Local News

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn an ironic twist of fate, the persistent low battery beep of a smoke alarm has become a daily reminder to local woman Linda Thompson (27) that, despite the minor inconvenience, she actually has much bigger problems on her plate than replacing the batteries of her smoke alarm. Like many, Linda has found herself in the classic situation of...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTAs gentrification marches on across Australia's cities, one institution that has held strong against the sweeping changes has finally surrendered. The banh mi shop. Hong Tran Hot Bread has been an institution in the Betoota Flight Path District for over 40 years, serving up Bahn Mi, pastries and bread for extremely low prices, but all that has changed.  Tuân Nguyen(45),...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Last night's Betoota Downs Council meeting went just about as well as anyone would have expected, as the community continues to deal with an increasingly unhinged political landscape. The immediate issues facing the community, namely the dangerous black spots on the local highway and third-world rate of potholes on the suburban streets, were once pushed to the bottom of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local millennial woman has had her biggest taste of mortality since Bindi Irwin got married, after watching the trailer for ‘The Mean Girls Musical.’ Darcey Vernon, 30, tells The Advocate that she’d initially been very sceptical about the concept, seeing as the original movie aired only twenty years ago, but admits the trailer actually looks quite fun -...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man, or McChungus, began his day in typical fashion by dining in at the McDonald's restaurant on Old City Bypass Road this morning. Dennis Putter, a 49-year-old senior network engineer at South Betoota Polytechnic College, likes to park his late-model Holden Trax on the shady side of the car park. He explained to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some developing news, an elderly woman has reportedly been taken to hospital this afternoon after seeing a popular French Quarter chiropractor, with incoming reports stating the woman had been manhandled with the ‘same amount of care you’d expect the elderly to receive from the average NSW police officer. Grandmother of seven, Genevieve Brixton, 89, is alleged to have...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Melbourne bloke has caught a once in a lifetime lucky break today, after waking up with an extremely sore head from enjoying Melbourne Cup festivities until 5am. Based in Glen Waverley, the bloke, who wishes to use a fake name, told The Advocate over the phone that he was severely dreading going to work this morning, having spent roughly...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBetoota senior Geraldine Groucher (88) doesn’t hear much from her family anymore but hopes to once they rethink their whole ‘marrying protestants’ nonsense. Without much family contact, Mrs Groucher’s days are spent wheeling herself out to watch daytime quiz shows, searching for her iPad, failing to unlock her iPad, watching more quiz shows before having a slice of toast...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota couple who defied some seriously stacked odds and purchased some property received a bollocking reminder that their days of being treated like a dirty renter are not over yet. After visiting a Rocky montage’s worth of open houses, filling out a river of forms and having their eyes damaged by no less than 20 shit eating grins...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn a world constantly crying ‘Nanny State’, a pseudo report by a Betoota ‘doctor’ has confirmed that a Nana State would actually be pretty good if you think about it. The Doctor in question is Dr Dom, a Desert Rock FM talkback host who hosts a late night radio show popular with truckies, nursing mums and anyone else unfortunate...