Politics

PM Responds To Pamela Anderson’s Accusations Of Misogyny With ‘Reow’ Noise

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Scott Morrison has fired back in the diplomatic row with Canadian-American actress and model Pamela Anderson today. The Prime Minister was blasted by the Baywatch star for his "smutty" and "lewd" comments about her this week. In response to calls from Anderson to look after Julian Assange and bring him home,  Morrison said earlier this week that he "plenty of...

Bill Shorten Misses The Mark With Season Two Big Bang Theory Reference

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The country's Opposition Leader has left a group of people standing around awkwardly today. The uncomfortable situation occurred a short time ago when Bill Shorten decided to drop a Season Two Big Bang Theory reference into a conversation with a number of people. Conversing about some federal Labor policy with a couple of staffers and some other Canberra type people,...

“Haha, Nah” Say Government MPs In Response To Calls For A Federal Corruption Watchdog

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Colaition has today explained to The Advocate why a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption, or similar watchdog type body isn’t necessary. “Listen here, us blokes don’t have anything to hide, and therefore we don’t need a Federal body to investigate any behaviour that may be deemed suspicious,” said Prime Minister Scott Morrison in his most blokey voice. “Our Federal...

Morrison Backflips On Initial Idea Of Letting People Starve To Death

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Coalition Government's Nightwatchman has reversed a funding cut to one of Australia's largest hunger-relief organisations, after 'listening to the community'. While making bizarre media appearance on the day time variety program Studio 10 on Monday morning, Mr Morrison said the government had maintained the level of funding for food support services, but that it was now being distributed among three...

Scott Morrison Rolls Out New Sleeve Tatt In Effort To Combat Poor Polling Numbers

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT in the wake of the latest poor polling numbers, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has rolled into today sporting some new ink. The leader of the Coalition address media this morning, sporting a fresh new sleeve on his left forearm. "You might be wondering why I'm not wearing a suit today," he laughed. "But I treated myself on the Lords Day to...

Nation Finally Learns Name Of The NSW Labor Leader

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The country has finally figured out the name of the former NSW Labor Leader this afternoon. This comes after disturbing allegations of inappropriate conduct were aired about the former State Opposition Leader today. With the allegations hanging over his leadership for weeks, an ABC journalist has today issued a damning statement alleging that Luke Foley inappropriately touched her, by sliding his...

“Crikey! That Tastes Bloody Grouse” Says PM While Smashing Protein Shake During Smoko In Rocky

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Prime Minister has moved to quash any doubts still cast over his 'blokiness' today. Scott Morrison the caretaker PM from the Shire, did so by leaning against his campaign bus in Townsville today and taking a slurp from his protein shake. Taking a smoko break from his busy day of working Australian slang into his campaigning, Morrison decided...

Wow! This Cunt Was Almost Our Prime Minister

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has shaken its head today, as it remembers that Mark Latham was almost elected as the Prime Minister of Australia. This comes after the man responsible for the most famous handshake in Australia history announced that he will be joining the very thin ranks of One Nation this morning. Latham will run for NSW Parliment and lead the state...

Shorten Says ‘Strewth’ Twenty Times Consecutively In An Effort To Out-Bloke Morrison

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Prime Minister Morrison ramps up his usage of words like 'Fair Dinkum' as well as 'Deadset' in an attempt to convince Australian voters that he doesn't own thirteen different pairs of chinos, panic as reportedly set in for the leader of the opposition's equally un-relatable media team. Despite making a career out of calling people grubs before...

ScoMo Still Yet To Be Called Out For Giving Himself A Nickname

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Although Prime Minister of Australia and professional seat warmer Scott Morrison has been the nation’s leader since August 2018, the nation is wondering exactly when he will be called out for giving himself the nickname ‘ScoMo.’ Since being sworn in, the PM has received a lot of criticism from the public for his focus on religious discrimination, lack of...

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