Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Independent home brewer Phil Parkes (34) has failed to set the beer world on fire after his latest batch did not sufficiently fill the hole in his heart left by his ex-girlfriend. Although Parkes is new to homebrewing, he claims to have brewed the finest pale ale he’s ever tasted or at least the best since he shared a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local city worker named Angus Hunt has gotten his weekend off to a productive start this afternoon. The Betoota Heights local who works in the Old City District from 9-5 every Monday to Friday promised himself at the back end of last weekend that he would make the most of this weekend. "Yeah, I have plenty...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Betoota Heights resident may be a little guilty of fudging his online car listing this week. Brayden Smith, a 29-year-old engineer, who is looking to do the whole Aussie's in London thing for a year or two, decided to post an ad for his car online in an effort to raise the funds for his overseas...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local chippy has today shown a blatant disregard for the law while asserting himself as the alpha of all motorists currently waiting for the lights in the Betoota Ponds junction. 32-year-old Tom Tripp says he wasn't that sure if his most recent load of plasterboard was 100% tied down, while making a run back from Mitre 10. Without a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Retired Betoota cattleman, Ambrose Corones (73) has stopped just short of accusing Netflix of false advertising today, after watching 125 minutes of the 2019 film 'Roma' without seeing one reference to Artie Beetson. Ambrose says this is the thing with the internet, you never know what you are going to get, and last night's confusion would attest to this. The...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The freshly restocked toiletries in a local sharehouse bathroom has suggested that the safe, slovenly, space may soon be infiltrated by nice smelling perfume and shoes that make noise on the floorboards. With a new bar of Imperial Leather soap, so new that it still has corners, and a fresh role of toilet paper that has obviously been purchased...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local pen pusher at a firm in Betoota's Old City District almost reached a significant milestone today. The young man named Ben Shillton nearly managed to make it through the slow Monday morning period without mentioning that fact that he has recently started the Keto diet. However, the man who made a point of letting everyone know he...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A lecturer at the Betoota University in the town's Old City District has been caught off guard today. This comes after the law lecturer was rattled by laughter from the crowd of students he was taking through some course material. Acker Demic (69) was left speechless this afternoon after realising that he had made the 30% of the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local pool shark at one of Betoota's prominent late night dive bars is more than happy to discuss vapes with complete strangers at great length, it has been confirmed. After encountering the usual "you got nicotine in that thing?" from some punter's in the smoking area of the Lord Kidman Hotel in inner-Betoota, local IT specialist Glenn Glenmore...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Commuters heading to work in Betoota’s Old City district this morning reported seeing the world's least motivated pair of eyes, attached to the face of the local traffic controller who it is fair to say, is running a bit slow today. Enjoying the twin joys of starting the work week and being a pedestrian amongst road work, it was...