LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

As Alan Jones completes his highly anticipated final month of morning radio, those who like to start their days with hate and sugared grapefruit have been left wondering what their shiny beacon of more-than-casual racism, misogyny and anti-expert hatred will be doing next.

Now they have their answer.

Taking to the airwaves this morning, Jones (79) reminded his audience that they could still find him on OnlyFans, a subscription content service where viewers pay uploaders a monthly rate to view photos and videos available exclusive to the service.

Launched in 2016, OnlyFans boasts a wide variety of content creators including fitness influencers, musicians, reality stars, and adult entertainment performers.

“If you want to hear what I think of Jacinta Ardern, you need only find me on OnlyFans, where I will be uploading my full opinion of that…that…woman…” stated Jones, biting his tongue red while a bulging artery threatened the structural integrity of his head.

“However, China should be reduced to rubble for starting Coronavirus and I’ll tell you that for free.”

According to Jones, this move, as well as leaving morning talkback, is a strategic endeavour by him to pick up a younger audience as his current audience continues to die of natural causes.

“Visit me on Onlyfans to see more!” he said, signing off on a career spanning some four decades this morning.

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