Betoota Polytechnic University student, Alan Sowada (19) has proved he might actually have a career as an engineer one day after being able to feed himself with just one hand-me-down frying pan that dates back to the Abbott administration. 

After making arrangements to study on campus, Sowada was gifted an op shop’s worth of kitchen utensils, among them a battered old frying pan his uncle used during his time at uni, 2013-2015. 

Although the frying pan does not feature a single surface that is the original factory produced colour, Sowada’s uncle did not throw the frying pan out, believing that if it could survive Tony Abbott it could survive everything else.

Choosing to gift the frying pan to his nephew instead of discarding it like the Libs did to Tony, young Sowada has continued the tradition of cooking every single one of his meals in the frying pan that is begging for death.

“My uncle reckons the non-stick first went at about the time Tony ate the onion,” stated Sowada, using the pan to boil water for a cup of tea our reporting team now regretted asking for.

“I’m never getting rid of it, why would I? It can do everything.”

“I do my noodles in it, fry my toast in it, temper my chocolate, reverse sear steaks, reduce stock to a demi glaze, make a personal paella in tomato season and put sausages on for the boys. The lot.”

Sowada is so appreciative of the frying pan that saw the sun set on the age of entitlement that he is planning a ten year anniversary gastronomic tribute to the bygone era, simulating the feeling of Tony Abbott as PM by repeatedly striking himself on the head with the frying pan.

“You should come! I’m making zucchini boats. Nothing’s gonna stop these boats!”


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