Local News

Bloke Suggests Next Boys Trip Should Be A Cruise, Just For A Laugh

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local friendship group’s Ros of the group has been left in the seen zone in their chat today after suggesting they take their annual boys’ trip on a cruise ship in 2021. “Oi, come on, it’d be so cheap, and cruises are grouse haha” Tim Greensbury sent in a desperate follow up...

Man Beats Murder Charge By Explaining He’s A Scorpio

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact A convicted murderer has had his sentence reduced to time already served after the sentencing judge heard evidence that the man was a Scorpio, and was simply displaying classic Scorpio behaviour at the time of the offence. Michael Hovis, 36, became enraged when a fellow guest at a...

Bans On Getting Publicly Shitfaced The Closest Local Woman Has Been To Having Life Together

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Though she promises herself every week that she won’t get into yet another alcohol-induced shame spiral, local woman Hannah is finding it hard to ditch the booze - especially after buying out all the half-priced bottles of rum from her local tavern. Hannah’s cautiously optimistic attitude, which was known to...

Manlet Kidding Himself If He Thinks He’s Not Getting The Middle Seat

EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact After two months of missed camping trips, outings to the beach, and backyard pissups, members of the ‘snake pit’ are celebrating their newfound freedom with a group trip to Byron Bay, it’s reported. It’s said that the idea of a beach trip was thrown around in the group...

“You Aren’t Even Listening, Are You?” Asks Wife About Something

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Local retiree Des Mangle was in for a rude shock when his 4th favourite fishing show was interrupted by wife Marie on Sunday. “She’s butted in with ‘You’re not even listening to me now either; I don’t know why I even bother,’” said a confused Des.

Half Rolled Bag Of Rotting Spinach Might Still Come In Handy Yet

EFFIE BATEMAN | Local News | Contact A local bloke has shown an out of character concern for waste management today. After allowing a bag of rotting spinach to continue taking up residence in his bottom vegetable drawer, it’s reported. It’s alleged that Ryan Wells had discovered the bag...

“I’m Just So Glad We Don’t Have That Over Here” Says Woman Who Thinks Palm Island Is In Dubai

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota Grove woman, Bronwyn Cashman (33) actually didn't know much about this whole black guy getting killed in Minnesota story until she stumbled across the news tonight while channel surfing. All of a sudden, she was deep in a online news rabbit hole. As...

Local Truckie Begins Exciting Journey Into Self-Employment With Purple Flame Paint Job

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local truckin' man, Joe Warrego (35) has today informed fellow motorists that he now works himself! After years of moving freight as a company man, Joe has finally pulled together enough coin to get his own truck, which he operates as business. Joe says it...

Pub Regulars Asked To Sign Pledge To Drink At Least 20 Beers Each To Make Reopening Feasible

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As COVID-19 restrictions are eased, pubs across the country are reopening to the excitement of publicans and alcoholics alike. From June 1 NSW pubs will be allowed to seat up to 50 people, while most other states will allow 20 patrons by mid June. However, publicans claim it will...

Cyber Bully Relieved To Finally Get Back To Analogue Roots As School Goes Back

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact The news that kids can go back to school has excited a lot of people; parents, teachers and especially one cyber-bully who has been itching to get back into the classroom to potentially ruin someone’s life in person, like the good old days. Before she was forced to school-from-home,...

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