Politics

Overseas Diplomacy During Heightened Global Tensions Exactly The Same As Holidaying In Hawaii During Bushfires, Says Conservative Boomer With A Straight Face

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An up-and-coming political commentator has condemned Prime Minister Anthony Albanese for his recent diplomatic trips in a reopened world that really needs a hug right about now. According to Graham Sobford (70) of Betoota Heights, people need to do their own research about Albo, something he does every day between 8am and 8pm when Sky News is on his...

Dutton Declares Islamophobia Is Back On The Menu After Being Buoyed By Dutch Election Result

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Opposition leader Peter Dutton has told reporters in Canberra today that Islamophobia is back in fashion now that it's been used successfully to win an election in the Netherlands, heralding a new direction for the Liberal National Coalition. The successful businessman explained that Australians are a people who respond well to fear-based rhetoric and coupled...

Perth Mayor Removes Bus Stops From CBD After Complaints That Public Transport Attracts Poor People

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Perth mayor Basil Zempilas is committed to the social cleansing of Western Australia’s capital city, as the reactionary celebrity politician moves to get relocate every poor or poor looking person from anywhere remotely near the CBD. This comes as Basil Zempilas also moves to remove women’s shelters from the city, after the toffs of inner-city Perth legitimately complained about...

Prime Minister Joins Kyle And Jackie O To Discuss The Weirdest Place He’s Ever Had A Wank

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister of Australia has today taken time out of his busy schedule to talk about the things that matter. With the nation being rocked by a cost of living crisis significantly contributed to by successive federal governments, Albanese decided to visit his mates Kyle and Jackie O in their studio. With millions of Australians tuning into...

Local Public Servant Does The Bare Minimum And Calls It A Week

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A senior public servant has called it a week and taken off overseas, leaving some important work until next week. That's if Prime Minister Anthony Albanese hasn't called it a year, something he wasn't able to confirm yesterday during his weekly public relations conference call he enjoys with The Advocate's editorial team. What Mr Albanese...

NSW Premier Says Anyone That Went To Europe Over Winter Will Be Banned From The Beach This Summer

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a bold move by Chris Minns, the NSW premier has announced a 3 month ban on anyone that had a holiday in the northern hemisphere this year on entering a Sydney beach, to allow those that stayed in Sydney all winter to enjoy the sun. The controversial move was made after the state government received information that a...

Albo Takes Picture Of His Young Self Off The Wall Before Penning Another Condemnation Of Palestine

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister has removed any reminder of what he used to believe in from the walls of his office this morning as he begins to pen yet another sweeping condemnation of Palestine. Pictures of a young Anthony Albanese adorn the walls of his office and tell a story of an impressionable radical ready to...

Jacinta Price Figures That Optus Must Be Down After Not Receiving One Phone Call From Coalition Colleagues Since Campaign Ended

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Coalition Senator and political flash-in-the-pan Jacinta Price is back at work today, and turning her attention to the real problems after spending months campaigning against an Indigenous Voice to Parliament. First on the agenda is why she can't get any decent reception on her phone in Canberra. This comes after the Senator noticed she hadn't received one phone call or...

Australian Media’s Intentionally Piss-Weak Referendum Coverage Means Nan Is Learning About Indigenous Voice Through A Grainy JPEG Of Albo Dressed As Joseph Stalin

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just days out from Australia's 'Indigenous Voice To Parliament' referendum and Australia's biggest media companies remain as committed as ever to avoiding any in-depth coverage of the proposal. As newspapers around the country provide readers with double page spreads explaining the complex history of the Gaza conflict this week, even the most unengaged voters have realised that the Indigenous...

Tasmanian Liberals Meet To Decide Whether To Dunk Elise Archer In The Derwent

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Key players in the Tasmanian Liberal Party met in Hobart this morning to decide what to do with former Attorney-General and peripheral MP Elise Archer after the fallout from her bullying and other odd behavior threatened to derail the entire government. One option currently being discussed by Premier Jeremy Rockliff includes dunking Ms. Archer in...

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