Sports

QLD Selectors Keep Girlfriends Happy By Replacing Injured Ponga With The Equally Dreamy Walsh

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a blatant effort to keep the missos of Australia interested in State of Origin, the Queensland Maroons have replaced injured dreamboat Kayln Ponga with certified hunk Reece Walsh.  Known for decades of selection mind games and mental warfare, the Queensland Maroons have opted out of toying with the population of Australia and opted to give them exactly what...

QLD Facing A Series Sweep Unless Some Fox Sports Moron Describes Them As Worst Side In History

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sunday night's Origin Game II is make or break for an embattled Queensland side, after a 50-6 hiding in the Townsville series-opener. With generational talent rising in the NSW Blues, and last night minute additions to the Maroons squad - a loss in Brisbane this week could spell the end of the two decades of Northern dominance. Or it could...

Sydney Roosters Begin Recruitment Drive To Fill Salary Cap Space With The All Blacks Backline

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the shock medical retirements of Jake Friend, Boyd Cordner and Brett Morris - the Sydney Roosters find themselves in the bizarre position of having money to burn on new players. As the most polished operation in the NRL, the Eastern Suburbs rugby league club is not known for fucking around and signing one-hit-wonders off viral YouTube videos. They also...

Sydney Swans Fanbase Made Up Of Either South Melbourne Pensioners Or Bondi Tech Millionaires

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Off the back of last week's major upset with a 38-point loss to Hawthorn at the SCG, The Sydney Swans are once again doing some soul searching. While a five-match losing streak isn't that terrifying when compared to the other absolute losers in the competition this year, the blood-soaked angels are still taking the time to focus on cultivating...

Victor Finally Accepts New High Shot Rules: “So I’m Still Allowed To Cave In Their Rib Cage?”

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT VICTOR THE CONSTRICTOR: After both Sydney Roosters Angus Crichton and Victor Radley were forced to miss last week's State of Origin opener due to suspensions that date back to the round 11 match against The Broncos, it seems the new rules on dangerous tackles are finally sinking in. On the May 25th NRL judiciary hearing, Crichton was found guilty...

Fox Sports Announce NRL Star’s SHOCK Decision To Listen To The Doctors Like He Said He Would

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The ambulance chasers of NRL journalism have today announced the completely unexpected and never before mentioned retirement of Kangaroo, NSW Blues and Sydney Roosters legend Boyd Cordner - who has pulled the pin on his NRL career because of repeated concussions, just like he said he probably would. "I have to put my health and my happiness first" Cordner...

Wayne Bennett Wakes Up To 97 Missed Calls

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT South Sydney coach Wayne Bennett has woken up to a bit of a fright this morning. Last year's Maroons mentor reportedly arose to find 97 missed calls popping up on his phone screen. "Jesus, I thought I'd missed an emergency or something," said Wayne Bennett, whose phone had been on silent overnight. "Lot of text messages too. I...

“Right Where We Want Youse” Says Entire State Of Queensland After 50-6 Hiding In The Ville

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A hat-trick from returning Blues centre Tom Trbojevic and stand out performances from Brian To'o and Latrell Mitchell have silenced an entire Townsville stadium of Maroon overnight, as game one of State Of Origin was snatched from the hands of Queensland from the jump. Predictably, New South Wales fans are today cheering even louder than Queensland did after our...

Peter V’Landys Signs Executive Order Allowing Payne And Tino To Go At It Without Consequences

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Good news State of Origin fans, the biff is back! That's right, with the series opener kicking off tonight in Townsville around 8:50 pm, NRL boss Peter V'Landys has signed off on the boys throwing hands. With viewers baying for some structured violence in the wake of the high shot crackdown, V'Landys has confirmed that the two big boys...

JT Kicks Off Conditioning Drills By Sending Maroons Into The Mad Cow To Wind Up Some Army Boys

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland assistant coach Johnathan Thurston has today put the Maroons squad through a unique series of drills, in his first ever solo session with the boys. The Townsville icon was on familiar turf at today's captain's run in CountryBank stadium. However, it was after smoko that the real training began, as he lined the squad up outside the notorious Mad...

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