Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights man has come up with a genius breakup strategy, that both doesn’t require any confrontation on his part or any difficult conversations - becoming an iceman! Jason Gosford (29) is alleged to have come to the conclusion that he was no longer into his girlfriend Sarah, and that even though they’d been together for three years,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Pedestrians in the Betoota CBD today were gifted an absolute treat today as veteran window cleaner Tommy Podolinksi spent the morning really doing his stuff. An economic staple of Little Putney Street, Podolinksi, or Pods as he’s affectionately known by locals, claims to have been cleaning windows since he could hold a squeegee. “Back then, the windows were made of...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some shocking news today, The Betoota Advocate can confirm that the NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet is considering a drastic career move. According to an anonymous insider within NSW parliament, the under fire Premier is planning to jump on a ship and flee to the South American nation of Argentina. Following in the footsteps of thousands who donned...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactSitting alone in his apartment as he ploughs through his favourite bachelor meal (eggs on toast) local bloke Mitch Hewson begins to formulate a plan in his mind - operation distraction. Just two weeks ago, Mitch had been hit with the ‘we need to talk’, from his girlfriend of four years, who’d admitted she just wasn’t feeling it...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has today been deprived of his favourite form of receiving affection, after he was unable to resist the opportunity to ruthlessly heckle his girlfriend for her latest beauty decision, which unknowing to him at the time, came with some perks. Stephen Whitmore is said to have been watching the cricket when his partner Kate returned home,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Like a milky King Midas being punished for his own greed, local Betootan Ravi Coulson (30) is battling with a hit of lactose after underestimating how much milkshake there is in one of those old tin cups. Spending some time in a lovely coastal town that has only been half-fucked by Airbnb, Coulson stopped in at the local milk...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The message is now clear to both sides of Australian politics, steer clear of regulating the pokie machine mafia - or else risk having political fixers dig up the worst thing you have ever done in your whole entire life. NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet has learnt this the hard way, after the entire nation’s media cycle is now plastered...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A Japanese tour guide is under some pressure today, as he attempts to welcome a new breed of tourist to Tokyo. As a guide with over 15 years experience in showing global citizens the wonders of Tokyo, local Japanese man Makoto Takahashi (38) has a wealth of knowledge about his city, and is usually able to answer...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT True harmony has been reached this week, as the bosses of two separate tent villages meet to arrange an armistice on neutral territory. As the supreme leaders of their self respective campsites, local dads Rick Cronin and Mick Hasler take great pride in their heralded position as the duel kingpins of Port Macquarie caravan park, a place...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Somehow along the way, cherries became associated with Australian Christmas celebrations with many Christmas spreads being incomplete without a big bowl of dark red guys, and a smaller bowl for collecting pips and stems. However, cherries are one of the latest items of produce to get caught up in the 2022 ‘fuck you, this is the price now’ craze...