Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA North Queenslander spotted driving down a busy road Friday afternoon has left drivers scratching their heads, due to the strange combination of bumper stickers on the back of his Toyota Hilux, it’s reported. Onlookers at the scene report that the bloke had first caught their attention with the sound of Foo Fighters blasting from the radio, and because he would...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Graham Mitchell (61), has been a loyal Foxtel customer since 1998 and despite his children's pleas that there is a far better, more efficient system out there, he is deciding to stick to his guns on this one.   "It's just all just a bit confusing, it really just seems unnecessary and honestly, a bit of a con. Why fix...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who finds it hard to hide when she’s bored has today resorted to fidgeting with items within her immediate vicinity, which is pretty much the exact same thing a toddler does when they’re not interested in answering their parent’s annoying questions. Ivy Mosman, who deeply suspects she has ADHD but can’t afford the $2000 assessment, is...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTAsk anyone who knows me and they’ll surely say that Dr Chet Spevens is the master of the pursuit of wealth. And I know these same people also say that my financial advice is revolutionary. I’m the Che Guevara of money, the Pol Pot of credit. Ok maybe that’s a bad example but the point...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA breathtakingly beautiful woman from Betoota's French Quarter has this week been informed that she’s no longer allowed to give dating advice. It’s alleged this incident occurred during a weekend catchup with the girls, when the hopeless romantic of the group, Leah Patton bemoaned that her shockingly bad dating streak had so far included being ghosted three times...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some random internet news, a perplexing discovery has gone viral on Tik Tok as the world’s women have uncovered that the bloke's in their lives apparently think about the Roman Empire quite a lot. Even more popular than the time women found out the best way to insult a bloke was to say 'he couldn't swim', these trending...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds woman visiting the big smoke for the first time has found herself utterly bewitched by the street sweepers, which she’s already affectionately nicknamed ‘The Wall-E sweepers.’ It’s alleged Sheevaun Manning was only just recovering from marvelling at the reversible train seats when she spotted one of the sweepers in Surry Hills, and is reported to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman pushed to the edge by her boyfriend’s need to be the Devil's Advocate has this week found herself indulging in some tech voodoo, by subjecting the Sims character she made of him to a series of tortuous experiences. May Weathers says that her boyfriend Paul occasionally has ‘his shithead moments’, where he’ll unexpectedly decide to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTEven though it is the month of September, many retailers have made Christmas supplies available for purchase, causing the nation to collective ask them to go and get fucked. Not content with bleeding us to a husk during two consecutive crises, supermarkets and retailers have already begun reminding us that our yearly financial sacrifice to the retail Gods is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact “You don’t understand Laura, men are visual creatures.” This is the excuse local man Timothy Albert has found himself using this morning, after yet again being caught scrolling through bikini accounts on Instagram while he ate his morning cereal, as though it was as normal as perusing the news. “We’re just wired differently”, he continued, acting...