Sports

Gold Coast Titans Rap Video Not Nearly As Offensive As Their Last Eight Seasons

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from the glitter strip today, it can be confirmed that the Gold Coast Titans promotional video is nowhere near the most offensive thing the team has done in the last few years. The Titans are under fire today for posting a 'hype video' of starlet...

George Colambaris Gets A New Gig Cooking Parmies In The Catalans Dragons Clubhouse

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The French-based Super League club The Catalans Dragons have this week announced the signing of yet another controversial Australian who would not be able to find work without them. As most clubs in the Northern Hemisphere rugby league comp appear to be deeply unsettled with controversial Australian star Israel...

$100M Worth Of Electoral Sports Bribes Apparently Easier To Sign Off On Than Fire Relief Package

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the sports rort saga continues to deepen, it has been confirmed today that it's apparently easier to give out $100 million worth of dodgy grants than get bushfire relief out to fire-affected communities. While bushfire relief in the form of tax relief, grants, concessional loans and remuneration...

Perth Residents Urged To Avoid Going Out At Night As Hordes Of NRL Players Arrive For The Nines

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With Cyclone Uesi making its way towards the coast of Queensland, terrible flooding hitting the South East Corner and QLD and NSW preparing for more torrential downpours this weekend, residents on the other side of the country are also preparing to batten down the hatches. Despite no major...

Next Ash Barty To Continue Getting Changed For Tennis In Mum’s Car Until Mum Votes For Scotty

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a not so feel-good sporting story out of a safe Labor seat today, young Millie Watts is up against it, it can be confirmed. The talented young tennis player is currently being forced to deal with sub-standard facilities because her silly mother and most of the other...

Local Roosters Fan Begins Long Slog Pretending He Won’t Miss Latrell

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Betoota Heights resident Trev (50) has today assured The Betoota Advocate that he actually doesn't care that the Sydney Roosters have lost young game-breaker Latrell Mitchell ahead of the 2020 season. The man celebrating half a century up today down at a local pub has explained that he isn't concerned...

Selectors Increasingly Worried That Their Wives Keep Asking About The Greek Boy From Perth

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a shock for the nation's cricket fans, Marcus Stoinis has been snubbed from Australia's limited over's teams once again. The Big Bash Player of the Year and big-hitting Melbourne Stars opener has been left out of Australia's T20 and One Day teams for the upcoming series over...

Mitch Pearce Finally Gets Around To Googling Mugabe

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact It was the tragic news that rocked the world, with sports fans and everyday people alike sharing their deepest condolences either through a personal tribute or a touching quote from an appropriate past legend. This appropriateness seemed to be lost on NRL halfback and Newcastle Knights captain, Mitchell...

Pressure Mounting On Only Remaining Aus Open Ball Kid Who Hasn’t Taken A Screamer Yet

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Down in the cosmopolitan city of Melbourne young ball kid, Ben Hunt is feeling the heat. Not because it's 43 degrees down there right now, but because the 13-year-old on the trip of a lifetime is under pressure. After nearly a month of living...

Nation Confused By Having An Australian Still In The Tournament This Late On

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of Australia is still coming to terms with the fact that it has a Mens or Womens Singles player still in the Australian Open this late on in January. Not since Lleyton lost to Russian heartthrob Marat Safin in the Australian Open final all the way...

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