Politics

Australian Government To Spend $88M Reallocating Peter Dutton’s Job To People With Brains

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has today excitedly joined the man that ended up becoming Prime Minister when he wanted to become Prime Minister to excitedly announce a new spy taskforce to do all the shit he hasn't been able to do in his current job, because he's not very good at...

Angus Taylor Squats And Coughs Out A Couple Water Licences During NSW Police Strip Search

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In what's been a tough week for Angus Taylor, the aspiring Prime Minister has had another embarrassing moment. With the police investigation into Taylor's decision to allegedly doctor official documents in some weird crusade against Sydney Mayor Clover Mayor ramping up, the Energy Minister may now have another...

Eddie Obeid’s Release From Long Bay Somehow Improves NSW Labor Brand

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NSW Labor are today taking their very few wins where they can, after the news that former state MP Eddie Obeid will be released on parole next month. Eddie Obeid, who is far more of a household name than any of the last five generic white people to...

Bernardi To Quit Politics After Realising He’s Too Much Of A Leftie To Compete With Pauline

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Adelaide's private schools are ecstatic today, after learning that they may get their hands on a new coach just in time for the 2020 rowing season. This comes after the announcement that Federal senator Cory Bernardi will quit politics by the end of the year, after finding no success...

Holy Shit! PM Dispels Widely Held Theory That You Can’t Eat Coal In A Single Press Conference

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has just made a lot of environmentalists and scientists very mad it can be confirmed. The PM just did so by destroying a long-held and widely regarded as irrefutable, scientific principle. For years, environmental groups have adamantly protested that 'You...

Climate Change Denying Former PM Feeling Underappreciated By Nation Ravaged By Climate Change

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Former Climate Change denying and rock-spider apologist Prime Minister Tony Abbott has this week lashed out at the nation for failing to laud him with the praise he deserves. The ousted former Member for Warringah did so at his tribute dinner where he described his government as 'remarkably...

Autopsy Of Labor Election Campaign Identifies Cause Of Death

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Labor's election autopsy has identified the cause of the shocking and unexpected death a few months ago. After 6 whole months of deliberation, the party has released a document attempting to spare all of those still at the front of the party who were complicit in the slow-moving...

Desperate Scientists Form Hillsong Rock Band In Last Ditch Effort To Get PM To Listen To Them

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new report by 11,258 scientists in 153 countries from a broad range of disciplines warns that the planet “clearly and unequivocally faces a climate emergency,” and provides six broad policy goals that must be met to address it. However, in Australia, a country that is currently being ravaged...

Western New South Wales Receives 70 Millimetres Of Coalition Drought Policy Overnight

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Large parts of inland NSW have been treated to a big downpour of Coalition Drought Policy overnight. In some great news for drought-stricken farmers and communities, the parched areas of the state were blessed with a large batch of the government's best drought policy.

ScoMo Calls For A Ban On All Non-Abortion Related Protests

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today confirmed that he will be calling for a ban on all protests not related to abortion. His calls came at a speech today, following weeks of disruption caused by environmental protestors who have been trying to get action on climate change.

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