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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a rare lapse of concentration during one of his famous marketing executive pitches, Scotty From Marketing has today had a slip of the tongue that may be used against him in the future Speaking to the media today, the PM has accidentally referred to the government's new HomeBuilder scheme as "Homeboomer" - inaverdently references the 100 hours...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In some not really surprising news, the pub regulars that have valiantly stayed home over the last 9 weeks, are now back in the pub and parking their arses in the same wooden grooves they've been dreaming about since the mid-March lockdown began. This is particularly noticeable at those heavy drinking pubs that have an indoor-balcony-smoking-area at street-level,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As Alan Jones completes his highly anticipated final month of morning radio, those who like to start their days with hate and sugared grapefruit have been left wondering what their shiny beacon of more-than-casual racism, misogyny and anti-expert hatred will be doing next. Now they have their answer. Taking to the airwaves this morning, Jones (79) reminded his audience that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Whoops! A private certifier in The Developers Republic of Sydney has made a little bit of a mistake this week. The 36-year-old man from the Lower North Shore is in a bit of hot water this morning after accidentally signing off on his daughter's Jenga tower. In a series of unfortunate events the local father who has some...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local cattle grazier, Dallas Mackay (42) says he didn't really use social media before he learnt he could abuse Q&A panellists from his own living room by posting on Twitter. "That was around 2011" said the prominent Betoota Plains cattleman. "Back when the Live Export ban was heating up. You know, I just wanted to give these tree-huggers...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT Staring dead-eyed at his Xbox controller, a puzzled Matt Lewis is shocked to discover that he just might be sick of playing CoD. The former barback had initially thought he’d relish the time off from work but has quickly realised that his favourite activities just aren’t as much fun now that he can do them whenever...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a couple of months of optimism, Elena Jurkic has today decided to bite the bullet and postpone her iso-goals until next time. This follows nearly 10 weeks of talking about committing to learning how to make jewelry, working on the post-iso-bod, and, for some reason, brushing up on regional history. Her behaviour mirrors millions of other Australians who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Alisa Wilson (12) from Betoota Heights says she's 'pretty keen for things to return to normal now.' "Schools back, sports gonna be back soon, and so are the pubs," the child of poker machine addicts explained to us today. "So while it was nice to have all that fresh fruit, vegetables and meat going around for a little...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Just when you thought it was safe to go outside! Initially, his proposed protocols to combat COVID-19 left many unsure if they were able to get a haircut or why boot camp classes got a special shout out, but we seem to be past the worst of it, and schools are set to go back full-time tomorrow. For this...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT University campuses are one of the most dangerous places for infection in the world and during the COVID-19 pandemic, they have only gotten worse. One such student who is suffering is Lee Silva (22) who as a politically active youth at Betoota University is really struggling to make this pandemic about them. “It’s not OK for you to use this...