Local Girl Returning From Holiday Gifts Boyfriend Well-Thought-Out Present From Airport
TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact
A local Yoga enthusiast has had her peaceful chakra disrupted this afternoon after remembering that she hadn’t got her boyfriend a souvenir from Bali.
Giselle Smyth (26) told The Advocate that the panic shot through her like a lightning bolt.
“I can’t believe I forgot to get him something”
“Well, actually I kind of can. I was at such peace...
Plumber Digs His Own Hole
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A local plumber has caused quite a stir on site this afternoon.
The scene was caused by the tradesman named Jarred Wilson (32) actually digging his own sewer line.
"Everyone was fucking shell-shocked," explained local chippy Dylan Keys.
The incident occurred a short time ago when Wilson (short an apprentice 'who came down with something overnight') was...
Absolute Psycho From High School Now A Qualified Nurse
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
Local woman Samantha Jade had been mindlessly scrolling through her Facebook when she came across some worrying photos.
The album titled ‘Best job in the world’ had been uploaded by Betoota High’s most notorious bully and rumoured psychopath, Jessica Gibson.
Armed with a bag full of syringes, and clad in medical garments, these posts heavily suggest that the...
Yet Another LinkedIn Notification Reminds Woman About Her Completely Pointless Digital Footprint
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
Local woman Stacey Brice had been enjoying her day when she received a LinkedIn notification.
Thinking someone had spied her profile, Stacey was mortified to find out that a former schoolmate had just been promoted to ‘Head Research Scientist at NASA.’
“Oh for Christ’s Sake”, says Stacey, spilling a half eaten 4 N Twenty pie on her shirt,...
Man Actually Bragging About Eating Lunch In His Car After Noble Purchase Of Meat-Free Whopper
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A rapidly ageing mid level marketing and sales
rep for some generic company based in our town’s Old City District has had a
little win today.
The reserve grade Dolphins backrower named
Korbin Sampson did so during his lunch break, when he treated himself to a fast
food meal he didn’t have to lie to his colleagues and girlfriend about.
Prone to...
Entire Sales Team On Edge As Manager Continues To Say “Pacific” Instead Of Specific
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
The Positions Vacant sign has again been spotted on the fence of the Betoota Engineering and Instrumentation Pty Ltd; the second time this month. According to sources at the firm, Sales Manager Trevor Rotring’s habit of pronouncing specific as “pacific” is making it difficult to retain personnel and often leads to teeth-grinding and pen-snapping amongst the Sales Team...
iPhone Notes Mostly Made Up Of Strongly Worded Texts That Were Too Strongly Worded To Send
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
Local woman Gemma Bishop has again taken to her iPhone notes to pump out some passive-aggressive texts.
The 25 year old Brisbanite had been feeling pretty pissed at her roommates lately, and rather than confronting them in person, has come up with some choice words to send them via Messenger.
Though the main target of her attack is...
Mum’s Only Weekend Between Footy And Cricket Ruined By The One Couple She Loathes
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The life of a footy mum comes second in struggle only to the life of a cricket mum with the same hat often worn by one very tired and sunburnt woman.
However, all multi-tasking mums know the glorious weekend that lies between the football and cricket seasons that gives them a chance to reflect on why they pushed their...
Dad Reminded Of Beer Left In Freezer By Muffled Boom
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
An investigation into the strange noise recently heard coming from the kitchen has revealed the tragic loss of a bottle of beer Dad left there to quickly cool down while he mowed the lawn.
"It's looking like a worst case scenario at the moment", Dad revealed at a press conference attended exclusively by Mum.
"Although the bottle did...
Embarrassing Security Breach At RSL As Unimportant Person Wanders Into VIP Room
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
A regular night at the Betoota RSL took an exciting turn for local man Joseph Anders on the weekend as lax security allowed him into an area normally off-limits to all but the upper echelons of society’s elite."As I’m walking back from the TAB I saw the back entrance to the VIP Room was totally unguarded!” claimed Joseph,...
