Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local unqualified builder has confirmed today that he drives an automatic Ford Ranger Raptor Wildtrak because it's easier. Damien Pooley, an unmarried 38-year-old with a reputation nobody wants, told The Advocate that a manual transmission is for lefties as lefties can only afford to buy a car with a manual transmission. In the same...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIt’s been discovered that ‘horse girl movies’ may be indirectly responsible for encouraging women to pursue bad boys later in life, under the belief they can fix him with enough time, effort, and a cool montage. Popular in the early 2000s, roughly 90% ‘horse girl’ movies involved a misunderstood protagonist with fire in their belly, forming a special connection...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTLocal woman Emma Clarke is cursing her past self after coming home from a night out only to find her bed with stripped sheets. Emma’s day had begun with high hopes and a cleaning spree. She stripped her bed, fully intending to wash, dry, and remake it before heading out for drinks. Somewhere between loading the machine and...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local full-time son/part-time creative inner-city man has celebrated the 5th birthday of the book in his tote bag that he still hasn't gotten around to reading. "It's a huge day for little Recky, AKA Requiem for the American Dream by Noam Chomsky, paperback edition," said Merlin Sykes (29). Like many inner-city men, Merlin uses a quirky tote bag around town in an attempt to disarm...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA recent report has concluded that, in almost all circumstances, using a camel backpack—those backpacks with a sack of water and a hose to drink out of—is completely unnecessary. The report surveyed hundreds of camel backpack users and found that the practice was almost exclusively done by outdoor hiking nerds who wanted to make their activity look more extreme than it actually was. "We...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTLachie Jenkins has once again confirmed his undisputed superiority over his mates with a Strava screenshot on Instagram, leaving no doubt that he is fitter, smugger, and more technologically advanced than anyone in his social circle. Lachie, who has spent the better part of the last two years posting unreasonably detailed workout stats, uploaded yet another Strava tracking...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | ContactA local DIY enthusiast has uncovered her latest project this morning upon learning that her new fella might need a bit of work. Sabrina Evans, a 28-year-old primary school teacher from Betoota Lakes, has spent the last few weeks basking in the glow of a blissful honeymoon period after meeting a fencing contractor from Windorah. After meeting Dudley...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has chosen a blueberry muffin over a double-choc chunk cookie at her local café this morning, under the false belief that having tiny bits of fruit somehow cancels out all the sugar she was about to eat. Emily Desmond, 28, who has been trying to get ahead of her New Year’s resolution to stop eating like...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA man in an elevator was more determined than ever to get the baby in the pram, who was death-staring him, to crack at least a small smile. The standoff happened yesterday when Sam Cobden (29) found himself on a moderately crowded elevator ride. "I got into the elevator and quickly noticed the intense stare of a 10-month-old," Sam explained. "Honestly,...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTMany are saying that the newest viral trend of public lookalike contests marks Gen Z's first experience of genuine, in-person community and belonging. The trend began in New York during a Timothée Chalamet lookalike competition, which gained global attention when the real Timothée Chalamet unexpectedly attended, catapulting the event across TikTok algorithms worldwide. The concept—gathering a group of men to...