The Nation

Jesus Christ Confirms He Disowned Israel Folau When He Stopped Playing God’s Winter Game

SEB SEABASS| Game Day | Contact The Son of God, Jesus Christ, has put controversial code-hopping sportsball player Israel Folau on blast today saying he doesn't even play rugby league, his father's favourite winter game. Mr Christ said he was saddened by what the 30-year-old had said about the QUILTBAG (Queer/Questioning,...

Farmers Torch Inner-City Birkenstock Shop In Retribution For Vegans Vandalising Farms

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A group of local farmers has claimed responsibility for a French Quarter arson attack overnight that saw a popular Birkenstock shop burned to the ground. The Farmers Liberation Front (FLF), a registered agricultural lobby group, took to social media this morning outlining why they...

Labor Lock Shorten In CFMEU Broom Closet Until May 19

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The faceless men and women inside the federal Labor Party who thrust Bill Shorten to power have revealed plans to keep him locked inside a broom closet at the CFMEU headquarters in Melbourne until he's elected prime minister. The move comes after fears within...

ScoMo Blames Hackers After His Offical Account Liked Israel Folau’s Post At 3:34 AM Last Night

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Nightwatchman of Australia has blamed hackers this morning after his official Instagram account 'liked' a controversial post by rugby union player Israel Folau overnight. At 3:34 AM last night, a number of monitoring bots that follow the official social media accounts of federal politicians...

Clive Burns His Breakfast McCain’s Hawaiian Pizza After Falling Back To Sleep On Couch

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You fucking bastard!" "Fuck!" Our reporter was awoken by Prime Ministerial hopeful, Clive Palmer, kicking and shouting at his oven in the kitchen. "Fuck! I've done it again!" This morning was the twenty-fourth time Clive has...

Woke Sydney Girl Only Protests Big Issues Like Not Having Anywhere To Do Pingers After 10PM

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Newtown-based social media manager Abigail Minto-Duleft (26) says looking at the images of her kindred-spirits in Melbourne protesting animal rights and wage stagnation has lit a fire inside her this week. She says it takes her back to her days on the front line - as a member of...

Local Man Receives Conflicting Messages From Birthday Book Haul

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A direction-less 30-something of Betoota Heights fame has received conflicting advice from his birthday book haul, he says. Paul Green, who does something with a computer each day in town in return for money to pay bills and buy things he doesn't need, said he...

100 000 Workers With Real Problems Shut Down Melbourne With Non-Diet Related Protest

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Over a 100 000 people facing real-life problems and struggles have marched in Melbourne this morning, just days after a select group of vegans held the city's public transportation network to ransom with their demonstration. The vegans, who shot to national fame on Monday for...

Report: Broken Hill Pretty Hard To Read

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the Unity Of Country, Urban And Northern Community Enterprise Group (UCUNCE) has found that the most bizarre town in Australia is actually Broken Hill. The three-year study has found that the Republic of the Hill actually isn't just a pissy mining town, as one would...

Man Embroiled In Paradise Papers Calls For Greater Transparency Regarding Foreign Donations

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Sydney man who was caught up in the Paradise Papers tax evasion scheme has called on his former colleagues to offer more transparency to the public when it comes to foreign donations to political parties. Malcolm Turnbull, who was once Prime Minister of Australia,...

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