The Nation

Scientists Examine School Strike Comment Section For Realistic Solutions To Climate Change

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Desperate times call for desperate measures. Climate scientists at the CSIRO may have been personally warned by Prime Minister Scott Morrison to ‘not get any ideas’ but that hasn’t stopped them looking for solutions to global warming. As school-aged children across the world have been striking...

Inner-City Leftie Slips His Useless Cloth Mask Down To Enjoy A Rollie And A Schooner After Work

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local ABC employee has pulled down his protest mask this afternoon to enjoy a well-earned Log Cabin and a cold Resch's. Bushfires still rage on the fringe of our inland community with no respite on the horizon. Because of this, many of our town's...

Report: Predatory Multinational Bookmakers Who Pay Next To No Tax Might Be A Bit Crook

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news that has shaken the nation to its very core, a report has emerged that some multinational bookmakers might be a bit dodgy. Those revelations came to light last night in 7:30 report which detailed the activity of giant English bookmaker Bet365.

Rescue Services Say Sydney Air Quality Now On Par With Bourbon & Beefsteak Pokies In 1999

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Bureau of Meteorology said heavy smoke billowing from bushfires surrounding Sydney will linger in the city basin until Saturday, and probably longer if the catastrophic blazes on the metropolis outskirts cannot be contained. The current air quality in Sydney is now as hazardous as the pokie room in...

Troy Buswell Still The Fuck Up Benchmark For Triggering A Liberal Resignation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Many people around the country have been calling for the resignation of Angus Taylor for months. Angus has been caught out doing bad things. Things that allegedly include hiding money in a tax haven, letting his staff doctor official documents to smear a political...

PM Struggles To Find Catchy Enough Slogan To Make Australia Forget 10% Of Continent Is On Fire

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "How good are fireys!" he says to himself in the mirror. "No... nah I can do better" he mutters to himself. He tries again. "The Quietly battling Australians. Battling fires quietly..." "No. Not good enough" "Okay one more and then...

Man With Nothing Left To Complain About Takes To Social Media To Whinge About Bushfire Smoke

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local public servant who's already put his feet up for the year has been left with nothing to complain about. So, in the foodcourt of the Betoota Heights Hyperdome, he pulled out his phone and had a whinge over the bushfire smoke currently...

Grassroots Rugby Club’s Taped Up Tackle Bag From 1997 Will Have To Do For Another Few Years

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A heavily taped up tackle bag that has sat in an asbestos-riddled storage facility in a local junior rugby union club for 22 years isn't being replaced any time soon, it has been confirmed. This comes as Rugby Australia today agreed to settle out of court with the controversial...

Rugby Australia’s Board Blames Legal System, God, Cheika And Pigeon For Folau Disaster

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Rugby Australia reached a confidential settlement with wayward star Israel Folau yesterday, bringing an end to what has been the worst-managed saga in Australian sporting history. Instead of it costing the country's other football code almost nothing, the manner in which Rugby Australia's board...

Charmander Young Liberal Evolves Into Charmeleon With Purchase Of Semi-Tailored Three-Piece

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man-boobed private schoolboy who at age 26, is still living in his parent's Betoota Grove six-bedder, has reaffirmed his commitment to the Liberal Party today by picking up a semi-tailored three-piece suit from a local tailor. After first making an appointment online six-weeks ago...

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