

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | ContactIt’s just ticked over 2:30am at a Betoota Valley kick ons and third year Physiotherapy student, Drew Sommersby, is about to see his first patient. Despite operating outside typical business hours and his blatant lack of qualifications, a half-dozen friends remain undeterred and are eagerly lining up to have their injuries assessed. The Advocate’s reporter just happened to be...

Nephew Outed By His Roach-Pillaged Tally-Hos After Uncle Asks To Roll A Smoke

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe long weekends are a great time for Aussies to get together, spend time with family and learn way too much about each other after a few drinks.One such unintentional overshare took place after uncle Trent Blipp (56) asked his nephew Taran Blipp (23) if he could roll a smoke for him please.Although uncle Trent isn’t normally a...

Bloke Trying Hardest To Be Healthy Orders Loaded Fries Without The Fries

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTCarbs have been given the flick in the most useless way possible as a Betoota man tries to sort out his diet using his complete lack of nutritional knowledge.Known for cracking the record for most Betoota Subway membership cards owned, George Latore of Betoota Ponds has decided he is being healthy this coming year but for absolute reals...

High-Grade Chemist Warehouse Flu Shot Puts Local Man On His Arse For Three Days

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT In breaking news, a local coward has called in sick today after getting himself a routine flu shot, The Advocate can report. Despite being the type of bloke who loves to tell his apprentices to “drink some concrete” every time they complain about a workplace accident, Dennis Carlton-Shandy (42) has reportedly been parked on the couch since...

Bucks Party Accommodation Comes With Ironic Cuck Chair Because Nobody Is A Chance Of Getting A Root

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTThe furnishings of a Gold Coast motor inn have become the central gag of 100 jokes today as a bucks group rolls in for a weekend of carnage on the glitter strip. After getting off Jetstar flight DA890 to Coolangatta, eight members of the Betoota Mutts third grade Rugby team checked into the Mermaid Springs Motor Inn,...

Hungover Hen At Coolangatta Airport Weighs Up Self Help Book Or Grotesque Fast Food Order

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTAs the sun sets on a particularly debaucherous weekend, a Melbourne girl has found herself in the least comforting place on earth, Coolangatta airport. Battling a sore head and twisted stomach after rediscovering her love for UDL’s last night, bride-to-be Karla Rosegold is suffering a case of the noggin wobbles. After trekking from Moonee Ponds to the Goldy...

Land-Based Cruise Ships The Real Winners Amid P&O Dissolution

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shock announcement that sent ripples through the travel industry, Australia’s beloved P&O (Poor & Overweight) Cruises brand is set to be dissolved by March 2025. The decision, announced by parent company Carnival Cruises, has left many wondering about the future of affordable holiday options for Aussies. However, it appears that "land-based cruise...

Local Stud Sweeps Crush Off Her Feet By Demonstrating Elite Geoguesser Abilities

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTLocal heartthrob Finn Young (25) has officially redefined the boundaries of romance by sweeping his crush off her feet through an impromptu display of elite Geo-guessr abilities. It all started on Monday afternoon at Finn's local cafe where the young bachelor was playing his favourite game on his laptop. Geo-guesser is a web based game where the player is...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News