EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

CSIRO has today released images of what Hunter Valley wine will look like in ten years should Peter Dutton become Prime Minister, sending shockwaves amongst middle class women and retirees across the nation. 

During an impromptu Coalition party room meeting on Wednesday, Peter Dutton revealed plans to build nuclear power plants at the sites of former coal power plants, including Tarong and Callide in Queensland; Lithgow and Hunter Valley in New South Wales; Collie in Western Australia; Loy Yang in Victoria; and Port Augusta in South Australia.

And though it’s safe to say these plans to lift bans on nuclear power will not be popular amongst the younger generation, who are pushing towards renewable energy, this announcement is also likely to not land well with New South Wales voters.

“The Nuclear Regulatory Commission within 50 miles of a nuclear plant should take action to protect their food and water supplies”, says John Haversham, a research scientist from CSIRO, “which equates to roughly 80km.”

“Pokolbin, which features the highest concentration of wineries in the Hunter valley region, is located just 60km from the proposed nuclear plant.”

“So in simple terms, dem grapes be fucked.”

The projected images of what wine can be expected to look like in a decade show a sinister glowing blue liquid, which John assures will have ‘negative long lasting effects on health if consumed.”

“It would be the wedding industry Chernobyl.”

More to come.


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