Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTRecent proof that secret societies are still somehow relevant has emerged as the secrets to effective whipper-snippering have been discovered guarded by a guild of ancient grandpas.Known as weed-whacking in America and green-fanny-dusting in the UK, whipper-snippering is the practice of using a petrol powered high-speed plastic wire to trim grass in hard to reach places.Although just a...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA pair of Betoota parents have thwarted the practice of analogue identity theft by keeping their children's birth certificates in their safe. Mel and Karmel Brown of Betoota Heights love living in their serene and friendly neighbourhood but have simply watched too many crime shows to not own their own safe.Aside from their adult children’s birth certificates, the safe...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has this week been forced to have a harsh moment of self reflection, after coming face to face with a bedraggled sea urchin she quickly came to realise was her own face staring back at her. The woman in question, a 25 year old beauty technician named Clarissa Whitlock, tells our reporter that what was meant...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAll five residents of a Betoota Ponds sharehouse have this week been forced to play a game of ‘surprise rectal exam roulette, due to a stingy roommate maliciously complying with ‘his turn’ to buy the household essentials, it's reported. This system, which has worked relatively well until now, involves the roommates taking turns to buy communal items such as...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA Betoota tradie is believed to be stuck in the pain chamber this morning after making a poor breakfast decision. The Advocate can report local concreter Kane Nutley (26) has spent the last 25 minutes sweating up a storm in a worksite port-a-loo, also known as the Blue Sauna. Contracted to work on the construction of the new...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has found herself embarking on her quarterly ‘cry thinking about a loved one dying’, which has become a masochistic ritual of hers usually reserved for bedtime. Often lying dramatically in the dark as she stares at the ceiling, Maeve Crowley will go through all five stages of grief, including the exact moment she’s informed about...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman hit hard by the cost of living crisis has been forced to return to her OG Mecca Cosmetica, as she comes to realise that dropping $80 on a blush just isn’t feasible anymore. Clara Bow tells The Advocate that this sacrifice has been just one of many she’s made recently, stating that her most recent...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTCorey Hastings (29) has mastered the art of apartment living. A bloke who was born and bred in the cul-de-sac paradise of Betoota Heights, Corey admits moving to Sydney to follow his dreams of becoming a middle manager at an international finance firm hasn’t really paid off. After waking up in his tiny $700 a week shoebox apartment...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A recently single local woman has started her week off on the wrong foot, after some late night Tinder scrolling saw her stumbling upon her ex’s profile. Despite also being on Tinder, Renee Houston is reportedly very annoyed about discovering Matthew's profile, stating that she couldn’t believe he ‘would move on so quickly’ and that it’s evident the past...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who moved to Sydney a year ago has slowly discovered that her new friends have had a significantly different upbringing, after being asked to join a skiing trip, it’s reported. April Lawson tells The Advocate that her biggest culture shock since moving to the big smoke was that everyone seems to be able to ski like...