The Nation

Local 70-Year-Old Isn’t About To Let Some 51-Year-Old Yahoo Tell Him What He Can And Cannot Do

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of our town's most experienced residents has lashed out at the 'young bastard' running the country, telling The Advocate that he won't let some 'yahoo' tell him what he can and cannot do. For over 70 years now, Derek Greenplow has marched to the...

Pastel Polo Shirt Insists We Haven’t Hit The Bottom Of The Stock Market Yet

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A melon-coloured Ralph Lauren polo shirt has told The Advocate - and many people around it that now is not the time to start investing in the share market. There is more pain to come, it says. Unsolicited financial advice often comes...

Marketing Manager Treads Fine Line Between Being Corona-Conscious And Flogging This Autumn’s Wardrobe Staples

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The entire staff at the Diamantina's premier fashion magazine are working from home indefinitely - but that doesn't mean the everyday challenges of working at in such a high-pressure have gone away. April Day, the marketing manager at House, Home & Mortgage Magazine, is treading...

Lockdown Stockpile Nearing Completion After Fourth Cone

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact As the Australian public moves towards the lockdown, the government does not seem remotely interested in giving a go, panic buying has eased as most people wonder what the fuck to do with all these chickpeas. One person who may result to a second wave of panic buying is...

Nation Asks Waverley Council To Just Run That Fence Around Entire Suburb Of Bondi Please

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Bubble of Bondi prepares for literally, the most inconvenient weekend ever, the nation has today asked if the area could be fenced off entirely. The request comes after Bondi Beach was fenced off, to prevent mass gatherings, as seen last weekend when 20,000 morons decided it...

“It’s Just Not The Same,” Says Man Sipping Beer From Tumbler Catching Up With Mates On Houseparty

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Boys, don't know how much longer I can do this," he joked. Deep in his core, Mark Randle knew he could do whatever 'this' is for as long as it took to vanquish the Pangolin's Kiss - he just said that for a laugh.

Local Man Eases Virus-Related Anxieties By Giving Up Watching Commerical Television

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man has been able to calm himself down today after getting himself worked up over the coronavirus by changing one small thing in his morning routine. Dennis Pearson, an out-of-work line cook at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club, said he feels a lot...

Something Other Than Climate Change Set To Ruin The Australian Ski Season For Once

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The nation's highest-earners are set to lose another thing they cherish this year to the 'largely annoying' coronavirus. Skiing, both domestically and internationally, will probably be ruined this year by the pangolin's revenge - that's according to one of Betoota Grove's most average-looking people.

Farmer Thankful For Decent Rain But Did It Really Have To Wash All His Flood Fences Away?

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A farmer out on the Betoota City Limits has welcomed the decent drop of rain he got earlier this week but he couldn't help but ask Huey why he also had to take every bit of flood fencing on his place. From his small-acre sheep...

Dodgy Bloke Out Front Of The Wobbly Boot In Boggabilla Can Get You Into QLD If Ya Got The Coin

"Where do you wanna go? I can waive the cash payment if you leave me ya car."

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