Local News

Woman Flying Regional Airline Just Can’t Help But Visualise Tiny Two-Propeller Plane Crashing

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact “I know it’s the last thing I should be thinking about when I board the plane, but it’s literally all I think about,” Stacey Little tells The Advocate while at the Betoota Domestic Airport waiting to board her two-propeller plane to the State’s capital, Brisbane. “It’s always the right...

Long-Term Boyfriend Gives Up And Just Opts For Novelty Anniversary Gift

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local boyfriend has today saved himself the time, money, and stress that comes with a big-ticket anniversary gift and just decided to sort out a little novelty pressie. Speaking to our reporter at the self-serve checkout in Betoota Heights, the man named Chris explained that he just...

Supermarket Treats Essential Workers To 2 Drink Voucher Chrissy Party At Shit Local Irish Pub

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local store for a giant Supermarket chain has been commended for lavishing it's overworked and lowly paid employees this weekend. The Betoota Heights store whose employees earn a tiny bit above minimum wage reportedly treated its staff to a Christmas Party function at the shittest pub in...

Chassis Of 2001 Honda Civic No Match For 5000 Watt Subwoofers

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A 2001 Honda Civic has today fallen victim to a deadly combination of a 5000 Watt Subwoofer and a dubstep track, it’s reported. Though 28 year old William Stubbs is too old to be driving around in a car with a rear spoiler, he’s somehow made the experience all...

Creative Torn Between Spirit-Crushing Freelance Gigs Or Soul-Crushing Corporate Gig

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As local bloke Lucas Peyton painstakingly cuts together a four minute promo video for a childcare centre, he begins to wonder if the freelance life is really worth it. When he’d studied film and television at university, he’d imagined himself shooting documentaries for Vice or editing promo videos for...

Seriously? This Local Kiwi Doesn’t Own A Single Basketball Singlet!

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from our French Quarter today, a local man from across the ditch has revealed he doesn't own a single basketball singlet. Yep, you are reading that correctly He doesn't own a Tall Blacks singlet, or a Breakers one or a LeBron...

Santa Recommends Kids Ask For Sturdy Presents As COVID-19 Forces New Slam-Dunk Chimney Delivery

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact As Santa alters his regular procedures to accommodate social distancing, children are being advised to choose sturdy presents that will survive the new zero-contact delivery technique; slam-dunking the presents down the chimney.  “Our Risk Assessments have shown that employing social distancing is the most effective way of preventing...

Mothers Group Sent Into Turmoil As New Mum Announces She Might Not Bother With Sleep Training

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A new mum has unwittingly committed a huge social faux pas, after casually announcing she plans to skip sleep training, it’s reported. Natalie Pryor had allegedly been feeling a bit down in the dumps, as she’d quickly discovered being a new mum was fraught with loneliness, boredom, and...

Local Italian Reckons The Summer Rig Is Getting There Aye Fellas

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Local Italian, Brad De Luca (32) reckons this is gonna be the summer of local Italian, Brad De Luca (32). The former Betoota Mutts prem grade flanker turned socially alcoholic roofer reckons if he can get in 100 rounds of boxing before Christmas, and maybe 10 to 15...

‘Are You Guys Together?’ Question Elicits Shrill Laugh From Clearly Friend Zoned Male Friend

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local man David Gordon has today been asked the one question he’d rather have avoided, after a routine bar night with his best gal pal ended up opening some emotions he’d naively thought had long been buried. David and Lisa were reportedly having a drink with some newly...

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