Politics

Bloke Wearing Sleeveless Puffer Jacket Really Impressed By Federal Budget And ScoMo In General

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local early-twenties graduate stockbroker has today called it early that Scott Morrison will win the 2019 Federal Election. While speaking to his uninterested mates about last night's Federal Budget, the high-pitched neoliberal believes last night's budget was very impressive, and so is Scott Morrison, considering what he's been...

Abbott Shows Solidarity With Morrison By Demanding Better Public Toilets At Engadine Maccas

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a rare show of solidarity within Coalition ranks, the Member for Warringah has today thrown his support behind his Prime Minister. Fearing for his seat, and his relevance, Tony Abbott told The Advocate this morning that he fully supports Scott Morrison's demands for better public toilets, at...

Abbott Offers Nightwatchman Budget Tips: “The Punters Love Ballet And Christian Counsellors”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scott Morrison has today politely ignored former Prime Minister Tony Abbott's tips on how to keep the masses happy in the 2019 Federal Budget. This comes as The Nightwatchman says the coalition, but mostly the Liberal Party, has been working towards the surplus it will deliver in Tuesday's budget...

Nationals MP Visits Struggling Farmer To Deliver Good News That Gina Wants To Buy His Property

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After decades on erratic weather bouncing between crippling drought and devastating flood, embattled farmer Don Kipfler (65) was interested to see what his local MP was going to bring to the table in the first ever visit the property since he was elected in 1984. Don says he's not...

Election Presumed To Be Close As Liberals Begin Promising Things For Poor People

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation has received it's strongest indication yet that a federal election is looming. The indication comes after Senior Liberal Senator Arthur Sinodinos took to Q & A last night to radically call for a raise to the Newstart payment. On the eve of...

Greens Volunteer Says He Knows It’s Like Bad To Say This But Immigrants Only Vote Conservatively Because They Aren’t That Well Educated

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Richie Mund (27) a well-known vocal campaigner and son of two career public servants in high-paid and secure bureaucratic positions within either the ABC or the state library, says theres a been a lot of government policy that can be blamed for the current trend of anti-intellectualism in Australian politics.

Pauline Claims She Was On The Sauce That Time She Said Vaccines Cause Autism

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has today fronted the media, with a bold new claim that she wasn't of a sound mind when she made comments about vaccinations causing Autism. Today's comments relate to that time Hanson did her best NRL Insta Wag impression and urged people to...

Shorten To Spend April Practicing Finishes To Ensure He Doesn’t Michael Daley A Steven Bradbury

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following NSW Labor's catastrophic bed-shit over the weekend, the Federal Opposition have decided that it might be worth doing and saying some stuff before the upcoming election. High-ranking Labor powerbrokers have declared that while the incumbent Prime Bradbury Bill Shorten appears to be scandal-free for now, his lack of...

NSW Labor Wondering Which Bumbling Generic-Looking Career Politician Should Lead The Party Next

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The NSW Labor Party has confirmed this afternoon that they are still mulling over which bumbling politician they should appoint to lead the party next. This comes after Michael Daley managed to chop the ball onto his own stumps a week out from the election, following his appointment...

Michael Daley Somehow Loses Game Of Checkers To Himself

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Opposition Leader of NSW Michael Daley has today chalked up another loss. Following his previously unthinkable loss to the Developers and Boomers Party of Australia, colloquially known as the Liberal Party last night, Michael Daley somehow managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in a...

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