The Nation

Girl Who Once Got Her Tragus Pierced At ‘Off Ya Tree’ Knows Exactly What Trump Is Going Through Right Now

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Brisbane woman who once had her ear completely fucked up by an Off Ya Tree piercer, says she knows ‘exactly’ how Donald Trump must be feeling today, after having his ear clipped by a bullet (or shards from a teleprompter glass, depending on who you ask) during his rally yesterday in Butler, Pennsylvania. The former US president/ sex...

Nation’s Millennial Women Still Harbour Dreams To One Day Build The Practical Magic House

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIt can be confirmed that every millennial woman who watched the movie ‘Practical Magic’, still harbours desires to build an exact replica of the Owens sister's house should they ever get their hands on a cool $10 million. The gothic Victorian mansion, which sadly only ever existed as an architectural shell that was immediately torn down after filming, has...

Local White Guy Straps On Go-Pro For Dare Devilish Day At Perisher

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTA local daredevil is capturing the action this morning, as he makes his way down the perilous Australian slopes.Filming his daring display of athletic abilities in 4K HD as he french fries down a blue run, local finance manager Austin Simpson is believed to be pretty keen to show off his footage to his colleagues back...

Traveller Locates The Boarding Gate For Cairns After Spotting Queue Of BCF Shirts 

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTAn infrequent flyer has been able to reunite with his people this morning after a stressful morning navigating Sydney airport.Lost amongst the web of tunnels, escalators and the elevators that seemingly lead to nowhere, Cairns man Terry Miles had been struggling all morning to work out where the hell to board his flight home.Not used to...

Hospo Staff And Lesbians Found To Both Love Patchwork Tatts & Rooting Everyone In Their Social Circle

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIt can be confirmed that lesbians and hospo workers have quite a few overlapping similarities, including a shared love of patchwork tattoos, wearing Doc Martens, and rooting everyone within their immediate circle. Speaking to the manager of ‘The Meathouse’, Betoota Ponds biggest gastro pub, The Advocate discovers more about this interesting phenomenon. “Part of the perks of working in hospo...

Telstra Jacks Up Phone Plan Prices In Reaction To Growing Cost Of 4G Signals

KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACTIn business news, Australia’s premier telecommunications company has confirmed it’s jacking up the cost of services this week, despite saying a few months ago they definitely weren’t going to. In an announcement made to shareholders, Telstra has confirmed the majority of their phone plans, pre-paid offers and mobile broadband services will be getting hiked up to the...

Gucci Finally Accepts That Their ‘Resortwear’ Canvas Cap Is Much Better Suited To A Stolen WRX 

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThe CEO of Gucci has finally announced that the luxury clothing company will accept the fact that their target demographic isn't actually high flying business men on R&R in Singapore, but mainly just drug dealers and guys that want to look like drug dealers. The Italian clothing company has bravely come forward to say there's no denying  that the brand has long been...

AirBnB Asks Guests To Borrow A Ladder From The Neighbours And Clean The Gutters Before Check Out

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A romantic weekend away has turned into a busy working bee this morning as a group of Betootans attempt to check out from their AirBnB. Hoping to escape the bustling hub of our regional metropolis, The Advocate understands Mei & Tim Dixon and Sara & Lara Simpkins ventured out to the nearby McGuigan Valley, the Diamantina’s thriving wine region...

Local Woman Endlessly Scrolling Netflix Just Wants The Old Youtube Algorithm Back

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local woman has publicly expressed her longing for the good old days of YouTube's bygone algorithm while lamenting her inability to find something to watch on Netflix despite a mind-boggling array of choices. Samantha Harper (29) is reportedly devastated by the loss of an era where her video recommendations were random enough for her to fall down a...

After 5 Months Off The Piss, Barnaby Joyce Finds Himself At Sydney’s Scandinavian Film Festival

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has maintained his militant sobriety, and is this week clocking up 5 full months off the piss. Joyce's decision to ditch his beloved amber ale came after an embarrassing incident early this year, where the Member For New England was filmed lying across a busy Canberra footpath in a state of drunken...

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