EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A French Quarter woman bragging about the merits of doing ayahuasca ceremony in Costa Rica has been informed that it’s actually possible to ‘cleanse’ one’s demons (bowels) for half the price, by simply drinking some tap water in Bali.

Anita Hobbs, 28, is alleged to have been heard singing the praises of her recent trip abroad, which involved forking out thousands of dollars to attend an ayahuasca ceremony conducted by a shaman.

Ayahuasca, a potent hallucinogenic brew traditionally used by indigenous Amazonian tribes, has gained popularity among Westerners seeking spiritual enlightenment and healing. The psychoactive effects of the brew is said to help with emotional healing, by inducing intense visions and lulling the participant into a deep introspective state.

But unfortunately, drinking ayahuasca can also induce the body to ‘cleanse’ oneself, which involves uncontrollable vomiting and violently shitting one’s pants whilst hallucinating. 

But for Anita, the $5,000 it cost to attend the retreat was well worth it.

“Sure, I was horrifically ill for half of it”, admits Anita, “but honestly, it was like ten years of therapy in one night.”

“It really opened up my mind.”

However, after chatting to a self confessed bogan from Betoota Ponds, The Advocate has since learnt that there’s a cheaper alternative to shitting your pants in a nice overseas retreat – by going to Bali!

“Yeah, I don’t know how these yuppies have been able to gentrify diarrhoea, but there ya go”, says Brooke Simpson, “$900 round trip to Bali, have a couple of drinks with some ice cubes and voila! 

“Pretty much the same thing.”

More to come.


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