Sports

Super Rugby Crowd Numbers Believed To Be At All Time Low Because All Their Fans Are In Hell

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the AIS has found that the main reason that Super Rugby is struggling is not because of the fact that most of our talent is in Japan or France, but because all of their fans are trapped in hell. This comes as the dwindling Australian...

Izzy Very Lucky It’s A World Cup Year

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact It has been confirmed this morning that Rugby Union star Israel Folau is very lucky it's a World Cup year. This confirmation comes after the arguably most valuable player on the field for Australia took to Instagram last night to post an appalling meme about 'gay people going...

Fox Sports Hire 1000 New Journos To Cover Every Single Detail Of Valentine Holmes’ NFL Journey

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Online sports organisation Fox Sorts has today demonstrated how good they are at keeping a finger on the pulse. With news breaking this morning that former NRL player Valentine Holmes has signed with the New York Jets in the NFL, the sports organisation has urgently hired 1000 new...

Nation Somehow Shocked By Campbelltown Boy With Neck Tattoos And Mohawk Using The Rude Finger

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Dusty Martin's top tier sledging of rival footballers has come under scrutiny this week, as fans and commentators say that they expected better for reason. Fresh reports have suggested that the AFL will investigate an alleged drugs-related sledge during Richmond’s loss to GWS in Sydney on Saturday - as...

Vegan Protestor Immediately Joins The Katter Party After Seeing How Fucked Things Are Up North

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One Melbourne-based animal rights advocate has today experienced a life-changing turn-around, after witnessing heartbreaking scenes on a cattle station he had trespassed onto in the Gulf Country. Guthrie Marley (35) says he's been forced to reconsider his extremely privileged position as a white inner-city hipster who has the luxury...

AFL Exists In Queensland Again

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a what comes as a shock to the people of Queensland this weekend, it has been confirmed today that Victorian Football exists in the state again. This confirmation comes after the Brisbane Lions managed to knock Port Adelaide over yesterday to go 3-0 to start the season....

NRL Confirm Broncos Will Feature In Thursday Or Friday Night Game Every Single Week In 2020

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of NRL HQ this morning, it has been confirmed that the Brisbane Broncos will feature in either Thursday or Friday Night Footy every single week in the 2020 season. Speaking to reporters today, in the first non-scandal related press conference since October last...

Frydenburg Gets Last-Minute Advice From Roosters Accountant To Get Budget Numbers In Order

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Federal Treasurer and aspiring Coalition Prime Minister Josh Frydenberg has this afternoon gone the extra mile to get the nation's budget ship shape today. With an election looming, and the Nightwatchman's government in dire straits, Frydenberg exclusively told The Advocate this afternoon that he knew this year's budget had...

Report: Eddie McGuire Actually A Good Authority On Being A Tosser

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Non-AFL states around the country today are wondering how fucking grim things must be in footy commentary for the bloke from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire to still be getting a start. This comes as Eddie McGuire has stood himself down from scheduled TV commitments after his...

Suburban Footy Club Legend Returns From Injury Looking Fatter Than A Broncos Home Crowd

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former first-grade prop Sean Evans (29) has today decided that his knee is better. After having to sit at home and see Facebook photos of his old team mates on the piss after three weeks of trial matches for The Betoota Dolphins, Sean has skipped the final few appointments...

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