Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some heartwarming news, a local bloke has today delicately kissed his cat's precious little paws, just moments after the moggy was seen furiously trying to cover up its turds in the litter box. It’s alleged the cute critter was feeling especially smoochy after relieving himself, letting out a pitiful meow as he leapt onto the couch where his...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who was simply trying to find her tax file number has today found herself taking a cute trip down menty b lane, after a scroll through her iphone notes saw her having flashbacks to three years worth of breakups, conflicts and gentle date rejections. It’s alleged Holly Mathieson had originally tried to track down her tax...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman has today been left reevaluating a close relationship, after it was revealed that her mum didn’t pay as much attention to her as she’d originally thought. As someone who’d long held the belief that she was the apple of her mother’s eye, Lu Manning found herself both shocked and insulted when her mum had the audacity...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Bartenders at the Bleating Goat Hotel were this weekend seen trying to contain their fury, as a new employee managed to make a series of mistakes that severely impacted the productivity of everyone within a one metre radius. Blaine Neville is alleged to have been hired only a few days ago, with the manager deciding that it would...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local woman has confirmed to The Advocate today that she's already had enough of the working year. Gold Coast Woman Margot Robbie told our humble regional newspaper that she's currently dreaming of polishing off a magnum of Rosè with the girls at the Burleigh Pav. "Farkkkkkkkk," laughed the international superstar after another tiring press junket with some...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs she rocks up to her early morning boxing class, local corporate hotshot Anna Fawkner comes to the unpleasant realisation that she’s forgotten to bring a crucial component for her workout. She’s left her fucking boxing gloves at home, and too add insult to injury, she knows exactly where as well. In fact, she’d reminded herself several times...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet continues to feel the heat for wearing a nazi costume at his 21st birthday, every other Gen X and upper Millennial politician has privately admitted they might be just a tad moist around the collar too. Late last year, Perrottet did the unthinkable and actually tried to do something about organised crime and problem...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With NSW premier Dominic Perrottet under scrutiny for dressing as a Nazi at his 21st birthday, young people are once again reminded that the foolish acts of bigotry they commit today, may come back to haunt them tomorrow. One group of young people that especially needs to be reminded of this are the nation’s Young Liberals who despite being...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIf you’d asked local woman Vesna Wagner a year ago what she thought about parents sending sick children to daycare, she’d have responded that they were clearly assholes. In fact, the first time her child Ben had come home sporting a sniffly nose, that had been her exact thought - why on earth would someone purposely drop off...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The skater community is currently under fire, after allegations of theft were levelled at them today. Not the typical kind of petty theft that skater's are associated with, but intellectual property theft. In an interesting turn of events, seniour members of Australia's Chinese community have accused the nation's skaters of stealing their aesthetic. The main issue in question...