The Nation

Malcolm Roberts Begs ‘Dumb Jock’ Andrew Hastie To Stop ‘Nuggeting’ His Backpack

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Senator Malcolm Roberts has taken his ongoing battle with Lower House Member Andrew Hastie public this afternoon, telling reporters in Canberra he's begging the West Australian to stop 'nuggeting' his work backpack. The practice of 'nuggeting' somebody's backpack or having your backpack 'nuggeted' is considered...

Private School Student Receives Special Exam Provisions For His Crippling Singular Surname

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Historically, there's been many special provisions granted to pupils of Betoota Grove's exclusive Whooton School. Much more than the rest of the town's average. It seems that each year, the dozens of doctors dotted around our town's most exclusive and leafy enclave...

Pub Chef And Barman Forge Symbiotic Relationship Where One Is Fed And The Other Is Watered

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There are many symbiotic relationships in nature - but none seem stronger than the one forged between two Old City District hospitality staff this week. The sous chef at the fabled Gelded Goanna Inn on Daroo Street said he and a barman in the local's...

Inner-City Leftie Finally Gets His Revenge On ScoMo By Spending The $1080 Tax Break Overseas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Topping up his AusPost travel card this morning, a travelling local man noticed his tax return had landed in his bank account with the extra $1080 as promised by the Coalition during this year's election campaign. Currently in London, French Quarter creative Cameron Nelson chuckled...

Rugby Australia’s Marketing Pigeon Receives Promotion

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Sydney pigeon, who just last week was pecking its way through a discarded yoghurt pot behind Rugby Australia's Moore Park headquarters, has been promoted by the sporting body's board today after helping guide the Wallabies to a historic Test victory over the All Blacks.

Boyfriend’s Birthday Present Scrapes A Pass Mark In Local Woman’s Group Chat

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact With minutes left until David Jones closed, the clip-clopping of Dexter Bradley's Baxters against the linoleum floor became frantic. "Fuck," he said softly. He ran down another escalator. "Shit!" he said a bit louder. He was quickly running...

Recent Divorcee Goes Hard In CityBeach Trying To Emulate His Teenage Son’s Fashion Sense

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT An ageing Betoota Heights man has decided to get on the front foot and get back on top of things today. Secretly envying his 19-year-old son's free-spirited dress sense, Dave Billson (55) has decided to try and emulate it a little. The accountant whose...

Lol

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Wallabies are back showing momentum that suggests they are doing a little bit more than fluking it after defeating the All Blacks 47-26 last night, without Israel Folau or his God. The extreme pentecostal fundamentalist was anything but missed in last night's flogging of the world champs, and...

Report: Guess We’re Gonna Win The World Cup Then

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Redemption for James O'Connor and none for Israel Folau. The French Quarter is abuzz tonight with the historic Wallabies victory, the first since October of 2017. Thousands of pairs of riding boots are click clacking along the winding footpaths, revellers are smoking...

Cold Weather Is Good Drinking Weather, According To Nathan

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local Finance and Account Management Sales Analyst has confirmed to The Advocate today that 'cold weather is very compatible with a few schooners, haha.' Nathan White-Coller, a 31-year-old from our town's Grove district said he's ready to batten down the hatches until this Polar Blast thing blows over....

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