ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A senior creative at one of the district’s most awarded ad agencies has told The Advocate that he often drifts off to sleep dreaming about finding a classic Land Rover Defender and ruining it with pointless, ugly modifications.

Lawrence Gideon, of Clemenger South Betoota, nods shyly and smiles as he recounts a recent fantasy he had regarding the destruction of unmolested British four-wheel drives.

The 44-year-old explained it often starts with him finding a like-new 1985 Land Rover Defender 90 in “a rare titanium grey code PD7-347” or one of similar standing. A rust-free body. Original finishings. Completely and utterly at factory standard.

“Preferably from a deceased estate, from some old widow that doesn’t know the true value,” he said, rocking back in his office chair and laughing to himself.

He places both hands behind his head, revealing a tattoo on the inside of his right bicep that reads ‘Carlton Cannes Crew 2006’. He later reveals unprompted that he was on the ‘Carlton Big Ad’ team.

“But in the real world, I’d be paying like $80k for one. So I’d have to save up after to do it up. The first mod would be some orange recovery boards. I’m not planning on taking it off-road, though. Well, maybe the Birdsville Track but you could taxi a Boeing down that now no worries,” he continued.

“But yeah, I’d do a bare metal respray. The new colour would be electric blue or something. New tyres. Something practical like some 37/13.5’s on like 17s? Just in case I need to pop down into work in a dust storm or a torrential downpour. We’d need some driving lights. I’d put about 6 or 7 above the windscreen to make sure I can’t see anything in said sandstorm. One thing I wouldn’t get is one of those silly Tuff bullbars. There would be no bar on it at all. People might think that’s silly in Western Queensland but I don’t want to ruin the aesthetic.”

“I’d also get Apple CarPlay installed because I have unbridled ADHD. It would also need to be an automatic because, yeah I get it, but saying men should drive a manual is pretty toxic and a slippery slope into things like homophobia and misogyny.”

“Anyway, that’s how I drift off to sleep most nights.”

More to come.


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