Tesla Driver Who Asked Drive-Thru Bottle Shop Attendant To “Put It In My Frunk” Will Never Know How Close He Came To Getting A Hiding
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A city man visiting town over the weekend has come perilously close to receiving the hiding of a lifetime from a 62-year-old bottle shop attendant without even knowing it.
Shortly after 6 pm on Saturday night, a young man in a late model Tesla 3 pulled into the Thirsty Camel attached to The Gelded Seahorse...
Elon About To Learn That Australians Really Enjoy Making Life Hard For Famous People From Overseas
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACTUNITED AGAINST BIG SHOTS: The once mysteriously brilliant turned cringe and annoying US billionaire Elon Musk has accused Australia’s Online Safety commissioner of censorship and has vowed to challenge an order to begin regulating his online platform X, formerly Twitter, in court.
This follows calls for harsher sanctions for social media platforms in light of a string of violent...
Moves Towards A Cashless Society Sadly Sees Donation Dog Put Down
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some rather upsetting news, it can now be confirmed that every supermarket donation dog will be euthanized in the next couple of months, after becoming ‘obsolete’ as society moves away from cash.
Initially started in 1982, Guide Dog ‘Collection Dogs’ have been a popular fixture in Coles supermarkets across the country, as both a recipient for unwanted coins...
Vice Chancellor Of Supadoopa Betoota Commerce College Says Student Visa Crackdown Is Hurting Business
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
One of the town's thought leaders has blasted the Federal Government's crackdown on student visas, telling The Advocate that it will hurt the bottom line of the Diamantina's many tertiary education providers.
Greg McGunt, Vice Chancellor of the prestigious SupaDoopa Betoota Commerce College, said the overwhelming majority of their students come from overseas with the...
Arrival Of Beanie Weather Brings Temporary Relief To Ageing 2010s Hipster
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTWhile era-appropriate styles can certainly lead to some cringey photos with attempted gang signs, it is universally agreed that beanies are a cool person hat.
The only problem with these dope lids is that you look like an idiot if you wear them in warm weather, proving not everyone can be cool every day of the year, not even...
Husband Decides His Dehydrated Urine Is Yellow Enough To Remain Unflushed So Others Can See It Too
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local man has made an interesting decision to not flush his very pungent urine today, leaving his wife wondering what kind of animal she’s living with.
Speaking to his wife, May Keene, 32, The Advocate learns that Jason apparently only does this when he’s severely dehydrated, ensuring the leftover urine not only stinks, but is also a rancid...
Mate Who’s Now Ordering Espressos And Wearing Bowling Shirts Clearly Re-Watching Sopranos
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTFriends and family of local man Will Thomas (25) are becoming increasingly concerned as they observe his sudden fixation on sipping espressos outside his local cafe while wearing bowling shirts, leading many to suspect that he's in the midst of yet another binge-watch of HBO's classic mob drama series, The Sopranos."He used to be such a laid-back bloke,...
17-Year-Old Gives Oscar Worthy Performance Pretending To Be Flattered They’ve Been Asked For ID
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBeing a teenager isn’t always fun, unless you’ve got a fake ID in which case it definitely is. One such fake ID owner is promising Betoota youth Felix Norx (17) who worked hard to secure his own fake ID so that he may enjoy all the privileges of adult life.“It was so easy,” stated the young man who deserved...
Uni Student Able To Cook It All Up On Long Suffering Abbott Era Frying Pan
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTBetoota Polytechnic University student, Alan Sowada (19) has proved he might actually have a career as an engineer one day after being able to feed himself with just one hand-me-down frying pan that dates back to the Abbott administration. After making arrangements to study on campus, Sowada was gifted an op shop’s worth of kitchen utensils, among them a...
Art Teacher Who Caught Her Students Smoking Weed More Disappointed In Their Joint Rolling Skills
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a plot twist that has left both students and faculty baffled, an art teacher who recently caught some of her students smoking weed on school premises has expressed her deep disappointment not in the fact that they're smoking weed at school, but in their horrible joint rolling skills.Moya Ashcroft (59), a long-serving art teacher known for her...
