Sports

Ash Barty Begins Sorting Through Invitations To 50,000 Different NAIDOC Events

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ngarigo tennis star Ash Barty has finally sat down with her laptop this afternoon to begin catching up on some life admin, following her ascension to the world number one ranking in womens tennis overnight. While taking a break from her 12-match-hot-streak across clay and grass, Barty has decided...

Queenslander Insists He Has Always Been Into Tennis

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Queenslander, Alfie Carroll (38) has arrived at his interstate worksite today with a spring in his step. Making no mention of his home state's 38-6 loss to New South Wales last night in Game II of the 2019 State Of Origin, Alfie begins immediately talking about the sporting...

Christians Donate Generously For Folau To Get Back To Wrestling Hot Muddy Boys In Short Pants

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The bitter community of Australian no-voters are this week getting a little win, after spending thousands of dollars in the name of defending a former footballer's right to continue belittling gay people. As of this moment, Israel Folau's GoFundMe campaign has raised over $650,000 Australian dollars out of the $3...

Disrespectful Football Team Boycotts Australian Anthem

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The continued boycott of the Australian National Anthem has reached the Women’s FIFA World Cup as a disrespectful team of non-patriots have refused to sing along. As the Matilda’s prepared to face off against Norway, it became clear that the Norwegian women’s soccer team would not be singing along...

Jaiydn Stephenson Whacks Whopper 13 Leg Korean Badminton Multi On In Effort To Pay Off Fine

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Jaiydn Stephenson, the under-fire young Collingwood star has confirmed today that he isn't sitting idle after his ban. This comes after the 20-year-old 2018 Rising Star winner was suspended for 22 matches and fined $20,000 for placing a series of bets on games he was involved in.

Wallabies Secure Senior Queensland Detective’s Signature In Pre World Cup Poaching Raid

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In a sensational move out of Queensland this morning, Wallabies coach Michael Cheika has today confirmed a big name signing. Rather than announce that WonderKid Kayln Ponga had signed on to the slowly dying game of Rugby Union in Australia, the Wallabies boss confirmed that they had poached...

“How Much Have You Had To Drink Tonight Boys?” Asks Hobart Security Guard

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact A Hobart security guard has confirmed he is still struggling to understand why an umpire didn’t utilise his expertise in breaking up a minor physical exchange between two AFL players this weekend. This comes after the two professional athletes engaged in a brief wrestle on the field on...

LaMelo Ball Picks Up A Few Shifts At Port Kembla Steelworks To Supplement His NBL Salary

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In shattering news for the college basketball system, yet another NBL team has signed an American teenager who would prefer to get paid a medium income instead of pretending to get an education. As of this morning, the youngest brother of America's newest sporting dynasty, LaMelo Ball has confirmed...

NSW Blues Confident Bold Return To Seemingly Irrational Selection Policy Will Work This Time

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of the state least interested in being part of Australia, NSW Origin Coach Brad Fittler has confirmed that he will be running with a controversial new old strategy for the rest of the series. Speaking to The Advocate from Perth just moments ago, Freddy...

Australian Who Spent 4 Minutes Teaching Kids How To Ski In Whistler Has Been Waiting For This

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Raptors baby!" shouted local graphic designer, Declan Washer on his way into the office this morning. "We did it!" "Kawhi my a river!" While this newfound fandom may seem uncharacteristic for Deccers, it also isn't a rare occurence in workplaces around Australia this...

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