A local porkchop is being accused of absolute dribble this afternoon as he prepares to launch himself into a lavish wedding.

On route in an Uber to Little Trotters Winery, friend of the groom Hayden Denman (29) has told a car load of mates that he thinks weddings aren’t that difficult to organise, and that he could probably do a better job than most wedding planners.

“What do you reckon they’ve paid for the wedding planner?” Hayden piped up from the back seat as he watched a last minute Youtube tutorial on how to tie a windsor knot.

“Such a waste of coin aye, they charge crazy money these days.”

Despite the fact he’s the reason the car is already running 15 minutes late because he couldn’t find his only pair of dress shoes, Hayden decided he’d spend the journey to the venue entertaining his mates with unfiltered thoughts about how he’d do the big day, if it was up to him.

“Like it can’t be that hard, if it was me I’d just borrow my Uncle’s property, hire all the furniture myself or get everyone to bring their own camp chairs,” waffled on Hayden.

“This bloke at work does a brisket burger truck on his weekends, I’d probably call him in to do the food.” 

“I’d save so much money, people just don’t know how to sort stuff these days.”

Yapping on as the Uber turned down Rosemount Drive, Hayden proceeded to whip out the shoe box that housed his pleather loafers and use it as a clipboard to write on the congratulations card which he’d bought from Kmart that morning.

“Jeez are we getting close, I’ve still gotta write on this card!” Hayden yelped as he stuffed a $50 gift card into the incorrect sized envelope and started looking through his pockets for where he’d stuffed his cufflinks.

“I just gave them $50 on a Woolies card, that should cover my meal hey?”


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