Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Change is in their air in South Betoota as basement dweller Marty “Muzza” Willis (19) finally discovers Christopher Hitchens after an intense ten-month long, bong-fueled Bill Hicks phase. “He was one of the last good ones you know what I mean?" he said. "Things...aaaah...people listened you know?” After ploughing through all the Bill Hicks related material on YouTube, Willis decided to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Nipping in to buy some rolling papers at the Clarence Road Milk Bar, a packet of Nerds caught Michael Bust's eye. The 26-year-old had so much as thought about the delicious candy for close to 15 years. All he knew now is that he wanted some. "These a well, mate," he said to the cashier, handing over...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bad ass teenager who's disengaged parents don't mind him rocking a diamante ear ring has today discovered that he is gay, after getting his right ear pierced accidentally. Lyndall Bowley (16) was quick to learn that he is now a gay man - after he arrived at school with the 'gay ear'' pierced. It is not yet known...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter young professional has had his socks blown off this afternoon after he navigated to the website for a popular local restaurant and it was vaguely functional. Dan Witman, a man who does things in an office with a computer in return for money, told our reporters he was expecting a maze of outdated menus, clunky design and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a controversial move, the board at Royal South Betoota Polytechnic will allow prospective students to rent their degrees from June this year. Rather than accrue a lifelong HECS/HELP debt, school leavers and mature-age students alike can complete the study required by each course, then simply pay a small fee each week until they retire or no longer require...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Over the last several months it appears that Betoota Ponds local, Shawn Thomas (26), has relayed his ongoing custody battle to the world, using the social media platform known as Facebook. In the most recent string of posts, Shawn takes aim at not only his ex Hayleigh, but also her two-faced friends and the new putrid dog that's living...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Elon Musk has accidentally shot his wallet into space, according to a SpaceX spokesman. The South African-born founder reportedly spent hours this morning looking for his wallet before realising it was in the centre console of his Telsa Roadster, which is now in outer space. The SpaceX Falcon Heavy successfully launched from Kennedy Space Center in Florida today, carrying Mr...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Last year, the deputy prime minister suggested that if young people want to enter the property market, they need to start looking toward the bush and away from the big capitals. Today, Barnaby Joyce has decided to lead by example. The 50-year-old has made the decision to move his new, impending young family to Tamworth, a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Sitting through another 100-minute sci-fi trainwreck last night, Sam Gregory sighed and felt underwhelmed by the lastest Cloverfield film - the latest in a long line of similar flicks to do so. The 40-year-old was born the same year France executed their last person with a guillotine and the same year the first Star Wars film was released. "It's safe...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local trader has spoken of the horror this morning that has befallen him personally, professionally and financially. Had he been working diligently last week, with his ear to the ground, he would've been somewhat prepared. But today, Miles Pichot was caught unawares and a typically easy day at work has now turned into one from hell. From the moment he...