EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local bloke has today been deprived of his favourite form of receiving affection, after he was unable to resist the opportunity to ruthlessly heckle his girlfriend for her latest beauty decision, which unknowing to him at the time, came with some perks.

Stephen Whitmore is said to have been watching the cricket when his partner Kate returned home, brandishing some acrylics that were roughly twice the length of her usual set.

Pointedly making sure to touch her face more than usual in the hopes he’d comment on the new handiwork, Kate made the mortal mistake of fishing for a compliment and straight up asking ‘what he thought.’

And unfortunately for her, it appears that Stephen did in fact, have some thoughts about them.

“They’re very…long.”


“Yeah pretty fucking long.”

Making an exaggerated flinch when she went to give him a playful whack, Stephen says she needs to be careful not to poke his eyes out, as he needs those.

“Get your bloody goblin nails away from me.”

It can later be confirmed that Kate was seen denying Stephen of any bed time head scratchies (or ‘sqwatchies’), because if doesn’t ‘fucking like her nails, he can rub his head with stubby little fingers instead’

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here