The longest serving lord mayor in the history of Sydney has announced her plans to run for a 6th term, which would mean she serves 24 years in the role.

This means she became the mayor in 2004, which is around about the same time that the hysterical gentrification of a post-Olympics Sydney City began.

Clover Moore has amassed a diverse following throughout her time as Mayor of Sydney, from both the ageing LGBTI community who stopped partying and started investing in art deco apartments in the mid-2000s, to the area’s more recent arrivals in the shape of neoliberal boomers who enjoy living near good coffee and hospitals but have no interest in the riff raff that comes with a working class.

Throughout Moore’s reign, the entire city’s night time economy has been successfully crushed by heavy-handed fines from City Rangers – as well as the NSW State Government’s draconian lockout laws – that the city council supported wholeheartedly in their efforts to boost property prices.

This anti-fun manifesto has been praised by her voter base, who want St Vincent’s hospital in Kings Cross to focus on things like indigestion and incontinence – rather than the grazed knees and chipped teeth that would come with one of the most famous nightlife precincts in the world.

However, there is a ‘tortured youth’ vote that may jeopardise Clover Moore’s chancing at remaining in charge, as housing stress absolutely buckles any young people who unfortunately need to live near the CBD of the biggest Australia.

Clover Moore says she realises that no amount of poorly mapped out bike lanes and homeless-free green spaces will be enough to soothe the crippling economic insecurity faced by people under 60 who haven’t been able to borrow against a 7-bedroom home in the North Shore and downsize into a couple of double bricked terrace houses next to a 150-year-old pub that receives 89 noise complaints a night… But heaps of pride flags on her campaign material will do it!

According to the NSW Productivity Commission, Sydney lost about 35,000 people aged 30-40 between 2016 and 2021 – as it became clear to young people that Australia’s largest metropolitan area has turned into nothing more than an unaffordable and culturally sterile holding paddock for baby boomers who like wearing resin jewellery.

But Clover Moore isn’t done yet. As it stands, within her city limits, there are 6 or 7 pubs that have the nerve to host live music after 8pm on a schoolnight. In her 6th council election, Clover Moore has vowed to finish the job – and ensure that Sydney sleeps ten full hours a night.



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