Local News

Apprentice Whose Phone Has Been Cut-Off For Unpaid Bills Puts 20 Inch Rims On His Work Van

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Apprentice chippy Luke Swainy (19) has today provided the older blokes on site with a rare glimpse into how his cannabis-hazed brain works. Swanny, as he likes to refer to himself, has rocked up to work today with a $2000 set of KM702 Deuce Satin Black Milled 20 inch...

Piss-Cutting Legend Taps Phone Camera With Cold Beer In Heartbreakingly Lonely Instagram Story

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota Heights fridgie Sammo Black (25) has today shown all of his Instagram followers just how seriously he takes knock off. After a big day hanging cooler room doors and jump starting fans, the five-years-and-running bachelor has cracked himself open a frosty tin of the bravo bravo.

‘Where Did The Weekend Go’ Asks Woman Who Was Cooking Pasta At 3 AM On Saturday Night

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young local woman from Betoota's French Quarter is doing a bit of soul searching at her desk this morning. The woman named Cynthia Williams, who was cooking a pot of pasta 18 or so hours ago, says she's feeling pretty empty today. Without...

Photos Of Local Bachelor’s New Tinnie Almost Rivalling Baby Spam In Social Media Feed

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Wayne Lindfield, a local FIFO worker, who is also single, treated himself last payday by purchasing a second hand tinny to facilitate his growing obsession with fishing. While his friends were initially happy for the man to have something that keeps him occupied, the barrage of photos swamping...

Teenage Goths Revealed To Be Best Authority On Whether Global Warming Is Real

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A new report published by Australia’s peak weather, climate and water agency, the Bureau of Meteorology, has today revealed an unlikely new indicator of global warming. Chief Meteorologist Dane Virga announced to the media that they have been monitoring the activity of young goths and based off that,...

Country Dad Reckons His Home Cooked Breakfast Would Cost $40 Down In Sydney

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A Betoota Cotton Farmer has caused his family to roll their eyes in unison this morning after proudly looking at his breakfast and stating that his creation 'would cost you bloody $40 down in Sydney.' The breakfast in question is what Jim Macksville likes to call A Big Royale;...

Man Wearing Fox Racing Flat Cap Lies And Says He’s Never Glassed Someone

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact An outer Betoota Quarry man, Chayden Bell, has today lied through his teeth today while telling his new girlfriend’s father that he had never been in a bar fight. The lie in question came about after Krystal’s dad, Kyle, started grilling Chayden at the family’s dinner table in...

95% Of Population Has A Slight Scoliosis In Need Of 16 More Appointments, Says Chiropractor

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Chiropractor has confirmed today that unfortunately almost everyone is suffering from scoliosis. Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine, and in most cases the cause is unknown. The practitioner, who is notably not a doctor, and isn't really in fact a...

Local Tradie’s Mate Obviously Behind Hideous New Logo

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Luke Rathbone has confirmed this afternoon that he is ready to take his business to the next level. The 29-year-old pest-controller from Betoota Heights did so after revealing his new uniform and new logo to The Advocate this afternoon. "Not bad aye," Rathbone said to...

Boyfriend Uses Up All His Valentines Brownie Points By Going On 48 Hour Bender With Flat Phone

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local Betoota Ponds man who remembered Valentines Day for the first time in his 4-year relationship has burnt through all of his newly earned brownie points over the weekend. Michael Hawkins (29) was feeling pretty chuffed with himself for remembering the big day, and thought he might treat...

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