Sports

Brisbane Lions Pull Out Of 2024 AFL Grand Final At Last Minute, To Be Replaced By Hilltop Hoods

RICK MOSS | Resolutions | CONTACT After months of exciting side-shows, The 2024 AFL Grand Final is here. The action kicks off tomorrow at 2:30pm AEST - and will be taking place at the biggest stadium in Australia. the MCG. However, as is sadly now often the case with Australia's most important cultural events - there has been a last minute change to the line up. What...

Oscar Piastri Vows To Continue Ancient Australian Tradition Of The Shoey As Daniel Ricciardo’s F1 Career Comes To An End

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a sombre yet iconic moment for Australian motorsport, Oscar Piastri has vowed to uphold our sacred ritual of the shoey as Daniel Ricciardo’s illustrious Formula 1 career comes to an end. Ricciardo, who impressed and showcased the very best of Australian culture to the world by drinking champagne from his race-worn boot, was recently...

South Melbourne’s Harbour Looking Beautiful Today

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT On the eve of their second AFL Grand Final appearance in three years, the South Melbourne Swans and their supporters have been met with an absolute pearler of a day. With a light breeze flowing across the South Melbourne Harbour Bridge, and warm sunshine radiating off the South Melbourne Opera House - this must be an omen for the...

Report: The Boys Must Have Ducked Out For A Lung Lollie

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local pub patron has today been met with the universal sign that his mates have left the venue momentarily. After coming from taking a Brad Pitt in the pub's secret bathroom that backs onto the pokies, local man Derrigan Lewisham (29) was surprised to find the once roaring table of shit talk had all but vanished. With a meal...

QANTAS Now Leaning Into The Well-Deserved Reputation As A Low, Thieving, Putrid Dog

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In news you probably won't be reading in Australia's newspapers, it seems our once must-trusted airline is committed to joining Woolworths and Coles as the most despicable brands in the country. With an AFL Grand Final being played by two out-of-state teams in Melbourne this weekend, QANTAS have brazenly gouged travelling supporters with 1000% increases on airline tickets. Australian airlines...

Victorian Says Melbourne AFL Clubs Should Automatically Make Finals Because They Had A Longer Lockdown

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the bitterness of Melbourne's winter continues unseasonably into late September, it seems the city's morale has also remained just as sour. This has not been helped by the fact that not one Victorian team will be featuring in this weekend's AFLM Grand Final. In fact, there was not one Melbourne team in sight for the final two weeks...

With No AFL Teams In The Final, Melbourne Residents Forced To Embrace The Multicultural Football

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In what almost feels like a parallel universe, it seems that Melbourne are dominating the NRL, and the rugby league heartlands are dominating the AFL. With the Melbourne Storm facing a battle-weary Sydney Roosters in the second last fixture of the year this Friday, it would be safe to say that the NRL's highly successful Victorian powerhouse is looking...

Token Office Kiwi Admits That Was Actually A Pretty Good Game Bro

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a rare moment of vulnerability, the token office Kiwi has begrudgingly admitted that the Wallabies didn’t play "half bad" in their narrow loss to the All Blacks over the weekend. The office’s resident New Zealander, Dan "Danno" McKenzie, who migrated to Australia three years ago for "be’er pay, bet’er we’ther, and me missus,"...

Brisbane Back On That Early 2000s Shit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In their 6th back-to-back AFL finals appearance, it seems that Brisbane City is once again a roaring Aussie Rules HEARTLAND. Pubs, clubs and schools right across the state are starting to decorate themselves with the similar but slightly different colours that differentiates Queensland AFL from the other footballs. It's obviously maroon. Just with a bit of yellow and navy...

As The Only QLD Side Left In The NRL Finals, Cowboys Not Ruling Out A Season-Ending 7th Tackle Try

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With an NRL finals line up that includes the Storm, Panthers, Sharks, Manly and Roosters - it will be a lonely weekend for the only Queenslanders left in the competition, who will need to be more than better if they want to stay in contention. But still North Queensland Cowboys coach Todd Payten has named an unchanged 17 for...

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