ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A city man visiting town over the weekend has come perilously close to receiving the hiding of a lifetime from a 62-year-old bottle shop attendant without even knowing it.

Shortly after 6 pm on Saturday night, a young man in a late model Tesla 3 pulled into the Thirsty Camel attached to The Gelded Seahorse Hotel in Betoota Heights. It’s one of the many bottle shops in town that still provides good old South Australian-style “to-your-boot” service.

Terry, the well-known and beloved bottle shop attendant behind the counter, told The Advocate what happened next.

“He wanted a bunch of seltzers and some wine. Not the kind of stuff I’d be drinking, but each to their own,” he said.

“I got it all together, then asked him to open the boot after he paid. That little [redacted by legal] told me not to put it in the boot; he told me to put it in his frunk! What in the blue fuck is a frunk? I asked him again, and he said ‘in the frunk’ really slowly, like he was speaking English and I was some [redacted by legal] fucking [redacted by legal] that’s just clambered off an illegal fishing boat and onto the pristine sands of Western Australia!”

“He looked me in the eye and said nothing. I said, ‘In your fucking what?’ and I started reaching for the door handle. These bloody [redacted by legal] cars don’t have any bloody door handles anymore! Fuck!!”

Terry said that in the midst of the red mist he was seeing through, he saw the young man point at the front of his car. The bonnet was open.

“The little c**t said ‘in the frunk’ again to me. I was about to go wild! Then I realised what he was talking about. These bloody [redacted by legal] cars have a boot in the front. Silly bloody things!”

“They should be called a ‘froot’ to avoid confusion. Anyway, that little c**t has no idea how close he came to getting a smack in the mouth. As he drove off, I just shook my head. What’s wrong with a Toyota?”

More to come.


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