The Nation

Melbourne Girl Delighted As New Wave Gives Her Permission To Start Lecturing The Plebs Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Northside Melbourne resident, Ethyl Glenlyon (41), has been overcome with a state of euphoria today. And it isn't from that cup of cold drip she just picked up Lygon. As one of the city's loyal upper middle class professionals who decided to not relocate to Byron or Portsea over the last few years, Ethel has had to readjust her entire...

New Study Finds That Using The Pandemic As An Excuse To Replace Experienced Staff With Labour Hire Might Result In A Fuckload Of Cancelled Flights

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A landmark new study has today revealed one of the major causes behind the nation's aviation crisis. Conducted by South Betoota Polytechnic's Business School in conjunction with the Betoota Public Policy Insititute, it's been confirmed that replacing swathes of your staff with labour hire firms to try and maximise your profits can in fact limit the service you...

Barilaro Watches His Dream Of Becoming A Sex Columnist In The Upper East Side Vanish Overnight

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former NSW Deputy Premier John Barilaro was reportedly tossing and turning in his sleep last night, as he watches his dreams of relocating to the Big Apple slide out of view. This follows the news that perhaps there might've been a bit of political meddling that took place in order to land the former Nationals heavyweight, who retired out...

Albo Meets Jacinda Ardern To Discuss The Logistics Around Replacing Tasmania With New Zealand

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn a decision that has raised eyebrows across the nation, Anthony Albanese has met with New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to discuss how the two countries can merge into one, with Albo stating that it made sense ‘economically’ and that foreigners mistake the two accents anyway. Kicking off with some discussions about what the countries could do to...

World First! British Toff Forced To Endure Repercussions Of His Own Incompetence And Behaviour

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some shocking news from the United Kingdom, a born-to-rule politician has been forced out of his job because of his fuck ups. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced his resignation overnight, after finally succumbing to a long run of scandals. He won't be immediately quitting, saying that he wants to stay on as the caretaker Prime Minister...

Kiwi Art Student Trying Very Hard To Pretend She’s Not 100% Across New Changes To All Blacks Side

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the march towards the 2023 Rugby World Cup in France begins, more eyes than ever are watching the mid-year tests. With the Bledisloe, Spring Tour, and the RWC exhibition matches all ahead of us after this, no one is salivating harder for this abundance of rugby than the fans of the most winningest professional sporting team in history...

Nation That Used To Watch Their Premier’s Daily Conferences Now Shrugging At 33,000 Cases A Day

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The country of Australia is today proving that 12 months can be an awfully long time. Less than a year after millions of people were gluing themselves to TV's, phones and computer screens every day to watch spicy cough related press conferences, the nation is now shrugging at the state of things. With 33,000 cases being reported every...

Home Owning 20 Something In Europe Relieved To Hear Bank Of Mum & Dad Won’t Pass Rate Hike On

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A man enjoying a 5-week holiday in Southern Europe is very relieved today, it can be confirmed. Speaking to The Advocate a short time ago, one of Betoota's Grove's favourite sons said he was over the moon to learn that the Bank of Mum and dad would not be passing today's RBA rate hike on to him. Albert...

Cranky Old Bastard Torn Between Supporting An Aussie Underdog Or Hating Eccentric Millennial

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local pop with a conservative disposition has today revealed to The Advocate that he has a little bit too much time on his hands. Bumping into our reporter at Manetta's Green Grocer in the Old City District, Frank Jones informed our paper that he's at a bit of an emotional crossroads. The semi-retired air-conditioning installer who now...

“What’s For Dinner?” Asks Housemate As If There’s Something On The Stove At 8:30PM On Friday Night

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Letting out the occasional quip as they watch a truly awful action movie, the residents of the 82 Hawthorne street household are enjoying a not so quiet night in. The ‘not so quiet’ part being that all four of them had returned home from a very exhausting week at work, and unanimously agreed that it was time to make...

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