Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bryan Hatton has spent the last 24 minutes wrestling with the gruelling task of taking a dump while also hyperextending his left arm in order to keep the door shut, in the Betoota Hotel mens room. It appears the door in the far-right stall has, at some point, suffered a blow from a patron’s boot on the basin-side. Mr Hatton...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a classic display of laidback ignorance, Australian man Myles Pereira (48) has declared Canadians and Americans are the "same shit" after being corrected by the Canadian girl he's talking to that she is in fact, Canadian. The incident reportedly occurred during a casual conversation at a local pub, where Myles, overhearing a conversation between two people with what...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights chihuahua has today proven that what he doesn’t have in size, he makes up with sheer audacity, by making a beeline for the biggest dog in the park. Proving that there are only two types of chihuahuas (the ones scared to be alive and the ones that could do with a bit more humility), ‘Dobby Reynolds’...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some surprising news, a bloke who's the only male in his family has grown up to become a fully functional human being capable of forming healthy relationships, despite having four sisters and a divorced mum, it’s reported. The bloke in question, Jake Moore, tells The Advocate that he’s always been held accountable for his actions and forced to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs Gen Z have taken to Tik Tok to lambast millennials for their boring ‘minimalism’, it can now be confirmed that the reasons behind ‘millennial grey’ isn't just lack of funds but the trickle down effect of the ‘grandparents house.’ Speaking to a lead researcher in trends, The Advocate learns that many millennials have opted to lead a minimalist...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota office worker's bad day is on display for all to see as an innocent pedestrian crossing button takes the brunt of their Daniel Powterian rough one. After a month’s long lockdown finally gave them a sense of freedom, office worker Kearly Croone (39) has since been made to return to her fluorescent hell full time, despite the...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA country lad hailing from the calm serenity of rural Australia has become quite the annoyance to his fellow inner city house mates as he keeps leaving the front door unlocked, sometimes overnight. A practice born from the safety and trustworthy people from his hometown. Michael Hillcliffe (24) has lived in the city for over a year now and...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local dad has realised his son will be as average at cricket as he is after witnessing his boy’s absolutely woeful efforts at bashing a piñata.  Originating from Mexican party traditions, piñatas are decorated capsules containing lollies that are to be smashed open by a blindfolded person so as to free the treats inside. Piñatas are often designed to...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local man in his early 30s has channeled the unshakeable spirit of David Goggins after his missus dragged him on a walk that turned out to be, shockingly, actual exercise. Eoin Murphy (31), had long considered himself a somewhat fit individual, and although he hasn't had to break a sweat in a few years, still fancies himself in...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Maddie Rooney (29) has realised she has finally reached full adulthood. In an unexpected turn of events, Maddie has found herself unexplainably excited about a spontaneous trip to Officeworks to get new printer inks. Maddie had long considered herself the embodiment of youthfulness , known for her disdain for anything dull and a phobia for anything remotely resembling responsibility. However,...