The Nation

African Teenager Now Able To Focus On School After Melbourne Gang Problem Suddenly Disappears

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A studious African-Australian teenager says she is very excited to finally be able to get on with her high schooling after Melbourne's gripping gang problem vanished over the weekend. Jennifer (13) now has no fear of being aligned with the much publicised and reportedly highly-organised network of African crime gangs after the Victorian Liberal Party lost the a...

PM Criticised For Not Condemning Criminal Actions Of Actual Leader Of His Religious Community

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison, and the 300,000 other Pentecostal Christians in Australia, have been criticised for not reporting the alleged criminal behaviour of the former leader of the Australian Assemblies of God and Hillsong founder Brian Houston. This comes as a victim of Houston's paedophile father and fellow Hillsong Founder, Frank Houston, accused the man’s son of not...

Crunchy Looking Leaf In Centre Of Footpath Is Not Long For This World

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One crunchy-looking detached organ of a suburban vascular plant looks to be in immediate danger of a commuter's foot this morning. The principal lateral appendage of the stem is believed to have fallen from a nearby introduced tracheophytes, and is now of no use to the ecosystem as it sits squarely in the middle of a nearby bitumen footpath. Like...

Pauline Hanson Calls For Internet Sales Frenzy To Be Renamed ‘It’s Okay To Be White Friday’

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Senator Pauline Hanson has hit out at the Black Friday frenzy gripping the country's online shoppers today. The firebrand One Nation leader from Ipswich blasted the naming of the day today in an emotional speech. Black Friday originated in the US as a few decades ago, and the shopping sale has recently caught on in Australia, with many online and...

Victorian Election: Matthew Guy Makes It Unequivocally Clear That He Isn’t Merrick Watts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victoria’s state opposition leader has today clarified that he is not Merrick Watts, and has vowed to dye his hair blonde within 100 days of a Liberal government being elected, to avoid confusion. "I just want to make it clear, for everyone out there that are thinking of voting for me because you remember me from Triple J, or...

Adelaide Hipsters Impossible To Tell Apart From Adelaide Non-Hipsters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A new report commissioned by the CSIRO has today confirmed that it is impossible to tell hipsters in Adelaide apart from their counterparts at the other end of the spectrum. The report found that the current crop of hipsters are indistinguishable from the towns more populous crop of Adelaidian bogans. Reasons listed in the report for their superficial similarities were;...

Matthew Guy Caught At Lobster Dinner With Head Of Powerful Apex Gang

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The man bidding to become the next Premier of the southern state of Victoria has been rocked by serious allegations this afternoon. Matthew Guy, the Leader of the Liberal Party in Victoria is at the centre of a political storm today after exclusive pictures revealed his recent dinner with a mob boss. The photos obtained exclusively by the Betoota Advocate reveal the...

Adelaide Still Acting Like ‘Radelaide’ Is A Thing

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite decade-long campaigns by Triple J to promote the South Australian capital as a cool and exciting destination for young people, a recent visitor to the town has confirmed she will no longer be referring to Adelaide as 'Radelaide'. "I was always keen to visit Adelaide, but I've since realised it is not really that rad," says Laura...

Virginity Expected To Outlast Schoolies Week After Shin-Swingers Make Debut At Beach

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Nigel Griffiths is 18-years-old with the world at his feet. He's just graduated from high school, he has a good job lined up with his dad's mate who works in roofing and he's in the middle of the best week of his life. Schoolies week and the Gold Coast. However, despite the endless amount of canned beer and lightweight...

Melbourne Quietly Volunteers To Take The UK’s Spot In The EU Post Brexit Finalisation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The city of Melbourne has sensationally asked to become a member of the European Union this afternoon. The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal the country's self-titled 'most European city' has quietly applied to join the EU and take the United Kingdom's spot. This comes after British Prime Minister Theresa May looks to get the Brexit deal finished up. The Council explained that the...

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