Sports

Brisbane Not Really In The Mood Aye

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Reporters from The Betoota Advocate's River City Bureau have today confirmed that Brisbane is not really in the mood today, aye. This comes as the Brisbane Broncos recieved the most thorough toweling up in their club's history, after a 59-0 spanking from the Sydney Roosters at home last...

Season Return Of AFL To Feature Virtual Boo Sounds Whenever Aboriginal Players Touch The Ball

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Fox Footy has today confirmed that it will implement virtual crowd noise when the AFL season recommences on June 11, two whole weeks after the alpha NRL kicked off. The initiative follows a successful first weekend of NRL where ratings were the highest they’ve been since in four...

Sydney Roosters Distracted By Fake Crowd Noise

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a peculiar turn of events, the Sydney Roosters have been confused by some rowdy fans. While the game wasn't at their traditional home, their home away from home (because the NSW government had to tear down the SFS and rebuild it for some reason) reportedly put off...

Fox Sports Speculate Whether Latrell Will Be Able To Play A Full Match Without Needing Oxygen

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The non-stop media scrutiny surround Latrell Mitchell has fire up once again tonight, as the the Rabbitohs star prepares for his first rugby league match in over two months. After years of non-stop clickbait commentary surrounding the 22-year-old's every movement, tonight's match is being viewed as the ultimate...

Peter V’Landys Unable To Make Kick-Off For Season Return Due To Nephew’s Baptism

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In an incredible turn of events, Rugby League Chairman St Peter V'Landys has missed the NRL kick-off. Despite pulling the strings to orchestrate the return of greatest game of all, the Godfather of the NRL hasn't been able to make the kick-off between Brisbane and Parramatta, for the...

NRL Stars Welcome Return To Normal Sex Life After Government Allow Gatherings Of Up To Ten

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Currently, the only contact sport being played (or if you live in Queensland, The Only Sport) is NRL but that's not the only reason players are cheering. Relaxed COVID-19 restrictions allow gatherings of up to ten, meaning NRL players can finally recommence their sex lives as normal.

Local Toff Says NRL Matches Would Be More Entertaining With 20 Minutes Worth Of Scrum Resets

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Irwin Paisley-Adair says he's not really too sure what all the fuss about tonight is. The 54-year-old Accountant from Betoota Grove says he probably won't bother paying much attention to the return of Rugby League, a phenomenon that has plenty around the country and the world intrigued.

Broncos Scramble To Find A Big Room Of Pokies For Last Minute Warm Up Before Facing Parramatta

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Brisbane Broncos are back to settle a score with their Parramatta Eels tonight, in their first show down since last year's humilating 58-nil flogging in the 2019 finals. The Broncos and Eels will officially kick-off the NRL's season relaunch at 7:55pm tonight, and are expected to host...

NRL Player Becomes Sex Icon After Giving His Hair A Brush And Not Saying Fuck In An Interview

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Before this morning, West Tigers player Waylon Zammit (31) was only really known as a run-of-the-mill club journeyman with a hectic neck tatt. That was before his skipper rolled an ankle at training and was unable to talk to the press while he iced it down.

Raiders Star Nick Cotric Reveals Tattoo Tribute To Peter V’Landys Ahead Of NRL Season Return

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It's been a long and bumpy road back to live football in 2020, with the National Rugby League. The outbreak of COVID-19 saw only two rounds of matches before the season was suspended on March 24, with fans and media commentators resigned to the fact that 2020 was...

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