Nostalgic Gen Xer Pays Homage To Sanity By Only Listening To CDs For Entire Week
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
A human being that was birthed in the maternity ward of the Betoota State Hospital on the 14th June 1980 has felt a devastating pang of nostalgia today.
Sarah Daniels experienced the pang while reading the terrible news that Australia’s most beloved music retailer, Sanity, is closing its 50 remaining stores across the country.
“I bought my first CD from...
‘Such A Ball Buster’ Complains Mate Whose Wife Is Forced To Organise Everything
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal bloke Keaton Grant has had it up TO FUCKING HERE with his wife’s stupid expectations.
If she’s not nagging him to please get out of his jocks because her parents are coming over, it’s getting upset he forgot to pick up the crackers for a massive platter she’s putting on for his game night.
Or getting upset at...
Local Girl Updates Dating Profile With Cute Sparkler Snap From New Years Eve
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA dating app overhaul is underway in a French Quarter lounge room this evening as a group of housemates help a desperate friend revitalise her love life.
Parked up on the couch wearing green tea face masks with her housemates Siobhan and Meera, local primary school teacher Sara Bridgewater (29) has decided it’s time to get a...
Man Announces Himself As Most Painful Person At BBQ By Banging On About Things Being UnAustralian
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke is today unfairly paying the price for trying to be a good bloke.
Trying to give the person barbecuing some company and a neck oil, Betoota Heights man Declan Madden is now sincerely wishing he’d stayed in his chair - and realising why old mate was alone in the first place.
That’s because the man he...
Naww! Cat Touching You With Paws It Just Used To Flip Its Turds
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some heartwarming news, a local bloke has today delicately kissed his cat's precious little paws, just moments after the moggy was seen furiously trying to cover up its turds in the litter box.
It’s alleged the cute critter was feeling especially smoochy after relieving himself, letting out a pitiful meow as he leapt onto the couch where his...
Woman Scrolling For Tax File Number In iPhone Notes Immediately Distracted By All The Unhinged Message Drafts
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who was simply trying to find her tax file number has today found herself taking a cute trip down menty b lane, after a scroll through her iphone notes saw her having flashbacks to three years worth of breakups, conflicts and gentle date rejections.
It’s alleged Holly Mathieson had originally tried to track down her tax...
Local Woman Wonders If Mum Loves Her At All After Being Offered Food She’s Hated Since She Was A Kid
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman has today been left reevaluating a close relationship, after it was revealed that her mum didn’t pay as much attention to her as she’d originally thought.
As someone who’d long held the belief that she was the apple of her mother’s eye, Lu Manning found herself both shocked and insulted when her mum had the audacity...
Bartenders Let Out Synchronised Groan As Hungover Newbie Shatters Second Glass Over The Ice Well
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Bartenders at the Bleating Goat Hotel were this weekend seen trying to contain their fury, as a new employee managed to make a series of mistakes that severely impacted the productivity of everyone within a one metre radius.
Blaine Neville is alleged to have been hired only a few days ago, with the manager deciding that it would...
Bored Gold Coast Woman Dazes Off Dreaming About Demolishing Magnum Of Rosè At Burleigh Pav
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local woman has confirmed to The Advocate today that she's already had enough of the working year.
Gold Coast Woman Margot Robbie told our humble regional newspaper that she's currently dreaming of polishing off a magnum of Rosè with the girls at the Burleigh Pav.
"Farkkkkkkkk," laughed the international superstar after another tiring press junket with some...
Corporate Woman Who Forgot Her Boxing Gloves Forced To Slip Hands Into Freshly Marinated Pair From The Rack
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs she rocks up to her early morning boxing class, local corporate hotshot Anna Fawkner comes to the unpleasant realisation that she’s forgotten to bring a crucial component for her workout.
She’s left her fucking boxing gloves at home, and too add insult to injury, she knows exactly where as well. In fact, she’d reminded herself several times...
