The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It's one of the hardest nightclubs to get into in like the whole world, Aunty B," he said. "We got knocked back the first time but we went back dressed all in black and didn't speak to each other. When the bouncer spoke to us, I just replied 'zwei' and held up two fingers and he let me and...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact In what began with an innocent photo presentation of a catch up with some old school mates, Andrew Pine has had mentally call in a ‘code red’ to regain possession of his phone and prevent his mother from continuing to swipe beyond what she’s allowed to see. As panic set in, Andrew made a split second decision that would...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Eyebrows have been raised in the city of Newcastle today, as the local port authority welcomes its first ever delivery of an alternative fuel source. The Advocate understands that at 8:52am this morning horns were honked across the Newcastle harbour, as locals gathered together wave in a 100,000 ton container ship transporting Jim Beam & Cola. Famous for...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The owner of a Betoota knick-knack store will be treating himself to a European holiday this year after his business made some very healthy profits over February. Well known in the community for his string of cheapie businesses around town, local bloke John Simpkins has been operating Go-Lo franchises across the Diamantina for over a decade, some...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of nation's supermarket duopoly have made a big media splash today, by revealing a huge marketing change. Famous for lying about selling affordable groceries to the nation, Coles have flipped their 'Down Down' marketing campaign on its head. "We've decided to just cut the shit," laughed the head of marketing at the supermarket giant. "To reflect inflation...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news from our very own town of Betoota, the Gender Pay Gap has finally been defeated. That's right, the issue that blokes with neck beards say never existed in the first place, is no more. Exisiting since the dawn of time, the Gender Pay Gap had risen to prominence over the last couple of years,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the world takes the day to acknowledge the annual March 8th commemoration that International Women's Day, one local men's rights activist named Jaxson says he has chosen to boycott the date out in protest of the growing inequality faced by middle class Australian men. "Yeah. Get back to me when there's a Single Dad's Day, or at least...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In tech news, American audio giant Bose has released an exciting new product today, a pair of noise cancelling headphones that can block out the sound of Americans. Famous for their suite of quality earbuds and over-ear headphones, the company has announced that their latest release, the QuietComfort 55, will be so powerful they’ll turn the ear-splitting squawks...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, this new Labor Government have shown themselves to be the reds under the bed. The Albanese Government, and his piece of shit communist front bench, have vowed to scrap tax breaks for the 11,000 Australians who have more than 3 million dollars in their Superannuation accounts - in 3 years time. These new proposed...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After his own landlord decided to take part in this nation orgy of greed, a local man is on the hunt for another place to live. Where David Flower used to live wasn't all that bad. A one-bedroom apartment on a street in the French Quarter where there was only a small chance of a...