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In a chilling discovery, local ice bath enthusiast and self-proclaimed stoic Finbar Collins (32) has accidentally outed himself as a psychopath , after revealing that he calls his mum by her first name and not seeing anything wrong with that.
Alarm bells began ringing throughout the community after Finbar invited new friend Max Jerome (29) to a relaxing 12km coastal walk, as a proud ‘small circle’ advocate, Finbar thought he’d give his new friend an easy activity so as not to scare him away.
While on their walk Finbar received a call from his mum and what Max witnessed propelled him into the middle of a local whistle blowing sandal.
“I really didn’t think much of it, I guess I thought it was a little bit weird he had a friend our age called Deborah, but I’ve seen weirder things”
“It was when the call ended that I realised who I was with and that maybe, my own safety was at risk”
“He told me that was his mum, how weird is that?”
While the lack of warmth Finbar showed to his own mum rattled some, he simply doesn’t see what the big fuss is about.
“I don’t really get it, I’ve always called my mum Deborah, she didn’t coddle me, that’s why it’s so easy for me to dominate life.” Finbar reflected.
“This new Max guy definitely isn’t going to cut it in my circle of friends, he didn’t even want to get into the ice bath after our walk.. that’s the best bit of the entire walk!”
Max admits that he should have noticed the warning signs before the phone call, such as the minimalist home, excessive amounts of self help books and the fact that every dog on the walk actively avoided him.
Local authorities were later notified by Max and have confirmed that Finbar is officially on their radar.
