Politics

Report: Nah He Tweakin

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Canberra this afternoon, the Prime Minister is officially tweakin. This comes after he fronted the media again in an effort to position himself for a run at being the guy who 'opens up Australia' after he shut the thing down in the first place. However, while the Head of Marketing is hopeful of...

Scotty Withdraws WA Cavemen Comments: “I Forgot My Friends At Rio Tinto Blew Up All Their Caves”

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In one of the stranger stories of recent times, the nation's Prime Minister has today withdrawn some comments and apologised for his actions. Speaking to select media from Canberra this morning, Scotty from Marketing has formally retracted his comments about people outside of Sydney being cavemen. The Prime Minister from Sydney made the comments on breakfast TV, where...

Flashback: Remember When Scotty Visited His Ancestral Home While We Were Stuck Here With No Jabs

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT FROM THE ARCHIVES: Today, The Betoota Advocate remembers a more simpler time in the 24-hour news cycle. Back in early-June, 2021 (roughly 12 weeks ago) when Scotty From Marketing fled overseas to socialise with Boris Johnson and Joe Biden at global leaders summit that he wasn't even invited to. While tens Australians of Australians were stuck overseas, where they...

“Albo’s Nowhere To Be Seen” Says Voter Who Only Watches Sky News And Only Reads The Australian

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A middle class Australian voter who only gets her news from within the 70% of the Australian media market owned and run by Rupert Murdoch says that we are never going to see a change in government unless the opposition leader stops hiding away. Vera Motley (57) says she didn't even know who the Labor leader was until...

Sky News Producers Begin Gruelling Task Of Upskilling Hosts From ‘Dictator’ To ‘Taliban Dan’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Victoria records 57 new locally acquired cases, it seems that the chances of an early release from Melbourne's extended two-week lockdown are vanishing right before our eyes. Finally back on deck after fracturing a vertebrae while on a brief holiday between his state's second and third waves, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is once again copping all the flak...

Uh Oh… Local Personal Trainer Has Been Doing A Bit Of Reading About The Virus Online

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With each major city constantly in and out of never-ending lockdowns, the delusional fringes of society are gaining more members every day. The unfortunate reality that Australians find themselves in due to incompetent governance and a colossally bungled jab roll-out has resulted in vast numbers of disenfranchised workers steering away from the advice of medical experts and seeking...

PM: “We Wish It Were Different… About Wilcannia This Time”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Self-described "Cheif Goonya" of Australia, Scott Morrison, has expressed his "sorrow" and "anguish" over the news today that the spicy cough outbreak in the western NSW town of Wilcannia is getting worse by the day. Mr Morrison spoke candidly to reporters this morning in a courtyard in Parliament House. He spoke slowly and with purpose, despite...

NSW Government Suggest Cases Could Be As High As 26000 Today In Order To Cover Their Own Arse

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The NSW Government is preparing to cover its own arse this morning as the situation they have created on their own has spiralled out of control. "There could be as many as 26 000 new cases today," said a worker within the NSW Premier's Office. "Anything less would be good news but there's still people out...

Report: Just Shut Up Mate. You Aren’t Helping

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Despite the the Murdoch newspapers and Sky News working their rings out to protect the Morrison government from any form of criticism, it seems that not even the manipulation of 70% of Australia's media market has been able to stop the public's very obvious shift against Scotty From Marketing. This comes as Melbourne extends their lockdown another two...

Canavan Forced To Ramp Up His Coal Miner Dress Ups After Disrespecting Our Returned Servicemen

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Senator Matt Canavan has had to rub an extra handful of soot on his face today, as he ramps up his working class man costume today, after accidentally revealing how little of a fuck he gives about anyone who wasn't raised with a silver spoon in their mouth like he was. Canavan, who was born on the Gold...

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