Sports

Novak Djokovic Appears To Care About Someone Struggling To Breathe Because Of His Actions

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The already weird US Open* got even weirder this morning, after Novak Djokovic took responsibility for his actions, or tried to look as if he was at the very least. The number one seed and odds on favourite to win the tournament did so after hitting an official...

“Panthers Will Choke In Finals” Says Bloke Who Thought Shorten Was A Sure Bet

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With only three rounds of regular season footy remaining, couch commentators are coming out with the most cutting hot takes that they read while on the dunny.  One such clairvoyant is West Tigers supporter Rodney Tumble (46) who has foreseen that Minor Premiership shoe-ins the Penrith Panthers will choke...

Adelaide Winemakers Report Thousands Of Spoiled Vats After Sharp Increase In Sour Grapes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT South Australian wine regions are reportedly in a panic today, and it isn't necessarily because the Prime Minister has failed to hose down growing hostilities with our largest export market because it's much easier, from a marketing viewpoint, to blame the growing Melbourne aged care deaths on China for inventing this virus,...

Joyous Scenes At Pineapple Hotel As The 3 Blokes In Queensland Who Follow AFL Hear The News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There were scenes of jubilance at The Pineapple Hotel in Kangaroo Point earlier this afternoon, as the three men in Queensland who follow every match of AFL - even when the Lions aren't playing well - learnt the news that AFL grand final will be played at the Gabba in Brisbane on...

Girlfriend Who Couldn’t Locate Newcastle On A Map Seems To Know A Lot About Kalyn Ponga

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An out and proud sports novice, who often boasts about having never sat through a full 80 minutes of rugby league appears to be quite up to date with the life and times of Kalyn Ponga. Despite having a degenerate rugby league fan for a father, mother, brother, sister,...

Rabs Worries A Time Will Come When 4 Trbojevics, 4 Fifitas And 7 Hopoates Are Playing Origin

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Not one for ever struggling with even the most tongue twisting last names, Ray 'Rabbits' Warren has earned his stripes in cross cultural commentating since the days of Tommy Raudonikis. Since then, the NRL playing group has only gotten more diverse - as rugby league quickly overtakes soccer as...

Parramatta Fans Heartbroken To See Parramatta Playing Like Parramatta Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a promising start to the season, the Parramatta Eels have returned to the usual Parramatta-like form that is generally expected from the club this close to finals. Rugby league fans sat in shock last night, as the Eels were forced to endure a 38-0 hiding at the hands...

Glenn Rushton Caught On Video Asking Battered Horn If He Can Sign Some Posters Between Rounds

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian boxing experts have scolded Jeff Horn's trainer Glenn Rushton for appearing to exploit his pummelled fighter into another round before being overruled by the rest of the team in his corner, who called a stop to the massacre during last night's super welterweight fight against Tim Tszyu. Horn...

20,000 North Queenslanders Bow As His Majesty Enters Townsville Stadium

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Townsville Stadium has just borne witness to an incredible tribute this evening. A short time ago, in a scene stranger than fiction, 20,000 northerners just went silent and bowed their heads in a touching display of respect for their leader. With the undercards well...

Katter Arrives At Stadium And Demands Promoters Let Him Michael Buffer The Main Event

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a to be expected story from Townsville, the Member for Kennedy has raised a few eyebrows this afternoon. The maverick MP Bob Katter did so when he strolled into the Townsville Stadium demanding that the organisers of the Horn v Tszyu fight let him be the ring...

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