LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Independent home brewer Phil Parkes (34) has failed to set the beer world on fire after his latest batch did not sufficiently fill the hole in his heart left by his ex-girlfriend.

Although Parkes is new to homebrewing, he claims to have brewed the finest pale ale he’s ever tasted or at least the best since he shared a home with the love of his life.

Pouring himself a schooner from a keg he will finish much quicker than he will readily admit to, Parkes states he found his groove as a home brewer after his schedule opened up to include more time spent wondering if he’d ever find love again.

“Mmm, how good,” mused Parkes.

“I mean, not as good as waking up to cuddles on a Sunday morning but very sessionable.”

Inviting friends around to sample his break-up brew, his crafty mates not only noted the hoppy profile but the distinct tones of solitude that will ensure they give him a call if they haven’t from him in a couple of days.

“This tastes like turning the group chat back to talk about beers,” stated long time friend Paul Woods.

“Upfront it has very strong fears of dying alone with an unfortunate after-taste of a drunken soirée on Tinder. Not bad on the malts.”


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