Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local mechanic, Andrew Miles has today confused fellow patrons of the Betoota Heights Tavern after cleaning up several games of darts on only 4.5 standard drinks. Despite not having a big gut and cigarette-yellowed fingers, the 26-year-old has bucked the the stereotype that usually applied to people who are naturally talent at the infamously boozy pub sport. "What the hell,...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local couple embarking on a joint weight loss journey have butted heads this evening while serving up an uninspiring, but diet approved, dessert. The clash came after the man attempted to add three extra spoonful’s of natural yoghurt to his sad array of fruit. “What do you think you’re doing?” snapped Miranda, the diet instigator. Darren responded like a...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Time appears to have slowed down for a group of friends today after yet another day of uncertainty around their recently single friend has passed. The friends are reportedly treading on eggshells around the woman, unsure of whether or not it’s safe to start slagging her ex. The girl group is experiencing what’s commonly known as the Breakup Cooling...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact A disturbing report by the CSIRO has confirmed that herbal tea is a gateway into other alternative remedies such as crystals, essential oils and not vacinating your kids. The long-term study followed the lives of average Australians and found a staggering 33% of herbal tea drinkers ended up abusing crystals and essential oils. These numbers compare to 2% for coffee...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a refreshing change for the rate-payers in Betoota's light industrial Flight Path District, newly elected mayor Keeley Uebergang (56) appears to only represent the interests of those who voted for her. This comes after the Queensland Crime and Corruption Commission (CCC) decided to vet the local councillor, just in case they have to come back out here in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A soon-to-be returned rental car has today been exposed to a much cheaper 10% ethanol blend, in what local mechanics describe as a callous act of auto-vandalism. Kylie Lee (36), a transient motorist only visiting town for a couple of days told our reporters that she spent several minutes weighing up the decision, before ultimately deciding she really couldn't...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Takeaway orderer Fergus Bromwich (34) is wondering what in the world he has done wrong after his Chinese food arrived without any bonus prawn crackers. At approximately 6:30 pm, Bromwich decided to celebrate the weekend by having a few beers and eating dinner in front of the TV by himself, but with the notable exception of spending his disposable...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Independent home brewer Phil Parkes (34) has failed to set the beer world on fire after his latest batch did not sufficiently fill the hole in his heart left by his ex-girlfriend. Although Parkes is new to homebrewing, he claims to have brewed the finest pale ale he’s ever tasted or at least the best since he shared a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local city worker named Angus Hunt has gotten his weekend off to a productive start this afternoon. The Betoota Heights local who works in the Old City District from 9-5 every Monday to Friday promised himself at the back end of last weekend that he would make the most of this weekend. "Yeah, I have plenty...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Betoota Heights resident may be a little guilty of fudging his online car listing this week. Brayden Smith, a 29-year-old engineer, who is looking to do the whole Aussie's in London thing for a year or two, decided to post an ad for his car online in an effort to raise the funds for his overseas...