Politics

Bloke Who Got Paid $700 A Week To Not Go To His Job For 18 Months Says Albo Has Fucked The Economy

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Albanese Government's third Federal Budget has been widely criticised this week, as both the Prime Minister and his Treasurer stand accused of not doing enough to address the current cost-of-living crisis and broader economic downturn. Betoota Heights-based logistics analyst, Dale Payne (31) is one of the millions of Australians who've come to realise that Albo isn't shit. "Everything has...

Government Secures Australia’s Future By Handing $300 Directly To Power Companies On Behalf Of Households

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Treasurer Jim Chalmers is today basking in the glow of one of the greatest budgets the nation has ever seen. Handing down his 3rd version of the nation's financial plan, Chalmers now looks set to enter the Labor Hall of Fame alongside figures like Curtin, Chifley, Whitlam and Gillard. Faced by a cost of living crisis, growing job insecurity...

Chalmers Challenges Broke, Tired, Renting, Disenfranchised, Pessimistic Young Workers To Have More Babies

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Jimothy Chalmers has thrown down the gauntlet to the nation's young workers today, challenging them to have more babies - or else. Speaking today in Canberra, Dr Chalmers said that if young Australians aren't prepared to "grow a pair" and have way more kids than they can afford, he'll be forced to find human...

PM Says China Can Shoot As Many Flares At Our Choppers As They Like Because Who Else Is Going To Buy Our Produce And Prop Our Real Estate Market...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Global politics and challenging Chinese hegemony in the Indo-Pacific is like doing a complex dance," said the Prime Minister this morning in Rockhampton. "You need to move in a way that keeps all parties happy because when you start treading on toes, people, uh, I mean your dance partners, begin to grow tired. During the...

SBS Brace For Spike In Late Night Ratings Following Introduction Of Age Limits For Porn Websites

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Age limits for pornography websites will be enforced right across Australia, the Albanese government has confirmed. This will include the introduction “age-assurance technologies” to reduce children’s exposure to harmful content, after growing concern from experts that there are a lot of young people in Australia who are expecting to lose their virginity in 40-person interracial BDSM gang-bang. This means...

Albo Sends In The Only Community Leader Capable Of Resolving Complex Ethno-Religious Tensions In South-West Sydney

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT South-West Sydney remains on edge today, after a religiously motivated attack on a local preacher earlier this week. Assyrian church leader, Bishop Mar Mari Emmanuel was delivering a sermon Christ the Good Shepherd Church in Wakeley on Monday night, when a 16-year-old allegedly advanced down the aisle and stabbed him multiple times. The attack took place during a live-streamed church...

Dutton Says Losing 7 Liberal Seats To Uppity Females Was Equivalent To The Japanese Bombing Darwin

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact Opposition Leader Peter Dutton is continuing to dig downwards today, and has refused to walk back his comments comparing the Port Arthur massacre to pro-Palestine protests. The Opposition Leader sparked fierce criticism, from a whole range of political factions, for his bizarre remarks which were made in an effort to criticise the Prime Minister for not banning protests Thirty-five...

Tasmania Labor Explain Why They Won’t Form Government With Greens: “Have You Seen These Freaks?!”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a lengthy leadership trying to win over voters who are now alomst completely detached from traditional media channels, Rebecca White MP has today announced her decision step down as Tasmanian Labor party leader. This comes after a third straight election defeat, and a subsequent decision to not form government with any of the independents or Green MPs that...

LNP Announce Youth Crime Plan: Make Young People Stay At Home And Play Video Games With Their Loving Parents Next To A Crackling Fireplace After A Hearty Dinner

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland’s October election will be fought over youth crime, it has been confirmed. After nearly a decade under the dictatorship of Palaszczuk, the LNP Opposition have come to terms with the fact that the only talking points that cut through after the pandemic are related to punishment of at-risk teenagers - who are more often than not black or...

Jacinta Price Still Waiting For Phone To Ring 6 Months After Expending Her Political Usefulness

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT These days, time seems to be moving at a slower pace for Senator Jacinta Price - who has become the first woman ever to wait by a phone hoping that Peter Dutton will call her. Six months after the nation was divided in a referendum where both sides agreed they didn’t want the nation divided, the Senator for the...

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