EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

The Bureau of Meteorology (BOM) has this week predicted that a local woman will yet again fail to use all her Class Pass credits, only this time, using the chilly weather as the perfect excuse.

Emily Dowling, a 32-year old marketing executive from Betoota Heights, is said to have first signed up for ClassPass in 2020, seeking to diversify her fitness routine with yoga, pilates, and spin classes.

However, despite her initial enthusiasm, Emily has consistently failed to attend more than a couple of classes a month – resulting in her getting lost in an endless cycle of enthusiastically signing up for the service twice a year, under the assumption she’ll magically just become a better person.

“I don’t know, I figured if I did a whole bunch of classes, I wouldn’t find exercising so boring”, explains Emily, “like, I want to do boxing but I also want to do pilates.”

“And HIIT classes…and yoga.”

In reality, Emily doesn’t really want to do any of those things. But she wants to want to do those things.

“But it’s so fucking cold! I just can’t get out of bed in the morning!”

Speaking to a BOM meteorologist, Leslie Tipple, The Advocate learns that the cold bout will be responsible for many people losing out on their fitness goals.

“Nobody wants to wake up early, or venture into that icy coldness after work”, explains Tipple, “so we foresee a lot of unused ClassPass credits in the next couple of months.”

“If there’s one thing Australian’s can’t hack, it’s the slightest change in temperature.”

More to come.


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